An 11 Year Old as a Playmate for a 2 Year Old? Anyone Else Think This Is Odd?

If you have a morning schedule she will interrupt tell her not to arrive before noon. If you want you can invite her for lunch a couple of days a week. Tell her what days she can come over. If you are going someplace she might like such as the mall you can invite her.
Just decide how often you can have her over and then stick to it . There will be less arguing and you won't feel so put out by her constant presence.

Sounds like the 11 year old does not have anything to do, so she comes
over and plays with your 3 year old. Why do people jump to the "she could
be molesting her."? If she does not have a great home life, her social skills
obviously are not up to par. I would try to be patient with her and set up
some boundaries i.e., time of day she can come, how long she can stay
and no fighting.

God, why do people immediately go to the molesting? Yes, it's something to look out for, I guess, but that doesn't sound like the situation AT ALL here. Most little girls love littler girls! They like to play dress up, make believe, and they like to have someone to boss around.
I would say when your young neighbor comes over to say (if it's convenient), "Oh hey Jessica. Yes, Sarah would love to play, but we only have about 30 minutes and then she and I have something planned." That way she can still play, but you are not letting them get to the annoying each other part of the play date. Also, as she's leaving say, "See you TOMORROW!" Then she knows not to come back until the next day.
I remember when one of my brothers was born I was about 11 or 12. I dressed that baby, held the baby, crawled with the baby, blabbed at the baby, slept with the baby. He was the greatest TOY EVER! I am sure that is how this little girl is seeing your little girl. Not everything in life is sinister and disgusting.
L.

Honestly, I don't think its all that odd given the situation you've described. She seems like a lonely little girl who has to spend her summer hanging out with grandma. At that age...ANY child is more apealing that grandma. I have a 10.5 year old and also lead Girl Scouts as well as coach volleyball and softball, so I'm around more than my fair share of 10/11/12 year old girls (and have been with them since they were 5/6/7). This is a VERY annoying age for all kids. They're trying to figure out who they are in the world. They're not really little kids anymore, but they're not quite old enough to be "older kids." It's a quite confusing time. Especially for girls with all of the physical and hormonal changes happening (they are happening to her, even if you can't see them yet).

If I were in your situation as described here, I would treat her just like my own child. Now, I can say that because I know from experience how to handle an older child, so you may have a bit of a learning curve ahead of you with this aproach. If she does something you don't aprove of, say so. Explain what she's done wrong, give her the consequence (when appropriate), or a warning that this is the rule and if it is broken than (this) is what will happen next time. If it happens again, follow through with what you said. Really, no different than you would with your 3 year old. Have her help with stuff around the house. Give her a purpose in your family, even if she's not family. If she's there enough that you feel its time to set boundries, its time to treat her like family. She'll appreciate it and you'll start to see a change in her attitude/behavior. Have her help put the dishes away, or fold the laundry. Ask her to keep an eye on your daughter while you put away the groceries. By giving her more responsibilty and a purpose, she will be eager to find other ways to be helpful and pleasing to you. In return for her helpfulness, invite her to go to the park/store/post office with you and your daughter (cleared with grandma of course). She needs a place where she feels like she belongs, and it seems as though she is deciding that your home is it. Turning her away will only do more harm to her in the long run. I could see sending her away and setting strict limits if she was being abusive to your daughter or your home, or stealing, etc. Being annoying can be changed. Give it a try.

I don't think you're being "insensitive". I think it's just that you don't understand her behavior. I don't find it odd that she wants to play with your baby. She may just be a "late bloomer". She sounds similar to me at that age. While other girls were getting into makeup and dressing up I was extremely bookish and still (secretly) playing with dolls and other toys. My family didn't understand why I was so into reading and writing that wasn't for school and labeled me "weird". I had "friends" my own age at school, but the ones in my neighborhood were into making out and seeing who had breasts and pubic hair. So, I felt very lonely. I preferred the company of small children because 1) I just adored babies and 2) kids that small don't peer pressure or judge. Also, I didn't have a mother. She died when I was 6 so I was (somewhat) raised by my grandparents.
As far as maturity goes, the 11 year old doesn't view herself the way you view her. When she is with a small child her interaction with them is almost familial. If they were siblings, you'd probably still be annoyed by the behavior, but I think you'd see it differently and probably wouldn't be as concerned. If you decide to allow her to continue to visit I advise that you nicely tell her what days and times are acceptable for visits, set visiting time limits and calmly/gently explain to her better ways of behaving.

I don't think she means any harm---well, of course, I hope she doesn't. I'm just basing this off how I was at that age and what you've described reminds me of myself at 11. Best wishes. :)

I don't think it's odd that she wants to play with your toddler, I actually remember being in preschool and the older girls in the neighborhood always wanted to play with me because they thought I was cute. They eventually became my babysitters.

I agree, she sounds bored and your house is fun! She probably doesn't know how to play with a toddler so you may need to step in sometimes. When she things get rough, don't be afraid to send her home! Also, don't be afraid to gently turn her away if it doesn't suit your schedule.

I totally remember an older girl who was in sixth grade who sat with me on the bus when I was in first grade. She used to save me a seat and ask me about school. Since I was shy it made me feel good to have an older girl sit with me. It made an impression I will never forget.

You may make that impression on this young girl. I think it's wonderful, if you want to help her, to allow her to come in. I also agree that it may be a wonderful time to have her learn how to help you out and learn some babysitting skills.

I think molestation does happen much more often than we think. I know of several cases from people very close to me. However, if your mommy radar isn't going off in that direction and you are with them the whole time then there's nothing to worry about.

Good luck!

Don't feel bad for setting boundaries. She needs boundaries. Boundaries are an expression of love.

I'm guessing that there is a fair amount of jealosy going on. She wants to play with your daughter. More than that, she wants to *be* your daughter, and have a mom that can set good boundaries.

When you have the energy to welcome her and support her in learning better behavior, do so. She needs it. When you don't have the energy to parent another child, don't feel bad about telling her your house is closed to visitors.

It sounds as though it wouldn't matter if you have a 2 year old or a parakeet or a stuffed animal. That's not what she's after. This girl doesn't have a good home life as you said, and has been assigned to a grandmother with poor social skills. What you have is what she wants and needs: you probably have a clean home, and toys, and food, and a family.

However, it's not up to you to provide for her every need. She does have a house to sleep in and a relative to provide care for her. I had this situation with a neighbor kid too. I just had to remind myself that he was not living on the street, and not being beaten black and blue every night, even though it pained me to think about the lack of care and decent food he got, and how his mother was so lacking in the most basic skills.

What you can do is show her kindness with limits. Either set a timer and tell her when the bell rings playtime is up and she must go home. Tell her on her eye level, with kindness and firmness, that she is not to ask to "borrow" toys or clothes from your home. Teach her in clear words that in order to be a good friend, it's important to treat others' belongings with respect. Tell her if she insists on fighting, that you will stop the play for the day. Demonstrate, by role playing. You pretend to be her: your child is playing with something and you want it. So say in simple language "when you're done with that can I play with it?" "You're having fun. I think I'll get the other doll and our dolls can be friends". She may have never seen this demonstrated! I had to tell the kid in our neighborhood, when he came looking for food "you will sit. You will use a fork. You will not burp and think it's hysterical. You will not take a handful of food, using just your fingers, and walk around the house with it. You may politely help yourself to a serving, on a plate, and you will say thank you and you will bring your dirty plate to the sink when you're done." This stuff had never ever occurred to him before.

Or post the colored sign signal in your window or on your door. A red piece of paper means "do not sit in our driveway or on our doorstep or ask to come over". A green piece of paper means "you may ask to come over and play".

Be firm, kind and use direct language, and don't be afraid to realize you can't fix everything, but you can direct how your household and family will function. You may be the lesson she remembers when she grows up and matures and makes decisions about what kind of friend/person she will become.

I would try and teach her, talk to her about the toy fights like you would any other kids. Tell her if she can't get a long she has to leave and limit the visits to about 30 minutes. But no, my daughter is 11 and loves playing with the daycare kids. She prefers older kids, but we don't always have them and she enjoys the babies too. She loves to play teacher. Give this girl some preschool books and see how she does with them. Tell her if she is going to spend so much time with your daughter, then she needs to teach her nice things and school things. She'll probably love that too.

Poor thing is probably bored out of her mind at her grandmother's.
I think you need to decide on new rules and tell her. Tell her she can only come over in the mornings or late afternoon. Maybe just set an hour limit for each visit. (which is usually the limit for 2-3 year olds anyway on being able to tolerate playmates messing with their stuff.) Or say that if fighting over toys occurs, they get a warning and then the next time it happens the 11 year old goes home. Or after an hour of play, set them down to watch sesame street or barney. If the 11 year old is doesn't like it, she'll leave.
She might not have any rules or boundaries and needs some from somebody.
Good luck!

I can understand a 11 year old girl being interested in babies and toddlers. When I was that age, I remember spending a LOT of time with my aunt's granddaughter who was just a couple of months that summer.

You definitely need to set some boundaries with her. It would help to treat her as a little "grown up" and tell her she is a nice and mature girl and can set a good example for the toddler. Also remind her the 2 year old is too young to understand some things and we need to be patient with her. I would say, treat her as your "helper" and similar to how you would treat an older sister to your 2 year old. This would make her feel responsible and act accordingly. Praise when she acts good and gently but firmly tell her "no fighting" when she does so.

Just be nice and firm when you are setting boundaries too, tell her you would be happy to have her over at this and that time but not at other times. Also, tell her she can play with the toys at your house, but the toys stay there.

Sounds like she needs some guidance and a bit more boundaries set by you.

It's not that unusual for a child who is shy or behind on social skills to like to play with younger kids. But this is a pretty big age difference. I would definitely set some house rules and nicely explain them to her (depending on her home environment maybe no one has before). If sharing toys is a big problem explain to her whatever rules you have to teach your daughter. You could kind of take her aside and say she is a big kid and probably knows these things but you would like her to help be a good example for your daughter who is still learning. It is also fair to set limits with her about how long she can stay or when she come over. Also if there are some behaviors that will end the playtime tell her that too. Setting limits is fine but tell her in advance so she understands.

I worked with abused and neglected kids before I had my kids. If she is from that kind of a home you are giving her a great gift by providing positive adult attention and teaching her the same day to day social skills as you are teaching your own child. Think about how much toddlers and preschoolers are learning every day-- all kinds of social skills and life skills. How much would a child be behind if they missed out on this for some reason? I'm not saying you should go beyond what works out for you daughter and your household. But you may be doing her some real good.

I have to agree with Karen. Setting boundaries and rules are a great expression of love. She probably is allowed to do whatever she wants. She sees the structure of your home and she is drawn to it. I def think saying, "okay its time for DD to take a nap and you need to go home to your grandmas" is appropriate and even offer to walk her home. She will love you for it. Molestation never once crossed my mind. A lot of older kids like to play with younger ones.

I would be a little concerned. A friend of mine just went through this and it ended up her daughter was being molested by this girl. It stinks that people have to worry about these things, but it would make me nervous that this girl is taking such an interest in your child.
If I were you I would most likely tell this girl that you are busy every time you see her and hopefully she will get the hint sooner or later. Good luck!

To Patty K--i went the molestation route because it happens. My very good friend had a neighbor who showed a huge interest in her 4 and 5 year old girls. She thought it was cute and would let the girl over to play. She thought she kept a close enough eye on them, not suspecting she would be molesting them. When the girl turned 12 she would have her babysit. She WAY LATER found out this girl was molesting her girls. Something she would have never suspected from her good friends daughter. Being that this girl is a little different and knowing she hasnt come from the best environment (who knows what she has been through) and showing such a HUGE interest in the daughter, I would wonder. Now that the mom/poster has clarified that she never leaves their side, I would probably say she is not molesting her, but that info was not there when I responded originally. I am hoping it is just boredom from her part, but think there are boundries that need to be set.

Poor girl. I would just limit the amount of time she is allowed over. Maybe invite her over for a certain day and time each week and let her know that she can not show up unnanounced.

It's not something I would have let start up
If you want her over for a short play time - set up hours when this is permissible - maybe an hour at a time twice a week.
As soon as the fighting starts up - the play session is over.
I can not think why she'd want to try to take a 2 yr olds toys or clothes - it's stealing.
That behavior right there would make me think twice about having her in the house again.
It might be a compulsive thing, but I still wouldn't want anyone taking my kids things.
Are there older kids for her to play with?
Her grandmother should be getting her involved at the Y for summer day camp at least a few days of the week.

Sounds like she's lonely. Hanging out with grandma can be wonderful, but only if your grandma is wonderful and engaging. A lot of grandmas don't have the energy or patience. :( Also, if she's immature for her age, she probably has a hard time making friends her age, especially if she's not living there all the time and just for the summer.
If it were me, I would try (out of pity?) to teach her not to fight over toys. My uncle has down syndrome, and I used to volunteer at his "school", but even there, we taught them not to fight over things. That is not your job, but perhaps you could teach her this to help her out and also to make playtime more enjoyable for all 3 of you. If not, you could also say "we're happy to see you, but playtime will be over at __" and then nicely say goodbye to her so you get the break. I agree not to let her out of my sight, but I also think it's probably not a "dangerous" thing.....but prudence is always best when it comes to our childrens' safety. I think you're doing well to stay in the room. All the more reason to keep playdates to a time limit. Another thing: taking my boys to the neighborhood playground, I've noticed that my 19 month old is a magnet for 8-11 year old girls. They want to play with him all the time, will even stop their games and come over to him (which makes my older 4 year old a little jealous). Seems like they view toddlers as interactive baby dolls or something.

When my boys were 2 and a baby, we had a 10 y o neighbor girl come over and play every day during the summer. Parents were working and teenage sister wanted nothing to do with her so she was bored. There were times when I had to tell her "not today" when she would come over, but most days it was fine. I got a permission from her parents to take her to the pool/parks with us. She was very mature for her age though, and helped a lot with the boys(even though I did not ask).
We have 5 Godchildren , we met them at the homeless shelter(where we worked) 7 years ago . They had hard life,bad family situations, different man in and out their lives, homelessness, ect. They are again in the homeless shelter right and the local paper did a story about their hard life.
Calls started coming to the paper and people wanting to give them "stuff", but nobody is offering "themselves"(their time, their homes, their kids as friends, their guidance) Those kids are heading the wrong direction , we are 2 hours away and can only take them so often. (which we do) They need more people who will actually "invest" in their lives.It is nice to have "stuff", but it's not what makes a difference.
With your neighbor, (even though she is immature).......it's either you want to make a difference in her life or not. You can set the rules, you can guide.....yes it's work and yes it's a pain sometimes,but it's what you make of it. And so worth it at the end. It can also be a great lesson for your daughter.

No matter what the case may be with that older child, you are not a 'social worker' nor trained to be one... and it is not your 'obligation' to mind another child, all the time... if you do not feel it is appropriate or safe or healthy for your own, child.

Your child comes first.
And your sense of what is appropriate or not.
And what your sense of boundaries are.

AND... the PRIMARY thing here... is your own child, does not seem 'happy' either, with this situation.
As you said, even your child gets fed UP, with this older child.

It seems, both you and your almost-3 year old daughter, is this 11 year olds, "babysitter."
And social worker.
And chaperone.
And, play mate
And... whatever else the girl is expecting from you/your child, as she constantly sits and waits for you at your home.

You also have no privacy, nor any sense of peace.... because you KNOW she will, unannounced, pop-up at your house.
Anytime.

Again, not everyone, can or has to... take in neighbor's kids, especially if they don't feel it is appropriate.
IF your 'Mommy radar' is tweaked... then listen to that.

If it were me: I would, get fed-up too, because it means, having to REVOLVE my entire household and child's schedule or my schedule... around this 11 year old visitor... unannounced. AND having to constantly keep constant supervising over that child while with my own child... because, you cannot trust that older child.
So, if it impedes my life/my child's life that much and CONSTANTLY.... I would simply tell her she cannot visit or must go home... because "we are busy..."

How long, how many hours is this older child at your house??? And your having to CONSTANTLY watch over her while with your child???? I mean, isn't that really confining... and in your own house???

An 8 year age difference.
Is a lot.

I would just tell the girl... "sorry, we are busy" or "you need to go home." or "My daughter is too young, to play with you."

We had a neighbor's kid, that would actually just watch our house, and as soon as we were home, would come running up to our garage even before we got into our front door ourselves, to "play" with my kids.
Okay fine.
In the beginning it may be fun and a novelty for my kids and that kid.
But after awhile, it is, really not fun.
Even my kids, would dread... going out the front door or in plain view of that kid's house, because they did not want to be pounced upon. And sometimes they did not want, visitors or anything either.. nor have to entertain another child.
Sure I spoke to the Mom. But I don't think she realized.
We would tell the child we are busy.
Kids don't hear what they don't want to hear.

I have an 11 year old neighbor who is dying to baby sit my kids. I also loved kids at this age and loved playing with them. Not odd in all cases, but your case does seem odd. If she had a motherly way about her, I'd say its very normal, but that they fight is strange.

I agree with you, she probably thinks it's fun over there. My daughter goes to my cousin's in home daycare. Right now her 8 year old daughter is home for the summer (schools out) and loves to play with my daughter (all the daycare kids play with them too). She thinks my daughter is adorable and bubbly (cousin is there obviously b/c she runs the daycare with a couple kids). If it gets out of hand after only an hour it sounds like maybe you should teach her how to play nicely. I know she isn't your child, but if she doesn't have the best home life then maybe you teaching her good lessons will help her in the future. How do you react when she tries to snatch toys? I don't know why she would want to steal your daughter's clothes lol, they won't fit her. Have you ever read talk so kids will listen? You can go to askdrsears.com, that's free if you don't have the book but it could help you handle it when it happens. It's good you never leave them alone. Mostly because I think she would get bossy and aggressive to your toddler. I don't think she understands how to play nice with younger kids. Setting boundaries will help her in the long run, so if ya have to justify it that way that would be a great way to justify it and feel better for her.. that at least she's getting good lessons at your house. Sounds like maybe her parent/s is probably aggressive at home when they want something, maybe that's where she's getting that snatching thing from.

@Laura, While people do mention molestation, it's better to mention it and check it, then not mention it and see later that it was happening and wished you would have caught it or someone would've mentioned it and caused you to check and catch it. It doesn't happen ALL the time, but it does happen way too often. With Leah, she actually had a friend who it happened to so she was just reaching out and making sure.

aw it sounds to me like she doesn't have anyone her age to play with; My daughter is almost 10 and plays with her toddler sister all day since she is out of school for summer. You described exactly the types of fights my two girls have, my oldest complains her little sister takes her toys etc. I 'm always within ear shot and never leave them alone either not because I don't trust them but because I don't want my oldest to feel like she is baby sitting.
You can welcome her to play for hour and a half and then explain is you daughter's nap time or feeding time. you can also ask her to help you and your daughter pick up the toys in the playroom etc so you can chat with her and see sorta what kind of child she is.
It's wonderful that you allow her to play with your baby, when your own little girl is 11 you will be glad you will look back and be glad you allowed this little girl to have some safe place to go to since her home life is so wrecked.

Is she maybe mentally disabled? Or, alot of 11 year olds love babies and like to play the mother. The toy fighting is what makes me think that maybe she's just a bit slow or something. Geez, don't know what to tell ya, that would be hard. Makes me feel bad for you and the 11 year old ya know. I'm sure you can just let her know in a nice way that it's time for her to go home now and such.( Nap time maybe?) But what to do about the everydayness of it would be difficult. You seem concerned to not hurt this girls feelings as would I if I were in this situation. Hope all goes well and God bless you!

That's a hard one. If my baby had a good time I would let her play but I would make certain times for it and draw some lines. Like you said she probably is lonely. My bf grew up 3 houses down from me and she always wanted to be at our house as her parents were divorced and she was always alone. As far as the weirdness. My neice is 10 yrs old (she looks about 13) and acts like a 5 yr old. Her brother is 2 and my daughter is 4 at that kid tries to do everything the babies do. If they are playing babie dolls she will go take the stroller and start pushing it. Literally! She is very immature and its ridiculous. To me I see a big kid that acts like my 4 yr old! I would say make some rules and stick to it!

Having an 11 year old, I first thought this girl was like my daughter. She loves "taking care" of little ones - babies, 2/3/4 year olds. She loves playing mommy to them. This isn't what you've described. Sounds like the girl is lacking social skills and maybe hasn't been exposed to good parenting? Tough situation, but I'd have to draw the line at the fighting. It's up to you to set the boundries - even if she's sitting in your driveway. Simply say - oh, sorry, now isn't a good time. If you do allow her in, set a time limit and rules. You can stay for an hour (or 2 or whatever) as long as there's no fighting over toys. If there's any kind of fighting, you'll have to go home. I would make sure that they are within your sight or at least earshot and I'd check on them often. Not that I think she'd mollest your daughter necessarily, but she may not understand that you have to be gentle with little ones.

I don't think it's too terribly odd. I have read some of the posts, but not all of them, so sorry if I'm repeating. Many have said the girl is probably just bored as heck at Grandma's or that she is probably doing a bit of mommy play like a living doll. When I was a kid I loved to play with the neighbor kids who I was 8 and 10 years older than. I was raised in a town of 300 so I guess there was slim pickings for playmates. I liked to be the mommy type figure and would read to them etc. Eventually I became their babysitter. However, their family and my family were close, so when I was babysitting at around 12 my mom was right next door if I needed anything. It got where the younger one would only tolerate me to babysit b/c he was such a mommy's boy. I think that it was a very positive experience and I enjoyed being a part of their family so to speak. I think it sounds like the girl does need some boundaries set, but I think she's just reaching out.

I agree that's she's lonely! Imagine your summer consisting of older grandparents who don't exactly get out and frolic around the neighborhood. Is there other older children on your street? Maybe next time you see her, tell her "Hey, have you met the girl a few houses down? Her name is ____, and she's 10", or whatever. Give the girl some other suggestions.

Mom of One, I want to give a hearty hooray to Jamie J's reply. It's kind and sensible all at the same time. This girl needs both attention and limits, and Jamie's reply beautifully talks about how to give one and set the other. I was going to post here about giving the girl some responsibilities but Jamie covered that well, so please, reread her post if you haven't seen it in a a while!

I would only add, be sure to praise this kid when she does things "right" (like helping with a chore, or doing something to take care of the toddler) and choose your battles when she does something less than right.

Of course she shouldn't fight over toys with a child so much younger -- she shouldn't really even be interested in your child's level of toys-- but clearly this girl has maturity problems, and you know that, so plan accordingly to set boundaries with her as others said. But this is indeed a chance to help a child who seems truly to need help. Someone said "you're not a social worker" and not responsible for her. True, but why not make the attempt, as Jamie said, to help her be less annoying and more mature? You could end up with a good "mother's helper" if you give her some attention focused on her age level ("I'd really appreciate some help with this chore--you're old enough to do it but my girl isn't yet!") rather than letting her just play like a two-year-old, with your two-year-old, all the time.

My daughter is ten and loves little kids so No I don't find it odd. However she also plays with kids her own age. However since this child acts as if she is two and steals toys I would guess there is more to the story. Does this chld have a diagnosis of anything?
I would say to her. We are trying to teach our daughter to play well with others so if there is a fight over toys I will need to send you home. If they begin to fight send her home. You can either say - My duaghter must be getting tired you will need to go home now. Or you can be more direct. If you can't play nicely you will need to go home.We will not have anymore fighting over toys. If you can play nicely you will need to leave. ...and stick to your guns make her leave once the fighting starts. she will soon learn if the fights she is asked to leave. if she is nice she gets to stay longer.

Maybe she likes to play with her more like pretending to be mommy, and not as a friend. Like having a living doll. If they play well together i would consider it a good thing, and maybe a little break for you.

If she in in fact starting to act creepy though, go with your gut.

I didn't think anything of it at first. I know some adolescents that are bonkers for babies and love getting the experience of being with them.

It got weird when you mentioned her fighting w/your daughter and taking her toys.

I think I would endure her coming over a few more times and try to learn where she's coming from. She could use some elemental guidance in social skills, so be right there and guide them through situations like sharing and taking turns together, treating them both as if they were learning it for the first time. If she tries to take anything, be stern and remind her that it doesn't belong to her. I would ask why she would want a little girl's toy when she's a big girl now and see what she says.

It seems strange to need to address her as you would a 2yo, but social skills are learned and if she isn't learning them w/grandma, perhaps you can help if you're up to it. She sure won't learn them on her own.

That includes visitor manners. You can let her know that she needs to call your house if she would like to come over and play.

You would be doing a huge disservice to her to not set boundaries. Setting boundaries are the best and most loving thing to do. Especially if she doesn't get this from her family or her grandma. Tell her grandma that she needs to call before she comes over and makes sure it is a good time. Also, tell her this. As for playing, she needs to share and be aware that she is playing with a much younger child----if she can't handle it--then she needs to not play with your daughter. Set the rules up asap or you will be miserable! GL!

M

First off, odd, maybe. Or maybe just lonely. My 8 year olds best friend is a 3 year old. They are the only two kids around all day long, so thy have become best friends.
Set rules. We have other kids around during the school year that are nothing but trouble, and the 4 year old has his list of cuss words and punching episodes we have had to deal with. I have a list of rules for visitors. I let them know the rules right off the bat. If they don't follow the uses they go home for the day. For he four year old, he its a time out, hr I've ok'ed that with his mom and great grandma. He has become so proud of himself for being a good boy and not getting in trouble. It's way cute.
If you have rules, she should understand them and the consequences. ice she does you may see a change in her behavior. just because she's not disciplined at home doesn't mean she doesn't understand cause and affect. Be strict and consistent. If you give in once, she will continue to push.
She may think she is helping you. Maybe here are ways you can have her help you so she has a since of self worth. It could be all the girl needs. My cousins hat are now in high school have alWays chosen to play with the kids many years younger than them. Thy are different but it was life skills thy would not always get as thy have a very hard home life.
Good Luck!

Well, I know that older girls LOVE to play with babies and toddlers. However, having read further down in your story, it seems odd that she would "fight" with your 2 year old over toys. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't put boundaries on this child as you would any other. You do not take my child's toys, you do not fight and if you can play by those rules these are the times you may come over to play and no more than that. Good luck!

I bet she just really loves little kids. I was like that and couldn't wait until I was old enough to babysit.

What about letting her come over in O. hour increments?

It sounds like this 11 year old is bored for the summer and likes the idea that there is another kid next door. Be kind--you & your family could be making a real difference in this girl's life.

p.s. Aren't there any older kids her age nearby?

I find that slightly older girls are attracted to my youngsters - I think part of it is a mothering instinct.

Maybe you could setup some kind of schedule and sort-of "include" her in your family? She is old enough that you should be able to have this kind of conversation with her. Ask her to pick maybe 4 days a week that she would like to visit and set a time limit say 2 hours or whatever your child's limits are when playing with the girl. Then do things that keep them both engaged - tea parties, meal prep (especially if you decide having her join you for a meal one day a week is tolerable), baking cookies, picking berries, tye dying, whatever that activities you can find that are age appropriate for both. Bonus points if you can find something that /she/ can teach your daughter. It might be nice to create a scrapbook of their times together, then she will have something to look at and remember the nice times you showed her. I wouldn't hesitate to ask the grandmother to come over occassionally too as she should know where her charge is (IMO).

A schedule would seem to solve most of the issues you are experiencing. In addition, this will give you something to fall back on if she shows up un expectedly.

Good luck.
~C.

It sounds like she is a lonely little girl and I think you "so what happened" is exactly right on the mark. As an elementary school teacher, I knew alot ofchildren like your neighbor - neglected, emotionally needy and lonely because they did not get the right kind of attention at home.

I also see why it would be annoying to have her all the time.

Set up a standing play date - two days a week for an hour. Thats when she can come over and play. Maybe she can read to your child, or play teacher. Setting the boundaries is DEFINITELY ok - because she needs to learn those as much as she needs attention.

Good luck and thank you for taking the time to care about this child.

I also agree with Jamie J. I do think the situation as it stands is annoying, and can see your point of view. I'd suggest mentally "adopting" her and look at it as a good deed that you are doing. A friend of my family, a woman in her 60s, never had kids, and she "adopted" a neighbor's son, who was a very bright boy with parents who had long hours working at jobs to make ends meet. My family friend has some health issues so she was home alot, and developed a nice 2nd mom type relationship with this boy. He would come to her house and use her computer and so on. She basically became a real role model for him, going to his school events and so on. She loves him and he loves her. She absolutely sets boundaries with him and has rules such as what days he can come and what times and calling first and so forth. She uses it as a teaching opportunity since his parents are not very involved. If you mentally prepare yourself that you are basically doing this good deed so this child has a better life, and you are her mentor, you will no longer feel annoyed, that's what I think.

I think I would let them continue to play, but watch it carefully. When you see your daughter has reached her limit, it's time to speak up for her and say, "I think it is time for me to end playtime for today, my daughter needs a little quiet time. We'll see you again soon!" When the older girl get bossy over a toy, it's time to gently say, "X, you are 11, and you have sought out my much younger daughter to play with. While we enjoy your company, it is not OK to take her toys because you are older and it is easier for you to be in charge of the play. Please help to set a good example and show her how good friends share toys, take turns, use manners, etc." I wouldn't leave them together unattended. If it's still too much, you can always gently say that X is only 3, and you feel she should spend more of her play time with children her own age, or closer to her own age. I'm sorry, she won't be available to play everyday. And get more involved with preschool activities, playgroups, playdates, etc. Coming over daily becomes an easy habit. But she will find other things to do if you are not always available. Maybe you can suggest a few local activities or groups to the Grandma that the older girl would enjoy and have a chance to be with some kids in her own age group.

I don't find it odd that she wants to play with her, I find it odd that she fights with her. All children love children younger than themselves. Especially girls, it is a care taking type thing. I thought it was sweet until you said she is immature and fights with her. I would just start telling her that your daughter has to take a nap, she is eating, she is resting, etc Sometimes let her play but cut the visits short and send her home. I would also tell her when she is there fighting with your daughter that you do not want her to take toys from your daughter, she can play with her but she cannot take her toys. You don't need to tell her grandmother, tell her.

Sounds like the girl has some emotional/developmental issues if she sees your toddler as a peer. I could understand an 11 year old being a mothers helper, but not arguing over toys that she shouldn't be interested in to begin with as if they were playmates. She should be spending time with kids her own age, but either she has no friends or her parent/guardian won't take her to see them. That's sad, she is probably very bored and lonely. It's very sad, but it's also not your problem and can let her (or grandma) know that it's best not to just pop over and not to wait at your doorstep if you are out, that you are a busy mom running a household and caring for a toddler and when you first get home, you have things to do and can't supervise a playdate.

I do find it odd that your neighbor's granddaughter wants to play w/a child so much younger than she is. Is there not any other kids more her age to play with? I would say it's up to you who play's w/your child but it sounds like you just don't feel comfortable letting her come over. If this is true, then you need to tell her she's not young enough to play w/your child & be adament about it. Tell her she's no longer allowed to come over or sit in your driveway or anywhere on your property. If she protests, you might add that she's not only way older but also plays too rough & tries to take things that don't belong to her, etc. so she's not allowed to come over anymore. Hope this helps, good luck.

You sure do have a wide range of responses here. While I understand that molestation can happen, I really don't think that is what is going on here since you are around. Molestation can also happen with kids their own age people!!!!
Sounds to me like she is bored and has no other friends to play with. I have a young child who likes to play with older kids. I will let her once in a while. And I am not going to be afraid of her getting molested...Geesh!!!
I think you should let them play together once in a while. Just not everyday. My girls are almost 9 years apart. They are sisters, so they don't have a choice. I see no harm in it.

She needs to be in day camp at the very least. Although she's not causing harm, you can never be too careful b/c there are plenty of stories about unforeseen harm. Never leave them unattended. I have a cousin who is 9 and she gets really aggravated when my daughter (barely 2) refuses to play with her. She calls her moody and other things because she doesn't understand the toddler temperament. They need to be with their peers anyway and need constant attention, too.

Sounds to me like she's bored, and your almost 3 year old daughter is more fun than her grandmother. I'd bet if there was an 8 year old child on the other side, your daughter wouldn't be so much fun anymore.