Angry Toddler

Updated on November 05, 2008
E.M. asks from Mishawaka, IN
13 answers

My sweet baby boy has turned into a monster over the last two weeks. He seems to be constantly angry in the evenings in particular. He won't sit in his high chair to eat dinner and has a full blown tantrum to be let out. I make him sit for as long as I can tyring to get him to eat, then set him free. Tonight I was so frustrated I put him in his crib until he calmed down. Diaper changes are becoming nearly impossible too. He doesn't want to lie still for more then a second it seems and again with the complete melt down tantrum. It is to the point where I can barely get his little rear wiped (sometimes I don't) before he squirms his way out of my grasp. I'm not sure how to change this. The only time I can get him to lie still is if he is drinking a bottle when I change him. Goodness knows I don't want to make that a habit. He doesn't sleep well either up screaming in the middle of the night with a very angry cry. He has slept through the night maybe twice his whole life. He goes to bed by 7:30-8:00p and gets up around midnight again at at 2am then usually 4am. If I can let him then he will sleep until 7:30am or 8am. I have tried letting him cry it out during the night and we've been up more then once of hours. I've tried to go in say good night even hug him and put him back to bed. I leave him for 10 mintues then do hugs and kisses again. Extending the time each time I leave. He has been up from 2am to 5am a number of times. He then is too awake and can't get back to sleep. I can't try anymore I've got two kids that I have to get to school and we need to get up at 6:30am. He does take a great nap usually 10:30am to 1:00pm. I'm just gettin so frustrated. He is such a cute boy and loves everyone and meeting new people. He can be so sweet and loving but when he is mad the whole world knows it. It is crazy because it feels like no one sees this side of him except me and my other children. Occasionally his Daddy sees it but with his work schedule it is maybe for a 1/2 hour in the evening.

I know this is a lot of information any advice or words of hope would be appreciated.
(He does snore not real loud but could this be a cause for concern with his sleeping could he have allergies?) Thank you

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So What Happened?

SO here I'm writing this extended question and airing out my frustrations when I realize I hadn't even considered his teeth. I reach into his mouth and he is trying to get four molars at the same time. Poor boy :) He has done better since one of them seems to have broken through. He has been getting his teeth so slowly that I guess I just forgot. His mood is much improved still a some tantrums but that I expect. He has been eating better and only been up once a night all week. I'm praying that this will continue at least it seems managable again. Thanks for all the encouragement and advice.
The diaper changes have improved too, since everything else has calmed down. We also helped him discover that his feet are fun to play with so that has helped too.

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

My only suggestion is for diaper changes. I had to go back to strapping mind down around the same age. Either on the changing table, or I'd put a leg over him on the floor. Sometimes a toy or book worked, but usually not. Good Luck! It will get better...

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B.M.

answers from Columbus on

First; is he teething? or having a growth spurt?
With my daughter, both of these would turn her into a little monster for a few weeks.
I would look at his eating schedule and see if maybe he needs (healthy) snacks more often or if he's getting too much too close to dinner. When my daughter is too hungry, she won't eat as much as when she has a small snack 2 hrs before dinner.
In the highchair, make sure there are no distraction, and that he is involved with the family while eating if not already.
I was surprised to find that a special toy that she only got while I was changing her diaper helped considerably, that and just telling her to hold still or I would make her hold atill then lying my leg "over" her (not to hurt) to prevent her from wiggling too much or getting up.
Something else that surprised me about my daughter was that putting her to bed 1/2 hr to 1 hr earlier helped her sleep through the night better (sounded crazy to me, but it worked when I tried it) the trick is to get them to sleep before they are over-tired, because at that point they become "too tired" to sleep.
Crying it out seemed to compound the problem for me, sometimes kids just have too much going on and at night when their minds try to sort it all out they need comfort and support from you to know that no matter what's going on, you will always be there.
Give him extra hugs and snuggles during the day and before bedtime and see if that helps.
It will take a few days before you will probably see any improvement, but I wish you the best.

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Part of it is normal. The temper tantrums and not sitting still are fairly normal at this age. He's probably extra crabby because he's tired. At his age, he should be sleeping through the night. I think at 15 months kids should be sleeping at least 10 hours at night, don't quote me on that cause I'm not sure. When my daughter went through the phase of fighting diaper changes, I would just give her a toy to try to keep her still. I started using her books and that worked really well. I would also sing silly songs and make goofy faces at her. We had a toy that was JUST for diaper changes. Playing peek-a-boo with a blanket helped us through so many diaper changes! That will pass soon enough. As far as the eating goes, you can't force him to eat. I swear, there are days at a time when my dd lives on nothing but air and water. Other days, she's the world's best eater. I make her sit at the table until daddy and I are done eating. If she's not eating, I let her down. I used to try to make her sit in her chair until she ate, but it because a nightmare. She would scream and cry until she threw up. I decided that wasn't worth it. I talked to her pedi about it and she agreed. I don't want to give her a negative association with her high chair or eating. It could be that he's ready for a booster seat too. Just a thought. Hang in there! Find a discipline plan that works for you and stick to it. You all need a good night's sleep!

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E.M.

answers from Terre Haute on

Honestly, I'd try taking diary out of his diet and put him on an acidophilus probiotic. You will be amazed at what things are in a diet that could make a child misbehave. Often if a child has an unknown allergy, the body will respond to it like it's an opiate, and cause bad behavior. Not to mention that too much sugar, preservatives, and red dye 40 can do the same thing.

Good luck!

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J.M.

answers from Cleveland on

hi E.,
i feel your pain. my daughter's sleep schedule is almost exactly the same. the long wakeful period is the worst. i could cry sometimes. have you tried immediately rocking him back to sleep, bringing him to bed with you, playing a soothing music cd in his room (this really helped for us). could he be hungry? i'm on the verge of testing my little one for allergies based on other mom's recomendations too. but i also believe that some babies are just programmed differently. crying it out would never work for me and since it doesn't seem to have worked for you i would try an entirley different approach. he may just be craving closeness from you at night and imo there is nothing wrong with giving it to him if that is what he needs right now. hang in there, i've talked to other moms who's babies behaved like ours at night and then magically around 18 mo they just conked out for the night. just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. and as you know they grow so fast!
in regards to his fiestiness well right now is an amazing time in their development. they are experiencing many new things and do not have the verbal ability to communicate all that they understand. my 14 month old is very strong willed too. when it's feeding time do you allow him to feed himself? at that age he should be doing it on his own. my daughter will not touch anything unless she can feed it to herself. also, and i know many would disagree with this, but i even let her eat standing when she is done in her chair and it has worked for us.

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S.M.

answers from Dayton on

Can't answer about the nighttime sleeping--I doubt he has been teething or had an ear infection for this long! A couple thoughts, though...
>Don't ever rock him to sleep, stay in his bed with him until he is asleep, or let him fall asleep in your arms then sneak him into his bed. If all else is ruled out by pediatrician, and you are consistent about putting him back to sleep on his own at night, he should learn to get himself to sleep within a week.
>Can dad take night duty on the weekends so at least you get to sleep the occasional night through, and he understands what you're dealing with?
>If your schedule allows it, I would try to shift that big nap to later in the day, so that he wakes about the time your other kids get home from school.

Tantrums around 2 are normal.
>Try not to ask him yes or no questions, and try to give him the feeling of control by offering him limited choices: "Do you want your high chair by the counter or by the window?" "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?"
>When he does start to lose control, make sure he knows you understand what's making him mad. Say, "I know you don't want to lie down right now, but I have to change your stinky diaper." "I know you want something. Use words to tell me what it is." (Or have him point, then you give him the word to say back to you)

And when it comes time to change a diaper, you might have to lie him on the ground and throw a leg over his torso so he can's squirm away. He'll soon figure out you're not messing around and quit being so squirmy.

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D.G.

answers from Cleveland on

Don't worry! It's just his age!!! I have a twenty month old son and he's been the same way since 14 months! My first suggestions would be to try not to force the eating thing. It just makes them rebel even more! They are in the stage when they want to exhurt their independence and do things for themselves! Try to let him help you as much as possible throughout the day! My son loves being involved no matter what's going on!

My son barely takes an hour nap! Maybe shortening his nap would make him a bit more tired at bed time! You say his nap time is at 10? Maybe try putting hip down later, maybe 12 or 1! I found that the transition period between baby to toddler has a lot to do with timing of sleep! This may sound crazy but my youngest has been on the same schedule as his brother, who is 18m older, pretty much from 7-8months and still is to this day! We put him our little man down for his nap at 1 and to sleep at night around 8. He's up at 2 or 3 as well! He has also never been the best sleeper! I have also found that if my husband goes in when he fusses at night that he goes back down easier! I think it's because he expects more from me because I am a SAHM as well! He has low expectations of what Daddy will give him because he is gone almost all day! He knows daddy's not in there to coddle him! Lol! Hope some of this helps! Good luck and God bless!

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M.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

This sounds familiar, mostly with the little boy I watch who is one. I also have three of my own and oldest is three. My theory is that when the babies are unreasonably cranky they are either tired or hungry. Especially in the evenings. That hour or so before dinner is horrible. Everyone is getting tired and hungry, it is awful. Try giving him a good snack a few hours before dinner. This could give him that extra blood sugar boost to keep him going and keep him from being unreasonable about his highchair. I'm sure not sleeping well at night adds to the evening crankies. Is there anyway he needs another nap during the day? Around 5 or so? Since you have a late bedtime, maybe he could stand another little nap? I read in a book on sleep that babies that don't nap well, don't sleep well at night and vice versa. When our bodies stay up when we're sleepy a hormone is released that gives us that "second wind". This can lead to irratic waking patterns at night. That's the theory anyway, and I'd say that my experience supports this. Good luck.

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M.S.

answers from Bloomington on

move his changing table. put it by a window, or just someplace new.

buy him a diaper changing toy, that he can only play with while he's being changed, and only if he's still.

good luck, i feel your pain!

oh, one more idea, you might check out his ears, if his ears are infected it hurts like *#@&*^@$8 when he lies down. a drop of olive oil in each ear helps them drain.

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S.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

E.,
I definitely agree to check on allergies being the culprit! WIther your doctor or check out the NAET therapy. Their is a nurse who is a NAET practitioner in Fishers. Her name is Karen Marshall.
Blessings of Peace,
S.

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N.S.

answers from Columbus on

I went through the same thing with my son. Two things that I noticed with him: He is a lot calmer when I go outside with him in the afternoon and he can just run around. It takes us about an hour a day but it does wonders for him (and us ultimately). My son didn't start sleeping through until he was about 19 or 20 months old. (And like you, I had tried everything). But I did notice that when he wakes up really angry at night, he is in pain. If I were you, I would take your little guy to the pediatrician. He may have an ear infection. At least that is what my son had a couple of times when he woke up screaming at night.

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L.O.

answers from Lima on

I have the SAME problem with my 20 mo old daughter...does anyone have any advice?

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E.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi E.,

The squirming with diaper changes sounds very much like my daughter's behavior around 14 months. What worked for us was changing her on the floor, with me putting my thigh over her midsection (gently but firmly) so that she could not roll over & run away. We only had to do that for a week or two and then she outgrew the behavior.

As for the sleep issues, my pediatrician recommended a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" and we found it very useful. There is an overview chapter as well as a chapter with recommendations based on your child's age. Might be worth a look at it if you are really at your wit's end.

Good luck!

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