Advice on Leaving 11 Month Old

I think it is great that you have an opportunity to go to China. My advice is that Dad should start taking over the things you do now while you are there so that it won't be such a shock to her when all of sudden you are not there to do it. Since it is only a week, it might throw her off a little, but it won't harm her.

It will be harder on you than it is on her. This will be a great opportunity for your husband to take the lead role in your child's life. They will bond and get closer and while you will be sad to be without her, it will be good for them. You will also get the added effect that your husband will learn how hard it is to do what you do and will appreciate you so much more. He can do bathtime and he can put your child to sleep. You have just never made him, so he hasn't had to do so. That's okay. He will learn and your entire family will be the better for it. Since I've done this, my one piece of advice would be do NOT talk with your child on the phone. It will just upset them and make it harder on your husband. Call and check on her and talk with your husband about how things are going, but don't try to get her on the phone. it will just upset her. Good luck. It is hard, but you can do it. If you are going to stop breastfeeding befor eyou go, I recommend you stop now because that will add to the difficulties.

You won't hurt her but try and let your husband take over those duties some now. That way he and she are adjusted without a major shock to both.

Enjoy your trip,
D.

I left my daughter for 10 days when she was 15 months old. It was hard, but we all survived and I am glad that I went on the trip. I would suggest weaning her at least a month before you go. Let your husband start doing one activity a day for your daughter so she will get familiar with how Daddy does things. Also, where will she go while your husband is at work? Figure that out, and see if you can do some trial runs. FYI, when I went, my daughter had been weaned for 2 months, still wasn't sleeping through the night, and was going to daycare while my husband was at work. My MIL and SIL helped out as needed.

I don't think you will hurt her at all. In fact this may be an ideal time for her to develop a closer bond with your husband. Lots of dads take turns with moms doing all the 'mommie' stuff like bathing and bedtime. have your husband do some of these things with you as a family. (kind of like a training course LOL) You will be able to work it out. Your children are the most important things in your life but that doesnt mean that you need to miss opportunities for yourself that don't need to be missed due to worrying about a week of seperation that they will never remember. remember that a child's memory doesnt fully develop until about age 3 or 4. She may be a little miffed when you come home but she will get over it pretty quickly. This will be an opportunity to have a little break and have a little fun.

I have not had to be separated from my child for that length of time, but I will say that children have a wonderful capability for resiliency and adaptability; I would expect that this will be harder on her than on you. My daughter has two older brothers that are only with us part of the time because of the way custody is shared, and it has only started to affect at all over the past few months, about the time she turned 2. At age 1, she was a lot more along the lines of "Whoever is here can love me." She will undoubtedly miss you, but a week is not going to harm her. I would suggest having a picture of the two of you together in her room and she may want to say good-night to your picture at night, give it kissies, things like that. You can also make a tape of yourself reading her favorite bedtime stories that can be played for her. Also, leave a nightshirt or piece of clothing that she can cuddle when she misses you, something that she would recognize as something belonging to you. If you wear a certain perfume, spritz a little on the clothing. For your own sanity, I would bring a pair of her pajamas with you, bring a tape of her laughing, and several pictures of her with you on your trip. Good luck!
T.

You could call you husband to check up on her while your away. You could also leave special items with your husband to provide with her needs.

No you won't harm her. Give your husband good instructions, but realize he will do things his own way. It will probably be good for their relationship too. I let my little guy at 1 for a week. It was h*** o* me - I cried a little. Talked to him on the phone if I could, but he and Daddy really bonded. Take a deep breath and go for it!!

Yes, I completely understand. Last summer, when my only child was 14 months old I had the opportunity through my church to work as a church camp counselor. It was Sunday to Saturday and I had extreme anxiety about leaving my daughter. My husband is a wonderful husband and father but had only (at that time) assisted me with things like bathtime, teeth brushing, dinner time, etc. I talked to several people about this and finally through their advice I had some important questions to answer. Would he rise to the occasion? Would he take care of her needs and keep her safe? Will she be happy spending time with her dad that she normally doesn't get? The answer to all: Yes, Of course! I realized that the reason he didn't have the bond that she and I had was because he had never been given the opportunity to do all of these things. I decided to go. My husband not only rose tto the occassion but also arranged the temporary week long daycare while he was at work, still went grocery shopping and cooked, kept the house and laundry taken care, etc. When I came home I was of course overjoyed to see my family but was happier to see the bond they had created. She wanted "Dada" more often than before, he was rushing home more often to be with her and they had even developed some little inside games (squeezing his nose and making him sing, fist-bump and high fives, etc.) that she only wanted to play with Dada. Now, we take turns with giving baths and putting her to bed, he is very patient with her when I've lost mine, if I need a break I can say "Go to Daddy for a while" and she willingly goes, etc. I know its a difficult decision but your husband is a parent too and due to breast feeding and you being a stay at home mom he hasn't had a chance to do all of things that you do. This opportunity may surprise you and give him the confidence in parenting that he needs, especially if you plan to have more children. I hope this helps.

My sister-in-law just went through the same thing for a trip to NYC. And, her husband stepped up to the plate, took care of Luke and even got him to go to sleep by himself. Now, they lay him in bed and he just goes to sleep.
You won't harm her. You will only help the relationship she has with her father. When I had my first babies (twins) I took over caring for them because I did it better than my husband, at least in my mind. When we had our third child I was so overwhelmed with the older two who would only let me bath, feed, or put them to sleep that I just turned over the third child to my husband. He feeds her, changes her diaper, puts her to bed and she has a much better relationship with him than the older two. She still loves me and I'm her mother and she'll sometimes cry for me at night and the twins adore their father but it's different for the third.

Hey! I have had a very similar situation. My husband had to go to Germany for a trade show and his boss wanted to pay my way to go along with him. They paid my airfare, hotels, meals, day at the spa... everything. How was i supposed to pass that up, right? I had an 11mo old that i was staying home with. And i was going with my husband so he couldn't stay home with him of course. My mom & dad live next door (thank God) and they watched him the whole week. Things were a little rough... she said he didn't sleep real well, but they made it just fine. There wasn't a moment that went by that i didn't think about him while i was gone. By the last day i was miserable being away and ready to come home... but HE did just fine. He loved spending the time with Nana and Papa and he was SO excited to see us at the airport when they picked us up. It was rough... but it was totally worth it. it was the chance of a lifetime. I had stopped nursing at about 3-4 months... so that wasn't an issue... but if you get that under control before you go SHE will be fine. it will be harder on you than her. :) Hope you go and have a great time. :)

Go and enjoy the experience. Your husband and baby will not only survive, but may bond more. Have your husband take over some of the chores like bathing and putting to sleep now. At least, once in awhile. But, let them do it their way. He may not bathe her like you do or put her to sleep like you do, but that's OK. Let them have their own ways of doing things. It'll be great!

You absolutely will NOT hurt your daughter, but I can't tell you that you won't cry about having to leave her. Think of this as time for Daddy and baby to do some bonding. And your husband will come out of the experience having gained some new skills. Make sure he doesn't let them atrophy after you return! :)

I left my daughter, now 4, when she was 7 months due to an illness and then death in my family. I was still nursing when it happened and just had to quit cold turkey. I had her on formula already for some feedings, so she did just fine. I thought she would be heart broken when I left, but she did not miss a beat. I also left her for 10 days at 17 months, and again, she had no idea I was even gone. I missed her so much both times I ached, but she did fine. Believe me, this will be much harder on you than on her. You will miss her so much, but you need to try and enjoy your trip.

You are absolutely NOT going to harm her by leaving on your trip. Children need to know that sometimes mommy's and daddy's go away, but they come back. I know it's hard, but you are going to have to relinquish some of your "control" with your daughter. Even though her daddy doesn't do everything you do and lets face it won't do things the way YOU think they should be done, he is still her father. And he will take wonderful care of your little one. So let him get some practice time while you're still home so you can show him her routine. But remember to step back and let him do all the work. Maybe seeing him taking care of her will help put your fears to rest. Go and enjoy China!