A Lonely Mother

Hi, My name is A. and I Just moved to Columbia,SC in late July, with my husband and 5 month old son Sean, I too am a stay at home, maybe you can meet other moms near you and make play dates for the children, If you ever want to talk my email address is ____@____.com.

I moved to Indy from Louisville, Ky. All of our family is in Ky. so I know what it's like to leave your wonderful family and support behind. I am the mother of 4 children, one special needs son and that's why I stayed at home. We had 3 boys and a girl. It seemed to me that my husband really went nuts over our daughter more than the boys. But I have never felt any jealousy over his attention to the kids. I would be happy for what God has given you together and join in praising him for his attention to his son. I am sure he loves his girls too and of course you or he wouldn't still be with you after 4 years and moving all the way up here from S.C.
My advice for being lonely is to find a wonderful church and meet some really great people. Years ago, I also joined Bible Study Fellowship and made some life long friends while studying God's Word. Christians are known for their love and concern for one another. I've also met some truly great neighbors too. We have a lot more in common than we think.
Indy has so much to offer everyone and it doesn't have to be job related. There's a lot to see and do with the Children's Museum, Zoo, parks and walking trails.
Welcome to Indy. I hope your family will truly learn to love it here and grow together in loving one another, perhaps through your mature example of loving all of them first.
God Bless you,
M.

Let me first say that it is very common for a man to act the way your boyfriend is acting. I would let him have his father moments, but explain to him that you still need attention and alone time in the bedroom. Explain that it is not about being jealous, but having needs and desires. He should be able to understand that, and follow through. children are a huge blessing, however if they become your entire life that is not good. I would just try to talk to him leaving your son out of it completely and just explain what you are feeling and see how he reacts. I do wish you the best.

Mommies need love to. I don't know if you've ever heard of FlyLady.com but she has where every Friday is date night. It can be going out or staying home and doing something special. They teach you how to make scheduales for things without going nuts. But they usually have some ideas you can use.

I'm also a stay at home mom ..I'm 26 years old with a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son...This topic recently just came up with my husband and I, and I point blank told him :Just because I became a mother dosen't mean I quit being your WIFE" we talked about it and decided that at least once a month , we would get the grandparents to watch the kids and we would have a "date night"...You need to let him know that to be good parents you both have to be happy and fulfilled...Time away makes you appreciate eachother and the relationship you had before you had your children...And even though it's only a couple of hours , you wll be surprised how refreshed and ready to see your kids you will be.... hope this helps...:)

I am also a stay at home mom of a 2 yr old boy, also 24 yrs., I stay home because Damian has seizures, so I know how lonely it can get, please keep your head up and if you ever need to talk just send me a message:)

Hi J.. I am also from the state of SC-a couple hours from Columbia though. In response to your posting-after the birth of our first son, my Hubby went through a phase where he acted like he couldn;t get enough of me-then when our son started interacting more-I was put on the back curner and it was as if I only existed to cook, clean, and take care of the baby. That was very frustrating and aggravating to me. I felt like I was not as attractive to him and that I was not wanted or needed anymore. Well, that lasted for about a year or more. He slowly started being more attentive to me as our son aged, and things are better than ever now. We have two more children now and my hubby has never acted that way again. Don;t exactly know what happened, my hubby is a very introverted person and doesn;t like to talk about his feelings-but whatever it was-it is over now and we have moved on. Congratulations of your son-little boys are the apple of a mother's eye-I have two now:)-I hope things work out for you in the best and most positive way.Take Care.

Forgive me - I have ALOT of history behind me and tend to identify with things too easily sometimes...

he has two other children with another woman who he obviously left; for you? if so, be wary of your relationship, especially in the next year as you learn to cope with the routines and isolation of being a SAHM and getting your body back. don't expect any type of commitment from him.

If he takes more pride in his son than his other children simply bc he's a boy, be wary. He may not value women (you, his daughters, his mother) highly or as highly as men (himself, his son, etc). If so, he will consistenly choose his son over you if this is the case.

Whose idea was it for you to be a SAHM? Is it something you've always wanted? If not, consider carefully what you DO want; not what you think is best for your boyfriend or son, but what you WANT.

From experience, given that you are so far away from family and friends, and now isolated from any work colleagues, it would be very easy for your relationship with this man to become a very controlling, even abusive one. Make sure you have solid boudaries your don't allow him to cross. Don't give up friends, family, relationships with people outside your household.

Again, forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds.

Congratulations on your precious boy!

Don't feel like you're alone out there. It literally took me a year and a half before I finally fell into the role of being a proud stay at home mother. Before I had kids, I worked as a bartender at Pieres, and so I had the ultimate social life. All of a sudden, I got pregnant and when that baby was 6 months old, I got pregnant again. My husband and I decided we wanted me to stay home with the kids so I quit working when I was 7 months pregnant with my second child. I felt really alone too, like all of my friends just forgot about me when I became a mother. When you can't go out like you used to, the phone stops ringing. Get yourself out there and meet some other mothers. Once I met some other moms, I realized that the friends I had from the bar weren't really my friends afterall, they were just partying buddies, but it took me a long time to realize that. Libraries always have story hours for babies and toddlers that are free. Also, I joined a mops group and that is one of my favorite things to do! You get a break since they have daycare there and you get to chit chat with other mothers. It's twice a month for two hours. You can look it up on the internet to find out where the closest group to you is.

As far as with your son's dad, having a child is a huge transition to relationships. Especially one that young. My husband and I are just now starting to get our sex life back in order and my daughter just turned four, my son will be 3 in December! So, hang in there. Try to take some time for you and him, away from the baby. Have a grandmother or a friend watch the baby while you and he go have dinner or something. I think that as a mother, we are the center of our family, the one who holds the family together. It's a lot of pressure and a lot of work, but along with it comes a lot of pride if you can learn the ways to juggle all of it. Instead of getting lonely and upset about the lack of intimacy between you guys, try instead to focus your attention on ways to fix the problem. Guys don't really understand how different we are, so talking to him about how the lack of intimacy really affects just may not register to him. To him, it's a physical act, to most women, it's an emotional one. Hang in there!

Do you live in Fort Wayne? If so, email me and maybe I can help you find activities to help get you out there!

____@____.com My name is Julie, I'm 28.

juat keep in mind that the first instict is usally the right one and i do not think you are overeacting. it seems like you all me need a couselor to intervene in order for your husband to notice his errors that't what worked for me and my husband and now our relationship is great after one session
I hope this was helpful
god bless u
T. griffin

Message deleted on request of Julie.

I know what you mean!!! I'm a stay @ home Mom too. Ihave two children and one on the way!!!! I could talk to you for hours about what you are going through. Been there done that . If you want to talk you can e-mail me @ ____@____.com or you can reach ____@____.com to hear from you soon. D.