Mouthy 6 Year Old... Urghhhh

Okay, she is 6.
Have you ever just told her that whining/her tone of voice is just icky?
Record her. Let her hear it.
Then just talk to her and tell her plainly.
It is a real UNpleasant way of talking.
Sometimes you just gotta be point blank and straight forward. Not trying to over explain things.
A 6 year old KNOWS what is not nice or whiny. They KNOW.

She is 6. Just tell her.
I have a 6 year old, when/if he uses an irritating voice, I just tell him.
No sense beating around the bush or hinting.
And then he laughs and realizes he does sound icky in tone.
Or I imitate him and tell him "this is the way you sound... what if Mommy sounded like that ALL day. Not fun eh?"
And.he.gets.the.point.

I work at my kids' school, I see kids this age all the time and deal with them. If they talk like that, I tell them that is not the way to talk. Try again... SHOW me you know how. And they DO know how.

This is exactly like whining when she was 3 and 4.

Tell her, "I do not understand that tone in your voice. "

"I need you to use your regular voice. "

"Go to your room and find your regular voice."

And mom, never give into this whiny behavior..

Part of this may be imitative. Is she hanging out with any other kids who might talk like that, or watching any movies/shows where children speak this way? Friends and media can be highly influential.

For your part, model the language you want to hear, the kind of way you want to be spoken to.
Then, when she does say those 'mouthy' things, just a calm "oh, that was rude. Let's try that again." If she seems a little lost, give her the correct phrasing: "Yep, mom, I know!" in a cheerful voice. Work mostly on the attitude and tone of voice that is being used.

And when she sounds friendly, let her know in a positive way. "It's so nice to listen to you when your voice is pleasant like it is now." AND if it is a tv show or friend who is the 'bad' influence, do call it out at a neutral time. "Do you ever hear how Cathy speaks to her friends? I wonder, how do you think her friends feel when she talks that way? Does she sound friendly or mean?" Letting her ponder the actions/ways of others will allow her a little more objectivity than "How do you think I feel when you talk to me like this?", which will likely just make her defensive.

I am usually all about positive reinforcement. That being said, there is a time for consequences for negative behavior. You can try talking to your daughter about respect and what your expectations are. You can also decide on consequences for her actions. Tell her in advance what the consequences will be if the behavior continues. If she violates the rules be ready to act. Threats never work and kids figure out if you say you will take away a play date and don't carry through, they have the upper hand. When our six year old son broke some basic rules at a play date with friends. I gave him a warning. He said"but the other kids are doing it", I responded with, " we have different rules then the other families." The minute he followed their lead, he looked at me knowing he was breaking the rule. I immediately grabbed my purse and told it we were leaving. He never did it again. It can be hard to carry through, but it is a learning experience that will stick with them. You will feel more empowered as a parent. P.S. I have two grown children, one is a 23 year old girl. I know what you are going through.

Discipline. You can model good behavior all day long and she'll still do this if she gets away with it. She's not doing it because you are. I'm never sarcastic or disrespectful to my kids or others in front of them, but they still tried it. My oldest is now six and she would not speak that way to me. "Trying again" is not discipline. As soon as she does it, explain EXACTLY what she did wrong and why it was rude. Tell her exactly what you will do the very next time she does it calmly and firmly. FOLLOW THROUGH. My kids do not smart off or have rude attitudes and I can honestly say they're the only kids in our close circle of friends who don't. People put up with it and call it normal, that's why kids do it. That's the style now, but back when kids were more universally expected not to act that way, discipline was much firmer as the norm. We have a large family who cracks down on this as well, and none of the kids talk rudely. It IS preventable and fixable. Smarting off is normal if you allow it and it can really snowball. But if you nip it effectively, the habit never needs to form and you'll have nicer kids. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson will help you have a very respectful, kind, happy child.

When you catch yourself being sarcastic or rude, stop and apologize. Tell her, "I shouldn't have said it that way. That was rude. I'm sorry. What I should have said was...". When you model that, she sees how to fix it when she slips because we all mess up. I would point it out every time she is rude and tell her to apologize and try it again in a respectful tone. I have had to do all of the above with my kids.

I would also be very picky about what she watches on tv. Our 6 yo. girls don't get to watch the tween shows because some of the girls have that snotty, disrespectful attitude that I don't want them to see and possibly emulate. Just a thought.

i have the same issue with my son (he turned six this week). i correct him on it and discipline if necessary, just like anything else. it has kept it mostly in check. i can't stand it, even a sassy, "Oookaaaaaayy!" isn't cool with me. all we can do is correct and try to make sure we're not doing it. sometimes if i catch myself saying things that "aren't allowed" (i have said "shut UP!" in a joking manner to his dad sometimes when he's teasing me) i will correct myself too, "oh that's not nice mommy, i shouldn't have said that. sorry guys!"

Don't remind her anything and when she wears a dress on PE day just smile and know that she should have listened to you. Tough love.