Advice on Cat

Laura,

Your husband needs to understand that for right now.. your sanity and stress levels are more important than the animals. Perhaps he would feel differently if it was HIM cleaning up the pee all the time.. Perhaps you can find a nice home for these pets and then suggest it to him once you have found a home for them. It is not going to be easy with the older cat, I'm sure,,, but both of you need to come to some sort of resolution.. I can only imagine how stressed out you are!!! Taking care of a toddler is very draining.. some people just DON'T GET IT... and I understand you are torn about your feelings for these animals... but some thing has got to give and YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT.. You need to be in a good state of mind to care appropriately for your child and family and home.. Wish I had some clear cut answers for you.. but it's a tough situation.. Hope you find some helpful advice here. I can just tell you I feel your pain and I can relate.. I have been in a similar situation.. Our cat had feline diabetes though and became very ill.. we had to put her down but caring for her while she was ill was VERY stressful.. I'll be praying for you. Good Luck.

Obviously if you have tollerated your cat peeing all over your house for 18 years you are a saint. I don't blame you for not wanting another cat to besoil your home.

Your guilt feelings are getting in the way of being realistic. You can NOT have a cat pee all over your house! It is unsanitary for children to be around and it smells terrible!

You need to put yourself & family first here. Decide what is right for you and make the move even if it is to put the older cat down (is the cat happy? if it is peeing all over your house when it is angry then it is angry all the time). Try to find a suitable placement for the stray. Sometimes stray cats do not make appropriate pets as they can not be domesticated and it sounds like this one has issues. Possibly taking the lead from the other cat who has peed everywhere...

Pets are supposed to enhance the lives of its owners, that why we have them, not make then miserable. You have every right to eliminate them from your life if it is impacting you negatively. Just be sure you do the right thing by the animal. This will surely help ease your guilt.

Hi Laura,

I can see how you'd be feeling overwhelmed right now! But I would urge you to give your new cat time to get past the health issue. If she continues peeing after your vet gives her a clean bill of health, then you could always make the decision as to whether or not to keep her. In the meanwhile keep some kind of protective covers over beds and livingroom furniture. I remember when my son was a toddler and my multiple pets were driving me crazy! It will pass--really.
P.

you can take your cat to a friends of cats center. then go home and replace your carpeting and bed clothes. You don't want to raise your daughter in a litter box. :)

I can very much relate to the feelings of resentment you have toward your cats. The fact is, your daughter comes first, and demands a lot of your attention (as all kids do). For me, it was so draining to give all my love and attention to the kids, and to my husband, that I had no more left to give to my kitties. I've had issues with the cats vomitting, peeing, and pooping all over the house. I've taken them to the vets and gotten their illnesses diagnosed and I'm treating them, and I've confined them to the first floor of our home only (where we have no carpets, beds, etc). Perhaps you have the option to confine your cats to an area of the house where their peeing won't be too difficult to deal with for now until you can figure out the right long term solution. As for convincing your husband, have you tried to explain to him how draining it is for you to have to care for your child, and to be constantly cleaning up after the cats? is he helping with the cat care? If not, ask him to help with the cat care so that he can understand how difficult it is. The bottom line is that you are obviously a pet lover for putting up with your older cat's issues for 18 years. You have to make the choices that you can live with, and not feel bad about it. And no matter what you decide for your cats, you should feel good about how kind you have been to care for a sick cat for 18 years and take in a stray cat. If you have a good vet (especially one who is a mom...I have one if you need a recommendation), then I would talk to her about this and have her help you make the right decision. I wish you luck!

Dear, dear Laura -

Your feelings are absolutely justified! I completely understand. I ended up with four cats...it's a really long story as to how I got them, but nevertheless, here we are.

We have had "peeing" problems since about the fourth month we adopted our 7-8 year old kitties from a shelter. We weren't sure which one had the issue...if there was one. We treated one for a bladder infection. The problem cleared for a while.
But started again.

I had many of the same thoughts as you. I cried every time I even smelled urine anywhere where it shouldn't be. I threw out (and later retrieved) a whole basket of clean laundry that got used as a litter box. I bought UrineBeGone spray. It worked for a while...maybe it was psychological. It's worth a try.

Like you, I didn't want to give up my cats, even though they "pissed" me off. I decided to make some changes and deal with some realities about changing cat litter every day, leaving doors permanently closed throughout the house, keeping significant items off the floor etc. I also got a spray called Feliway which I actually believe works. It sends a message to the cat that the area sprayed is a "happy place" and they don't pee there. It's pricey, but worth my peace of mind.

We still have all four cats. I don't know whether the situation has actually gotten any better (although there are no more laundry peeing incidents)or whether I have just adjusted to the changes I had to make in order to live with our feline friends.

Good luck. Try the Feliway spray. You can find it on-line or at some pet stores. And if you can't work it out with the cats, don't feel guilty. Do your best to find them decent homes and let it go. Your sanity is so worth it. I would, however, suggest that your husband be on board with whatever you decide. It's hard enough to deal with toddlers and cats...husbands are a whole other animal!

What becomes priority now is your child, not your pets. You shouldn't be mad at yourself for wanting to get rid of them. It's your child's health that at risk. I think I would get rid of them too or at least keep them away from the living space. If you have a garage or a basement, it would be a great place to keep them. There's also plenty of ways that you can train your older cat not to do that. If you google "poor cat behavior" or "cat training" you can get some answers and be rid of at least one of the problems. And the younger one, talk to your vet to see what they can help you with.

Use what is called Feliway- pheromone spray. YOu can get in at the vet a bit pricey ($30) but it works. This might even help you with your older cat!!! He might be just marking his teritory.

I have the bottle in front of me it says..."Uses: To stop or prevent urinary marking bya cat." It helps a cat feel comfortable. It helped our cat when he was having issues. Also cats don't like citris smells. My vet also recommeding spraying the furniture with a citris lysol or fabreez type product to keep him from being on the furniture at all.

Let me know how it turns out!
M.

I agree, could definitely be a UTI. But wanted to add - don't feel bad about wanting to get rid of your cat(s). I love animals and feel the same about our cat. After a long day with the kids the last thing I feel like doing is caring for someone else. I thought pets were supposed to make you feel less stressed, not frustrated! :-) It's just that our priorities have changed, I'm hoping in a few years we'll appreciate the kitties more and give them the attention they so deserve. Don't feel bad if you think giving your cats to a better home is the right thing for you. Do what you need to do to keep sane!
Good luck!
B.

I can SO relate. We had a menagerie before we had our daughter (now 6). Now we have only 1 dog and that feels like too much. Try not to beat yourself up for feeling as you do. It sounds like you've simply got more on your plate than you can possibly eat-

And congratulate yourself because you have your priorities straight. Your focus must be your child and you know it. When you're distracted and stressed by the cats peeing in your house (which stinks, for starters...!) you can't be at your best for your smarty pants toddler.

We ended up giving one of our dogs to my mother-in-law when my daughter was two because she (dog) kept trying to kill our other dog (Both dogs were great with our toddler- It was she they were fighting over). She had been fine with 2 previous dogs. It was not easy- My husband was only convinced after I threatened to boot him and both dogs! The compromise was finding a home for the instigator.

So, you are not the first person this has ever happened to (and believe me I still feel badly, even though I know the dog went where she is loved and we can get updates) but you must do what is right for your child (and your sanity) first. If that means finding other homes for the kitties, so you will be a calmer, more effective mommy, then that is what you have to do!

If you do decide to find other homes for the cats, just be perfectly honest about their problems, it will prevent a lot of guilt later on.

Best of Luck!

Personally I wouldn't have the patience to deal with one day of my cat peeing on my child's bed, let alone 18 years all over the house! You need a medal of honor just for that alone!

I'm sure your top priority is your daughter and her well being. If the cat is peeing on her bed, I would do one of two things 1.) put the cat in an area where you can tolerate the peeing (such as the basement) or 2.) The cat would need to find a new home.

Please don't feel guilty! You sound like such a caring person, and I don't think a whole lot of folks would tolerate what you have.

Good luck to you!

Lara,

I love animals too but they are like additional children to care for. Sick animals or one with bad habits can be particularly trying. I had to put my cat down 2 years ago be cause he was sick with cancer. It was heartbreaking but we really had no choice. I miss having an animal in the house but know how much work it can be. My cat NEVER peed in the house until right before he died. I knew something was wrong and we found out he was sick. I am sorry if I sound unreasonable but I absolutely would not tolerate an animal urinating in the house. It is unclean, and will damage your home beyond repair. Fortunately (?) for me the decision was easy because he was so sick and their really was no treating the cancer but if I were you I would not feel guilty for not wanting to have animals with this behavior in your home. Resentment is a tricky emotion....it will trickle over onto your child and husband and other areas of your life. If you are resenting your animals I think the best thing to do is consult your vet and determine what is the best solution for these animals. If that is giving them away or putting them down I am sure your vet will help you do this in the most humane way. The people in your home deserve for you to be the BEST you can be and right now this is causing you stress, resentment and clearly sadness that is preventing you from being at your BEST. Good luck, I understand how painful this is but I wanted to be sure that at least one person told you it was okay to be feeling as you are.

it might be time to take a break from pets. if the pet is peeing on your kids bed...? And after 18 years of a another tinkler? no choice for me. Don't feel guilty . Life comes in stages. A pet may not fit in right now. Do it for you. Someone will adopt a kitten from a local shelter probably overnight.

Hi laura-
I went through a similar thing. My pets were my babies until I had my kids. My second child is allergic so I had some legitmate reasons for 1. finding a new home for my cat 2. making our dog live in the porch year round. I sometimes feel bad about this, but I rationalize that everyone (furry freinds alike) have to make adjustments when children enter the home. We still love the remaining pet and it is a member of the family, but she lives on the 3 season porch and our home is cleaner and healthier because of this move. Do not judge yourself for wanting to "get rid" of the pets. Our cat is much happier now that she is in a new home where people can actually give her the attention she needs. An 18-year old cat--damn. It's had a good, long life peeing all over the place. It is difficult to make the decisions to euthanize a pet or find it a new home, but everyone has their limits and if you do not have space in your life for the pets, find an arrangement with which you are comfortable and do not beat yourself up for it. Maybe it is not that your heart isn't big enough to keep them, maybe your heart needs to be big enough to say goodbye to them. Or this could be a twisted rationalization. Either way, I am giving you permission to say goodbye to the pets! Good luck!

Before you make any decisions, please get the younger cat tested for urinary tract infection. They associate their litter box with pain so they try other soft places. It can be easily dealt with with a round of anitbiotics and special diet. good luck!

Hi laura,
My husband & I adopted 2 kittens when we got married, spoiled them to pieces, then 2yrs later had our 1st child. The cats were a bit "put out" but tolerated her, then we had our son 17mo later, and they started peeing in the house(everywhere), climbing the walls, taking things & hiding them, I thought I was going to lose my mind so we decided to find them a home(with no children)and luckily we were able to find someone who took them both so they could stay together. I felt sooo guilty, but they are much happier now, and so are we! Goiod luck

My cat(s) have also peed when they're mad about something (on the bathmat and the crib!!). Oh it's so irritating!! My boyfriend is quick to want to get rid of the cat, but somehow I find ways to stop it before it gets that far.
There is something in bath mats that actually attract cats to pee on them. I'd suggest getting rid of the bathmat to stop that. If you get a new one (or I used a towel during this rebellious period), make sure you're in the habit of putting it over the curtain rod or the tub or something. I would also consider keeping the bedroom door closed. It was hard for me to remember, but after a few weeks, the cat wasn't interested in peeing in there anymore. I also made sure the litter box was spotless during this time.
I know this must be really hard and if you feel like getting rid of the cat is your only option right now, that's a decision you have to make. But please know that there are other cats that have had the same problems and gotten through it (in a few weeks):-)

Try using this litter called cat attract. I have 4 cats, oldest is 18 and this stuff really helped with her "out of the box" way of thinking. It's expensive so we started just sprinkling a layer over regular clumping litter, but we did do a few weeks with just the cat attract and it really really helped. If you go to their website you can get a rebate form so that you 1st bag is free. Also clean up all the commen accident areas with a cleaner meant for pet accidents to fully get the scent out.

With the younger cat, when you catch her going to the bathroom somewhere she shouldn't, move her to a litter box ASAP. Also reward her for going in the box with some petting and a cat treat (this will help the older cat too if you do it with her). Never punish the cat by shoving it's face in the feces, it doesn't help and it makes the cat scared of you.

I hope this helps you out!

Laura,
I had a cat with a bladder problem and as soon as his bladder infection cleared up, he stopped urinating in the house. My house was brand new and I was ready to get rid of the cat too. My advice would be to keep the cat confined to a bathroom or the basement until he is healed. Although, because the urine scent is in the house from the older cat, you may have a problem breaking him of it.

I would consult the vet on this matter as well.

Good Luck

I had a young cat (about 3 yo) that was peeing everywhere. Peeing on my 2yo toys had to throw many of them that couldn't be washed away. I was furious! Are the cats fixed?? My cat was not fixed, she was indoor cat and I felt bad taking her for surgery. Well it turns out that she had pyometra they found out when they opened her for surgery to be fixed. They thought she was pregnant because of the size of her uterus. Well we had her fixed in Jan and she has not peed on anything ever since. I would have them checked out. It's more common in older cats and if they are both doing it the smaller cat may be doing it b/c the older cat is. Good luck! Hopefully you can find out what is wrong. :)

If your second cat is starting to show the same peeing problem- it may be an underlying health problem. When cats pee outside of their litter boxes- it's usually because they want to assert their territory- or because of urinary tract issues or crystals in their urine. They will start to associate their litter boxes with negative feelings and pain and stop using it. The food they eat can contribute to the problem. You may also need to change the type of litter and or keep a cleaner litter box. Some cats won't use a box that is already soiled. You might have to scoop it out more than once a day to keep it clean enough. You should have one box for each cat- plus one extra- so 3 boxes total.
I think you need to fix the underlying problem- obviously cat pee in your home is completely unacceptable- no matter how much you love your animals!! It's unsanitary and smelly and you should not have to live with that stress.
Take the cats to the vet and describe the problem. They can check their urine and see if there is some health problem that is causing the accidents. Your vet can also give you some pointers to get your cats using the boxes again.
We dealt with a similar problem and found out that our cats were developing crystals in their urine. We switched food, added extra litter boxes and treated them with medication. Now things are good again.
Good luck,
S.

I had a cat growing up that was this way. My mom opted to put the cat on a mild tranquilizer (an anxiety med in today's terms). The cat was peeing due to anxiety and anger which sounds similiar to your one cat. May be worth a try for the older one because it is hard at 18years. Anyone will take a kitten, but not an older cat.

My heart goes out to you because I had a Yorkshire Terrier who peed whenever he got mad, or sometimes just becuase he wanted to, anywhere he felt like it. He was also nasty! He lived to be 17 years old. You got good advice already, so I will just add, I feel for you PLUS, a product called X-O Neutralizer is good for getting the smell out of things. (you can buy it on QVC.)

Have you thought that maybe the kitten is smelling the urine that the older cat has left around the home. Even if you clean it with disinfectant, cats can smell millionths of a scent. The younger cat may just be confused about where it is appropriate to relieve herself. Check with a vet & good luck!

Hi Laura,

Have you tried spraying the bitter apple spray in areas the cat is peeing? They don't like this smell at all, it might help. This spray kept my cat from scratching the arms of my furniture.
Also, try a different litter, some cats are sensitive to the litter you choose. Go through every brand if you must. Do you have the litter box away from cats food and water bowl? I have had cats all my life, one with an attitude and did pee in the house when ticked off. There really is no way to scold a cat unless you catch them in the act but even bringing it to their attention does not always change the outcome. The cats with attitude are usually the smarter ones as well. Maybe give him/her positive reinforcement for using the litter box, sound ridiculous but if all else fails......
Good luck to you.

Laura,
Although you say you're treating the cat's bladder problem, you didn't say you'd taken it to the vet. If you haven't, please do so immediately. This sounds like a UTI or urinary tract infection and if treated properly with the right medication, it WILL be corrected and the cat will no longer pee anywhere but in a litter box.
A few other suggestions: cats will often pee in inappropriate places if their litter boxes aren't clean. Use a clumping litter and pick the pees and poos everyday; change and clean the litter box at least once a week and put new litter in the box. You also might need 2 litter boxes, one for each cat. In general, cats are clean animals and prefer a clean place to go; some can be very fussy about their litter boxes.
Your 18 yr. old kitty might have the same type of UTI as the newer cat, so take her to the vet for a check up and medication as well. BTW: I've had cats that lived to be 24 years old.