Developmentally Behind and Communication Problems

My sister has twins that are 4, I have a son that is 3.
My sons speech is better than the twins, BUT that is because they have there own language. I remember my sister used to worry about it all the time, but she went to a couple doctors and one told her is is because they communicate with each other, Now that they are in preschool they have started talking ALLOT better, As for the beds, they did not want to be separated either, she put the daybeds together, kinda like a huge baby bed. She even told me that when she had to take them to day care for a couple weeks that the center separated them and it caused the one to just cry and cry.
anyway, you might go to the library, she got several books about raising twins -- they were numbers 6 & 7 for her, and she said it was so much different having two than one,

B.

We had a similar experience with our 2yr old. We thought maybe he was autistic or delayed until we realized that he had no need to use words, and he did understand us fully. He would grunt or point and we would comply. Once we began to say : that is a cup! If you want the cup, you need to ask for it! (for example) and did not give in to him until he at least attempted to say the word, he caught on quickly. By age 3, he was talking as well as the other toddlers. Happy to say he's 19 now and wont shut up ;) Best wishes on your journey!

I am a speech-lanaguage pathologist, who worked in early childhood school programs until my son was born. Stick with the therapy and ask tons of questions of your therapist about how to get the strategies they are learning in therapy into your home.
I agree with the advice from the mom who said that they need to learn to 'do' something to 'get' something. Too many adults want to do for their kids instead of making them learn to ask for it. I'm sure you learned the sign for 'more'. Require your children to use it before they get more of whatever (food works great). You may have to take their hands and make the sign for them but they will eventually learn it. Once that is learned, move on to another sign.
As for being delayed, there is a HUGE range of 'normal' and your kids may just be at the end of it, espeically being premature twins and boys. Don't worry so much about comparing them to others just make sure that they are progressing as compared to themselves a month or two ago. Stick with it and be consistent.
As for the autism, by two you should already notice some big differences if they have it, such as little or no eye contact, not looking at a book with you, or no awareness of another child in the room. Talk with your therapist about this.
R.

My son is 6 now and he didn't talk a lot until after he was 3. Boys are slower than girls to talk. I also have twins who are girls they will be 5 on friday and they didn't talk a whole lot either, they were 2 months premature also. Now they just talk and talk. You may notice however they will probably sit in their room and talk quietly among themselves. It is really cute, I like to stand at their door and listen. My girls sometimes don't even have to say anything to the other.
I wouldn't be real concerned about them not talking quite yet though. Also my kids when they turned 3 started going to head start my son when he was 3 and my girls when they turned 3. I know it helped them out a grea bunch, they are trained to deal with delays and know how to help them learn better.
My girls are already ready for kindergarten a year early and so was my son, unfortunately my son is very bored in kindergarten because he test ed at age 5 at 7 year old level on most things. He had already started to read last year, not the typical thing that happens in head start but he was just so eager to learn and now he is bored.well I hope that helps, feel free to contact me to ask any thing.
P.
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Are your boys really active? My older son didn't speak more than 7-8 words until he was 23 months old. One morning he woke up and said,"momma I want some juice" and he hasn't shut up since. He was so busy learning how to run and jump and climb on the the refrigerator that he wasn't worried about speaking. Come to find out he was just takin it all in. Maybe this is what your boys are doing. I tried sign language too and he thought it was hilarious. Never worked for us, but I think I tried to implement it too late.
Be patient. The will talk when they are ready. I know it is frustrating, but think about when they are talking. It will be so much noiser than it is right now.lol.

You've gotten some good advice here, and I don't really have any to add on top of that. I just wanted to give you a virtual {{HUG}}! My youngest boy is 2 1/2, and he's been in therapy since just before he turned two. He had almost no words, and even tho I was told by most people, including his ped, that I was overreacting, I got him into FirstSteps, and he is a completely different kid! (Needless to say, I ditched that ped, too!)
As for the diaper thing, both of my lil guys did/do that. I just put them in lots of overalls. :P
I can't imagine how hard twins must be. I do know that before I had kids, I thought it would be great to have twins, two for the pain of one, heh. I don't know if I would have survived it; mine are a handful one at a time!!!
Good luck, and follow your heart where your boys are concerned!

J.

I am sorry to hear your little ones are behind. I totally understand your frustrations! I have a little one who will be 2 in December and does not say anything! He will babble and say da da but not in the correct context. We have been getting help from Rainbows. My son finally just started to walk on his own with out help a few weeks ago. My son also has been told that he has Sensory Processing Disorder. Basically signing has not worked for us. My son just smiles and laughs. I don't know much about Spice, but Rainbows has helped quite a bit for us. Since they have started to help us, my son will use facial expressions to let me know what he wants. I wish I had better advise for you! I just wanted to write you to let you know you are not the only one out there struggling! I wish you the best. Maybe someone else will respond with better advise....Thanks and Good Luck!

Illinois has an early intervention program. You need to find out the name of it and make a referral. They should test your sons and they may qualify for speech therapy services based on the results.

My daughter didn't start talking until she was almost 2 - she was much better with her gross motor skills (walking, throwing, kicking balls, etc). I did Parents as Teachers and they said that kids usually develop one area at the expense of others - so I wouldn't be concerned. They understand you more than you think. Just keep talking to them (in simple terms) and point to what you are talking about so they can connect the words to what you mean. (Drink? as you hold up their sippie cup, etc.)

Good luck
J. - mother of 5-year old girl.

I went through something simular with my daughter. She was 3 years old and I could not understand her. I sent her to a preschool that had a speech therapist who could work with her. I was very worried about her at the time, but she is now 14 years old with lots of friends and no problems communicating. She is your typical 14 year old. She just took a little longer with her speech is all. I would not worry too much, all though it is hard not to. It sounds like you are already receiving some help with the speech issues. I've heard that some twins have their own way of communicating with one another and they may not feel the need to communicate in the traditional way because their needs are being met at this time. I hope things go well for you.
Kathy

I have a 2 1/2 year boy who is behind in speech also. He has been seeing a speech therapist since October. He has been diagnosed with apraxia. He understands everything that I tell him, he just can't communicate alot with words. He uses gestures and some sign language. He does get very frustrated when he trys to tell me something that I don't understand. I have tried potty training him but have not been successful yet. He just doesn't know how to tell me that he has to go. The thing that I have found that works the best is just being patient with him. He gets so frustrated and mad when I don't understand him that he gives up trying to communicate or he throws a fit. But he has gotten really good about making up his own signs/gestures for common things that he wants or wants to do. I don't really have any great advice but I can tell you it will get better.

Early Intervention through the public schools should be your first step...your children can get free services to help with the speech delays and get the hearing tested if you haven't yet.
The diapers...they do this, before they are ready to be pottytrained. They are curious and this is just another disgusting discovery. I went through this with both of my kids and it is a sign of awareness on their part but they probably are not ready yet...it is a great time to start talking about it everyday, but you probably are not going to get them pottytrained right away...it is a process, and the more prepared they are the easier it will be.

Hi K.,

Have you had your son's hearing checked? If not, I would start there. One of my sons had this very same issue.

hi K.

my friend had a similar situation and her daughter at 2 and 3 only said a handful of words and took a year to potty train she wouldnt communicate with anyone or take part in group activities she wouldnt even engage in activities with her parents like one on one reading she would always be in her own little world and when they sent her to preschool at age 5 they found out she has autisim she is very high functioning with theropy she will live a normal life eventualy but not socializing and engaging and having trouble communicating are the first signs and she wished she would have picked up on it sooner. they took her to disney world when she turned 4 and she hated it. autistic children process things different and she just had sensory overload. talk to your doctor about how young they can test the children good luck!

It's not unusual for twins to have speech delays. The reason is that sometimes twins will speak to each other in almost their own language, so they're delayed in speaking to others. I know it sounds easy to say, but I really wouldn't worry about it. My son had some speech problems (pronouncing letters), and I took him to a speech therapist at age 2. She told me that a lot will clear up on its own as he gets older, and it has.
As for the sleeping, let them sleep in one bed if that makes them happy. I wouldn't begin potty training until it appears they're ready to, like they bring you a diaper when they're wet, or don't want to wear a dirty diaper.

Hey K.
I don't relay have advise but i have beenthere done that. My daughter had the same problem we went through spice and private speech therpy Let me say Spice is a wonderful wonderful program my daughter loved it and went from a vocblary on no complete verble to about 20 words in a year. She is now almost 4 and is in The ECE programat her school and has went from being at an almost 2 year defecit in speech to only being 6 months behind. So it dose and will get better. I read your frustrations and let me tell you i' have been there-- we bought one of those nets you put over a crib so that we could keep her in her bed so she woudn't get hurt--well that lead to her taking off her diper and pooping then smearing it all over her bed and her self. So just think i could be worse that's what i told my self. I will say that you jave to be your childs advocate. They wanted to put my daughter a=on a wating list after spce ended but before she would get into school but by calling and talking to the olympia distirct dirctor i got her in she stoped spice on a friday and she started school on a monday. make sure that you always do what you think should be done.as far as potty traning i took a lacked aproch so not to confuse her i told her how to go showed her and would ask her through out the day if she needed to go-- she went from occasonly using the potty to literly with on 2 weeks being trained (even over night) We were just very pactient and read books to her alot.just rember it will get better and with time patience your little ones will make it and so will you.

Here is the jist of my advice: If you think something isn't right...then go to a doctor. You are with them most, you know your children. Don't stop seeking answers until you are satisfied.

If I had listened to everyone who told me "Don't worry he will talk when he is ready" then I would not have sought help for my son when I did. He was diagnosed with Autism at 22 months old. It was the best and worst day of my life. If we had waited until he was 3 who knows where he would be now.

I am not saying they have autism, but you are already on the right track with the speech therapy. If you can go to a doctor and get a definative answer, you may be able to get more services or at least more resources to help guide you.

My son too, wouldn't keep his diaper on at that age. It may just be a phase, but it is a difficult one. It DOES NOT mean they want to potty train. My son did that too and he is just now potty training at 4.5 years old.

Keep working with them as much as you can and maintain your patience. If there is nothing out of the ordinary with them, then GREAT! But, if they do end up having issues then what you are doing now can only help them, and yourself.

I just wanted to write to you and let you know you are not alone. You have recieved some wonderful advice, so I will just pass on to you what I have learned. I have a daughter whom has just turned 3 and has a vocabulary of a 14 month old.Her cognative speech or how much she understands is also in question. She too removes her diapers if there is even a drop of moisture, but all said said she is a long way from being able to potty train. We do sign some and this has helped. She recieved services through the school district as well as infant/toddler through the state and private therapy supplemented through our insurance. We have been to an ENT, Neurologist, pediatric behaviorist, speech pathologist, occupational therapist, geneticist and the list continues. Unfortunately the wait list for these appointments can be as long as 8 months. Talk to your pediatrician whom can also advocate for you, unfortunately most of the burden will fall upon your shoulders. I was given many different diagnosis such as my daughter at first, all of which so far have been ruled out by recent MD's. It can be difficult, but I would rather be proactive than come to find out later I had wasted precious time. As a mother you know your children better than anyone. I know I am going on and on...I have a speech therapist due in 10 minutes!!!...just wanted to add my 2 cents and let you know you are not alone. Hang in there:)

I would stick with the baby signing it might be get through to them more than you think. Baby signing saved us from a lot of headaches when our daughter was younger. Toddlers tend to understand what we are saying to them on some level it is just a matter of getting them to want to do what we are asking that is the trick. I know our daughter understands me very well, she just ignores me sometimes hoping I will give up and let her have her way.

Identical twins are very special kids. Having that built in connection can sometimes shut out the rest of us. I have seen twins that had their own language and refused to interact with other kids when their sibling was in the same room. You might look into a support group for families with twins. When a friend of mine had her tripplet girls she got a lot of good advice from the Tripplet support group at their hospital. Her girls were identicals as well and they developed the spokes person method of talking to their parents as toddlers. One of the girls would do all the talking for the three of them.

I seem to remember one of the other mothers on this site also wanted advice on her child removing diapers. If you scan the ealier entries for this month I think there were several good solutions. One piece of advice involved putting the diapers on backward. Sorry for rambling on, hope some of this is helpful.

Best Wishes,

J.

What I wanted to tell you isn't exactly advice. I only wanted to share some of my experiences to let you know you are not alone and that your boys are just fine... ya know, put your mind at ease.

I had a friend who's son was born on the exact day as my daughter, but he was one month premature. He did everything my daughter did, but almost one month to the day later than her.

I also watch a little boy (2 1/2) and his sister (4 1/2) 5 days a week. Supposedly, he has no "problems" but he doesn't say more than about 5 words and not complete words at that. (To say "please" I get a "nnn") He was born "on time" and he is going to be 3 soon. Personally, I think this boy that I watch is behind, but the mother is in denial. At least you are right on top of things w/ your little boys!!! That's the most important thing... keep an eye on them and keep asking questions! Being informed is your greatest tool.

The other thing I wanted to share was that my sister has twin girls who are almost 2 and a half. They are a HANDFUL to say the least!!!! I really don't know how you guys do it! I had a hard enough time handling one at a time at that age!!! I talk to my sister EVERY day, as we live far from one another, but I feel like I'm right there w/ her. I KNOW how frustrating it can be and I have a lot of empathy for you!!!

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. And we're here for you... me, too, even though I don't have any "advice" for you.

=] K.

K.-
Hi I am the mother of a little girl, Bella Grace, who will turn 2 on October 27th and she was also premature. She was born about 6 weeks early and I also consider her my little miricle baby. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from about the talking and frustration with communication. Bella says several words but only uses about 10 or so on a reagular basis without me saying them first. She will repeat words if you say them to her but most of the time she just jabbers in her own language all the time. She does know one word very well though "NO" which she says to everything. I get worried when I hear other moms talking about how there kids are saying full sentences and counting to 10 ect and saying their ABCs but I really think that this is exceptional (if true) and special of their children not unusual for our children. I have not even started potty training Bella and have no plans to until well after her birthday. I dont really think that until she can communicate with me about needing to go that I am going to force her. I think that this just leads to frustration for both mom and child and causes more harm then good. I dont have a problem changing her diaper and feel that she is still very young and am not going to rush it no matter what some moms are doing. I will get her a potty probably after her birthday and see what she does with it. I have talked to her pediatricain, who we LOVE LOVE LOVE and he said that she is fine and is not concerned about her speach at ALL! He said that people overreact and are so quick to rush their kids to a speech therapist in this day and age of trying to teach our kids so much so soon instead of just letting them be kids. He said that the most important thing is that they can understand what you are saying to them right now not if they can say it themselves. He is very down to earth kinda doctor and he constantly calms my never ending worries. I know that for me, with all the struggles of her being born early that I have a tendency to over analyze every little thing she does or doesnt do because I am so use to everything being so hard. I think that your boys sound perfectly fine and I wouldnt rush the potty thing and as long as you are working with them on their words then they will be just fine. Give me a shout anytime you want to talk. My bestfriend has a little boy who was a late talker and late to potty train and he is 5 now and the smartest little boy ever! He is such a social butterfly and SO smart that it blows my mind! Hope this helps
~TIFF~

K.,
If you are in Springfield, you need to call Springfield Public School's Parents as Teachers program at ###-###-####

They can help you get started with things to do with the boys, and I think when they are 3 they can be eligible for services such as speech, through the district.

If you live outside Springfield, visit www.parentsasteachers.org for your local chapter.