A Rift in the Neighborhood Is Affecting Us, and My Son and His Friends...

This sounds like high school, not adulthood. My advice would be the same thing I would tell my kids, move on and find some new friends, these people do not seem like the type that you would want as friends.
We do not have to be best friends with our neighbors. I'm not. I'm cordial, but that's about it. They don't hate me, I don't hate them, but for the most part they aren't the type of people that I want to be friends with. I have many other friends that I can drive to. My kids don't play with the neighbor kids despite them all being close in age. My kids have other friends and other activities to keep them busy. I'm too old to be bothered by neighborhood problems (my neighbors always seem to be in a "fight", I'm always the neutral party).
If your son seems to miss these neighborhood friends, enroll him in some classes to keep him busy and keep him from being bothered that he can't play with them. Take him to the park, forest preserves, etc. with just you or meet up with other kids from the class. Honestly, if this is the way the parents act, why would you even want your son to play with their children? Call on moms from school outside your neighborhood for play dates. Be cordial to the neighbors, but don't let it bother you that you aren't in their clique. Instead be happy that you aren't in their clique since it doesn't sound like a nice one!

I feel for you - it must make it uncomfortable for you.
Here's an idea - why don't you send an apology letter to all parties involved for any wrongs that have been done on your part or miscommunications - just clear the air -
and leave it at that - don't list any expectations, wishes or argue for your son. If they continue to mistreat/ignore you and your son - they will know in their heart that they are in the wrong. You just continue to be your cheerful self - and be the better person... are there any other families around that you can connect with? and when you do find some - i suggest not saying a word about the internal conflict your having with your neighbors... just keep being the better person. you realize that you're building character and endurance right now-- right? keep doing your thing. God bless.

I think honesty is the best policy. You should invite the people over and apologize for talking behind the one mom's back and be sincere about it. No one likes to hear they are being talked about - it's very hurtful. If you step up and take ownership of the situation, they have no choice but to move on and let it go.
Good Luck!

well here is one thing you can do is host a party invite mom's abcd and act like nonthing ever happened if they show up and see how that goes and see if they all just grow up

Tell them to grow up and leave the kids out of it.

It sounds like you caused the problem and now have to deal with it. I agree with Ellen - move on and make other friends. That doesn't mean that you should stop trying to be maintain a common cordial relationship where you wave hello and put a smile on your face. Don't make it worse but move on.

High School drama. If you are the adult then you must act like one for your son. It sounds like you are 12 years old and your neighbors are the same age. Is it more the fact that you are jealous of "B" "C" and "D". Do you have other's you are friends with than just these 3 families? Giving the fact that you stay at home then you have no other outlet (work, for example) to find friends with.
I am sorry, and hope you find other friends for your son to be with. The park, the neighborhood community center, religious organizaitons, school friends are other places to find people who aren't so immature .

Your story sounds so much like what my family went thru a few years ago. We had just moved into our neighborhood and the "toxic" neighbor was one of the first people we met. Our first outing together was trick-or-treating with our sons (kindergarten age then), at each house she'd make a negative gossiping remark about the families. I couldn't help thinking, "how long before she talks about me like that?" I should've steered clear then, but we developed a friendship with her family and all the other neighbors and actually took trips together, etc. Eventually, she became angry with us over something (and the other neighbors in their turn) and stopped being friendly (only waving to my hubby too), etc.

My advice is this, continue being who you are. It became harder for me not to say hello to her than to just smile and say hi, so that's what I did. Keep being nice, I know it sound cliche, but its the only way to be true to yourself. This neighbor may not return your greetings but that's okay. This doesn't mean you have to invite them into your home, but be civil. She most likely is saying bad things about you, but remember what other people say about you is none of your business. Work hard to develop other friendships for yourself and your son outside the neighborhood but maybe at school, church, etc. I think the other neighbors will eventually see "toxic" for who she is and keep their distance too.
My son's in 8th grade now and its been a long hard road, at times I still feel like I've still got to overcome all the stuff she said about me & my family, but my son made some great buddies and my husband and I some true friends outside our court.
And our "toxic"? She & her family moved to another state!

Divide and conquer. Talk to ONE parent at a time. Animosity has a way of dissolving when it doesn't come in a group package.
I read what Ellen wrote and I agree to a point. It's beneficial to find other friends, but you don't want to have BAD relationships with your neighbors. At least fix the problem. Talk to Mom B and tell her the truth. Apologize and be the bigger person.

Dear M M, I feel for you and your son. The antics of these neighbors make me conclude that you and son are better off without them. Start to think in terms of making friends via school connections or church. It is very likely that their children will also say things to your child and hurt him more than loosing their friendship will. Start over again and learn your lessons from this experience, i.e. don't badmouth anyone and don't do things that can be misconstrued by people of ill-will. Also, your sentence is a little unclear, but if you meant to say that you and the former friend had drinks by yourselves during the day, don't do this anymore. Be patient, it takes time to make true friends. Is there a Bible-study in your neighborhood? That would be another good place to start. Or volunteer at your child's school and get to know other mothers.

Are you kidding? It sounds like everyone is stuck in high school. My biggest question is how do you let people "push you out of a neighborhood"? I can't believe your husbands put up with a whole block of women acting like teenagers.
I'm sure your son has friends he can play with from school etc. Everyone has children, spouses, and work they need to focus on. Not a bunch of silly "she said he said" stuff.
Get up in the morning, love and take care of your family, do the work that makes you happy. Find some new friends and live your life. Eleanor Roosevelt said something like "someone can only make your feel inferior if you allow them to."

Leave high scool behind and make friends that act like grown ups. Why would you even want to be friends with, people who act like that? As for the kids, I am not sure how old they are, but when they get to a certain age their Mommys don't pick their frineds anymore. Be honest w/ your kids and tell them that the other parents are immmature and are keeping their kids away because they have a problem with you. Use it as a "teaching moment" to show them how exclusion hurts people's feelings, and tell them they should never act like that. Move on and leave those BE-AH-CHES behind!!!

Hello, Sorry to hear about your sadness...whatever happened to make them feel that way about you, is very hurtful...it would be nice to just forgive and be forgiven for your son's sake...your son is caught up in this and has no clue why adults have these issues...children are so easy to forget and forgive...I pray that you will find peace as we get ready to celebrate the birth of Our dear Lord...the reason for our love and peace on this earth...Blessings, Jo

With all that is going on in this world, you would think that adults would do all that they can to get along and help each other. I think that you are giving b and c too much power. so what if they dont want to speak to you, life went on before them and it will go o after them and as for the kids. They have more sense than adults at times, they don't hold grudges, they fall out and in a few days they are playing again. If you are sorry for the things that you said about ms. b than tell her but don't beg to be their friends if you start begging and kissing their buts they will keep you kissing up to them and that is not what a real friend does we agree to disagree and we move. We should be are at least civil to each other. life is too short and remember, you reap what you sow!! treat people how you want to be treated, be kind and kindness will come back to you and the oppisite as well. don't bring kids into adult foolishness allow them to be children while they can, they will turn into us soon enough : (

Hi M M You needs these two faced friends like you need a hole in your head!!! Go about your business and mark my word B, C and D will be at each other throat. People like them you can live without.

I'd be interested to know if this is in the city or the burbs. I hear stories like this all the time from my friends/relatives who live in the suburbs, but I have never experienced anything like this in the city (perhaps in other neighborhoods, but not here). Personally, I could not deal with this kind of drama. Don't waste your life on these people. Think positively and don't be preoccupied with them, what they say or do, because it will just bring you down.

The best thing to do would be to confront the mom who the issue stands with. You need to be the stronger person (and more mature). It will be hard, because you know how wrong she is, but sometimes throwing it all on the table will allow the issue to be pushed aside. Its seems like your neighborhood is a very close net circle, and you would not want that to fade away because of that women. Gossiping is one of the number one causes for friendship break ups. When she starts up again (because you know she will) just ignore it or change the subject, if this does not work maybe talk to her husband about it. Sometimes its hard to take criticism but if she hears it from multiple people she will refrain or lessen this behavior. Hang tough, you are strong and as long as you are proactive, you will feel better about the situation.

How do they keep their kids from your son? I mean, if the kids are outside and your son approaches them, do the parents step in and stop the interaction? Or do the neighbor kids ignore your son?

If the former is true, I have no answers for you. Parents reserve the right to allow and protect their children from whatever they deem necessary for whatever reason, even if we don't always understand it. You can always ask, "How did that make you feel?" to your son and go from there.

If the latter is true, your son can learn from the situation that not everyone wants to be his friend. It sucks, but it is true. He would benefit from having an earnest talk with you if/when this happens, such as exploring why they don't want to play, what is a true and loyal friend, and who does he like to play with and why.

And should we be so naive to think that everyone wants to be our friend? It sounds like you came around in realizing how it felt to be rejected (i.e. you talked about friend "B" and now you are the one presumably being talked about). You can try to make amends... be earnest, honest, humble. Most importantly, be honest with yourself so you can own up to the past and find the right words. If your neighbors don't accept you, move on. If they do, be careful. You just made it to the "polite" stage of friendship. Getting beyond this stage requires that both parties be trusting and trustworthy, and this may never happen given the history.

If you are like me, you overanalyze a situation, worrying about what other people think of you/your actions. What really matters is figuring out what insecurities are controlling you right now. IF you are honest with yourself about your shortcomings and try your best to ask for forgiveness for them, you can sleep peacefully knowing that you did what you needed to do. Allow yourself to make and fix mistakes, even when others don't.

"These aren't people we want to be friends with anyway" sounds like a cop out. Go the hard road because it's the right road. You'll be better for it, no matter the outcome.

I am sure you are getting a lot of response to your dilemma here. It is unfortunate....and truly fixable. Human psychology and social dynamics are touchy and fragile things.

If you really want to change (fix)it my advice to you would be to remain consistent. If you are naturally an engaging and open person...keep being so, regardless of their reactions or non-reactions. (they will come around)

I would also recommend that you make peace with each person individually (but do it in the exact same manner with each). Regardless of what the 'full story' is....if you want peace...BE PEACE.

Tell each person what you have noticed (without being accusational) and tell each person what you would like (be honest and sincere about what you really want).

Don't mean to sound so simplistic....and actually, this isn't. What I do more, is that the more you add or say to fix it, the harder that will actually be.

People are generally forgiving. So, you may have to be the person in this scenario to be the bigger, more loving, more patient and giving person to have what you want....a way for you and your husband to move on and so that your son can play with his friends again.

Good luck!! You can do this.
:)

Hi M M,
This is really common, and you should not feel bad. I have learned that when you know better, you do better. Some people take things to far, and you have to ask yourself, is it really worth it? You and your children are worth more than that. It is the natural order of things to change, either for the better or for the worse. I hope I don't offend, but see what God (higher power) is trying to tell you. Life is too beautiful be to missed...keep moving!

All the Best!