Am I Being Petty?

I'd go. But I'd definitely talk to step-dad about what happend, and make him confront everyone abuot the wedding for you. He might even know why it happened. But he's the best mediary (SP?) here. I'd avoid direct confrontation. Just play it cool and sweet, and bring a very nice gift. It'll shame them if their intention is to be rotten.

I suppose what you could do is go and then mention to a few relatives that you really missed seeing them at your wedding. They might have had a good reason (although I can't think of one) for not making it.

You were not just slighted. It seems as if that part of your family talked and made a decision to all ignore your remarriage. You need to find out about that, so you can resolve your feelings about it. What if it didn't have anything to do with you? Maybe they all have something against someone else that was going to be at your wedding. Who knows? After you find out what happened, if you are able to forgive them, then you should go to the shower. If they are people you want to have looser ties with but still stay in contact then you should turn down the invitation, but send a small gift or card. If you want to no longer be involved with this part of your family you should send a note congratulating the parents and leave it at that. You should also let you stepfather know your decision and let him inform his family. If they choose to apologize then you can decide from there if you want to increase your involvement with them.

That is just odd. Do you have any idea why they ignored your wedding? I sure wouldn't try "payback" but if you don't talk to them about it now, the situation will only get worse.

T. - I agree that you should talk to your step-father and see what happened. There must have been something, and knowing is always better than not in my opinion.

Having said that, I would say rise above and do to them what you wanted them to do to you - 2 wrongs don't make a right.

I think family dynamics are SO hard to understand. Maybe if there is one person going to the shower who you trust and are somewhat close to, then you can explain the situation and see if you can go to the shower together. I think that it's also part of many people's experiences that family dynamics and relationships change with time. Regardless of what happened at your wedding, you shouldn't just go to everything in your family for no reason. Decide to be intentional about what is important to you and what's not. It seems like you love kids, so decide that kid related celebrations are a good thing for you, but retirement parties or Father's Day picnics may be something to avoid. I would suggest going to this shower if nothing else just to catch up and see what's been going on. If you get the cold shoulder, then realize that something's up with this family and write back to us all here at Mamasource! We're here for you!
Good luck.

Hi T.,

Without knowing your situation it's hard to say.

Why wouldn't your step-father's family not go? Are they from out of town? Did you call them and ask them why they didn't come?

If it is bothering you, you should really just call them on it. It can't hurt. And this way, you'll know where you stand.

If you don't want to go to the baby shower than don't.
You only truly have to answer to yourself.

I would find out the reason why know one showed, by calling them and just simply saying , I missed you at my wedding, is everything okay?" and go from there.

Best wishes,

J.

I don't think your being petty at all...

You're not being petty. I would not go to the baby shower, and I would not waste any time feeling bad about it, either!

I would be curious, if I were you, as to why no one went to your wedding or even sent a card. Do they have something against 2nd marriages?

My late grandpa had the best advice for a situation like this. I hod this dear to my heart and hope you will too.
He said "You MAY ALWAYS regret not going, but you will NEVER regret going". You wont be able to look back and say I should have been the bigger person.
Yes, There is NO excuse in them not attending your wedding. Hopefully they WILL regret that one day, perhaps when you look back and discuss the funny or tender moments and share the bond with those who did attend. For you NOT to go, you may share those same regrets.
My dad remarried years ago. I was never close to him or his side of the family (I do not think I would be able to pick them out if I were to see them on the streets). I struggled on whether I should attend or not because of the lack of contact and involvment in my life or my siblings. Grandpa gave me that advice. I decided to go. My dads mom called me that very morning and said she was anxious to chat with me. I was actually looking forward to meeting her. When I went to the wedding she said five words to me which were "Say hello to your Grandparents". Meaning my TRUE grandparents. It was the best day of my life. I have no regrets attending and my other beliefs of them were all justified. And I was a grown up!
Go to the shower. Even if it turns out AWFUL, either your thoughts of these immature nincompoops will be justified or there may actually be peace and forgiveness.

Good luck and I would TRULY love to hear what you decide and how it went.

I do not think it would be the right thing to do- to not go to the shower because they didn't come to the wedding. Your motivation for going to the shower or not should be, if you like this person, if your calendar permits, if you want to....

This sounds so much like issues I am dealing with in regards to my father's 3rd family. The specifics are different, but it boils down to him and his new family behaving badly and in a disrespectful manner toward me and my family. I have chosen to ignore their pettiness and behave in a way that I would want them to. I attend everything I am invited to, sometimes even changing my own plans to do so. I am chipper and polite at the functions and do not allow my bad feelings about their treatment of me show. My tongue is bloody when I leave from my biting it constantly!! Anyway, I guess I am saying go and be the bigger person. If there is ever a confrontation about their poor behavior, you'll not have given them any reason to criticize you. BTW, you did not say, but I am assuming these people were invited to your wedding, shower, etc, and ignored that invite... Good luck!

I would say go, just show them that you are the better person. If they have a grudge against you for whatever reason, that is their own issue and they should talk to you about it. Why they didn't come is beside me, but have you ever asked them? Maybe they have a reason for it!

Boy, tough one. I don't think you're being petty. I know you're battle.

I'd probably do something in the middle. Give a smallish gift, but give it to a family member who is going to the shower and they will pass it along for you. That way, you are there in support of the baby, but not there feeling bitter and angry. If they ask why you're not there, you simply had previous plans. (never mind that your plans are to watch paint dry. Tee-hee-hee!)

They should understand the "other plans" excuse since none of them were present at your wedding.

i know what you are going threw! two years ago i was remarried (it was his first). all of his family showed up, only one uncle out of 12 aunts and uncles showed up and only one cousin showed up... out of over 50+ family members invited. they all said they other plans or something came up. i was really hurt by it all.

then we had a baby shower ( i got pregnant on our wedding night actually!) and only 3 showed up for that... to a point i understood because this was my 4th baby.. but it was my husbands first. but i was still really hurt!

(there was no other family get togethers between our wedding and the shower)

for us the next time the intire family got together was for my uncles funeral (i was induced 2 days before my due date, got out of the hospitial with him and drove right to the funeral). he was killed in a motorcycle accident.

so my advice is to go to this! you just never know when it will be the last time you get to see one of your family members or when it will be the last time the family gets together. you don't want to be holding on to some anger or grudge and have something like a death happen then you are dealing with the guilt of not going.