8 Yr Old Anger Issue Advice

Updated on February 14, 2011
T.S. asks from Dallas, TX
10 answers

i have a very bright child with anger issues. we had her evaluated for ad/hd by school counselers and they said after knowing her for 4 yrs that is not her issue, she reads all the time, huge 700 page books so she has great focus, but when she gets in a bad mood watch out. no one is safe. she verbally assualts us, tells us what awful parents we are, how she wants to leave our family, asks why we bothered to have children on and on. when in a good mood she is unbelievable kind and funny. at school she is humerous and a friend to the kids that are picked on or not included in the cliques. then a child will pick on her quietly untill she is provoked to screaming at the other kid. the other kids know she has a short fuse and manipulate her until she has an outburst and she is the only one that gets in trouble. we have discussed strategies for avioding getting baded into this and managing anger at great legnths. she just cant control those impulses to lash out.

does anyone else have a child that has this type of behaviour? will she just grow out of it?

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So What Happened?

i cant believe i wrote this in february and things have not changed. I need a parenting coach! any referals ould be appreciated!

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answers from Dallas on

No, she will not grow out of it. But I agree with the other who said seek counseling. She can learn to cope with it. Believe me it is as bad for her as it is for others, she doesn't like being like that. Good luck

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answers from Honolulu on

It could just be:

lack of coping-skills
cannot manage emotions (which that is what a kid is)
Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)
Triggers by sugar ingested (which moodiness can occur even after 3-4 hours of ingesting sugar)
Does not know her emotions... and cannot express that.
lack of problem-solving, and coping-skills.
Does not do well with transitions and is more 'rigid' in her routines.

All of these things, (Except for Hypoglycemia) needs to be taught, to a child. They do not know automatically, how to do these things.

Read about Hypoglycemia and 'anger.' It can, trigger seeming 'anger' in a person or that it mimics other personality disorders.


In any event, maybe Counseling can help.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I know people with ADD and ADHD can "hyperfocus" so the fact that she can focus on reading large books does not rule it out. If it is affecting her life to this degree, as well as the lives of those around her, and she just can't seem to learn to control it, I would be seeking professional help. Your pediatrician might be able to give you a referral to a behavior therapist or whomever would be best qualified to evaluate your daughter and have her get the help she needs. I seriously doubt she will outgrow it, since this has been going on for some time, and what you've described sounds over the top and much more than just a "phase".



answers from Dallas on

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you are having with your daughter. Like a couple of the other moms, I highly recommend counseling and seeking professional help.
I see that you are from the Dallas area so, you might try Children's Medical Center and their Child Psychiatry Outpatient Clinic. They would probably be able to give you a listing of therapists that specifically see children and also a child psychiatrist who could help you "weed through" what may be going on with your daughter.



answers from Cleveland on

has it started all at once or has she always been like this? she could be in puberty and her hormones are all outa wack. it is very very possible as puberty is happening early and early now



answers from Dallas on

I have a different response from most... Sounds more like a lack of respect towards her parents, combined with a little bit of anger management. I can remember getting so angery and making fist and kicking things when I got upset. My parents told me I could get as mad as I wanted, but I couldn't be disrespectful to them or my siblings. They encouraged me to go in the garage and scream at the top of my lungs until I felt better. That worked for me over time, it taught me I could let go of anger in a constructive way. My younger brother had different issues with anger as a teenager. He did learn anger management techinques through counseling. It's good to address it now, but to rule out basic skills of respecte for authority.



answers from Dallas on

I have one son who says similar things to us. "I hate having you for parents" and "Why don't you just send me away?" or "I'm going to leave our family!" and "I hate our family!" He, too, is very joyful and sweet and loving when in a good mood but when he gets pushed too far, he doesn't understand how to just stop yelling. It's like, he doesn't recognize a boundary.

I took our son for evaluation. They said definitely not ADHD but maybe anger issues (we decided to just keep working on it at home). You could get her some counseling. But I'd say, with us, the thing that's helped the most is to 1) stay COMPLETELY calm. When he screams in my face, I get even quieter or completely silent. I don't respond because that's what he wants. He screams to get a response, or to let off steam. And if he's letting off steam then I just put him in his room and tell him not to come out until he's done screaming. He HAS started to tear up his room, to which I put an immediate end to, whatever I have to do (hold him in a tight hug, take him to the backyard, whatever) but I still remain very quiet. Eventually he calms down, and I remind him that I love him and that will never change, but that his words are hurtful and I would (and I never have) EVER say anything like that to him. It's starting to work.... slowly.... I think it just takes time. I think counseling can help anyone with any problem, but it's not always the answer. Sometimes families need to recognize what they're doing to add to the problem - for me it was that when my son got angry I would yell right back at him, and that only made the situation worse. Changing this one thing has helped our relationship a lot.

My son is also 8, by the way.

I think that by her maturing, she will learn how to control her outbursts. She will probably always have a short fuse, but she'll learn what is and is not appropriate ways to express it. That comes with maturity.

Good luck!!!



answers from Pittsburgh on

WE knew a kid much like that...they thought it was ODD then it turned out to be Aspergers.


answers from New York on

sounds like she really needs counseling, maybe you can do family counseling and individual counseling, or counseling for parents how to deal with it. Doesn't sound like something she'll grow out of. Could get much worse at puberty when hormones start raging



answers from Dallas on

I know your frustration. My 7-year-old daugher, who is also very bright, has behavioral issues that looked like ADHD and explosive anger. She's now been fully clincally evaluated and diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. I really just wanted the diagnosis to know what we were dealing with and so I could better understand her issues. (It has given me more sympathy and patients in dealing with her.) We are in therapy but I honestly can't say I can see any difference yet. I am a FIRM believer in foods affecting behavior (and found it really interesting to read what another mom noted below about low blood sugar /hypoglycemia affecting anxiety and anger). But beyond blood sugars, certain foods can trigger outburst and inability to focus, impulse control, anger, etc.

With that said, I would HIGHLY recommend you start with a thorough evaluation for a proper diagnosis. If you need to use your insurance a good place to start would be Cook Children's Behavior Health or Children's Medical Center.

Our next step, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do this too, is some food allergy testing (before you do any therpay and or drugs.) To learn a little more about this go to www.Cyrexlabs.com and also www.Immunolabs.com. You'll need a doctor to order these. (There are other ways to supposedly test for food allergies, but these are TRULY the most cutting edge, through tests out there.) If you want to speak with a doctor, I recommend you call Dr. Rodney Russell of the Natural Healing Center (Southlake) even if it's just for a quick (free) phone consultation. He can tell you more about this. I myself am reactive to several foods and once I eliminated them I saw a HUGE difference in my moods, focus and energy levels. Chances are going to be pretty high that my daughter is also reactive. (Testing her next week.)

The challenge then becomes creating (and controlling) a new diet for her.

I understand and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Keep me posted. I would really like to hear what you find out.

Blessings, S.

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