Looking to Become Parents Through Adoption

Updated on November 05, 2007
L.W. asks from Zephyrhills, FL
17 answers

My son is six years old and asks everyday for a sibling and I feel so bad. I have recently put him in soccer to try and help him meet friends. We have been told by doctors that although I can get pregnant and have many times that I will not be able to carry due to a blood disorder that would be life threatening to me and the baby. Me and my husband have been looking into adoption and have found out how expensive it is. We are told and have found out that is 4 x more expensive to work through an agency versus trying to find a situation on your own. We can afford the everyday needs of adding on to our family but I cannot see us having the money that it costs to adopt if we have to work through and agency. I have joined some adoption talk groups and they say to put the word out to everyone and that can sometimes help find someone. We talked with our church about it and they said the only thing they recommended was try an adoption agency. We looked into International adoption and that process takes years. We also looked into foster care and were told that 80% of the children are returned to there families and the 20% that are not are either older children that we would not be able to help because they do not place children older than the youngest in your home and most of the younger children have severe medical needs. I really want this and am open to any suggestions.

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S.G.

answers from Tampa on

I have two friends that got children through foster/adopt program. One got an "older" girl, I believe she is 9 and she is older than thier youngest child who is 5. My other friend got a baby, I believe he was about 9 months when they got him and he just had his 5th birthday. He did have medical issues at first but they were do to a mother that did not feed him properly, He is a perfectly normal child now, just a little small. You'll find a way, but definately tell everyone you know you are looking to adopt, you never know who knows who and can help or even knows of a child.
Best Wishes that everything you want comes to you!

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B.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I can't help you find an adoptive child but I did want to say I know exactly what you are going through. It took my husband and me 7 years to get pregnant. We went through infertility up to in-vitro which we couldn;t afford. We looked into adoption and foster parenting. We didn't ahve 20,000 to adopt nor were we willing to take on a child that might be with us for a year or two and then torn away. We wouldn't have the emotional ability to go through that enough times before one would be become available. I wrote letters to various countries and tried to pursued them to look at the child and not put a price tag on their happiness. We were willing to adopt up to 5 yrs old just to pay less but nothing Came about. If you find a birth mother it is cheaper but they still require you to pay all medical costs which can be extensive if the individual like a college student doesn't have insurance. We finally gave up on our dreams of having a child. I went to see an endocronologist to get my body hormones normal and within the first month of being on some medicine he gave me I was pregnant and now I am expectng my third in 3 yrs. I can't not get pregnant now. I know what you are going through and the emtional struggles. I cried so many times and wondered why this world is based so much on money. We had the means and love to make a child so happy but a child's happiness seems to cost around 20,000 these days. It was frustrating and made me so mad, still does. I always wanted to adopt one child whether or not I could have my own and I know that dream will never come true. Some child will stay in an orphanage in some poor country until he/she is grown up instead of in a loving home because of the way society is. I do have a friend that is currently pregnant and due at the end of this month. She was going to look for an adoptive parent but she isn't sure if the father will religuish his rights. She has decided to wait and see what he does after the baby is born before she proceeds. I am concerned that after having the child for a few months she will not be able to give her up. I guess the father is a drug dealer which is why she left him. Her and the father have no contact (he thinks she had an abortion)but she doesn't want to proceed without him religuishing his rights. She is a good person and has a great values, just a tough life. She was adopted as a child and her mom abused her. She eventually left to live with her father and his new family who has never treated her like a biologicaly child. If she proceeds with the adoption I can get abck in touch with you and have her talk to you to see if you would be a good fit. Good luck and I know the hard road you face, at least you had the chance to have one child some don't even get that opportunity. God bless!

1 mom found this helpful
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D.M.

answers from Tampa on

L., I recently saw an Oprah show about a surrogate mom program in India. The Indian moms will carry a baby for moms who can't for various reasons. The fee that you pay is far less than what it would cost you for a surrogate in the U.S., but - it is enough to be life changing for her and her family in India. I suggest you go to the Oprah web site and read more about it. When I fist heard about it - I was skeptical - but after seeing some of the families both American and Indian that have done it, I can see how it really is a win-win for both involved. Best wishes to you and your family!

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M.H.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi L.,

Look into Open Door Adoption Agency in Thomasville, Ga. They have a very unique way of looking at things and ONLY want good parents. If they find the right people, they work to make it happen!

God bless!

M.

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J.P.

answers from Orlando on

Hi L.!

I have been looking into the same, except I wish to adopt an older child (4-6 possibly) and after discussions with my husband, we thought it would be too expensive as well.

However, I came across an article in the "Avalon Park Lifestyle" just the other day that changed our minds.

There is a website called:
HeartGalleryMetroOrlando.org

which I urge you to look at. They are non-profit.
Also a phone number for them is: 1-877-6-MY-Kids

On the flip side of that, if you are looking for a new born, you may be able to call local high schools with teen pregnancy programs (there's one at Timber Creek in Avalon Park with SEVERAL pregnant teens) and also call JMJ Life Crisis Center.

JMJ LIfe Crisis Center deals with women who are often in their teens. Although the organizations purpose is to advocate choosing life, many pregnant moms choose to abort because they are scared and young, and most often just don't want to tell their parents.

You can call and speak with someone at JMJ and ask them to put it out there. Alot of times they know a girl looking to go that route (as many of them need fast solutions).

Also, try going to one of their offices and apprach a woman who seems sad and scared. I would offer some sort of assistance if you find someone, such as buying food or helping pay a portion of rent, ect. until the baby is born. My mother did that when she adopted my sister. :O)

The conact info for both:

Timber Creek High School
###-###-####
Ask for Joelin, the Safe coordinator

(I donated my baby stuff to a pregnant teen and that is how I found our they have a LIST of girls!)

JMJ Life Crisis Center
###-###-####
email: [email protected]____.com
website: www.JMJlifecenter.org

The most dramatic and life changing option would be to go to the abortion clinic in Ocala. There are protesters, and its not pretty.

However, if you're there, you may be able to find a woman and simply say, I know your scared, but I can't have a child, I will support your pregnancy if you'd be willing to allow me to adopt your baby because I can't have my own.

What a miracle it would be to in one instant help someone from taking that road.

I know it's dramatic, however, it's a last chance to save a life, especially for someone who wants one!

Best wishes,

J.

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E.P.

answers from Orlando on

We adopted our sons at birth, now 6 and 3, through a non-profit agency A Center for Women / Life for Kids. They're great. Their website is lifeforkids.com. Contact info is 315 N. Wymore Rd., Winter Park ###-###-####.

Best wishes on your adoption adventure. We couldn't be happier with our decision.

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T.N.

answers from Lakeland on

L. - try calling the Florida Baptist Children's Homes. There is one in Lakeland. Ask to speak to Sue Latter or Colleen Morrison. Tell them that T. Novak told you to call to ask about adoption. They are a wonderful organisation, and ask them about fostering as well.

Hope this helps!
T.

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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Here are a couple of suggestions that people I know have used.
Place an ad in college newspapers. There are always pregnant students. Place an ad in regular newspapers, free papers etc.
both locally and in other cities especially where the economy is bad or where people tend to more religious - I've read that people are likely to give their children up for adoption when they are destitute or deep have deep moral convictions to not abort. Hire an adoption attorney that specializes in private adoptions. (often times these adoptions are quicker and less expensive than international adoptions). Look into international countries such as the Ukraine and other Soviet countries, try Guatemala and other Latin American countries. Chinese adoptions are taking too long and there's a lot of red tape. Check countries that have suffered catastrophic incidents such as hurricane (southeast asia) and fire - (mexico) Often their adoption wait time is much less.
Google adoption agencies, adoption ads, attorneys etc.
I would check with a Fertility Clinic one more time if you haven't done so already. Perhaps a surrogate would be less expensive (maybe the same cost) as adoption. Or maybe a friend or relative would carry a baby for you. (You'd be surprised how kind people can be) Lastly, I'm not sure where you and your husband are employed but check with Human Resources, many companies have an adoption allowance (sometimes as much as 10,000). All of this is a lot of work but it will be worth it if it works out for you. Best of Luck! Let us know if you find anything that works for you, I'm sure there are many others out there that would like to adopt.

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N.K.

answers from Orlando on

We adopted twins internationally from Guatemala 2 1/2 years ago. Yes, it was expensive; however, they are our little blessings that I thank God everyday for them!!! We tried foster care and it was too heartbreaking for us since all the children were placed with relatives. I wish you the best of luck!!

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F.R.

answers from Pensacola on

Keep praying about it. When the time is right it will happen. I think the foster care program is better than what you've been told. But if you can't deal with it then everyone would be better off not going there.
Have you looked into international adoption?
Good luck!

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H.C.

answers from Orlando on

I recently had some fertility issues, and was also looking into adoption as an alternative to IVF. I ended up getting pregnant on my own, but thought I would share a couple things we were planning on doing with you. First, yes, adoption is very expensive. The only way we could have afforded it would be to refinance our house & take some of the equity to pay for the adoption. Come tax time, you do get a large tax break for adoption--I think it's $10,000-$15,000. So although you don't get the money right away, it will help at tax time. I wish you luck with your adoption hunt!!

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L.S.

answers from Tampa on

Hi. We are currently spending a lot of time in prayer to make a decision on adopting. It's something I have always felt led to do. We haven't started any classes or made any major steps yet. My husband graduates college in Dec. so we're praying about whether to start it after that.

One website I heard about on the news awhile back is http://www.heartgallerytampabay.org/ . Even if you're not in Tampa, you can go there and follow the link to find other heart galleries in other areas. There's quite a bit of information on there about adopting that I'm sure will be helpful.

L.

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T.G.

answers from Jacksonville on

we adopted a son from Guatemala and it was quite expensive but the joy that he has brought to our lives is absoultely priceless....we took out a personal loan....I dont know how true it is but I have heard of doctors having waiting list for adoptions...OBGYN....mymother has a friend that works as a nurse at the hospital and she was blessed to recieve a child this way...Im sorry Im probaly not being much help...I just know where you are wanting so bad to adopt...been there done that...
ps...there are also homes that help unwed mothers that offer adoptions

M.S.

answers from Ocala on

All i can tell you is to pray to the LORD and wait on him. The LORD will guide you down the right path.

Trust in the LORD always and don't rush into anything.

God Bless and take care.

From one mother to another.

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E.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hi L.. I work with adoptions and I can tell you that it may not be as expensive as you may think. I work with an agency, but I also have worked with families that have arranged their own adoptions through acquaintances, etc. I would encourage you to attend my adoption seminar and maybe I can answer more specific questions for you. Please do not give up because of finances. Every adoptive situation is different. My next seminar is Saturday, December 8th at 11am at the Deerwood Library, Room F. If you would like to attend, please e-mail me at [email protected]____.com.

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D.

answers from Tampa on

Dear L.,

There are good programs through the state of Florida. We adopted our daughter when she ws 16 months old and we fostered her starting at nine days of age. There is no costs through the state and yes, there are classes, fingerprints, etc., but you could get a baby or a young child. You decide what your willing to live with, i.e., not handicapped, not a drug baby, etc. It can be rough learning the system, but the state covers medical until 18 years of age.

Go on the net and look up adoption through florida. I know you can find a site and start checking it out. We have had no luck with older children, but we did hit gold with the baby girl we got - who is our joy!

D.

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