Adjusting the Routine for New Baby?

My kids are 21 months apart.

Start collecting "projects" that your toddler can do while you are nursing or feeding the baby. I bought tons of art supplies. I ignored the mess she made, and just let her go at it. I have a friend that has a "special" toy box that her toddler can only play with when the baby is sleeping.

The hardest part for me was keeping the toddler entertained while I was trying to get the baby to sleep. So seriously start collecting projects or new small toys to give her for those times when she wants you but you are busy.

In terms of chores, I worked out a schedule that goes something like this: kids play by themselves (yes, including the baby) for 20 minutes first thing while I work on computer/pay bills. We have breakfast. When baby goes down for nap, I do 45 minutes of housework. I then spend till baby wakes playing alone with toddler. After lunch, same thing, 30-45 minutes housework, play alone with toddler. I hope your toddler still naps, mine doesn't it, not fun! But I have a semi-fly lady approach, on different days, I clean different things. The house is mostly clean (just don't look in my 'dumping zone' of a utility room, and it is presentable on very short notice. Just keep at it, doing a little a day, or whenever you have a chance, and things will get done.

If you can get someone to help you for a few hours once a week, that would be a great help. I don't know what I'd do without my hubby around on the weekends --I do some serious household work then!

One other thing, I do laundry every other day. I get it going first thing and am usually done before our real day starts. It helps a lot to just keep on top of it. You'd think it takes more energy, but it actually is easier if you stay on top of it.

for 2) Maybe it's time to enroll your daughter in a tumbling class or something else that will burn energy and make her feel special and grown up. It will burn energy and give her something to be proud of because she'll get a kind of attention from you that the baby doesn't get.

I completely understand how you feel. Im scheduled for a C-section 1/6/11. At times I find myself going in to semi panic mode about how am I going to keep everything in our normal routine.

As far as dishes how about going to paper plates and plastic utencils for awhile, use the dishwasher for pots and pans. The laundry will probably pile up if you do not have one at home. I would just make sure to have all loads done about a week or so before est due date. (Thats easy for me to say because my birth is scheduled). This week Ive started doing deep cleanings so from here on out it will be light cleaning/pickups no major buildup. Ive bought everything that we use almost daily in bulk so I dont have to worry about going to stores for awhile after I deliver. Things like paper towels,toilet tissue,soap,laundry detergent, paper plates,cleaning supplies etc. I will grocery shop for a few weeks worth of food probably a week before as well. Look for quick meal receipes online or thorugh friends. All your bills can be paid online or by phone. If not but plenty of stamps and mail them. I do not know if your daughter is in childcare but if not thats one less place you do not have to go.

Is there a school aged child about 8 or older in your neighborhood? You might hire him/her as a mother's helper. They can play with your toddler while you get a little done and baby sleeps or they can watch baby for a bit while you play with toddler. They might even be able to do some light chores.

Also, wear your baby even around the house. It makes it soooooooo much easier to be able to spend time with your toddler. You can do an art project, get down and play a game, build with blocks, etc.

During nursing, let your toddler sit with you and read to her. If she is old enough to turn the pages (something you want to teach soon, it is h*** o*e handed), the book/cd companion books are really nice for these times. Pump and let toddler help with bottle feeding. Oh, and changing by getting you a diaper and wipe, etc. My dd loved to dump the diaper in the pail and flip it over. Talk to toddler ask what they think the baby needs when he/she starts to cry. Keep them active in the process of what it takes through some commentary.

Take your toddler to storytime at the library. I wore baby in a Moby wrap at these activities. Loved my Moby because baby was tucked in and very secure without having to keep a hand on her like a sling. I could nurse in it and free up a hand that way. My toddler loved to go to Mommy/Me classes at the recreation center or just indoor play parks at the rec. centers. Again, I wore number 2.

After I was cleared by the doc. we went swimming and baby 2 stayed in a car seat (gets a little stuffy) or a stroller and slept while no.1 swam with me. Here again, if you have an older child to help, it gives you piece of mind with the little one.

My husband was home, but I did most of it myself, there wasn't much help. It can be done.

Wish you well and congratulations!

That is a challenge, but as with all things we military spouses do, you can surely do it! - with some help. Don't be afraid to ask others for help, and if you are near other military families, surely there's someone who understands your position - most of them have had their deployment challenges, too! I love the mention below of hiring a "mom's helper", too. It doesn't have to cost a bundle, since kids this age are too young to really babysit, but are anxious to get the experience. Maybe right after baby's born, other moms can help out with laundry, cooking, cleaning for a few weeks (or your mom's helper can help with dishes or laundry folding, if old enough)? If you are a member of a church or other place of worship, maybe someone there can get some volunteers for this and/or making meals for a while? Sometimes friends will do this on their own, but don't be afraid to speak up if they don't; most of us would be more than willing to lend a hand to a friend in need.

Best wishes, and congratulations on your upcoming birth! Well wishes to your husband as well.

Congratulations on the baby.

Ask for as much help as you can get. Your first daughter will need more of you than you think. Parents, neighbor,etc...

Because she will be adjusting to being the big sister and will have her "nose a bit out of place" to be frank, and you won't know how she will react until you get there, you need to be aware of the possibility. I was really lucky. (My son was really laid back. My granddaughter not a bit and she is having a hard time). Suddenly asking your daughter to wait for the baby to wake up to take a walk, or to go to the pool, or to go to the library is going to be h*** o* a child who is not used to waiting.

Also there is the logistics of simply holding hands. getting in the car. Do you always hold hands when you walk on the sidewalks and cross streets or does she have a lot of freedom now? When the baby comes you need to know where she is all the time to keep her safe. When my daughter was born, my son who was 2 suddenly started getting hurt (stitches and a tooth pulled) because I no longer was right there all the time. I had to get one of those child leashes (!) to keep him safe.

This period will last about 2 or three months until the baby is travel safe. Then you can breathe and start getting some sleep.

But there will be breathing spaces in between when you will really enjoy the two, and have a lot of fun. I remember the first time when my son made my daughter laugh. It was something I will always treasure. That will happen to you too.

Hi Lucy,

First off, thank you for 'loaning' your husband to the service of our country. I am a vet and know firsthand that the families of servicemembers make sacrifices beyond what most of us would imagine. Your support for your husband, and your efforts to do the best for your family are very valued and appreciated.

I've worked with kids for a long time and while I am a mother of only one, I have nannied for growing families. Here's what helped me:

1. Wearing the baby. I personally liked using front packs when babies were little (after the first 2 months or so) and then backpacks when they got bigger. Keeping baby attached means that baby's more likely to be satisfied and feel connected while you play/interact with big sister, and allows more freedom for your hands. This works great both at home and if you are out at an indoor playpark/mall, etc. No worries about grabbing baby+stroller and trying to keep up with your older tot.

2. Open-ended 'storybooks'/quiet books. I have made these for my toddler rooms and several families. Find an old photo album (one with the sticky pages) at a junk shop and go through some magazines (Nat'l Geographics are great for this) and cut out interesting pictures. Wildlife, people, situations (fire, waves on a beach) anything you can talk about. Then put pics in a book and have them handy for when you are nursing. It might seem a little simple, but it will give you and your daughter a lot to talk about--even if you do most of the talking.

3. In other cultures, people have kept their babies snug to them out in the cold, and they've done fine. If you are wearing baby under your jackets and have a hat on baby, baby will do okay being outside for a while. They do need warmth, as they can't regulate their own body heat for a while, but unless you are exposing them to frostbite weather, chances are an hour park trip will be okay.

4. Look for indoor opportunities to walk/play. Many towns have a parks and rec department and an indoor play area for kids at a low per-visit cost. Sometimes churches host indoor play areas and you buy a membership to use the space. Do some searching around for this. The mall is also another place to walk, walk, walk around. Bring your stroller, too, for your older child if need be (tantrums, etc.) because containment will be very important, esp. if you need to change baby's diaper.

5. Have easy entertainment on hand when you go out. Besides the stroller, your older toddler will need a small bag of a few favorite board books, a magna doodle (no losing crayons/running out of paper) and something other interesting playthings. Odd ideas-- a rubik's cube, a sheet of garage sale stickers, those 'wands' with liquid and glitter in them....

6. IKEA has some great, inexpensive 'blow off steam' things like collapsible tubes/tunnels and tents. You can make an easy 'obstacle course' with a few of these things and some painters tape on the floor. Use lines of tape to "jump over the lines", x's of tape spaced farther apart to encourage 'big steps', ect. (My toddler group would happily do "jump in the square, jump in the triangle" etc. with shapes on the floor. Not nearly expensive as a game of Caboodle!)

7. Try to create a routine for dishes, laundry, etc. and have your daughter help as much as possible. Usually, when we begin our housework, we push our children off to other activities. They are very able to help us load up washers and driers--we hand things to them, or they hand them to us and then they are put in. Can your daughter stand on a low stool and play in the water while you do dishes? I often reverse the sinks when I do this with kids, so I'm next to the dishrack with the soapy water and they play in the 'rinse sink' away from the dishrack. This ensures that clean dishes don't get pulled back out. Kids are happy to wipe a floor with a wet sponge.

8. Get out the playdough. I can't stress this enough. Playdough, at a low table, is a lifesaver. Don't spend a penny on 'playdough toys' however. Instead, use old chopsticks from take-out, popsicle sticks (you may want to buy craft sticks), and whatever is in your kitchen--potato masher, meat tenderizer, spatulas, etc.-- and offer these sorts of items. At this age, kids aren't interested/capable of doing the "roll it out, cut it out' as much as they are just exploring the dough and sticking things into it. You might need to warm it up a little in your own hands to get it started, but once they start putting sticks in or figuring out "I press this tool in and it makes a pattern on the dough"... then, they're off.

9. The Snack Box. I love the snack box. Toddlers are odd eaters, and it helps to have a little container with a half-sandwich, prepared fruit, nuts, cheese, a bit of cracker or pretzel and carrot or other favored veggie to pull out when they say "I'm hungry". I would use a sandwich-sized container for this, and stock with healthy food. (No cookies, candy, chips, etc.) This way, if you find yourself behind the 8 ball and need to hand their snack box to them in lieu of a meal (fussy baby, etc.), you won't be worried about ruining their eating habits or if they've missed the more healthy meal.

10. Lastly, I'm going to suggest calling on your good friends to help you out. The friends who are okay with the house not being tidy, the ones who don't expect a lot of fuss being made over them. Friends you could go camping with, because they don't mind that you didn't get your hair and makeup or a shower together. Ask them if they are available to help-- and thank them profusely when they do. (A card or appreciative email is nice.) Sometimes this will be coming over for an hour so you can take a quick shower and start dinner. Sometimes they can take your daughter for a walk or a special trip out. Or maybe they can take baby when baby's a bit older, so you and your daughter can have some time together. I hope you do have someone in your world to help with this.

Blessings to you-- I hope there was an idea or two here that you can use!

Is there a mommy group or support group of wives of soldiers in your area that you could connect with? Perhaps there is a way to become involved in that so you have some extra help and support when you need it. And then when you're up and running, someday you'll be able to pay it forward :)

Congrats and good luck!

Since your older daughter is the only other person around she will automatically feel very special-you will depend on her to help you-even if it something little. Let her know how great it is that you have her for this and she will love it! Little girls LOVE to mother!
I am hoping that you have a support system there to help you along...I can't imagine doing it alone. You are a very strong woman.

When my first was born I lived a few miles from my family. I had lots of help.
With the second I was alone on the West Coast. I made friends into family.
My closest friend had a daughter the same age. Her husband was away fighting and so she appreciated the help when our older children became friends. Our second children came around the same time and we helped one another then although her husband was back.
My husband bathed the little one every night while I cooked dinner. You can't get that kind of help unless you have an au pair but you can trade children with the other mothers. If the husbands of your friends are deployed you can get Sunday help too but otherwise don't count on weekends.

Although my husband was around, I had twins when my little boy was only 2 and a half and so we were both occupied with the babies and are still trying to figure out how to divide the attention 16 months later! I'm also a stay-at-home mom and have the three of them by myself a lot. I try to have special time with my son when the boys are napping, using the time to play play-do with him or colour or read books. It's harder with newborns, though, as they don't have such a set sleep schedule. One thing you can do is try to get her involved in helping out with the baby. Simple tasks like passing you a diaper and such can make her feel very involved. Another thing is when you're breastfeeding have a special box of toys that comes out only during that time and so that keeps your daughter occupied while you're feeding the little one.
I'm sorry, I'm not from here so don't know where Silverdale is, but our local community centre has an indoor playground and a number of youth classes. Try the YMCA or your local community centre for ideas. Also, we attended a toddler group with my first and most people just carried their babies around while in class. It was Lake Washington Toddler Group.

As for meals, that's a tough one for sure. Unfortunately we do a lot of frozen meals. I never ate frozen meals before this, but they're not too bad in a pinch. I also pre-froze a lot of stuff that I could just pull out in a pinch. You can grocery shop online, too, if that helps. I'm told the prices are pretty comparable to the grocery stores and I think delivery might be free after a certain amount. If you can afford it, getting a housecleaner every other week is such a bonus! We did that and it really lifted my spirits to have the house really scrubbed every other week. Someone recently told me that she found someone on Craig's List to do her laundry regularly and that he wasn't that expensive. Check Craig's List for services in your area - might free up your time a bit. These suggestions cost money so if that's not a possibility, I would really try to organize your time and set a routine - like certain days for laundry, set times for snacks, set times for crafts or play or whatever during the day. That might help you keep on top of things.
I must say you're very brave going it on your own!! Good luck with everything!

If you have a good freezer make up some meals that you can just heat up, and I would start stocking up on some of the easy to make stuff, that way when you and your DD are hungry you can get something quick and not have to go shopping as much.
If you can get you DD to start to be a help by putting away sock and undies, I know my cousins kids can clear the dishes, and put all the dirty clothes in the hamper and the oldest can help empty the dryer, if you have a dirt devil or something close to that most kids love to vacume.
When you are able to go to the park and walk I'd try a Moby wrap it's a carrier it will keep baby warm and you should be able to keep up with DD.

I used to have my older son (he was 21 months when brother came) help with the baby. My husband was there for the first 2 weeks, and then he left for the middle east, so I understand the fear, but somehow you just do it. I am not sure how I got it all done, but somehow it just works, you get into the groove of things. Congratulations on your growing family.