Crying at School

When all efforts don't seem to help... and is beyond parental support...maybe you should look to getting him some child counseling? This could really empower him and help him learn coping skills. Coping skills is what seems to be his greatest need, and that he takes things "personally" and internalizes his "faults" or mistakes.

Also, was he always this way, or only recently? Some kids just don't know "how" to problem solve...they need to be shown and talked through it, "discussing" it along the way, and not in terms of "right" or "wrong" solutions...but creatively problem solving, and that there are MANY ways to problem solve, not just one way.

Also, might he be a "perfectionist?" And so when things don't go right or as he imagines... he gets flustered/frustrated/sad/despondent/stressed out? Many times, "perfectionist" children add a lot of stress to themselves... but they NEED help in "learning" and being taught, how to make it positive. For my daughter, she tends to be a "perfectionist"... but we have taught her that "doing your best" is the BEST way... and that everybody is different, but all special. Now, she does not get stressed out or cry about "mistakes" and she is very proud of all her efforts with anything.

I really think, that perhaps he may benefit from some kind of child counseling..... you want to "help" him navigate through this difficulty for him...otherwise, it may escalate and/or turn into other kinds of problems as he gets older. Best to help him now. And he will gain confidence along the way. And yes, boys especially need to learn about expressing their "feelings" and that it is "good."

Take care,
Susan

Hi D.:
Well,I think you realize,that scolding or belittleing him, will only worsen the problems he's experiencing. His attending a new school only added to his stress.He must establish new friends,and has a need to feel excepted. Most children feel this pressure. You know your son better than anyone. He sounds like a very sensitive, tender hearted boy, who's feelings get hurt easily. From what you have suggested,he sounds as though he feels he can't accomplish even the easiest tasks at school.He mentioned he even messed up his art project. Your son sounds like he needs alot of support. He needs to feel you believe in him,and are proud of all he does. You need to help him find something he would be quite good at,wether it be sports,games,or art and let him (over hear you) bragging about how great he is! Help him to excel ,and build his confidence up. When you come across as believing in him and his efforts,you help him believe in himself. No one should ever ridicule or make fun of the fact,that he shows his true feelings. This is one of the reasons, males tend to have a shorter life-span. They have been told, not to show emotions like this and if your (A real man) you'll hold in those feelings.Our men put more strain on their hearts, as a result of this fallacy. I wish you and your soft hearted son the very best.

I am going to go with just listen to your son and reassure him that things will be okay. At the same time talk to a counselor. Any major change can be very stressful for a child. A counselor can help your learn how to better manage your son's distress. My daughter's school helped us a lot.

You might want to talk to the school counselor. Here in Hawaii, all schools have a program called PSAP which helps children adjust to new environments. My daughter was having problems with a scary lunch lady (aren't they all!) She was afraid to eat lunch and would cry every day. The PSAP teacher helped her by first eating lunch with her for about a week, then she met her in the cafeteria and checked on her for a few weeks. In addition she introduced her to the scary lady and helped her feel more comfortable. Also, the child goes to the PSAP room once a week for about 6-8 weeks to talk to the counselor. It made my daughter feel like someone was looking out for her and gave her more confidence in dealing with new people. Maybe you have something similar or the counselor could help out? You son is probably overwhelmed with starting a new school, making new friends and adjusting to new expectations and challenges. It might help if there was someone at the school who he could turn to.

Your son is in a NEW school . It's NORMAL to cry - he's adjusting with the environment.

Also, let him know if soemone is hurting him or touch - he needs to tell you & his teacher .
stressed out that you are here for him & you waon't be mad.
he's possibly scared .

be calm when talking and suuportive- dom't interrogate him .

good luck

Hi D.,

I had a similar experience to this with my son when he was six. Out of the blue, he started crying and hanging on to me in the morning before school. His first grade teacher had to drag him off my leg a couple of times. I had no explanation for this change in his behavior. It was mind boggling.

In preschool, I looked at all the crying kids and asked him if he was going to cry. His response was, "Why would I cry?" In kinder, he gave me a nod of his head and strode off. But in the middle of first, the tears started.

He insisted there was nothing wrong. He just didn't want to go. I double checked with the playground supervisors and his teachers and there was no sign of bullying and his grades were the same.

Finally, his teacher put him on a contract. Everyday for not crying in the morning he got a sticker on his chart. When he had five, he received a small prize. As he continued on the prizes got larger until lunch with teacher. After that, we were back to normal. It took about three weeks to a month.

I never found out what the deal was. He just needed to work through something.

Maybe your son's teacher could work out some type of reward system for him even though he is a little bit older than mine was, I think it could work. Or maybe do one yourself. If there is a motivator to not crying that is positive he might be able to refocus.

Good luck. I hope my past experience helped.

C.

Sometimes our children’s problems are frustrating when we don’t know how to help. Take a deep breath and relax. This is what your son needs to learn from you. Start teaching him this by modeling it to him. Approach this in a fashion that lets him know you care and that there is an answer, a way he can help himself when he feels overwhelmed. Feeling over whelmed shows that he cares about achieving, fitting in and getting things right. When you talk with him about this be calm, and positive there is a solution without being dismissive of his concerns. Its best if you do not show him the frustration you may be feeling, remembering that he knows a lot about frustration already. When your child is struggling consider counseling, it can be immensely helpful to everyone concerned. Don’t think of it as some last ditch effort only to be regarded when your child’s situation becomes intolerable. Give this boy lots of hugs and support. He’s a child who cares.