Any Advice on Helping Get an 18 Month Old Ready for a New Sibling?

Your not crazy!! My oldest was exactly 3 1/2 years old Monday, my middle child is 2 years old today and my baby is 11 months old today. There was 18 months 3 days between the first two and 13 months between the second two. You will be busy and you will have to learn to balance the two, but it isn't that bad. Just slow down, take a breath, and remember that your oldest can wait if the baby is in need. Kind of talk him through what it will be like - "Mommy is going to be really busy when your baby sister comes home. Mommy will do her best to get you what you need/want, but you will need to be my big boy and help mommy when I'm busy with the baby by waiting your turn for my attention." I know it seems hard to think your son might understand that, but chances are it won't take long and he'll be your best diaper getter, burp cloth taker, and bottle finding little helper!! You kinda wonder how you did it with the first child without one there to do some of the running! Plus you need to remember your son will never remember a time when he was an only child so life for him with a baby sister will become "normal" in like a month. Good luck - you'll soon find out it is great to have more than one!!

First of all congrats on the new little one! I am expecting my newest little one any day now but at one time I had a 15 month old and a newborn :) My then 15 month old is now 25 months and getting ready for his new sister to arrive. We have been telling him for a while that there is a baby in my tummy and he seems to understand that she is IN there because he tries to see her through my belly button! At any rate, he's been around a few babies and seems to know what they are because when we get the chance we tell him to see the baby...look at the baby...etc...also when we see babies on television or in a magazine or book we tell him to look at the baby...we also bought him his own "baby" (a spiderman stuffed toy that he likes to keep wrapped in a blankie and carry around) to care for so we could teach him how to touch gently and be nice...all seems to be going well and honestly when we brought home his new brother almost a year ago we hadn't really prepared him at all and he was still fine. One thing I will mention, though, is if you are planning any bedroom changes or rearranging i would do it now so he can get used to it. Another thing we did this time was start to set the baby stuff up around the house (bassinet, high chair, swing, etc) so that he could get used to it without the baby in it...and when he approaches it we tell him it is for the baby...he fussed with the new things for a while, but barely even notices them now....

As far as handling two little ones, it's work, but it's not as scary as it seems...I would suggest preparing some meals to freeze for those days when all is crazy and you don't have time or energy to cook...also, if you have a crock pot look into some good crock pot recipes (recipeezaar.com has some good ones) because it makes preparing dinner a million times easier...you can make just about anything in there! (and there's no hot oven to worry about your two year old getting into!) Oh,and get some little snack containers or bagees and prepare some midday snacks ahead of time so your toddler can grab one when you need him to...and the night before you can put some sippy cups with water/milk/juice in the fridge so that he can also grab one of those when he needs. If you're into baby-wearing get a good sling...i never could get the hang of those things, but i really think if you can, they would be wonderful...and definately make sure you have an infant bouncy seat! I didn't use it too much with my first, but when my second got here, i realized it had become increasingly important to keep the newborn close! (toddlers can be a little too helpful sometimes)...Also you could set aside a special little box of toys or coloring books or cartoons for your toddler to play with when you need to pay more attention to the newborn(nursing, changing, or just soothing). It is wonderful to have two kids so close in age and you will be fine! Good luck and congrats again!

My son was 22 months old when I had my second too. A great idea that I got from a friend was to take a picture of me with my belly showing and cut it so the belly was a flap (Like is picture books) and paste a picture of a baby inside. That way when I say your brother is in my tummy and will be coming out. He can associate the picture with the fact that it is a REAL baby and not just your imagination. It really helped my son get the picture. (Literally)

S.,
I am a mother of three who is expecting our fourth in December. My first two children were 21 months apart. At the time I was expecting our second child, I was also worried about how to deal with two young ones at the same time. There are a couple of pieces of wisdom I would like to pass on from my experience.

First, if you haven't told your child a new baby is coming, now is the time. There are a lot of cute books about new babies in the family for children. There is one in the Berenstein Bears collection that I know of. Second, if you are planning on putting your first child in a big boy bed you should start now before the baby is born. This allows the child to believe he is being moved to a big bed because he is old enough, not because the new baby kicked him out of his crib, which can cause resentment. If you are planning on just getting another crib then there is no need to put him in a big boy bed yet. We went ahead and put our oldest in a big bed 3 months before the baby was born and he loved it.

If your son somewhat understands that there is a new baby coming then you have prepared him as much as you can. Don't worry too much about it, most likely he will be like my son was and be a little curious about the new baby, but not really interested. He ignored her and played happily with his toys. Two things I would suggest about this transition time. One is that if at any point, both your toddler and your baby need you, let the baby cry a little bit until you can tend to the toddlers needs. The baby won't remember that you didn't tend to her needs right away, but the toddler will. And second, get a little gift for your son from the baby when it is born. This will help some with the transition. The hardest part for a toddler when a new baby arrives is not receiving enough attention. If he is getting his needs fullfilled in the same way he always does, the new baby will not be a problem.

Finally, I will tell you that it takes some time getting used to having two children around, but eventually you adjust and learn to organize your time. Utilize your husband, your friends and your family, let them help as much as possible, at least for the first 4-6 weeks until you recover from your c-section. For me, once I got used to the baby's schedule it wasn't so bad. The worst part of having two that close together is when they are both mobile. They become busier and will tend to run different directions at the same time. So be prepared.

I hope this helped you a little. God bless you and your new baby!

S. B

I'm in the exact same boat and googled this very question to see if there was any advice. I'll be starting grad school 2 weeks after my c-section to boot so I am wondering how to do it all myself and get the two boys accustomed to one another.

Hi S.,
You are dealing with a young age, as am I..due in Jan. with my 3rd son. Buy a baby doll and role play with it with your child, showing gentle strokes to the back of the head or tummy area, repeating "gentle touches". Pretend to feed and diaper baby too. That will then be his baby when #2 comes along so you can both feed your babies at the same time. The suggestion of activities below was a good one, as well as keeping some baby einstein videos on hand when you need them.

My kids are 25 months apart. Once my tummy got big enough, we started telling my son about the baby in my tummy. We got him the "I'm a Big Brother" book by Joanna Cole (love this book) and that helped too. We also looked at pictures of him when he was a baby, made a point to see other babies that we passed on the street etc. After I had my daughter, but before I was out of the hospital with her, my mom and husband and son all went to get the new baby a "lovey" (he has a lovey that is his favorite toy, so this was a big deal for him). He brought the baby the lovey when she was still in the hospital. We also got him a present from the baby (sidewalk chalk I think).

He's done SO well with her. He is thrilled to be a big brother. We spend a lot of time emphasizing all of the special things that he gets to do because he's big that babies can't do. Our main rules in the house are that he can touch and play with the baby (who is now almost 4 months old) any time except for when she is sleeping or nursing. I make sure to have a book of his handy when I'm nursing her so that I can read to him while feeding her. Good luck and congrats on your baby! Not to be totally off topic, but if you're considering a VBAC at all, you're welcome to talk to me. Mine was the best thing I ever did.

HI I also have 2 children 20 months apart and belive it or not get your son a baby doll explain to him that you have a baby in your tummy and he is going to be a big brother make a big deal out of the fact that it is something for him (his own accomplishment). Ask his help taking care of the doll and tell him that Mommy will need his help with the new baby.. and make sure that after the baby comes that your friends and family greet him first and pay attention to him first so that their is not jelosy.. I had my friends and family act like they were coming over to see my Daughter and I had them ask her to see her new baby sister.. It worked out great! I also would have her help me with getting diapers and throwing away garbage. I had c-sections with both of my children.. I explained to her that Mommy had an owe and showed her my incision.. She totaly got it.( That helped with that I could not carry her around and she was careful when laying with me. also make sure that when the baby naps that you and you son do an exciting activity.( I used color wonder markers for her art project)That way I could lay there and not have to worry that she was drawing on my walls!! so that it is fun when the baby sleeps. I found this great because then they dont want to wake the baby up!! Also when the baby would cry my daughter would get really upset,, So I told her that it was the Baby singing because she needed something.. That seemed to work really great. Well I think I have babled enough if you have any other questions feel free to ask.. Thanks and good Luck!!

Hopefully, the newborn will be a great sleeper! That way you can spend one on one time with your toddler. Go to the library and rent some books on being a big brother or get some videos. My son still remembers when my daughter was in my belly. We always talked about the baby, and he was really good with her. I also had him in preschool and that gave him some more attention and great social skills. He is 3 and my daughter just turned one. I would say it took a few months to get me in the swing of things. When they are both crying...I took care of the older one first, if there was not an emergency. Best of Luck!!

.... when we had newborn twins, our first-born was 20 months old!!! So I know all about how crazy that is; having kids close in age!! It was 3 under 2 for a while!! ;-)

The best advice I can give you, is do some fun "big kid" stuff, like a new "big kid" bed; give him a cool duvet cover with his favorite cartoon character etc! When you have baby at home in the newborn days, see if you can get a friend, family member to take your son on fun outings. My twins were also born via elective c.section; because you won't be able to drive for a few weeks, do take up any offers of help; someone to look after your oldest child. Perhaps your partner could take him out for special one-to-one time.

When you are feeding baby, you could bring out a special toy box with new toys, just for those times when you have to breastfeed etc.

In my situation, my twins were born 6 weeks early (due to one baby's growth restriction), so.... I had my Mother stay with us for six weeks! She looked after our 20 month old, so I could get to the hospital (relying on a driver as I couldn't drive due to the c.section!), so.... take it from me - you WILL be busy, but the great thing about having kids close in age is that they will get to do everything pretty much together, ie starting school etc.

I am very happy for you and I hope this has helped you!!

C.!!

My first two children were the same distance apart. It was difficult and in hindsight, I thought we were nuts, but we planned it that way. They are now 6 and 4 1/2 and best buds. I made sure the toddler, knew that the baby would be staying with us for good, had him help prepare the room, put clothes in the drawers, get blankets ready (albeit, it was messy, but he was a "helper", We also promised him a special toy when the baby came, so my husband took him to toys are us after the birth and he was taking a break from visiting in the hospital. We did this with my kids, when baby 3 came along, it was fun. We also read books about sibling and "big brother stuff" t shirts and books, I also nursed my babies for a year, so it was a long commitment. I had a box of special "crafty" stuff for the toddler to do while I nursed, because it was tough in the beginning because you nurse so often. Don't feel guilty to show some educational "baby einstein " movies and snuggling up to read to the two of them is good bonding time as well. Take it one day at a time, cook meals in advance and freeze them, take help from anyone who offers and meals too, dont be shy, you will need help- I had 3 c sections so I definetely needed help the first 2 weeks. best of luck and enjoy this special time

Hi S.- I am a SAHM of 4. My oldest 2 daughters are 18 mo apart. Here are some things that I did that I think helped.
1. I sent a present home from the new baby to my 18 mo old so she already ahd a positive idea about the new addition to our family.
2. Plan to feel spread thin. I was very guilt ridden about making a child that young be the "big one"- honestly going from 1 child to 2 was harder than going from 3 to 4.
3, During feeding time my oldest had a special doo she would "feed" while I nursed.
4. I had planned activities small age appropriate puzzles, books, crafts, play dough for when the baby was going to need me for an extended period of time (more than 2 min)
5.Make sure you have a great baby bjorn your infant may end up spending most of the time in it!
6. Make your oldest feel a part of helping, bringing diapers, choosing outfits etc.
The reality is the baby needs to be cared for- although we want to think it has to be mom to take care of the baby (there are some things ex nursing only the mom can do) any caring adult (dad, grandma, aunt uncle) who cuddles and loves the baby will be satisfying to an infant-- but the older sibling needs MOM more than the baby right away. The infant doesn't know but the 20 mo old does.

After all the negatives my oldest are now 9 and almost 8 and they are great friends and truly enjoy each other. The best advice I can give is enjoy your single toddler now and don't stree yourself out in 2 months- everything will be fine eventually- it may just take 3-6 mo to get your groove back!
Best of Luck
Beth

I have a 4 1/2 year old girl, 21 month old twin girls and a 4 month old girl. My oldest was super excited about adding this newest baby to the house. She even had a magazine that showed what the baby looked like inside my tummy at each stage of development. She LOVED that. Also made it more concrete and more real for her. Not sure if an 18 month old would understand, but you never know...could be worth a try. (We got it from our Ob-Gyn.)

Also, when we were getting close to having the new baby, we were very conscious to stop calling the twins "babies". We started referring to them as the "big girls" and "big sisters" and talked about how they can help Mommy take care of the little baby. We asked our friends and family to do the same thing.

When they all came to see me at the hospital, their new baby sister gave them each a stuffed animal as a "hello" gift.

Coming home, for me, was horrible. Made worse by raging hormones, probably, but I cried almost constantly for 3 days. I kept feeling guilty that everyone needed me and I couldn't meet their needs. My oldest was an only child for almost 3 years but the twins had become big sisters at the ripe old age of 16 months. I felt so bad for them!! But then I got over it. I had no choice. I realized I had to take it hour by hour, minute by minute. (Day by day is too big of a time period!!)

I agree with the other advice...the older child will need you more than the newborn will. After all, the baby will most likely be sleeping a LOT in the beginning so you can use that time to take care of you and spend one-on-one time with your big boy. Your son will need you to tell him that he's still important and that the baby won't change your love for him.

Good luck with everything. I'm not at this point yet but everyone keeps saying that the close ages will be wonderful when they're older. If everyone says that, it must be true, right?? ;-)

When we had a new baby the baby always brought presents to the siblings at home when they came home from the hospital. The kids loved this...and really thought the baby brought them. It gives them a feeling that the baby likes them...and they also have a new toy to distract them while mommy is resting and taking care of the new baby.

I had a newborn, 24 month old, 3 1/2 year old and 6 year old all at once. You can do it...it just takes lots of organizing. I look back and remember taking the kids lots of places by myself...I have no idea how I did it now, but we had tons of fun together.

Congrats on your new baby coming in Jan!!!