8 Month Old Not Sleeping Through Night or on Own

Dear A.,

I have a 19 month old that still doesn't sleep through the night. I put him to bed in his crib and then about half way through the night he wakes up and I put him in bed with me until it's time to wake up. A lot of people give me a lot of slack because I bring him in bed with me, but I did the same with my 4 year old who at about 3 years started sleeping all through the night in his own bed with no problems. Bed time is not stressful for him. Some babies just really need to feel someone near. I see that someone suggested the book by Ferber which I think is a completely barbaric method which I personally would never do to my child, but everyone has to decide what is best for them and their situation. I enjoy feeling my baby's warm body snuggled up against me in the middle of the night and I'm taking advantage of these special moments because the time passes too quickly and soon he will be independent enough.
good luck
C. C.

You probably don't want to hear this, but it is really normal that your baby isn't sleeping through the night - think of all the things her mind and body is processing. And as far as her grandparents taking naps with her, it is awesome that you have parents who are willing to love and cuddle your daughter instead of sticking her in a crib somewhere so they can get things done. You and your daughter are truly blessed to have that. The picture of grandparent and baby napping together is precious!

This whole thing about "teaching" babies how to sleep is confusing to me and personally I don't subscribe to the theory behind it. How can it be that babies need to be taught to sleep - we are humans, we know how to sleep, we just sometimes have needs that happen during the night (have you ever gotten up to go pee in the middle of the night or been awake for no reason?) What if I told you, "Now you are going to sleep." Unless you are tired and in the perfect mood for sleep (which it sounds like you are!), you are not going to just fall asleep. It doesn't work that way. If it did, there would be no such thing as insomnia. Sleep is not an on or off thing like a switch. Babies know what they NEED and for some, they need more comfort and closeness, not to be "taught" to not bother mommy or daddy while it's dark out. Parenting is not just a day time job, but a night time one too. And, babies have so many things going on with all the skills they are learning - mentally and physically - and just regular growth that sometimes they're going to need more of your attention (daytime and/or nighttime) - teething, growth spurts, milestones (which your baby is right in the age for heightened mobility milestones), etc. By leaving your baby to cry, you are not really teaching them to sleep on their own, but what you are teaching them is that you are not available to them 24/7 and that if they are upset (crying until vomiting), you cannot be bothered. That is why babies sometimes "learn" to sleep with this method. If no one comes to get them when they need it, they learn to not expect that love, care and concern. And yes, having your baby think this would give you a nice break at nighttime, but think about what it does for your relationship and the trust/love that you share and for their self-esteem.

I know it's not easy, but hang in there. This time is so fleeting and when it's over you will be so happy and proud of yourself that you stayed with it and gave your daughter EVERYTHING that you could. Isn't that our job as parents? It truly takes a strong mama to just be there for her baby without trying to "train" it to be less inconvenient. Good luck and best wishes :)

I know this is not very P.C., but as a sixty year old woman, we used to be much less structured in our babies sleeping expectations. We are, after all, a tribal species, who historically, have lived together in close knit groups for protection. Our society is one of the few that expects our infants to feel secure and safe, sleeping alone, isolated in their own room. Most societies throughout the world keep their little with them in the bed until they are toddlers. Does this reek havoc on your sex life?? Of course! But once we bare children, our focus has to change. Your helpless little one needs comfort and the warmth of family contact to sleep peacefully. I didn't care what my uptight culture told me.......my little girl came to me when she needed to.

Hi A.:
I am a first time Mom to a 2 month-old who has not slept in her bassinet except for a few tries that we had made the first couple of weeks. My husband and I are going to try this coming week to have her sleep in there again, but it has just been easier for all of us to get sleep with her in the bed with us. She has her own little mattress that positions her to sleep on her back or her side. She will nap/sleep in her papasan swing or her rocker chairs during the day. I guess you may just have her "cry it out", but I don't do well with that...I wish you the best of luck and maybe you can give me some advice on how you handle this situation.

Hi A.,
we had the same problem with our first child until we were reffered to a sleep consultant. we found out that we were making so many mistakes and interferring with his sleep. He sleeps like a champ now and so does my second child who is almost 8 months old. The website is 3daysleep.com
it will change your life!!!! You can also call her personally at ###-###-####
just tell her that N. referred you......
Her name is Davis.....she has been on the news here in San Diego numerous times!

Hi A.,

More advice that you can take or leave - everyone's situation is different so I know some will gasp, others will understand. I have a 5 year old and almost 3 year old. Both were breastfed until 2 (my almost 3yo still nurses but very infrequently). Both kids did not technically start sleeping through the night until the age of 2. Both did not sleep in a crib, we co-slept then had a mattress on our floor then moved them to their big kid bed in their room around 2. Both have excellent sleeping habits. I say this because some believe that co-sleeping causes a child to not be able to sleep on their own. Both of mine do and sleep has never been a problem - meaning getting them to sleep (no tears, etc). Of course, I had to nurse them till age 2 but, I took that as part of the job and because they slept with me, I was never sleep deprived. Your little girl is still very young and has just went through some major changes - breastmilk to formula, your bed to crib, she may need some help getting to sleep for a little while. Enjoy her now, she'll be sleeping on her own before you know it!

did your baby sleep with you while she was being nursed during the night?

do you think it's possible she's adjusting to being weaned from the breast and sleeping in the bed with you to sleeping alone in her crib and switching to the bottle? in my opinion that's a big change and she might just be trying to adjust and babies are vocal about losing their comforts.

a friend of mine had a baby that woke up every 1 1/2 hr to nurse and she was so sleep deprived that she tried a method by dr. jay gordon that worked for her. she was able to night wean her son. i think dr. gordon's site is www.drjaygordon.com

good luck!

Hi A.;

I have my children crib besides my bed so that it will be easy to get up and feed my child when I was breastfeeding them. At least she will learn and trained that she sleep in her crib even thought it was in your bedroom. I took out of my child crib when they turn one year old. They're still a baby for me and I love to give them the comfort,attention,love to them. I raised four children, two adults already. My eldest daughter is 25 yrs old and married with 17 mths old daughter, my 21 yrs old son is studying video and game designer in NY, my third daughter is 16 yrs old already in Junior College, 14 yrs old son is my baby and he is freshman in high school. All of them are breastfeeding for 1 1/2 yrs. I stay mom and keep them busy in school and challenged them with music,art,sport,dance etc., I also volunteer in school PTA, room mother,soccer mom, teach art in their school while growing up in elementary and middle school. I also get them involved in Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts since I am a Co-leader of my daughter's troop. Also I will try to help my 14 yrs old son to reach his Eagle Scout Award. I am working with my 16 yrs old daughter to reach her Gold Award with GS. Sometimes when they grow up, they sleeping pattern change. Be patient anc understanding with your precious child. She will be a good daughter when she grows up if you spend lot of time with her growing up together. My suggestions, if she goes to sleep, then take a nap yourself because that's what I do when they go sleep. We needed our beauty sleep. Even myself now, I usually take a nap in the after for one hour or sometimes 1 1/2 hours to rest and I fee great after those nap. Enjoy her and sacrifice is a good way of learning to raise our children. Good Luck.
A.

Hi A.,

We had a similar situation with our daughter after she had a cold at six months. After reading several books I found one I liked. It's called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem by Dr. Richard Ferber. With his gradual method (not too harsh for her or for us) our daughter was sleeping through the night in her own crib in five nights. What a lifesaver!! Just stick with it because it really does work. Good luck!

I just bought the Elizabeth Pantley, No-Cry Sleep Solution, and started her program for getting our daughter to sleep through the night (have 6+ month old). At my six month visit, the doctor said I need to start having her cry it out. I did that ONCE and decided it was not for her or for me. This book is very practical and the suggestions are very do-able. So far, it has improved her nighttime sleeping as well as daytime napping. Check it out. :)

my son is now 13 months and we went through this as well. He was in LOVE with his swing and could only sleep there. So I started putting him in his crib once he fell a sleep at nap times and once that worked at bedtime. It took about a week. Maybe let her cozy up with you until she's relaxed then try the crib. Don't try this at night or the crying will have everyone up. In my experience nap times were the best time to try a transition to the crib. She could be getting more teeth, who knows? My doc suggested adding a little chamomile tea to the evening feeding. I didn't get to this but it sounded like a good idea. Hope this was a little helpful.

Hi A. -

Here's a suggestion that you can take or leave! :o) Since she was sleeping fine before you switched to formula, it sounds like that may be the culprit. My daughter is a spitter, so our ped suggested that we put rice cereal in her formula to thicken it. This also gives her extra calories & we noticed that she started sleeping more solidly when we found the right formula & then started thickening it. You might give it a shot - maybe she would sleep longer before waking with the extra calories. Sometimes I think it's a balancing act between the baby's personality & the million little decisions we make. Good luck with that, I know how hard it is for the baby as well as the parents when everyone is sleep deprived!

there's a great company called sleepy Planet. ###-###-####. You can say S. referred you. They have a book and DVD too called The sleep Easy Solution... it works!

My oldest is 4 and just started sleeping through the night. It's all in their personality. My baby was sleeping through the night at 9 weeks old so go figure.

Good Luck!

sounds like she may have gas and that's what might wake her in the middle of the night - i would try giving some gas relief stuff right before or after bed time bottle and see what happens, sometimes the formula makes them gasy - good luck

It's good that you listened to your heart and stopped allowing your baby to cry alone. She will learn that she can trust you when you respond to her needs. Have you considered that it may not be your baby's need for you that are mixed up, but society's expectations of babies? She needs you 24/7, not only in the daytime hours. Have you thought about letting her come to breast for comfort? Breastmilk doesn't go away all of a sudden, and sucking will produce more milk.
Parenting is not a "convenient" way of life, whatever your choices. An old saying goes,"If you don't wake up for them when they're little, you'll get up for them when they're older."