My oldest is 8 and has become very sneaky. She sneaks items up to her room that she knows she's not allowed to have. Last week she came home from school and I told her she could have a granola bar for a snack, she took a long time getting it then tried to go straight upstairs..I caught her with an extra granola bar tucked in the waistband of her pants!! She said she wasn't really that hungry and couldn't explain why she snuck it. She'll sneak scissors upstairs then blame it on her 4yr old brother. I've asked her why she does it and she doesn't have an answer. I want to find the root of the problem and solve it. My hubby has ZERO tolerence for this kind of behavior and tends to blow up. Needless to say, I want to start resolving it. Has anyone else dealt with this?
D.
Not only is it a way for her to be independent and in control of her own choices but also, in my opinion, very normal for that age to start being sneaky about things. It's a phase, of sorts, that she will most likely grow out of. I don't think "blowing up" over it is really going to help at all and will actually probably make it worse.
Good luck!
D.,
Is there more to this? I'm sorry, but I just don't see the big deal here. Kids need some autonomy. Everyone has their level of control and micromanaging that they need, but is it possible that you and your husband could relax a little? Could you be forcing her into this sneakiness because of too much control or restriction? Don't mean to sound critical or judgmental! It's just that everything is relative and in the grand scheme of things, you don't have a daughter who's addicted to drugs or abuses animals. Can you come up with a compromise and give her some choices to make so she feel more in control of her own life, little by little? Good luck!
Well just another theory for you, she's in public school this year? and has been homeschooled for all years previous? which implies and forgive the stereotype that to some degree she has been more sheltered and probally has a strict, more schedualed homelife than most of her current peers. now don't get me wrong my own mother thinks i'm strict about some very strange things and there is nothing wrong with that, but she is now around all these other kids that are probally aloud to take a snack to thier room or have candy for a snack or whatever so she is rebelling against the rules she has grown up with in order to be more like the kids at school whom she sees as having more freedom than she does, and don't foget to take into account that part of it is her age, good luck.
I have seven children and out of the seven, one in particular spent a good deal of time as a youngster being sneaky. He has, in most recent years, told us that he did it for the thrill. He loved trying to see what he could get away with and was so pleased when he managed that the behavior carried on far too long and got ridiculous. My advice, based on that experience, is to make the punishment hefty enough to outweigh the thrill so that it stops now.
Infinite Blessings!
do you give her opportunities every day to make her own choices, decisions, and to have some control over her own life? i know 8 is a young age, but she is getting to the age where she wants some independance and freedom. taking an extra granola bar is probably satisfying her natural desire to be in control. your husband blowing up is definitely going to make it worse in my opinion. try thoughtfully asking her if there is anything you can do to help her feel like she doesnt have to be sneaky anymore. see if something is bothering her.
I understand where u r coming from. I have 2 kids jamie(5) is pretty good and asks for things. Now abby(2) is constantly sneeking things to her bedroom. I have gone so far as putting a lock on the pantry just to stop her from doing it. Good luck!
I just have to disagree with the person who said it's not a big deal, it's not drugs, etc. Just that we're talking about an 8 yo, and if these issues aren't addressed now, then when she is older it very well may be drugs. I don't think she's a bad kid, I'm not saying it's a big deal in that sense, but just that it does indeed need to be addressed.
I don't have any specific ideas, except to keep being consistent and apply consequences for the sneaking/lying (more so than for the behavior) and keep talking (maybe there is some issue at school, she's trying to fit in, or whatever).
There is a great parenting class called S.T.E.P. that is offered through the Rocky River Community Center (if you live in this area, it is held at St. John Westshore Hosp)--if you look up the phone number of the community center they'll be able to give you information. It cost us $40 for the 2 parents and a workbook, but that was for preschool, I dont' know if the school age is the same price or not. It was very helpful for us at the time!
Sounds like your daughter knows that she cannot get away with things like that with her dad; so she's testing her limits with YOU. If she realizes that she can manipulate you, then she will continue to only do sneaky things around you. I have 3 stepkids (ages, 14, 13 & 11) and they all know they can't do sneaky things around me but they do still try to "work" their father (who is very laid-back). Needless to say, this causes problems.
A sneaky child, boy am I there with my three oldest. The reason generally differs for each child and each situation. My children do it most often for A) attention, B) to get a sibling in trouble, C) did I mention attention. My 8 y/o will sometimes take attention in any form (positive and negitive) and will make sure you discover her doing something wrong for the attention. My 11 y/o will do things that I don't approve of b/c he feels that since he is older he should be allowed to do it (kind of too big for his britches type thing). But as you probably already know, each child does strange things for weird reasons and trying to figure it out can be horrendous. I would try to go out somewhere with just her and talk about it and ask her why she does the different things. Best of luck! :)
When I read your "A little about me" section, my first thought was that your daughter is testing some boundaries due to her new found "freedom" being in public school. Not that being in public school is a bad thing...She's just got a taste of something new and is spreading her wings a bit.
I know that having a sneaky child, in any aspect, is worriesome and it makes you wonder what else they might be hiding, however I think sneaking a granola bar is probably not something to be too concerned about.
I remember when I was a child, probably the same age as your daughter, I broke a glass while dusting and told my mom it wasn't me, even though it was pretty obvious it was. I think my mom did the best thing we can do as parents by letting me know that it was OK if I broke something, etc. but I needed to be up front with it and tell her. That opens a line of communication between children and parents, which will be needed in the years to come.
Good luck and don't be too h*** o* her for these types of things. Just let her know you're there for her, but she must respect the rules.
