in 8 years the grandma shows up???
I may seem rude, but I'd say:
dear so to say grandma, where have you been for 8 years ???
Now, we have a life going on here, and a good life, and a FAMILY, if you know what I mean, and the three beautiful souls to raise, and they know the value of love and caring and sharing.
Now, if you want to see MY DAUGHTER, then before you two meet, I need to know EXACTLY how will you explain her what is the meaning of LOVE, CARING AND SHARING, supported by the EXAMPLES from real life of yours! The situation is, that LOVE is not a NOUN, it is a VERB, and if not cared for, it dies, like everything what is alive. If nurtured and cared for though, then it only grows. Sorry, the situation IS difficult, because for 8 years, you left this child in the desert of no love and care from your side, so what is it there now going on that you need to see the Flower that blooms not in your garden? Dear grandmother, if you have answers to these questions, we can talk, before we will make a decision. If you have no answers, we can wait 'till the answers come."
To my 8 YEARS OLD daughter, I would not in no way start mssing up her perception of the reality of her FAMILY: loving daddy, mommy and dear sisters< this is her stable and happy world!!!
Can you imagine how much confusion will come into her life?
it is a very hard decision to make. I would start such revelation at her age of about 18, maybe, if there would be a real need for it, otherwise, why would her world be turned upside down, when she is growing in love and care, in thw world wthout trouble.
One question: so, you say, this is grandma who needs to see her, as she says. How about the biological dad? he still is no in need of her??? Now, if he is not even going to make appearance on the horizon, how could you explain this to your daughter??? BLOOD DOES NOT MAKE IT A FATHER, except that on papers, but not in life, as father is love and caring and sharing! To tell her: dear daughter, you have a father, but he could care less, so this is your Daddy, and father is just because of... what?
I am really sorry that this decision is hanging over your head,
and I am sorry I am harsh, K., but I believe children come first:
think about what is best for your daughter,
for her development, growth, health, and wellbeing.
This will help you to make a right choice.
(My parents did not want to see my sons until boys were 2 and 4 years old. We lived in the same town, and did not meet as they did not like my choice of my husband and dad for kids:
we were 21 then, old enough to make choices, right?! but they did not like him, so they refused to communicate with my family. Well, they finally met and we slowly reesablished the relations in the extended family, but my elder boy asked the granprents out front (at his 4 years old!!!): "why have you never come visit us, and we never saw you, when we live so close???"
You may be sure your daughter will ask this question to her biological grandma, so it will be very nice of you to prepare the grandma for such a quest so she better has a good response to it, not messing around with the child's mind fr her owm benefit, and the loss of reality...
Good luck, K.,
please act wisely!
Also, please liosten to what your dear hubby has to say on this situation
as he loves nyour girls, and h cares,
and YOU ARE A FAMILY !!! STAY AS ONE !!!