Anyone Have Advice or Knowledge of Adoption?

Updated on March 31, 2009
A.B. asks from Olathe, KS
18 answers

My husband and I have both felt called to adopt. I gave birth to a son 20 months ago, and I would like to become pregnant again...eventually:) However, lately I've really felt like we are supposed to adopt. I don't know when, I don't know who or what age, and I really don't know anything about the adoption process. I've heard it is really expensive. I only work a few hours a week (I'm living my dream career of being a mommy when I'm not working) and my husband has a pretty good full time job. He is in the process of working towards his dream career of firefighting. So, money is a little tight and I'm not sure how much we have to offer in the way of financial means. (We are very good savers and are very smart with money- ie. no debt or credit cards) Although we don't have a lot of money, I feel like we do have a lot to offer a child. I love my husband and he loves me, we have a great extended family as well as a large "family" at church. I don't think right now our living situation is conducive to adding another child, but I don't want to just sit around and do nothing. Ideally, I would like to think that we would be "ready" to adopt in about 2 years, but we are leaving the timing up to God. Are there things I should be doing now to prepare? Is there financial aid available to assist in adoption costs? Is there any way of adopting straight from the birth mother/family without having to pay all the money...and if so, how do we meet prospective families? Like I said earlier, I know nothing about the adoption process...I don't even know what questions to ask. Websites are very basic and I would really like to get info from direct sources. Thanks for your input.

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A.B.

answers from Fayetteville on

I have a very close friend who adopted a little boy at birth 13 months ago. The process should start now! They went THE CHEAPEST way and it still cost them about $17,000. <--correct number. No matter what, you will have to use a lawyer. There is no financial aid as far as I am aware of. My friend and her husband made a "profile" notebook about their lives and they had social services (I believe) do several home visits. They contacted fund raising companies (the same as say an elementary school would use-candy bars, trash bags, etc) and sold items for their adoption fund. I think she even sold a Home Interior as a fund raiser. I could get more information or references for you if you'd like. They are from Smithville, MO, I don't know if that's close to you. Hope this helps!

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K.V.

answers from Kansas City on

A.,
I understand how you feel. Something I have wanted to do
also. But things in my life have been somewhat complicated.
I have a dear friend whom I met overseas many years ago.
Her and her husband adopted 2 children and they said they
did it rather inexpensively. I will give you her email
address and you can write her with your specific questions and enquiries. Her email address is: [email protected]____.com name is Bonnie Nelson. She will not mind at all sharing her story. She is a very sweet and dear lady.
And mine is [email protected]____.com, I would love to hear how your adoption goes. I was also adopted at 15. But I lived with my new parents since I was 9 and 1/2. Mine was an unsual situation. God bless you in your endeavor! K.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

Dear A.,
God bless you and your husband for being willing to open your hearts and your home to a child who needs them!!! I do have some experience with adoption but not from the same side of the fence that you are on!!!Our middle daughter because pregnant when she was 15 years old and placed her beautiful little girl for adoption almost 12 years ago.
There is an organization here in Topeka ( But it is a nationwide organization I am sure) called Crisis Pregnancy Center that was an absolute Godsend to her and to our entire family. I am sure that they could direct you to a CPC in your local area. Their website is http://www.cpo-apc.org/
I know that the adoption services that they provide will be MUCH cheaper than you would find at most other places. I have no idea how much it cost the adoptive parents but it was their 3rd adoption through the organization,and they spoke very very highly of them.
As you may already know, there are several different ways for you to go with adoption. Our daughter and the family that she chose, have an "open adoption"...we met with them many times before Lauren was born, they even came to doctors appts. with us. They were there at the hospital when Lauren was born and we continue to be in contact through letters and pictures.
If you would like to ask me any specific questions about the adoption procedure from the birth families point of view I would be more than happy to visit with you. Feel free to message me if you want.
God Bless You
R. Ann

1 mom found this helpful
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T.D.

answers from Columbia on

Hi A.,
Adoption can be expensive if your heart is set on a baby. My Husband & I adopted children, & by no means are we rich! A friend of ours told us that if you go through the local Division Of Child Services, you can adopted unwanted children that way & believe me I was ever so glad she told me about it! we have 2 beautiful boys, we fostered [email protected]____.com came into our home when they were just 5 months old, they were almost a yr when theyre birth parents signed they're rights away. & when they did my hubby & i went right to our lawyer! The only thing we had to pay for was lawyer fees & court costs! which was under 2grand! sure beats paying 10s of thousands! I hope it all works out for you!
I will deff keep u in my prayers!
Jenn

1 mom found this helpful
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L.S.

answers from Wichita on

Good snowy Sat. morning to you!!

That is just wonderful that you're trying to follow the call of adoption! Yes, adoption is a drawn out process, and it can be very confusing.

I want to tell you something; I was at the park with my son about 2 weeks ago and started talking to a woman who had 2 kids with her. To make a long story short, one of the kids was her adopted child,(the other was a niece). I started asking her questions about the adoption process, and she told me if I was seeking to adopt a newborn, it would cost big $$$. But, if I was looking to adopt a child who's already in foster care, the state would pay for all costs. She said her adopted little girl was 3 years old and in foster care. She said her only cost for the whole adoption process was a $55.00 court cost!! We're still not ready to adopt due to other reasons, but it was a huge help to me.

Also, if you are wanting to adopt a newborn, you can always try www.stevencurtischapman.com There you can click on the "adoption" tab. Steven has a website for those who cannot afford adoptions. I'm not sure of all the details, but you can always check it out!!

Hope I've been of some help to you. Good luck! ls

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

A.,
Why not consider looking into becoming a foster parent?
The foster care system is overrun with children who have no homes to be placed in. This is very emotionally fullfilling.
Good luck to you whatever you decide
B.

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B.S.

answers from Springfield on

You got a lot of great advise so I am just confirming what some of the other moms and grandmas said. I am a grandma who just last month finalized the adoption of my grandson. We went through the foster care system - not because we wanted to but it did prove to be benificial for us. It cost nothing except time to adopt and we get a monthly check until he is 18, plus we get MC+ which pays for any health issues including braces, mental health, day care etc. Towards the end they were practically begging us to take another child. There are so many kids out there that would love to be adopted and have a "real" home. Good luck.

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A.L.

answers from Kansas City on

First let me say that I think it's wonderful that you are considering giving a child in need a loving home through adoption. My husband and I are 1 month away from finalizing our adoption of our foster son. We became licensed foster parents and shortly thereafter received the call about our son, who was 8 months old at the time. We didn't know at first whether he would be with us temporarily or permanently, but his parents lost their rights and there were no other relatives to consider as placements, so we are blessed to be able to call him our son. When you adopt through the foster system, the state pays for all of the fees and offers the family an adoption subsidy which usually includes Medicaid and a monthly cash amount (depending on the child's level of need). It's possible to adopt through the state without being a foster parent, and the process is pretty similar. In Kansas you have to take a class called PS-MAPP, and you can find a listing of classes at www.childally.org. In that class they will talk to you about what to expect with fostering & adopting and help you make the right decision for your family. I don't know too much about international adoptions except that they costs tens of thousands of dollars, which my family can't afford. I hope this information is helpful- good luck to you!

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M.G.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi A.,
I have 5 kiddos. 2 boys(19 & 17now) from my husbands first marriage, 1 boy(5yr)that I gave birth to,1 girl(2yr)that we adopted from birth and 1 girl (1yr)that I gave birth to. We always knew that we wanted a large family and we deffinately have one now. When we wanted to adopt we talked to our best friends about it because they were foster parents and then adopted two children. One was a foster child and the other one was through a friend. I don't know how the process works through foster care but I can ask her for you. As far as the private adoption goes, you will need an attorney. I used Michael Mann in Kansas city. He has been doing this for over 20 years and that is all he does. You will then need a lawyer for the birth mother and a lawyer for the baby. In addtion you will need a home study. Thats were they see if your home and family life would be stable. They look at all your finances, house, jobs, family, friends etc. They look at you life with a fine tooth comb. The home study takes about 8 weeks but once you do it, it will be good for a year. The entire cost of our adoption was about $5000.00. Our situation was a little different because we adopted the sister of our best friends daughter. We had to put a rush on our home study which was a little more expensive ( maby $250.00 more) because it was done in 6 weeks. It's a stressful process but sort of fun at the same time not to mention the birth mother. I was scared, excited, worn out,stressed and grateful all at the same time. It was the best decision we made because we love the girls and wanted them to grow up togther knowing they are sisters. There is so much more I could tell you about adopting but I wanted to tell you the process since that was your question. I also wanted to let you know that the laws in Missouri are different than Kansas. I'm in Missouri. I would be happy to tell you more if you want to email me.
I think it is wonderful that you want to help a child and it sounds like you will do a wonderful job.God Bless!

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

In our extended circle of family & friends, we have several children adopted from all over the world...including here in the USA. The fees ranged from $2000 to almost $20,000! The least expensive was USA, the most expensive was Russia. (airfare is not cheap, especially when it can take 2-3 visits before actually receiving a child!) With both Korea & Russia, the delays were heart-breaking. & from beginning to end, took 18 months minimum in all of the overseas cases. This is so emotionally tiring when you begin the process with a newborn & end up waiting for 18 months before receiving the child. AND this is how it went with all of the overseas cases.

The US adoptions were much quicker & cheaper. BUT regardless of the origin, adoption truly does fill a need & can create such happiness. And, in our extended family, we also have many children brought forth through in-vitro...all ranging in cost from $10,000 & up! We consider ourselves blessed with a diverse group of children.

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L.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Good Morning A.,

There is a fabulous organization right there in Olathe called TLC for Children and Families. Their website is www.kidstlc.org. I can get you in touch with anyone in the organization to talk to you about their options.
Maybe a way to start is becoming a mentor or even foster family?
Oh, and I am NOT an employee. I'm just a volunteer with the organization.

Lori K

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M.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi A.-
We adopted a little boy at 5 weeks who is now 2 y/o. It was quite an experience, and we did have a "disrupted" adoption, which was quite devastating; it took us another year before we finally got our son, and as painful as it was, we realize he was the right child for us and the way it happened was meant to be. Anyhow, we went through an agency and adopted him by luck in state, so that saved some money, but it was not cheap. You will definitely need a home study (ca. $1200) and a lawyer at the least. Lawyers can run relatively cheap (ours was <$2000) or really expensive (the failed adoption was in California, and the lawyers there were $400/hr; it cost us $4000 for basically nothing, but would have run close to 8-10K if it had worked out!). What I suggest for you though is to network through your church especially, and also through family and friends, and let people know you are trying to find a baby to adopt. Prepare a little profile of your family with lots of pictures (the social worker for the home study can help if you need it, otherwise you can find lots of examples online) and make like 5 copies to have ready in case you find a potential situation. We had several of these from my sister-in-law's church; a couple of the high school girls had gotten pregnant and were debating placing the baby for adoption. You'd be surprised, sometimes there are a lot of situations that people may become open to if they just know what options are available. Anyhow, of course this has no guarantees and may take a lot longer than going through an agency, but then again, it might not, and it will save you some money. You can also try advertising in the local papers or on the internet, but beware of scam artists. A lot of people will pretend to be interested, get you to help out with expenses, and then keep the baby anyway, and sadly, it's all perfectly legal. You can sue them to get the money back, but for the most part, by the time you pay your lawyer, it's not worth it, especially because they usually don't have anything to take by then! Anyhow, our agency was very good (in KC, even though we're in St. Louis) and not very expensive, so you may at least want to check into them (Adoption & Beyond). They also do home studies. Good luck - it's an incredible experience, and so worth it once you get that baby!
M.

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E.H.

answers from Kansas City on

There is an amazing network here in Kansas City! Our community has adopted dozens of babies, and this couple has been instrumental in making the pathways possible. Everyone who has adopted actually are in ministry, so have very little money, but the Lord always provides. Here is her blog, and it has tons of information on it. She would be glad to meet with you (as soon as she gets home form the Ukraine - they have just adopted 2 special needs babies!)

http://thespiritofadoption.blogspot.com/

Blessings on your journey,
E.

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A.W.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi A.. My husband and I have a few friends at our church who have adopted from China. They received help through orginizations at church they have a wonderful website called adoptionbygrace.com. they also help financial too I believe. God will guide you in the right direction. There are so many children who need love all across the world.

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M.D.

answers from St. Louis on

I know this man, Dave Kruse and his wife. They are wonderful people and have a heart for adoption and have a ministry just for that. Here is their website:
www.oneheartfamilyministries.org

God bless your pursuit of giving a lucky boy or girl a permanent loving home!
M.

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K.B.

answers from Wichita on

Good Morning A., what an awesome desire you have!!
Wonderful information you have been given by the first two mom's also. CPC is one of the most caring places a family can turn to for information on adoptions.

I know from what my brother in law went through to adopt
(from Russia) it can be very expensive to go through agencies.
There are forms to fill out, home studies more then one or two, financial disclosures etc.
A Lot of agencies require a fee to be placed on their list of adoptive parents. You can decide if you want an open adoption or closed. If you want to adopt a boy or girl, or receive what is available. Then there are fee's of Dr. and Hospital bills a lot of agencies require the adoptive parents to provide.

I think A. to even become foster parents to children in need is a wonderful thing to do also. The state does at that time help a little financially, then you could possibly apply to adopt if that option becomes available to you. You would be already in the system and would be known for your compassion and loving nature.
Of course there is the heartbreak of losing a child you have grown to love if they are returned to families or adopted by others. But the love and nurturing you could give could help heal & give a great start in life to those children in your care.

God Bless you A. and my you receive the desires of your heart, in His time and as God wants for you.

K. Nana of 5

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A.D.

answers from Washington DC on

A.,
It is so wonderful that you are feeling called to adopt!
Your post has touched my heart! I don't have much insight on the process or costs...but if you ever want some thoughts from someone who was adopted...please feel free to send me a message! I was adopted as an infant in NJ and I am thankful every single day of my life for both my birthparents who were willing to give me up to give me a better life, and especially to my "REAL" parents, my adoptive parents who loved me and raised me and gave me a WONDERFUL life! (My parents were not rich...but my life was! You have so much more to offer a child than any money can buy!)

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C.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Not long ago, my husband and I had lots of reasons to think about adopting. I recommend going to www.providentliving.org. This sight has lots of useful information about lots of different topics and adoption is one of them. I went there and had lots of my questions answered. The process is expensive no matter how you do it from what I understand and it can take a long time. The cost also changes depending on whether you want to adopt locally or from another state or country. If you are serious about adopting in the future, I would suggest that for now, you just start setting aside money as an adoption fund, so that when you are ready to start the process, you will already be a step ahead of the game. Good Luck!

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