Baby Won't Comfort with Daddy

I would have to agree that daddy and baby need time alone together. If you are not comfortable with the night out idea, perhaps you could visit a friend that is close by, but in a different house. That way you don't have to hear the baby crying and you can let the very capable daddy handle things in his own way.

Dear K. - We have all been there and I know you are going to get different advise from everyone. My last baby went through that only it was the opposite. Daddy had to always put her to bed because whenever I tried it would never work. Then one day we both had enough and I made him leave the house and I put her to bed, after alot of tears and crying she settled down. One thing that really helped is that no matter who put her down we stuck with the same routine from getting her favourite babydoll and teddybear, her blanket and all the other things that made it a routine. You may need to tell your husband that tonight he's on his own and walk away and let him do it (don't interfere) they will figure it out and you will get a break.
Good Luck - Beky

Oh My!, this sounds so familiar I have a set of 8 month old twins and up until a few weeks ago one of my girls would not settle down at all when her father held her. Mostly because her dad can be a bit stubborn and didn't want to try different techniques to calm her down because he didn't want to look silly. So what I started to do was just hand her over to him when she was really happy or proccupied with something ( like a toy), she wouldn't even know he was holding her. Another thing I tried was to pass her to him without her facing me. Trying that and getting dad to rock her, sing to her, dance around, and so on, she has become a lot more attachted to her dad. She still has her "Only Mommy" moments, but they are fewer and far between. Oh an reassuring dad that it wasn't personal did help a bit becaude he was more relaxed when he held her and not so tense. Letting him know that babies can feel tension too also helped, so her dad was more relaxed when holding her and that made the baby more relaxed as well.

K.,
Does your four month old spend anytime at all in the daytime with Daddy or when Daddy comes home from work? It seems like your baby does not connect with Daddy because he/she does not know Daddy.

But, if I am wrong, then I do not know what to tell you. Do you point to Daddy and say "Daddy loves you ..." or point to Daddy and say "...this is Daddy and he loves you!"

Does Daddy ever bottle feed your four month old? How about bathing or playing with your four month old. Do you lay your four month old with back on your lap and exercise his/her legs and arms to get ready for tummy time and crawling? If you do, let Daddy do this as well. This can be a great bonding moment for the both of them. Also, singing and say your babies name in songform is a fun and great way for Daddy to bond.

Hope this has helped you.... :- )

This too shall pass.

It sounds like you rescue your boys from each other. The baby probably knows that, and cries until he gets Mama. This also undermines your husband's confidence. So he gets nervous that the baby will just cry for him, and the baby senses that. They need to get comfortable with each other, and Daddy needs to develop his own soothing techniques.

Maybe you should try going out for an evening. That way, you won't be stressed out by the crying, and the boys can figure things out on their own.

Hi K.,

My son Adrian is almost 9 months old now and still has this problem. When Adrian was about 4 months old I started working just a few hours a week, which included Monday evenings. The first couple of weeks I had to come home early to rescue my son from non-stop screaming. Then after a few weeks my boyfriend was able to put our son to bed, usually by driving him around for a while. It even reached a point where he could take Adrian out of the carseat and lay him into the bed without him waking up. This only lasted a few weeks, however, and Adrian's dad has not been able to put him to bed since. Not even for naps during the day. Now Adrian just stays up super late on Mondays until I get home and his dad has found ways to entertain a tired and crabby baby until then.

Something that I wanted to try but wasn't able to get the support of my boyfriend was establishing a bedtime routine where my boyfriend helped out. That way Adrian would be comfortable with his dad helping put him to bed and would know what to expect. However, as of yet we haven't tried it. I keep knowing that Adrian will get over this eventually and go to sleep for his dad...every week I hope this is the time!!

Good luck, and just remember two things: 1- you are not alone; and 2- one day it will be better/easier (this too shall pass).

Regards,
A.

I agree that your son and your husband need to get comfortable with each other. Babies can sense when some one is nervous and they don't like to be held by anyone who is nervous. Plan a day or evening out and let your husband and your son bond. It is important that your son learn to trust his dad at a young age. It may be frustrating but it will work out okay in the long run. Good luck.

I'm dealing with the same thing right now with my 8 month old son. It's frustrating because I can't get that "help" I need. If I ask my husband to put him to sleep he cries, or they spend the whole time laughing/goofing around. I don't know why either because my son ADORES his father. He stares at him and smiles really big everytime he sees him. I sometimes think he likes his father better. He never smiles as big, or laughs as much with me. But, when my husband tries to give him his bottle he swirms and cries and then I have to take over. And at night i'm the one giving him hugs, kisses, and holding his hand so he can go to sleep. We've tried to let my husband take over, but it hurts us to see him cry like that.