Anger in My 8Yr Old

NO this is not normal, in any way. Lunging out a team mate is not good, and while Susan gave you great advice, I think you should seek some counseling. I grew up with counseling, I LOVED my counseling sessions. I never wanted to hear a word mom or dad had to say and got so angry with them a lot but counseling always helped me see things from another point of view and I just had more respect for them and what they taught me.

I don't know why or when I lost respect for my parents, but I did and still don't really respect my own Mother. I think it's because of how she raised us, long story, but he may have some deep issues going on right now that a counselor could get to the bottom of for you.

Good luck!

If you know your son has been in safe situations and has had nothing traumatic happen to him then it could just be puberty.

Boys start getting emotional and angry around 9. If your boy is maturing a little early that would explain things. He will probably test his boundaries and talk back a bit too.

Of course you can start giving him tools on how to deal with anger and his emotions, but his emotions may be sporadic due to hormones. Poor Kid!

Be understanding, but there should still be consequences to poor behavior.

You will have to weigh whether you think a counselor is necessary by watching to see how severe and disruptive his mood swings are, but do know that boys get very emotional at this time. That's pretty normal.

One of the first things you can do is, ask him why he feels so angry or frustrated. Let him just talk without correcting/judging him... just stream of thought. So he can express himself... then based on what he says, try to as a "team" problem solve it.... or try asking him WHAT would be HIS "solution" to it? Kids that age, will have some ideas.... often times or reasons. He is 8.

Then, how is he about expressing himself? He probably does not know how to "cope" with things.... a kid needs to "learn" coping-skills and how to manage their emotions... even some adults don't know how to do that.

Sure, then there is punishments/time outs/discipline etc. But to me, the one basic thing is to find out what is going on with him... and then figuring out the appropriate "solution" to it. Sometimes, just teaching them coping-skills and how to express themselves, in a palatable way can help. Because ultimately, they have to learn to manage, their emotions.... and difficulties. In life.

Slapping on a punishment, without 'knowing' what is going on with him... won't extinguish the underlying 'problem' or frustration.

all the best,
Susan

Definitely talk to his pediatrician. He may have a condition causing this behavior, so it would be good to get referred to a specialist. Our son has rages & aggression as part of his ADHD and with treatment, they've stopped and he's much happier all around. Don't hesitate to take advantage of medical care for issues like this. Mental health issues are just as critical to treat as physical health.
ETA: I'm not suggesting it's ADHD at all, just that our son had rages & aggression as part of his condition. My main point is that you should see the doctor for mental health issues.

If this is NEW behavior it is unlikely to be ADHD - as someone else suggested. It, however, could be a mood problem which tend to show up as outbursts in kids. Kids don't know what to do with hurt or sad feelings and tend to act them out instead. I would start with a pediatrician to make sure there is nothing medical going on (diabetes, thyroid, low red blood cell count, etc) and then try counseling.

Whenever kids act out of line they need to be removed from the situation and you need to not react or show that it bothers you. At home, if he goes to his room and throws a fit, fine, shut the door and leave him there. If he is in public and begins the behavior like he did, tell him it is TOTALLY unacceptable and leave the establishment - NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON (that includes but not limited to; eating, awards, etc.)

Now I always err on the side of caution. You do need to make sure nothing odd is going on at school, or something chemically is imbalanced. I would talk to his teachers and talk to his doc as well just to be sure. They are very good at establishing deeper issues. I doubt you will need counseling or anything of that nature, sounds like he is just testing you.

Show him what to expect with this behavior and stick to your guns.

Good luck!

My friend practically transformed her 8-yr-old son over three months w/ a "Point System" that rewarded good behavior with points and rewards like TV and computer time, arranged play dates or laser tag with his dad. I'm sorry she's attending to her father's funeral services out of state, or I would get names of the books she used. I'll try to repost them next week. The phrase she used often was learning 'impulse control,' the ability to appropriately manage very strong emotions. There are clinical extremes to impulse control, do don't be too alarmed if you Google this phrase, I'm sure neither boy is at the far end of the spectrum. So while I don't know the book that has the point system laid out, I know she reads "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman and I know he used the workbooks, "Let's Be Friends: A Workbook to Help Kids . . " and "Learning to Listen, Learning to Care: A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Self-control & Empathy," both by Lawrence E. Shapiro. You could check those out in the meantime.

Update: The book is The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child.

HI R.,

I agree with Jodi. In addition, what is your childs diet. Does it contain a lot of fresh fruits and veggies or processed foods. This can contribute to the toxicity and behavior. There is a great book out the called "The Crazy Makers" its about food and behavior problems. I hope this helps and good luck.
L.

Your son could be going through changes related to rising testosterone levels, which begins for some boys near the age of 9. And as much as we'd prefer not to think about it, mental health issues can arise at any age.

Also, I've also been in group testing situations for chemical sensitivities, and have watched children go from calmly reading or coloring to raging or weeping in a matter of minutes after having tiny amounts of some chemical squirted under their tongues. If you've recently introduced any new cleaning agents, fabric softeners, air fresheners or toiletries to your household, you might remove them for awhile to see if that makes a difference.

So you could be looking at any number of issues here. I would want to have him checked by a pediatrician, with whom you can discuss, with your son, the new moods. Your son might be able to tell a neutral third party something about his triggers.

And I see in an earlier post from you that your son was beginning to have some real frustrations about a year ago, apparently over wanting more of your time and attention. Counseling for your son, or for the two of you, might be worth considering.

But in addition to whatever else you do, please read and try the practical and healing approach taught in the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It will help you deal more effectively with your son's behavior, and the authors have years of experience teaching parents how to help their children identify and communicate their feelings and needs. It will help you coach your son in finding his own solutions, while keeping your own needs and boundaries clear.

I hope you find a way to a more comfortable future for both of you.

Hi R.--
There are lots of thing that could be going on--counseling could help, it could be rising testosterone levels. I am going to give you a different perspective to consider. Whenever I see anyone getting overly angry at little things it's almost always a liver imbalance. In chinese medicine liver is the home of anger. Liver imbalance can be caused by allergies or sensitivities to foods or environmental factors. There are so many toxins in our everyday life--just breathing we're exposed to heavy metals, foods have dyes and preservatives, cleaning products are usually toxic, paints, flooring, you name it. The liver is the organ of the body that removes toxins, and children are more effected than adults. Most people can be helped by some detox. There are easy ways to do it for children. The simplest I can think of is getting him an ionic foot bath. He could also benefit by seeing someone who does Neuro-emotional technique (NET). There are lots of herbs that could help. I could go on and on. If you want to consider this further I am happy to speak with you about things you can try, and I can also recommend some practitioners to you that I take my two children to see. Incidentally, I had a neighbor whose son was acting very much like yours. She took him to see our doctor and it turned out he had some food allergies. They took him off the food, balanced his liver, and he went from an angry, mean little boy to an angel. And that is only one example. Good luck with whatever route you choose to take, and I am happy to help further if my ideas resonate with you.
J.