Adult Son and Toddler Grandson Living Back Home Again

Updated on July 25, 2012
C.C. asks from Philadelphia, PA
17 answers

My son and grandson moved back home with my husband and I and well we have been fighting alot .I know my son loves his little and is a good dad .He has recently met a girl and tonight came home with her.I am no prude but I find it way out of line for him to think its ok if she spends the night here at our house .My grandson is 3 and I find it hard to believe that my son would think its ok for him to do this .Am I wrong has society changed so much.

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So What Happened?

He does get every Weds nite and saturday nite till sunday nite off to stay at her house that is what is so annoying either I keep the baby or he goes to his mom 's house.

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answers from Redding on

I wouldnt let my son bring a girl home to spend the night at my house either, not in this particular situation.
If the girl was worth a darn, she would be too embarrassed to stay--- so I'm guessing she is just for folly and he doesnt have much respect for her.
I'd say NO to her staying and a lot of that would stem from the fact that you plain dont know her that well and she could end up being a thief on top of being a tad on the slutty side.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I would hope the girl would be embarrassed to find him living with his parents. It's kinda trashy on both of their parts to put sex ahead of a child. My grandchild would not need to see his dad coming home with different women every week.

No, you are not wrong. You are not a prude. If my adult son was to move back home, I would have rules, rent and chores. My house. My rules. If he didn't like it, he is more than welcome to move out.

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from Los Angeles on

I'm with you. And you know what? Your house, your rules.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

You are right, your son is wrong. It's your home, not "The No Tell Motel" and also his child and your grandchild are under the same roof.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

Here's the thing. ....... I may not have the same opinion as you on the general idea of "sleepovers" if you are not married, (in GENERAL) BUT, and this is a BIG but........... he is LIVING IN YOUR HOUSE!!! First, he is a FATHER. Second, he is assumably, living there so he can get on his feet and be able to afford his own house, so the last thing he needs is ANOTHER child from sleeping with a woman since he really can't afford to house the one he has now. (sorry, but he is living with his parents) Third, although I may not feel quite the same as you about the "sleepover" thing, his 3 yr old son in there, and VERY impressionable, and really he shouldn't be bringing ANY woman around him to meet him until he KNOWS they are a keeper. His dating should be kept to just that, DATING, until he knows it is much more and really stable. Why allow his child the chance of getting attached to someone who may be out of his life as fast as they came in. Never mind the questions of why is she sleeping in Daddys bed? I say it's YOUR house, so it's your rules! You need to set them straight, and simply let him know what you will allow. If he doesn't like the rules, he is free to find his own place. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Your house, your rules. That needs to be communicated to him. Is there a plan for him to move out? If not, there needs to be one. He is a grown man with a child. Time for him to be his big boy pants on. Sorry for the pun!! =)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I don't care if your son is an adult, etc. - grown or not he's in your home. I honestly would feel pretty weird having someone shack up in my parents home. Your house - your rules. If he's an adult he should know to respect it. Best of luck!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Absolutely agreed. I'm seeing a guy - have been for over a year - and we don't usually sleep over when we have our kids. Not even with the kids there under the premise that it's a sleepover for the kids. Unless there are unusual circumstances. (We all hunkered down at his home last year during a bad hurricane, for instance.) Anybody with any concern over their children's well-being should choose to be more cautious. Give him the night off and tell him to go get a room.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Indianapolis on

Even though society has changed it is still your house and your rules. I can't understand how the girl felt comfortable staying knowing he's living with his parents. Ummm. You should sit him down and tell him that you don't agree with him having sleep overs. If he wants to stay at her place than that's fine but it's not fine at your house. Good luck!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dothan on

NOPE!!!! YOUR rules, YOUR home!!! BUT you MUST TELL him, what the rules are!!! Don't simply, 'assume' he knows what you expect of him...

I don't give two flips about what, 'society' thinks is right or wrong. When your adult child comes home with their child then there is a reason life isn't working for them right now, not to mention back to sentence #1, it's STILL YOUR house, not his.

As to the fighting I don't know, cuz' you didn't say WHO is fighting but until & unless you ALL sit down & set the rules the fighting is simply going to intensify. The fights will more than likely will continue until he moves back into his own place to some degree but the escalation should decrease when he KNOWS what you expect of him.

Good Luck, Granni cuz' talking from experience you may need some good luck! :)

I just read your second post...WHY does he have WED, SAT, SUN, 'off'???? This isn't his part time job! This is parenthood & you are the Granni NOT the babysitter!!!! If you don't do something & soon you WILL be raising this child & though that isn't a horrible thing I CAN tell you this it is NOT the way it's supposed to be!!! THIS I KNOW, as I am & have been since 2000 raising 3 of 11 grans!

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answers from Los Angeles on

Society has changed a lot. Its a shame.

However, you should stand up for the morals you believe in and your son should find someplace else to shack up with his plaything.

Your son is not thinking with his brain when he brings his toy home with your grandchild there. He should find a motel for his trysts. Hopefully he won't get or give an STD. He is definately teaching your grandchild the wrong morality.

Good luck to you and yours.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

You need to sit down with him and set up some basic ground rules....

Has he set a timeframe for moving out?

Such as.... He needs to be the one at home taking care of his son... he shouldn't be gone 2 nights a week unless he takes his son with him (except for rare occasions.... there will be exceptions).

He needs to be the one responsible for taking care of his son... if he is home, he should be interacting with his son, not just zoning out in front of the TV, computer, game system, etc...... just as if he were in his own apartment. You aren't a live-in babysitter.

No cohabitating under your roof... your house, your rules!

I am assuming he is doing his own laundry, as well as his son's laundry?

Is he helping with household chores like dishes, cleaning up, lawn care, etc?

Is he helping out financially, like with groceries, or paying you rent?

Ground rules like this need to be set ahead of time....

Good luck......

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

Yes, society has changed, but it does not mean that you have to change with it. Too many will say, well, that's the way it is today, and then just go along with it like they have no choice. You have a choice in your own home. If he is not understanding your house rules... you know, the house that you own and pay taxes on and are flipping the bill for this grown man and his son, then you all need to sit down and tell him your house rules and apologize for not filling him earlier since his brain is still sitting in teenage boy stage. Tell him what is expected of him concerning chores to help around the house, when you expect lights out in the main part of the house, when you will lock the door at night, how much he will pitch in financially, and most importantly how long he's allowed to stay at your home. You cannot leave it vague or you will have him living with your for years and slowly you'll be the one raising your grandson and he'll be expecting to have all the rules in YOUR house. If he cannot follow your expectations in YOUR house then give him 30 days to leave. If he cannot take his son with him for financial reasons then have him sign guardianship over to you or he will come and go with that kid at his leasure. If it is not ok for him to have sleep over guests you have every right in the world to tell him no way and ask his friend to leave, even if it's 2am. Doesn't matter why you do not approve of this. The point is, this is YOUR home and you have the right to set up the rules you see fit. When he gets his own house he can set up his rules and expect people to abide by them. Until then, you are being KIND by allowing him and his child (his responsibility) to live in your home and while there he will do specific list of chores daily, he will be resposible for his own child and follow any other rules you set up. You will not be a free and permanant babysitter either, playing on gramma guilt! If he doesn't like it, he can leave. AND you expect him not to complain and gripe about it since he is not a teenage kid anymore. He's an adult. He needs to act like one, show respect to people giving him a hand out or leave. Once he turned 18 you are no longer responsibe for him. If he wants the charity, suck up the rules or leave. Tell him a big THANK YOU for listening and walk away.

**And him going to the girl's house to staty? Sorry. He has a child, period. If sex is THAT important to him then maybe the mom needs to take him full time or either set of grandparents. Maybe he should take those extra days off and work part time so he can get his own place faster!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
(ages 25, 17, 7, 7 and 7)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

You are not wrong. It's your house and he should be asking if he wants to have an overnight guest. I also don't think it's right given that his son is there, but that's up to him. What is up to you is who is spending the night in your home.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I realize your son is an adult and a parent, but he has a lot to learn about what that little boy needs and does NOT need in his life right now!

No WAY would I allow that in my house in front of my grandchild.

He has WAYcmore "free" time to sow his oats than most parents I know!

Time to lay down the law & house rules.
If he doesn't like it he can leave & get a place of his own.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I think I'm going to make myself unpopular by going against the consensus here, but ....

... I think it depends on the girl. Is she stepmom material? Is she really involved and invested in playing with your grandson? Has she made a point of meeting you and making a good impression? In other words, is this a serious relationship? If so, I think you need to let your son be an adult and have an adult relationship.

If NOT, if this is more of a one-night hookup thing -- say, some girl he met at a bar -- I think you're within your rights to tell your son, "Of course you can do what you want on your own time, but since we have a toddler living here, it can't happen in my house."

But just because your adult son is living with you, I don't think he necessarily has to forfeit his status as an adult. It depends....

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sharon on

No way! I would feel the same way if an adult child of mine did that. First, he is staying with you, in your home. How rude to invite a guest (of any gender) with out asking you. Second, it is completely inappropriate for him to expose his son to such behavior and he needs to realize it will have repercussions down the line! I don't feel it would be appropriate to introduce a child to a parents 'friend' until the relationship has become serious, and spending the! Children learn more from what we do than what we say. I hope your son will realize that.

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