Son's Hitting Rages

My sister is going through similar fits of rage from her 3 year old. She is so frustrated that she has made an appointment with a behaviorist. This same doctor recommended a book for difficult children. I will find out the title for you and when my sister goes to her appointment I will find out what the behaviorist recommends and maybe it will be something you can use as well.

It is so hard to maintain sanity when all your love is sent back in violent spasms. My significant other was like this as a child, but his mom and dad did not put him on medication - he was not dangerously violent, just broke a lot of things. Somehow they got through it, and he grew up. Now, we know that ADHD comes with "accessories" a lot of the time. One of these is autism, and if he is speaking, there is a degree of autism that is lesser that is called Asberger's Syndrome. The reason I am saying this is that the pushing away of the loved ones is a classic symptom. These children are often very brilliant, and their social just does not work like others. One thing you might try that is inexpensive is magnesium suppliments. You can put it in his foods and see if it does not help with the degree of these spells. The best one is magnesium taurate, and you can get it at the Vitamin Shop as well as on line. It is not really cheap, but it is cheaper than years of Drs and therapy for sure. You do not need a prescription, and it cannot hurt him. Magnesium is a natural ingredient for mental health. It has been shown to be deficient in those with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and other more serious mental illnesses. Some people use up more of this than others, and just need more. Our diets are not as balanced as they used to be, and we just need more of some things. I found out about this after my daughter developed depression as a result of her diabetes. It took 3 years, but diabetes depletes magnesium from the system. She takes magnesium glycinate, and it does better for diabetics. It will even prevent type II diabetes (usually in older people) and heart disease. If you ever do get insurance that covers testing, there are Drs that treat people through diet as well as medicine here in the DFW area. Check out ACAM.org for one near you. My SO had so many important hormones and enzymes out of whack, but now he is doing much better. It has taken us over 5 years of peeling the layers off of his problems and symptoms one at a time to find that his personality disorder and diet were the root cause. So, try the magnesium, but do not just buy anything. Some kinds are actually bad for you, and the stuff in multivitamins usually ends up in pill form in the toilet (not absorbed). Make sure you do not give it with milk or dairy, because that can cause kidney stones. I take mg at night, and have my milk/yogurt in the morning.

All you can do is accept him and love him. His siblings also need to know that it is not about them, and that he is ill. In time, he may learn to fit in better socially and even show appreciation for affection from you all more. It is not anger, it is a failure in his brain to understand the social things we all take for granted. ADHD kids get attention from acting out, so time outs in older kids help - but not too long. Hug therapy (hugging for a certain time even against their will) helps too. Keeping their minds stimulated enough is almost impossible, but computers and video games help in a lot of people.

Keep learning - it will keep you sane for the rest of your family too!

D.

PS My kids and I are also ADHD, but the SO is way farther out there than we are - we are all very successful with life, maybe even more so than if we did not have this personality type!! Keep the Faith!!

http://george-eby-research.com/html/dep.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=highly+functioning+a...

S., you are not alone. As I read the other responses and have my own child diagnosed with ADHD it is a roller coaster. No two children act the same who are diagnosed with ADHD. Keep loving him, hold him even when he fights you. My son hit, spit, slapped, said the meanest most hurtful things without thinking. I knew in my heart this was not him. He is loving, affectionate, loves to give hugs. I was scared and determined to get him healthy. My approach after seeing many doctors was to see an Osteopathic physician. Understanding you don't have insurance there is a book called "No more ADHD: 10 steps to help your child's attention and behavior without drugs" By Mary Ann Block. It's $12.00. You can order it online at www.blockcenter.com. It's a long road to follow the steps however, I am blessed with a soon to be 10 yr old who comes to me and tells me he loves me, thanks me for helping him (& is no longer on meds). A year ago this was the child that would spit on me and hit me, as well as his brother with no remorse. All he would say is I don't know why I do it. I believed him and today we share so much. Best of luck to you. If you need to talk, let me know. We'll coordinate it ASAP!

S. I really feel for you. I have an 8 year old daughter with ADHD on medication (focalin) but do not have this problem you are having. Sounds like the divorce may have a lot to do with it. I would seek family counseling, asap. Best to nip this in the bud before he hurts someone or himself. There are some wonderful counselors at the Pastoral Counseling & Education Center on Lemmon Ave. in Oak Lawn that can allow you to pay on a sliding scale based on your income. If that is too far, I believe there is another similar center in Garland that is also a nonprofit center.

S.,

There is a book that I would recommend called "The Explosive Child." It describes a lot of what you are going through and gives some practical advice. It isn't a cure, but it does help. I have 6 children and my 3rd (oldest of the boys) was like this. I say was very lightly because I still think he has trouble handling his emotions and not sure it won't come out again. We are still working with him. He is a super sweet child, but when he flipped into a rage, he was a completely different kid. My son was diagnosed with a variety of things (ADHD, ODD, GAD, Bipolar, etc.). He was never on any medication until he started raging (around 10). He has been off medication for a good 8 months and is doing much better. He is 13 now. I don't know if it is maturity or what, but I am praising God for each day he manages his moods on his own. Medication was not working for us and brought us through more cycles of ups and downs.

I would be glad to talk with you more if you have more questions.

Hi S.!

I am not sure what all to tell you to do, but if you need a friend to lean on, I would be happy to be there for you. I am in a similar situation. I am going through a divorce. Me and my husband have been separated for about a year. He lives in PA and me and our 2 kids live here. They have seen their father once for a week in the past year. My daughter is 2 and my son is 6 months. My 2-year old has major rages where she will attack her brother or hit me. I know the feeling. You are doing the absolute best that you can. All I know to do is shower them with love and affection. Show them lots of praise when they are good, and discipline them for bad behavior. I know this might sound silly, but I watch that show "The SuperNanny". I get alot of helpful hints from that show. I know that she has dealt with ADHD kids before.

Keep praying to God for help and guidance. Your prayers will be answered with time. I have had a difficult time with this myself, but God has provided for me and my kids more than I could have ever expected. The past five years have been rough on me. I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic, married for nearly 3 of those years. He sheltered me from family and the world. I know that God will take care of your family and answer your prayers. Just have patience.

I am not trying to preach to you, my life has just had some wonderful changes occur over the past year.
I think it is awesome that you are going to school. I was lucky that I finished my BS before having kids, but more power to you.

Let me know if you want to talk.

God Bless,
B. B.
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Dallas metro care behavior in Dallas. This is paid by the county. And is on River Bend street.
Look in the yellow pages, or call the information to find the true address. YOu don't need an appointment. But, you must be there 7:30 in the a.m. You might want to check to see all the information you have to qualify needed to take with you to become eligible of program. They will evaluate your child. And you will also quality extra income for him. The doctor can help you do that. Call Social Security to get benefits such as medicaid for medical care for him. And you will need some tending to because of the family effect it is causing in the family.
Everyone in the family will be effected by his behavior. You will have to do this because you have a long road of ahead. He sounds like he will need long term with them. Stop worrying and crying, and reach out there for help with a mind to stand up to this problem. The sooner you do this you will fill better. Call Mary at Dallas of metro care behavior center. ###-###-#### she will tell you if you are in the right county to get help.
Good luck young woman,
God be with you,
S. A.

You may call me so I can provide you with the resources that could help you.
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I know exactly what you are going through. I would like to speak to you more about his situation because it sound like what my son does. My son is 6 will be 7 in december and he has this problem and once was wrongly diagnosed with ADHD and his doctor could not explain it either. I have found a doctor that has help my son and is the best thing that has happened to my family. My son has been having these problems since he was 2 years old and finally I have found a doctor to help him. I found out that most doctors diagnose children with ADHD because they dont know what is wrong with them. My sons specialist doctor said that kids that have real ADHD do not speak or can not speak. If you would like to discuss this further and I will be happy to discuss this doctor that my son goes to please email me at ____@____.com or you can call me at ###-###-####. I will be happy to speak to you because most parents that have kids that are diagnosed with ADHD or ADD about 50% of the children are mis-diagnosed or dont even have that disorder. I hope you contact me so I can share some very helpful and amazing things you can do to help your child and your family that will help him in school and everyday life.

I would advise couseling (I am currently about to recieve my masters in couseling psychology) for you and your son. Many therapists have sliding scales according to your income so that it may be affordable to all. Also there are some county or non-profit agencies that do work. For example, there is the Child and Family Guidance Center on W. Plano Parkway. Hope this helps!

Hi, S., I can only imagine how you are feeling! I remember the days. It is hard for anyone, much less a single working student mother. You will have to live on your wit and instinct for some time to come. They tried every kind of experimental "cocktail" on my son which I knew was wrong every step of the way. The ADHD medicine could be causing your son to have anger issues. My son was awful on the medicine! It was because it was not treating their chemical imbalance; it is just sedating him. Questions: if your son drank a soda, like a Coke, does he calm down, or does it make him hyper? An ADHD child calms down after drinking a soda for a short time. This was the first indicator to me that he was mis-diagnosed. The smallest amount of caffeine sent him up the wall. Does he behave this way at school? Children who have Asperger cannot control their anger towards anyone. They are not selective of when or where they have meltdowns. My family would love to help you in any way we can. I have 3 children; two girls and a boy. My son is in the middle. He is now the most wonderful 13 year old, but he took a lot of work and determination! And, he realizes now, and remembers it. He understands his disability and is able to control some of the side effects. He was a solid "A" student last year, and loves to help others. Also, I have so many wonderful providers that have helped me along the way. People who help these children because they love them; not for the money. I know them all well enough to know they would work out any kind repayment you could afford. Unfortunately, they are strung out all over the city. My developmental pediatrician is in Lewisville/Flower Mound. My behavorial specialist is in Richardson. My OT/PT is in Coppell. My advice is that you first make sure he is diagnosed correctly. Your school district provides a lot of special education services but they are mostly not covered under OHI "other health impaired" students. Do you have ARD meetings for him? Secondly, I know it sounds harsh and other mothers will disagree with me or think I am a monster, but I intercepted my son at every turn to keep him from hurting my other children even to the point of tackling him to the floor. As he got bigger, I was trained to restrain him from behind. He was strong from the day he was born. People who don't tell you it is survival of the fittest is avoiding the real truth of the situation. I never wanted my life to end up with one child killing another child and losing them both even to an accident. I apologize for being so harsh, and I pray that maybe your life is not so severe. No one ever told me these things, and I always felt no one understood. On another note, it is not the divorce that is causing your problems. Do not worry about that. I am happily married, and can tell you from all the mothers I have talked to that MEN DO NOT HELP THE SITUATION MOST OF THE TIME. They think the boy is just being a boy, or they deny anything is wrong with him. It took my husband this many years to admit he does not know how I did it and wonders how bad it would be if I had not helped him. He knows he would have been an "at-risk" teen if not for his momma. Anyway, keep faith in yourself. My family is there if you would like to meet for an hour or two. My son is a great mentor if your son needs one. We wish you all the best!

I am a single mother with 3 boys and at age 8 I too was where you are now at age 9 I was able to find the answer. Wail researching I found that some children that have been diagnosed with ADHD are being misdiagnosed. In my case my son was not only ADHD but Bipolar. I later found out from a Dr that many kids are going though the same thing. Each case is different but this is something I believe you might want to look into. There is a place in Plano called the ALMA CENTER on Alma and between Springcreek and Parker Rd. Depending on your income this could be free for you. That is where my son goes for couseling as well as medication. As a single parent you should qualify for medicaid and that will pay for all medications if you are on that they take that there. If it is not a misdiagnosis then at least you can get counseling. My son is 11 now and we have our ups and downs but I dont worry about if he may hurt a family member anymore. I hope this helps you.

Acknoledge your son's anger. Give him an approprate outlet to vent his anger. After calms down talk about.. What it was that he got him to the anger point and try and talk about possible solutions you can do next time to minimize the frustration before it turns to anger.

"I understand you are angry with me right now. It is ok to be angry sometimes, but it is not approprate to hit me. This is what you can do instead of hitting when you are angry."

Some examples that are on my venting anger Ok list. (At a calm time you can dissuss with your son what can go on his list.)

Run up and walk down the stairs.
Walk it off
Bounce a ball in garage or outside
Throw ice to the ground and break it. (Ice melts no mess)
Throw socks into a laundry basket
Draw a picture of what my anger looks like. (this works pretty good for later when calm enough to talking about why they got angry.)

When ever possible after a calming down period... Try to sit down with your child and talk about what got them to the angry point. Reassure your child there feelings are important ok to have. And try and talk about Solutions and ways you both can make things better for the future.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

S.,

God Bless you for not giving up. My son went through what I call his dark period. He too had rages and angry behavior and was battling ADD and on meds. He took his anger out on himself, hitting himself, talking about wishing he were dead, telling me he hated me. It broke my heart a little more every day, he wasn't always like that.

We went through trial and error. When he was at is most angry/violent I would pull him on my lap, wrap my arms around him so that his were pinned and while he screamed I whispered to him how much Ilove him and that he is a good person. It worked to calm him down.

After months and months of this we finally went back to his pediatrician and explained everything, he advised us to change the ADHD meds. When we did, it took a while, but the behavior changed. Then we were able to get to the root of the problem.

We couldn't afford counseling, and still can't, but the rages are gone. He stilll has tantrums sometimes, but what 9 year old doesn't?

Good luck, God bless
C.

Go online to focus on the family---have you heard of it? It's a wonderful resource for christian families. Also, go talk to your pastor. Begin praying fervently for your son--ask your sunday school class and your family and friends to pray for him. There is a way to get past this and ultimately it will be God changing his heart. bless you. L.

I'm glad to hear that you have tried prayer. However, sometimes we need help from others to get us throught these tough situations. Would you be willing to try Christian consuling? I attend River of Glory Church in Plano (non-denominational). If you would like to call the church, you could be set up with another believer that can pray with you and even talk with your son and try to find the cause for all of this anger. Call Sheri @ ###-###-####
In the mean time pray and ask God to reveal to you what is causing your son to behave this way. Don't give up. I know it's hard to hear those words, but you just continue to love him and tell him that you are proud of him and show him in special ways what he means to you. I pray God will give you the strength you need to get through the days.
Please call them.

You may look at The Parenting Center for help....http://www.theparentingcenter.org/