I am a little sad that I couldn't make my self clear, I guess is hard to put why I am so tired and upset of her for ALL the stuff that has being said and do for 10 years of marriage, no is not just the towel, is a lot more, but I would need 10 pages to write it all, and is not the idea.
Yes, she open her house for us when we need it, but have you ever being given something with one hand and spanked with the other? Because that is how I feel. When we came here I tried my best for do what is right, and I try to forgive her for all she has done in the pass because at least this time she help. But is like she was waiting for me to be on her safe zone and let me have it.
We may don't like each other, but is only one of us that have call names, that has hit, that has offend in front of the kids, that has lie, etc, and that wasn't me, still hear people say I should be thankful because she give me a place to stay.
I was thankful and I work hard, but everything has a limit and you should really no do a good action expecting to be able to hit and scream just because that, is not a good action when you give something with one hand and slap with the other.
I am not mad at the answers but I do realize is hard sometimes to get or give advice when we don't know all the facts, and would take pages to write the facts.
Yes, we are moving, we should have it done long time, I thought I did the right thing by staying but it just getting worst.
No, we will no be here to help one we leave, all our stuff is in FL, she is here in NJ. Yes, we will be hated when we leave to our house, but we are also hated for staying here, and we are not going to just keep renting something to stay here to keep helping somebody that just keeps biting the hand that is feeding her, she has a daughter is her job to take care of her, not mine.
Is also my husband job too, but there is a reason why neither of her kids wants to be around her.
Seriously, a house with that many people in it should have O. or two clean dish towels every day. Go and buy a STACK of dishtowels and use & wash as you please.
It occurs to me that you really couldn't get out of there soon enough. You're all driving each other crazy. And once you're gone, they *might* appreciate all you did for them.
From what you have written, it sounds like your family is driving her crazy. She probably wants some peace and quiet and to be alone. Perhaps you should consider leaving as soon as you can, and having someone else come in to check on her each day.
Added after your update: Your husband needs to talk to his sister and come to an agreement on how they are going to care for their mother. I still think your MIL is probably stressed out with so many people around, no matter how good your intentions. It would be better if you could hire some in-home care, or someone to come check on her during the day. The stress of it all isn't good for her or for you and your family.
The thing that jumps out at me (especially after reading your What Happened) is get out of there and let her daughter take care of her. 1. She says your doing something to MIL's food? Remove yourself from the equation. 2. Small children are cesspools for germs. Not a good idea to have around someone with a compromised immune system. 3. The stress of having so many extra people parading through her house is probably not helping her recovery. Think of your
MIL.... get the H#!! outta there now!
I think she's just as sick of having you (and your family) at her house as you are of being there. Find a place of your own asap and leave, and leave the hard feelings there too. I've read what you've said about her needing your help, but can you not find something nearby where you can still help her? Perhap she even feels resentful that you are doing so much for her. It is her house, and she probably wants to take care of it herself, the way she wants it to be done without having to answer to anyone else for it.
I think you should have a sit-down with her and tell her that you understand it is hard to share your home, and you are sorry that you do things so differently and that you plan on moving asap but will still help when needed. I think just knowing that you will be leaving soon and she will have her house back again will ease the stress on both of you, and make you both more tolerant of one another.
If you wash the towel, it's not going to make her sick if you use it later.
You probably are just super stressed right now with all the sickness in your family. Take a deep breath and know that this too shall pass. You'll be out of the house and on your own soon enough.
*hugs*
It's a complicated situation. I personally think it's ridiculous not to reuse a towel after it's washed, and I would just wash it with my things and, if she makes a stink about it, say, "Oh, you didn't want me to do that? I thought you'd want it laundered after being used on the floor, sorry. But now it's clean for us to use!" Just act like you did the right thing, don't act guilty or anything.
It also sounds like you really need to move. Is she capable of taking care of her basic needs? Can she feed herself, bathe herself, etc? If so, I'd move. Unless you're very far away, if she needs help, you could always go over for a bit. She could also hire a maid or get a visiting nurse if needed.
AFTER READING YOUR "SO WHAT HAPPENED": I think the best way to show your gratitude would be to get some outside help or other family member and go back to your home. I'm sure your husband's mother can feel each and every moan and groan.
If I were in "your shoes" and had no place to go, I would learn to smile, dance and be grateful that someone was willing to take me in, and if I didn't have a good thing to say, keep saying "thank you" and try to be as helpful and transparent as possible. I hope you and your man will be able to stand on your own two feet (four feet) soon. and that your children are never faced with the same predicament.
Blessings....
She sounds like she's mad at the world and taking it out on you. She's probably upset with her health and maybe she sees her age as a problem and is not happy with what life has given her. Still doesn't make it nice for her to treat you so badly. I know it's a lot of stress for you all and the sooner you can move to your own place the better you all will be. It sounds miserable for you so make plans to move soon and be proud of yourself for helping as much as you did. As far as the towel thing goes. I wouldn't want to eat off a plate that was dried with a dirty towel, so wash the dishes and dry them yourself with clean towels. or run them thru the dishwasher if you have one. Tell her you are helping the best you can and send her to take a nap while you do the dishes. Hang in there it will be over soon and you will have your own place. She will miss you then.
Ugh it sounds terrible!!! I agree with you 100% about the towels by the way. I have separate dishcloths for dishes and for the counter, and separate towels for "cleaning" versus the dishes etc.
I agree you should get out of there as soon as possible. At this point it isn't good for her that you are there, nor is it good for you or your marriage. Hightail it out of there!
You sound like a great woman. Good luck.
It sounds like your MIL let a lot of things slack in her house. She is probably overwhelmed. It sounds like she really needs some help. I will need a kidney transplant eventually. I cannot judge her for the mask. I may have put one on if i thought everyone was sick also. Can you guys hire someone a day or two a week to help her. Just with laundry and light cleaning?
I do agree that you guys may be too much for her. If you could hire someone, you dont have to stay. Or move out and have a family member or friend help her. Your relationship is going to suffer if you are both overwhelmed.
It sounds like you are being used. I know you are trying to get your in-laws to like you and show that you are grateful that your mother-in-law let you guys stay there when you needed to. But from what you wrote, it sounds like your MIL will be unhappy no matter what you do.
Here is what you wrote that really concerns me: "My MIL complain she didn't like my food, they call me names, they scream at me in front of my kids, they try to intimidate me, they say lie to my husband that I am cheating or that I would take the kids, etc, etc." They are so disrespectful to you even though you are helping take care of your MIL, so if I were you, I'd leave ASAP.
You did say you are planning to leave in a month, so definitely move then, or sooner if you can. If your MIL has to take a taxi to her doctor's appointments, then that's what has to happen. Maybe if you are no longer in the picture, your MIL will realize how much you did for you and how little her own daughter does for her. Or maybe they'll both just always complain about you no matter what. Who knows why people act the way they do. But it definitely would be best if you guys move out now (as soon as you can) and focus on living your own life without all the constant negativity all the time. Good luck!
Hang in there. You sound so stressed and I feel terrible for you. God is smiling on your good deeds even if your mother in law doesn't seem to notice. It sounds like you have all been through an awful lot and it would tear at most families, Things will get better. :)
You are nice to help her. I think you will feel a LOT better in a month until you move.
Until then, there is nothing you can do, because it is her house. Only four more weeks, and then you can use all the towels you want! :)
I can easily see why you are fed up with the situation and the towel was the proverbial last straw. A case could be made for just throwing the towel in the next load of laundry.
You need to move as soon as you reasonably can. In the meantime can you help her by looking for a cleaning person or someone who can take her to appointments? If she is a senior citizen there may be some programs to help her there as well. My grandmother is 90 and still living on her own but she gets some meals from the Sr. citizen nutrition program and they also have a free local bus so she can get to the grocery store, bank and other errands. I'm in NJ, but in Bergen county not Passaic county so the services may be slightly different. If she has major health issues maybe her doctor or the hospital has a case manager who could help her to get what services she needs (such as a visiting nurse or transportation to appointments).
