Advice on Having Another Baby.....

I had my first child at 42.5, with no complications or issues. My daughter is a beautiful, perfect peach. I'm now 43 and thinking of having another. I've had other friends who had their first (very healthy) children at 40, 41, 42 and 46, with perfectly normal pregnancies.

I think like most things in life -- if you believe that in doing something, something bad will happen, you will probably attract that outcome. If you believe everything will work out perfectly, then you will attract that outcome.

L.~
That's GREAT! My cousin was almost 40 when she had her first and now, he's getting married next month! And I know there are many warnings about having a baby after a certain age, but I wouldn't worry at all. My girlfriend was in her early to mid 30's and expecting her second, who has Downs'. She is doing great and is in regular classes (I think she's in 2 grade, now). Both her boys (one older, one younger) are fine and they adore their sister. Actually, my friend told me her daughter is more active than her brothers. She knows she's different, but isn't afraid of anything. I'd love to have another baby, I cherish the 3 I already have, and if my man wants to, we would in a heartbeat!
Good luck!
J.

I say, if you want a baby --- GO FOR IT!!! I am 48 now and had my twin boys at age 46. I have 2 older children from a previous marrage. And don't be afraid of having twins, they're GREAT!!!

if you WANT a baby, and are capable of caring for it, then you are entitled to have it. now i do have a problem with the 60 yr old woman who had ivf to have twins but thats a whole different issue. i do not think you are too old at all to have a baby, but you have to decide if you want a baby in your life now. however that is the same question you would ask 20 and 30 something parents. the only difference between you and them is, they can do it later and you cant so be sure of your decision.

your chances of having a complication with the health of the babies may be higher, but you have to decide how bad you want it. i do not think this decision should be based on the what ifs, base it on if you truly want another baby(im not clear whether you do or not).

as far as your former complications, placental previa is very common but usually moves by the due date as did mine. it is very rare to hemorrage when pre diagnosed. i wouldnt base your decision on that particular complication, but there are many things that can happen, no matter what the age. just be aware, and maybe discuss prior to about what you would do if there was a problem(amnio will indicate anything conclusively, and at your age def get it, the triple screens can show incorrectly but you still get it) with your husband. if you both make all decisions before as a unit, if anything were to happen, you will not have an disagreements and just be there for each other.

again, i dont know how much you want this, but that should be how you decide. i would only suggest you decide asap because of your age. good luck no matter what you choose!

Hi L., I had my first daugher at 34 and now she is 11, she was born with only 30 weeks thru cessarea due to preclamsia and a lot of blood because of the cutting-separation of the placenta, she has been always very healthy, 2.5 years ago at 43, I had my second daughter but now she took the whole 9 months and she is gorgeous, I wasnt afraid, because God helps me always and also, I was very closed-monitored by high risk doctors, so, my obstetra and the fetal doctors worked together along with my pregnancy, the only special indication were 1200 calories diet, and that was because I had gestational diabetes, I was working full time, my cesarea was set for Feb 9,2006, my last day at work was Feb 7, and that night I give birth a healthy baby girl, never thruout my pregnancy I was told my baby will be with sindrome down or sick, so, dont be afraid, you are still young and you can do it well, Trust on God. Best regards, N..

Hi L.

I have four children, all born after I was 35. My last two were at age 40 and 42.5 and I had few if any complications. They are now 13, 11, 8 and 6.

The only tests I did during the pregnancies was the ultrasound, which showed normal development. My OB/GYN felt that Down Syndrome was not likely in my case since it does not appear in my family history, so I turned down any other testing. All four of my children are healthy and the only complication I have is having less energy than I might have had if I'd been 10 years younger.

If you think of it this way, it might help your decision making: will I regret not having another child? I would do this all over again -- and I had four c-sections as well. The last one, the incision took longer to heal and I'm not sure why. My youngest daughter was 3 weeks premature, but weighed in at 8 lbs. and was 22 inches long so that might be why (I'm 5'4" and my husband is 6'3" - he was 24" long and 10 lbs. at birth. Glad I didn't carry the last one that far!)

Good luck! 40 -- at least in my family -- isn't too old to have a baby! One of my grandmothers had her last at 40 and an aunt had her last at 42, so older moms are not unknown to us.

R.

Hi L.-

I had my first son at 39, the only problem I encountered was an emergency c-section. His heart rate was dropping, it was a long labor and I never fully dilated. The only test we had was the level two sonogram in my second trimester. It all looked fine so we did not do any further testing.

Then surprise, I had my second son two months short of 43. He is now three months old and beautiful. With him we did decide to have the CVS in my first trimester. It came back fine so again we did not have any further testing. I will tell you the CVS was horrible for me as I am scared to death of needles, and it was pretty uncomfortable. I am just being honest! I took it very easy for 48 hours after the CVS and had no pain, spotting or complications. I did feel very tired with this pregnancy compared to my first.

The only issue we have had is my oldest (age 4) was diagnosed with mild Asperger's. He has been in early intervention since he was 2, and attends a regular preschool with weekly speech and occupational therapy.

I wouldn't change a minute of it for the world.
We feel very blessed.

If you want to talk at all please send me an email. T.

Dear L.,
You are not too old.

I got pregnant with my daughter at 40 and had her at 41 (first and only child..so far). I had a healthy pregnancy with no complications except for some pretty severe morning sickness in the first trimester. My daughter is perfectly healthy.
I have been trying to pregnant again for the past 13 months (now 44). The doctors seem to think age is the only factor in our inability to conceive. I have very high FSH which is the indicator. I suggest that if you decide that you want another child, do not delay. Even though there is a higher risk of having a child with a birth defect in the general population over 35 and 40, the odds of having a healthy baby are still in your favor.

I have been learning a lot about Chinese Medicine (healthy diet, yoga, meditation and acupuncture) which many think is helpful for conceiving at an older age. Fingers crossed that it will help.

All the best to you and whatever your future holds,
B.

I am 43. My first (and most likely only) baby is 13 months. He is a very happy, bright, outgoing little boy. I had a wonderful pregnancy. I wish I could have had children sooner, but it didn't work out that way for me. I wish I could have more children, but I feel blessed with what I have. Lots of "older" women have babies. Most of my friends have had children later in life (after 35). The kids are all fine. It's not to say that bad things can't happen, but statistically you are more likely to have a healthy, "normal" baby and pregnancy.

Those maternity clothes were probably out of style anyway!

I don't think you have anything to worry about, there are many women who are having babies in their 40's and have not had any problems. But, if you are concerned then maybe you should keep in close contact with your doctors and find out what other options are available to you, what things you should watch out for. try to stay healthy and eat right. Good luck to you and your family.
God Bless

Hello L.,
I was 43 when I had my little Sophia. She is 2 now and I am 45. Although I have 4 step-daughters, she is my only biological daughter.
Since she was my first, nothing could have stopped me from having her! I was determined. I had a couple miscarriages and then I was blessed! I truly feel she is a gift from God.
The age is really irrelevant. The question is whether or not you REALLY want another baby or not. Will it hurt your businesss or your part-time job? Will that matter? Do you want the baby or does your husband?

I had just become a Massage therapist and financially couldn't take the risk of building my business with a newborn, so I went back to work in the video business. I just couldn't work at a spa or for some one else at the time. I work at home, but travel quite a bit (I try to keep the trips down to a one or 2 night stay- usually 1 or 2 nights every 2-3 weeks so it isn't bad). I plan to get back to massage and my own practice when Sophia is older. But for now, my business is on hold. I don't mind. This is a choice I made. My point is Babies can change everything. Are you ready for this?

Either way, god bless you, your husband and your little daughter and whatever your future holds. Remember, age is not the issue. It is how you can handle it!

My mom was 40 when she had me and I alright!! HEHE I had all the samethings that you did and I was 30. I have decided that I just can't go through all that again and another pregnancy. I love my daughter and want to be here for her. I couldn't imagine something happening and I wuould have to choice between me or a baby, or loose my life and not see my 1 year old grow up. For me it was easy. Talk to your OBGYN and take your time. Think about it all and what you want, not your husband. Hope all goes well in what you decide. I don't think that you are to old, just thinking about what you went through. My pregnancy was a tough 9 months, I just can't do it again. It is your decision. Good luck. Alison

Hi L.,
My best advice would be to speak to your doctor about your specific concerns. Placenta previa is not a common condition and I don't believe you are more likely to have it with a subsequent pregnancy than someone who didn't have it with a previous pregnancy - but having a cesarean scar can make placental conditions more likely.
Once you are over 40, your chances of twins, gestational diabetes and Down Syndrome as well as other things, does go up. It doesn't mean that you're guaranteed that this will happen to you, but there's no way to know that it won't. Talk to your doctor about the specific risk percentages, and then only you can know what you are comfortable with. While there are screenings that can let you know if it looks likely that your baby has Down Syndrome and some other conditions, the baby already exists at that time and there is no treatment, you either have a baby with the condition or terminate, and obviously neither is as appealing as having a perfectly healthy baby.
It's been some time since your last baby. Often as we get closer to menopause, babies seem more appealing to us. We start thinking about "just one more." But be sure that it's the whole experience that you want - potentially having a child in their last year of high school when you're 60 and all that.
Good luck in reviewing your options.

I was 28 when I had my first daughter and during the later part of my pregnancy my mom was hospitalized w/pneumonia - I wasn't due until March 5 & on Jan 3 our little girl decided she wanted to stir things up a little - thankfully they stopped the pre-term labor & I was supposed to be on complete bed rest which is a joke when your mom is dying & and I wanted to be at the hospital - my mom died on Jan 15 & along came her namesake on Feb 6. She was 6lbs even and the only problem they had was her having jaundice. We waited almost 6 years for our second daughter & I too had given everything away - my maternity clothes, the crib, you name it - it was gone. But I think that with the second you realize what you really need & realize how much other stuff you had that wasn't a necessity - I did have major complications with my diabetes towards the end and when she was born, but she was only in the NIC unit for a week or so - as we know there are no guarantees in life - who would've known a perfectly healthy 57 year old woman would never hold her firstborn granddaughter. But somehow, someway we make it thru it. We all have our fears and they are all valid, but as far as having a child w/down syndrome or something - isn't it when they do the triple sec test I forget around what month that they would be able to determine that. Even with that though you can't be sure - friends of ours were told that their daughter would definitely be born with down syndrome - apparently the dr's or lab made a mistake b/c she wasn't. You have to go with what's in your heart. My oldest was a few months shy of 6 when we had our youngest and although she was used to being the only one, she's been willing to give up a little of the attention and boy did she enjoy helping out! Good luck with your decision.

L.,

My Mom had my younger brother at 43. My MIL had her youngest at 46. I wouldn't put too much on age. I would put more on the fear of another complicated pregnancy. I had a complicated pregnancy with my twins. Sadly one of my boys didn't make it. I was told that it would be rare for the issue to resurface in further pregnancies. They were right. I just had our baby Jack 3 months ago. I was a wreck for the whole pregnancy, but he's here and healthy.
T.

Hi L., I can understand your fears. One of mine was placenta previa and it did not happen again. Also if you have a 7 year old then 40 is not too old for another. Your daughter would love a little brother or sister. Get started girl! I'm sure your husband won't mind either. About the clothes..get new ones. My best, Grandma Mary (mom of 5)

Hi L.,

I was pregnant at 40 with my second, and she is turning one this month! She's just perfect.

If you want another, go for it!

Good Luck!
J.

First off, do what YOU feel is right for your body. Husband's opinion counts, but you're the one going thru the process. Also, keep in mind every birth is different - I was pregnant with baby #2 at 40 and delivered VBAC (first was c-section b/c she was breech) and lost alot of blood too...but recovered just fine. So if you are feeling healthy and your doc says its OK, then go for it! These days we are fitter than our parents ever were, so the "over 40" stigma is less applicable. Last, these days they have genetic tests for EVERYTHING (more than even when you had your first child) so if there are any problems (likely not) you will know. Good luck!

Hi L.,
I'm 41 and have a 2.5 y/o son. I had two fibriods w/ my son and it was no fun. My husband and I want to have another child badly, but we do not want to chance any complications or special needs. Don't get me wrong, our son has some delays (speech) but if I had a child with DS, I would be devastated. We are seriously praying about adoption, but it is expensive. Sometimes, I look at my son in pre-school and he loves playing with his friends -- then he gets home, and although he loves us, it would be nice for him to have a sibling. Many people have told me to do it but I'm too scared.
I don't know if I was helpful but...

Hi, there. I'm 38 and have a 10 yo girl and a 3 yo boy. My first advice? Thank God for your daughter and mind your lifes. My second advice? The second time around is easier as far as the stress over the baby goes, you are able to enjoy that cute little thing differently, 'cause you know better by now. To smell a baby once again? Priceless!!! Overall advice: who in the world would have the guts to tell you what to do? Being 40 is not the issue. A 23 yo could have more problems than you. There are tests (I went through them 'cause I was over 35 with the second baby), you'll know what to expect and decide what to do. I lost 3 pregnancies before I had my daughter, I had a cerclaj done with her and the second one. I had to stay in bed with the first one for the last 3 mo. but with the second baby I waw all day long on my feet, with my daughter in the park, etc. And everything was fine. I had 2 cessariens. Three weeks earlier both of them because my water broke. So, the fact that you had troubles with the first pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean you will have them the second time around. So, if you really miss a baby and you are ready to deal with the whole package (pregnancy, newborn, slepless nights, worries, etc) you should go for it. If you are too scared, then don't. By the way, what I did teh second time around was to stop any kind of protection and leave the matters in God's hands. I felt released and somehow not responsible for the decision. "If it's meant to happen, it will happen" . I know, i'm a coward....

Bottom line: if you think there is something missing in your life and an empty corner in you which needs to be fulfilled, maybe you should try for another baby. If you are not ready to have your life and schedule and routine turned upside-down, then you shouldn't.

This was some advice, wasn't it? I bet your are even more confused then before you asked the question!

Just STOP IT right now about being too old. We live in such an artificial society where certain "experts" dictate our every action. You are not too old. Down Syndrom and other issues also happen to kids whose mothers are in their teens and twenties. If you want another baby, make sure you have a great doctor who is fun and supportive.You do not want anyone who will stress you out.

I have two kids; the oldest will be 4 in November and the baby is 6 months old. I am 45 yers old. You do the math. These boys are just fine. My cut off is 47. If one more comes so what? I refused to take all the dfferent tests. Whatever came we'll accept. Thank God they are fine. But go ahead and do it, have a lot of love and support and humour. Do not get a doctor who stresses you. In fact tell them at the begining. If they cannot make this a plesant experience while they do their work then you have to find another doctor. Yes, they have to tell you the facts but they do not have to stress you. You will be fine.

Go ahead, buy new stuff and enjoy the gift God has givne to you. If it comes you will have fun. And who said every pregnancy is the same?????? Now that we know what happened, your doctor will take extra care of you.

You will be fine.

Love, Me+

I had my son Alan at age 40. I had a fairly normal pregnancy - I did have a CVS test at 10 weeks due to my age (it was normal, the advantage was knowing the sex very early) and a few extra ultrasounds along the way. I ended up with a c-section - I think they were concerned about Alan's size and my size - he was lying head down but not in the birth canal. I did get to find out about the c-section the day before which helped.

Almost 6 years later we are both healthy and happy! I'm not having another child, but that's due to lifestyle and finances not because of the pregnancy.

L.,
I have an aunt who just had a healthy baby boy at age 42. I know it's harder when you are older, but today, they have much more advancements in medicine. My mom works for a high risk OB office and they see a lot of women having babies older.
If this is something you really want, then I would say to go for it. Check with your Dr first and make sure that it's safe for you. But, you don't get a lot of chances to have another baby and if you can, I would.
I would LOVE to have another baby, but, my husband says NO. I'm hoping one day he will change his mind. GOOD LUCK!!

Hi L.,

I also had a placenta previa, although I had no complications as you had. But, my husband and I wanted to try again right away and my doctor told me he'd like us to wait 1 full year from her birth to try again so the scar could heal well.

The statistics for why a woman develops placenta previa when pregnant is...what's the word, the cause is unclear. I did not fit any of the reasons why you might have one. Fact is that they don't know why some women get it.

What they do seem to know is that once you have one with a pregnancy, you are at higher risk for getting it again. You are also at higher risk for other placenta issues due to the scare tissue (abruption, etc.)

All that said, I still want to have another one. I think that is what it comes down to. If you were had a diagnosed medical condition that put your life in danger, I'd say to think through the life and death consequences. In this case, I think you need to deal with your fear and decide if you really want another child, or you're happy with one.

hi! i am going to be 39 when my third child is born in march. my others are 4 and 2-1/2. i thought i only wanted 2 and then a friend of mine who has 3 said in a conversation "you never regret the ones you have, you regret the ones you don't". 3 months later we were pregnant. something clicked in me when she said that; perhaps it will for you. don't worry about the clothes--that's why they have consignment shops! i had the first trimester screening for this one and my younger one--all within normal limits. good luck with your decision, i know it's not an easy one. sincerely, M.

Hi L.. I have a 6 month old girl, my first, and I'm soon to be 42. I didn't get married until 37, my husband and I tried for over 3 years, and finally got pregnant with IVF. So, I didn't have much choice in when I tried. I will say there are pros and cons.

First off, no one ever gives me looks or anything like that, because it's so much more common these days. You're right, there is a greater risk of downs, although the chances are still low. After the initial screenings, our chances of miscarriage from amnio were greater than chance of downs, so we didn't do it. I really think you just need to be at peace before you get pregnant that there would be a higher chance of downs, and although you can't know until the time, you can have an idea of what tests you'd run with risks involved, if you'd follow through with the pregnancy if you found out early it had downs, and be on the same page as your husband.

I had some complications too, although not as severe as you. I was on bedrest from month 5 and on for premature contractions, and I delivered at 35 weeks.

The good things about having a baby now are, you are more mature and know what you want and don't want, and you've seen more parents do things that you would or wouldn't approve of. Also, your older daughter can help out! And of course, you are usually a little more financially stable, if not savvy.

The bad things are that you will be older when the baby is a teen, but if you're young at heart, I wouldn't worry about it. Plus, he/she will have a big sister to help them out. I'm exhausted, like drowsy exhausted and physically exhausted all the time, and I always thought that was normal, but now I'm guessing it doesn't help that I'm older (plus I work 30 hours a week). Still, I keep up with my daughter, and so does my husband who is 2 years older than me. One big con for me is that I've had an impossible time losing the baby weight, and I think that's MUCH harder when you get older, unless you're well off and can afford someone to watch the baby when you work out.

But, the bottom line, it's a great joy at this age too. If you want to try, I think you should because you may regret not doing it in a few years.

Do remember though, it's much harder to get pregnant as you get older, so it may not be that easy. Good luck and follow your heart.

I had a previa too. Wasn't it just ridiculously scary?? And your daughter turned out perfect, as did my son! This is the same situation, in a way. I'm not the same age as you, but I know how anxiety can really make pregnancy a difficult time. Especially after a major complication, like you had.

Go for it! Get the tests done, so you can feel at ease. But discuss what your choices will be with your husband, BEFORE you take the tests. And enjoy the blessing of having another little angel. :) Tons of 40 year olds have perfect, healthy, amazing babies!

L.,

With the way technology and science has progress over the years, women can do so much more. Listen to your heart. If you're yearning to carry and bear another child, then God Bless you. You have (what sounds like) a stable home, a solid marriage and a little girl who I'm sure would be more than happy to be your 'little mother hen' with you. My mother had my sister at 39 and then at 47 had my brother. Yes, and everything was fine. Of course you have to be very carelful what you eat because it is harder to lose that baby weight afterwards, lol. Good Luck with whatever you choose.

I can't speak to the medical issues you had but I'm a first time mother in my 40's (had my son at 41). I had easy pregnancy, though my blood pressure got high at the end, and easy delivery, and great son! My OBGYN says the hardest thing about pregnancy in your 40's is GETTING pregnant--so if you can, then the rest will probably be ok. It's true there's a higher chance of Down syndrome and other problems, but CVS testing at 11 weeks (which I had) can put your mind at ease. We have tried to have a second, but unfortunately I've had several miscarriages. Looks like we got my last good egg with my son!
Best of luck, M.

Hi L.,

I was forty when I had my second daughter and had the same fears you had. My husband and I made the decision that if something was wrong we would keep the baby. As long as you can make a decision either way, and be okay with that decision you should be fine. Not all forty year olds are created equal. You know forty is the new thirty : ) I'm now forty three and my daughter is three (very healthy,normal, keeps me on my toes), and I have to keep up with her. I make sure I take care of myself, gym, eat healthy, etc. so I can hopefully be around for her a long time. As I was Advanced Maternal Age I was followed very closely during my pregnancy. A lot of the tests I declined as I felt they were not needed. By the way I also have a seven year old who is at such a fun age. We recently moved to this area so am looking for activities for her and my three year old so any suggestions for me would be great. Good luck with your decision.

D.

L.,

Although many women have healthy babies and pregnancies in their 40's, these pregnancies are considered high risk.

I think it would be best for you and your husband to discuss this with your ob/gyn.

I say "go for it!" i had my daughter when i was just about to be 38 and had my son a few months after i turned 40. my ob/gyn never thought i was high risk and i never had any tests done except for ultrasounds. both were perfect. you may need a high risk ob/gyn because of the plecenta previa not because of your age. there's a chance of risk with all pregnancies but if you are healthy then i would try and conceive. that may be the toughest part.

good luck and don't fret over your age.

My advice would be to check out the local ICAN chapter (http://ican-online.org/chapter/search). It stands for the International Cesarean Awareness Network and you can network with all kinds of other mothers and share your birthing stories and fears.

I had my first at 38 no complications
2nd born 14 months later with one episode of light bleeding but normal delivery (she came so fast no time for epidural)

dont think negative it can turn out fine

I wouldn't risk it. You have a daughter who needs you. The chances of something happening to you are very rare, but not impossible. Even with all the technology and knowledge, mothers do still die during childbirth sometimes. That's my opinion on what I would do. You should do whatever feels right for you. If you do decide to go for it, I wouldn't do those tests, accept the baby you are given. People with down's syndrome can live a fulfilling life too and no one should decide that they shouldn't have the chance.

I think from reading your email that you're not sure if you want to have another baby. That is the first and most important question. A baby will change your lifestyle and ability to work...is that something you would welcome? Or not. How would it affect your family structure, my sister has kids spaced apart and she has two different entertainment levels to alway think about...just take some quiet time to yourself and really think about what you want and why. That is the bigger issue. Although it's true after 40 there are more health risks and chances of having twins. Def another factor. Good luck in your decision. If you quiet yourself and be honest with yourself your decision will be made. It should come from you, because it is your life and you will be the one caring for the baby more than anyone else.