Classmates Father Passed Away

When my boy's father (my ex husband) passed away the class made them cards. Those who lived close stopped by and just hung out for a few minutes. The teachers gave them build-a-bears. My boys were 10 and 8 at the time so it was all good. I like the idea of dinner for the family. Especially after things settle down a little. Just tell you son to be there for his class mate. That is the hardest thing that children have to deal with, the loss of a parent when they are young.

Make a dinner sign up sheet for all the parents to send meals to the home for awhile. That can make a ton of difference, and take the stress of cooking off of his mom. Also, invite him over to play which will help him maintain that sense of normalcy. Keep things normal at school. Reach out to this mom and ask her how you can help - maybe it's with homework if she works full time. Maybe she needs transportation for her son to/from school. Does she need a man to assist with anything around the house? Maybe a dad or several dads from the class could offer to do those things. Whatever you do, I'd run it by the teacher first as she probably knows the most information unless you are close to this family. She might just want to be left alone for awhile and that is ok and normal. Good luck, and what a nice person you are!

This happened to one of my classmates when we were in 2nd grade. If I remember right, we (as the students) were asked to try to keep things as normal as possible for him when he came back to school. An effort to try to keep school life (at least) as steady and unchanging as possible. If you wanted to do something like that, I would just take it/send it to the home. The mother would be able to appreciate the gesture from the place it is meant to be. A child is much less likely to be able to appreciate that you're just trying to be kind. He/she would be more likely to consider it a reminder of the tragedy that has just taken place and possibly resent it.

My dad passed away while we were in school and the student council collected money and purchased a large gift card to a great restaurant that did take out too. It was wonderful for our family.

Be supportive, let him talk. The months and years to come will be difficult for this little boy. Schools have father/son events and he won't have a dad to bring. If the dads of the other kids can step up and let this little guy be a part of the family it will help a lot. He will need someone to talk to about guy things, he will need help with sporting events, and making a team ect.

For now helping the mom and little boy get through the next few days. Taking meals to them, asking if she needs help with the arrangements, babysitting the children, maybe go over and give her home a good cleaning.

How aweful. I think I would just have them make cards. Good luck.

Last year, there was a shooting at the IHOP here where I live (you may remember from the news). One of the soldiers killed was the father of my daughter's classmate. :( The school decided to plant a tree in his memory. All the students brought to school a small stone to place around the tree. Each stone represented prayers and/or well-wishes for the family. They held a small ceremony; the boy's mom was there &we could tell that she was greatly touched, as was the boy, knowing that he had the support of the entire school and staff.

*Note: It's a smaller school - only about 180 students in total.

Anyway, it's just an idea...

i like the idea mommyloveskids has....or ask the class for donations of money to provide a pizza night for the family!!

I love the idea of the class planting a tree and each child bringing a stone to put around the tree representing prayers and wishes for the family.

I also love the idea of the PTA that built the bench.

I just remember when my own dad passed away, nothing mattered to me. People's problems all paled in the face of death. All I could think was "you're just lucky to be alive to HAVE a problem."

I think the best thing someone did for me was to buy me a plant that I planted in a special place in remembrance of my father. I looked at that plant daily; took care of it; talked to it. It brought be peace.

The kids can make cards. The teacher can also contact the mom and say that the class would like to do something for their family - what would help? Does she need a ride for her kid(s) to/from school? A sitter? Someone to mow the lawn? Ask what she needs. Maybe get donations to buy a PeaPod gift card so she can order groceries?

One of our daughters friend/classmates father died of cancer while they were in 4th grade.

The class collected money for a bench to be placed in the hallway in front of the school office. The PTA parents, built this bench.. it came in pieces and had a had a small plaque made and placed on the bench.

In Memory of
his name
Date
Mrs. H.. class 2006

Poor little guy! How about doing a care basket and a card signed with well wishes and condolences by the whole class. Also, a few friends the boy could call if he needs to get away for a playdate or for some fun.

The students could each make a card or write a short letter. If they'd like to collect for a basket of fruit, it would be good. The basket would be from the class, no matter who did or didn't contribute.

In addition, you could get to know the classmate's mother personally and keep in touch with her, so you would know how the family is doing and if there is anything they need later, when life has gone on for everyone else but the family is still grieving.

No matter what is done, the Teacher should be consulted with.
Because he/she will have the most direct contact with the family and know them.
Then, from there per what the Teacher says... an idea can be born.
And the class/students, partake in it. Even if that is making cards for the family.
Also, the child who's father passed away, will no doubt be going through great emotional hardship and turmoil. Some kids will turn inward and not express anything. Some will be visually in need of comfort. Some may not want attention. Some may need it. So... that has to be considered as well. And I would think, the school Counselor would have insight about the child and how to help him/her. Grief... is a hard thing. I'm an adult, and my Dad passed away after a long illness. For example.

You need to consult with the child's Teacher first.
She/he has to "okay" whatever is done.
But it is of course, very thoughtful to be wanting to do something for the classmate.

Some schools, will set up a fund or collection thing, for the family.... for people to donate to.
In my State, money is often given to help the surviving family/child.
The Father passed away, the breadwinner, and after cancer... so there will be no doubt, a great financial loss as well, for the family. And bills etc.

Then the other thing that needs to be thought of is: if things are collected, how will it be taken to the family??? Meaning, will they want, a whole gaggle of people coming to their doorstep to bring them things or meals daily or what not? Or do they want their privacy and no visitors? So the family, through the Teacher.... can convey, what their wishes are.
And maybe, the family themselves, will have a wish or idea, about what will help or what they need.

The kid will appreciate the friends acting normal and still inviting him over to play and stuff. At that age, they just want someone to come hang out with them and treat them like nothing has changed (I don't know the age but I assume school age or teenager)

If you knew this man, and your child is old enough to go to the funeral, that's the route I would go. Certainly, tangible things like a card, signed by the whole class, or a care basket, like you mentioned would be great too. Waiting a few weeks and then delivering the care basket is an idea too, once all the other people that usually come by and bring food, have quit coming.