Does No- Cry Sleep Solution Work ?

Updated on August 17, 2010
V.K. asks from Seattle, WA
74 answers

I have a 5 month old boy, who has gone from being an ok sleeper to a terrible sleeper. He was sleeping 5 - 6 hours at 2-3 months of age and since then has been regressing and getting more and more difficult to put to sleep. We put him down around nine and he wakes up 2-3 times. Sometimes the last time he wakes up which could be anywhere from 4am to 6am, he will not go back to sleep. He is ready to play then, but keeps rubbing his eyes and yawns , so I know he is tired. I breast feed him when he wakes up and he goes back. He starts the night with sleeping in the crib next to our bed and then after he wakes up, I bring him to our bed so that I can get some sleep. I went back to work a few weeks ago and this schedule is killing me. I need sleep! I want to train him to sleep, but I don’t think I can handle the CIO. I am reading Pantley's book about the no-cry sleep solution. Does that work? Anyone have any success? Also, my baby is exclusively breastfed.

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So What Happened?

First of all, let me say WOW! What am amazing netwrok this is. THANK YOU! everyone for your thougtful and detailed responses. Its great to hear that there are other moms like me out there.
I think I'm going to see how it goes with feeding my son cereal to begin with. I tried to do a couple things from Pantley's no cry sleep solution book last night and it did not go too bad, so I am encouraged. Coupled with cereal and gentle weaning, I am going to hope for the best and then take it from there.

Thanks again!

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E.K.

answers from Flagstaff on

If he is only waking up 2-3 times a night, that is pretty good! My daughter has always slept with us, and is exclusively breastfed and I am lucky if she only wakes up 3-4 times. Her sleep patterns have changed every few months. Of doctors who are in favor of AP, most of them say not to sleep train until your child is 1 year old, at least. The reason for more constant waking has to do with development and teething. They don't sleep as well when they are going through physical or developmental growth spurts. They don't sleep well when they are teething. They need comfort. Not to be locked away in a room. I support you not going for the CIO method. It only teaches them you won't be there when they need you. Makes the child less secure later on. Follow your instinct. I understand your need for sleep. The days when River has woken up every hour drain me and I am not a nice person, but she is a happy, independent, well adjusted baby. So sleep is my sacrifice now. It will not be forever. But it's what she needs for the moment. Follow your mothering instincts. It goes against every mothering instinct we have for our child to be crying and us not doing anything about it. I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution for a little while, but River wasn't ready yet. I'll try again in a few months and see if she is ready. Listen to your baby and listen to yourself. If your baby needs comfort more now than ever because of pain and changes, now is not the time to tell him that you won't be there for him. Remember that it's temporary. Go to bed when he goes to bed. Or have your husband put him down and go to bed a little earlier so you can get a head start. What is your long term goal? A happy, independent child who knows that you will be there when he needs you? Or sleep right now at the expense of your child's emotional well being? I'm sorry if that comes off harsh. I don't mean it to. But when you're sleep deprived, sometimes you have to put it in those terms to yourself to do what's best for you and your baby.
Good luck.

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S.M.

answers from Portland on

I have also read that book and used some of the techniques to get my two boys to sleep (8 months and 2.5). My boys were also exclusively breastfed and I consider the CIO method cruel and unusual punishment for our babies! The absolute most helpful thing that I found was not a method but my husband! When my first son was almost 1 we decided that it was time to end nightime nursing so we could all get a little more sleep (we all share a king bed). We started out by having a very consistant evening routine, and when he did wake up my husband would take him, offer him a drink of water, and console him agian until he fell asleep. I tried to help but it was worse with me because he knew that I could nurse him and would just get really upset. It was a ROUGH couple of nights (3 to be exact) for my husband but once it was done and over with we were all greatful and sleeping much better. My son did not continue to wake up during the night after those few nights. Good luck to you!

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C.C.

answers from Portland on

Pantleys book works, but you have to have patience and it is a process that takes a few weeks, because you have to figure out what your baby responds to. But I recommend having compassion for your son, giving him respect, and using it. We never let our son cry it out and we're so happy that we didn't. Your son may be either feeling his teeth come in, or have reflux, or have somethinge else going on; ours started getting ear infections. Ear infections and reflux are aggravated by laying down. My sister-in-law had her baby crying it out while she was suffering from reflux, and in a lot of pain. I'm sure the emotional stress added from having non-responsive parents added to the overall condition of fear and acid production. I also work full time, my baby was exclusively breastfed until 9 months (lots of pumping!), and know that it's hard; but you will feel better if you know you didn't make your son suffer. There were a couple of times when we were too exhausted to get out of bed and he had to cry for an hour or so. THe next day he was wary of us, and whiny, and it made me committed to finding other ways of helping him make it through the night. Also at his first daycare (we later switched), they would ignore him when he cried, and we would find him purple with screaming. This made him fussier all around, for eating and sleeping as well as general behavior. At his new daycare they are nurturing and attentive, and he is an angel again, and relaxed, and easy to read. When I knew what to look for, I realized that there were always reasons for his not sleeping, that could be dealt with (such as teething (give tylenol), illnesses, etc). Now he sleeps about 10 hours a night. Western culture is the only one that thinks it's OK to make your kids cry (scream) it out; we're also the only ones who have widespread bad terrible two's and teenagers who hate their parents. Knowing, listening to, and responding to your childs needs is a continuum that starts now, and lasts for your whole life together, whichever way you choose to handle it. This is a wonderful time of responding using your deepest instincts, that is like no other way of knowing in our life. Best wishes for a cozy close life with your son.

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J.J.

answers from Seattle on

I see you've alrady gotten a lot of responses, so hope mine is not redundant. Sleep was a real problem for us, and I wanted to share what worked for us.

The pediatrician's nurse recommended a version of cry-it-out. My son was 5 months old and sleeping only 3 hours at a time. This is how it worked: We waited for signs of sleepiness (eye rubbing, crankiness, crying), careful to eliminate hunger or diaper as the source of crying. Put the baby in his crib BEFORE he is asleep, but while he is tired. Give the baby 30 minutes alone. He will probably cry a lot. Do not go in for 30 minutes. If still not asleep, take the baby out of crib and have more awake time. Don't try to put him back to sleep. Once he show sleepy signs again, try again.

In three days I had a baby who could put himself to sleep. Bedtime and naptime takes 5 minutes, only longer if I want to read to him, etc. Of course there are bad days, if he is sick, traveling, growth spurt. But generally this method was a lifesaver. For him, and for us. The parents need sleep, too.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

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Y.B.

answers from Seattle on

I would really recommend you read the book before you use the CIO method. Even though many parents say that its hard to let them cry it out its actually( I think ) the easy way out. Its takes commitment and love to help you baby sleep through the night. My pediatrician told me it was like teaching a 2 year old how to drive a car, they are not ready. I highly recommend reading the book she goes more in depth about CIO method and explains it better. Even though it does work for some parents and they say it does not hurt them they are just not seeing it. Babies are more clingy during the day, have more separation anxiety, and later on developmental problems. My son is 8 1/2 months and is very confident of him self because he known I'll be there for him he goes with anyone who wants to carry him and hardly looks back when I say bye to leave he just laughs and laughs.

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A.E.

answers from Seattle on

That sounds EXACTLY like my son, who's now 9 months old. Like you, I also was hoping that the Pantley book would work for us. Unfortunately it didn't, and it took me four more months to get frustrated enough to try something different. We did something called graduated extinction where you put him to bed, let him cry for 3 minutes, then go in and soothe for about 30 seconds. We did this every three minutes for about an hour before he finally fell asleep on his own. The next night, we waited four minutes, and he took 45 minutes. The following night was 5 minutes, and it took him 35 minutes to fall asleep. By the fourth night, he fell asleep by himself within five minutes and didn't wake up the rest of the night. Since then (it's been a couple of weeks), he goes to sleep every night within five minutes and very rarely wakes up during the night. When he does wake up at night, he usually will put himself back to sleep within about a minute. I will say, though, that the first few nights of crying were VERY difficult. It helped knowing that we would be going in to soothe him in just a few minutes. I'm glad we did it, though, because we were bringing him into bed with us every night, and while he slept well, neither my husband nor I did. Good Luck!

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J.O.

answers from Seattle on

I feel your pain. I went through the same thing with my youngest son who is now 8 1/2. I was breast feeding him and no matter what he would not sleep longer than 2 hours unless he was on my chest. turns out he has food allergies and I was eating all things he was allergic to. It didnt help that he is a trong willed little guy. He would stand in his crib later on screaming until he fell over asleep from exaughstion, then the fall would wake him up so he would get back up and start screaming again. My husband at the time worked nights so I got to do it all by myself. Ask the pediatrician about the foods you are eating. I saw recently on the news that the most common food allergies are peanuts egg and dairly which are the ones my son has. Hard to avoid at first but you get used to it. If I had known sooner it would have made him much more enjoyable to have as an infant. now he is the sweetest kid you would ever want to meet. My best friends mom gave me the best advice ever, always remember that this too shall pass.
Hope this helps a little.
J.

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J.S.

answers from Seattle on

Hi V.!
We never tried to let Alyssa cry it out. Couldn't stand the thought of it, even though that's what the books suggest. I nursed her exclusively for the first 6 months, then started adding cereal, etc. Even then, she never slept through the night. If I got 5 hours straight of sleep, I felt great since I had adjusted to getting up so often to nurse her when she woke up during the night. Although I nursed until just before her first birthday, I gradually weaned her from needing to nurse to fall asleep. We danced to music, rocked, bounced - just about anything other than nursing until she fell asleep. It was a long process. At that time, she was taking 2-3 naps per day, and I started with the first nap time. Any other naps and at night, I would still allow her to nurse to sleep. Once she got used to falling asleep without nursing for that first nap, I did the same with her next nap. I was a very gradual process. Alyssa was off the bottle at 9 months, and off breastfeeding at a year old. Once I was done with nursing, she would get milk in a cup before bed, and if she woke during the night. I know it's not "protocol" but no regrets on our end. Those times of rocking, dancing and bouncing can get frustrating even now when she puts up a fight. Sometimes it takes 40 minutes to get her to sleep, but I still cherish those times I get to cuddle and hold her, because otherwise she is a pretty independent little girl. We also put the same cd on in Alyssa's room when she sleeps. I think that helped to get her to sleep a little later in the mornings. I used to turn the music off at 8am if she was still asleep, then she knew it was time to get up. Now she has her own schedule and it's a pretty good one. Good luck! It's not an easy process, but enjoy babyhood - it goes by so fast :-)

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T.B.

answers from Portland on

I went through the same thing with my son, with the advise from his pediatrician I started him on the rice cereal at about 5months. The breast milk alone was not enough to keep him full. I started giving it to him at dinner time then nursed before bed. He started to sleep through the night again. Also I did the cry out thing but my son was about 11 months. My personal feelings are that 5 months is a little early to do the cry out solution but in a few more months if he is still not sleeping I would do it. Its hard the first few nights but it gets much easier and its such a relief. You need you sleep at night to take care of him in the morning and day, simple as that.

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C.B.

answers from Portland on

Dear V.,
I feel for you! My oldest was 4 1/2 years before she slept through the night and by that time we had two other children. One thing that might make a big difference is to move your son to his own room. He may be a light sleeper naturally, and he may be waking up frequently because he hears you and your husband moving in your sleep. You too are probable sleeping with one ear open to listen for him and that will not let you get into the deep cycle of sleep. If he were in his own room he may wake up and go right back to sleep without disturbing you.

Another thought, he may be needing a bit more protien now that he is 5 months old. You might try intoducing just a little in his diet to see if that sistains him through the night. Breast feeding is WONDERFUL, those memories of nursing my children are some of the most precious to me, but having one son and two daughters I noticed a bit difference in what he required as far as food compared to the girls...that old testostrone!

Bless you and your family!

C.

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L.V.

answers from Eugene on

First, I'm so sorry your not getting sleep...that is sooooo hard. I had a friend who tried the book and it appeared that they really struggled (especially with guilt). I have not personally used this method...but I'm writing because I did really enjoy Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth.( Avail. at Barnes and Noble) Dr. Weissbluth founded the Sleep Disorders Center at Chicago's Children's Memorial Hospital. I am in no way implying that your baby has a problem...just that the book is very research based from a physiological perspective...and wheither or not you try his ideas...I feel it really helps you understand where your baby is developmentally and neurologically...so you can feel like your coming from a place of knowledge and understanding about your little one. The first year is so challenging because your babies little body/brain/and nervious system are rapidly changing. I really felt I understood each phase of development better after reading this and it helped my hubby and I decide what sleep plan sounded best for our beliefs. We kinda did a combo of a few...but it really has to feel right to you. Hope this book can be helpful to you and maybe you can find the path that will really serve you and your family. Be Well.

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S.Z.

answers from Portland on

Hi V., I thought I would respond to what I did in this situation. When my daughter was 4 months old we would give her oatmeal in her bottle at night and ONLY night. Like so much that we would fill the bottle to the 3oz rim with oatmeal and put formula to 6 or 7oz with the oatmeal in there already. It seemed to make her full and sleep very well. Some will say, btu they'll gain a lot of weight doing that, in our case that's not true. She is still below avg for her weight.
After a few weeks of doing that we would simply put her in her crib to cry, we never let her cry more than 20 mins adn we just kept working on that. After about a few weeks of doing that I can lay her in her crib and she doesn't make a peep and she sleeps 12 hours! :-)
Do you have an extra room, that you could put him in? Maybe sincing the presence of you makes him want to be close by while he sleeps?
Just a few ideas for ya, hope something works!

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J.

answers from Portland on

Yes. I used this book and techniques with my first son and it did work. My son was older than your baby when we tried it (he was closer to a year), and so it was a little more intense. And my husband isn't very patient when it comes to this kind of stuff, so it's great yours is willing to give it a go. But remember--patience is key! I think trying it now is a great idea. I've already re-read the book so I can train my second son (he's 4 months) correctly from the get-go.

Good luck!
J.
Good luck!

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T.W.

answers from Spokane on

Hey V.,
I am a mom of a 2 month old and I see you have already gotten some wonderful advice. I would like to say that sometimes your child needs to cry to tire themselves enough to sleep. My daughter does this. She is clean and fed and comfortable and she cries for a moment or two and then it's off to sleep. In the beginning it was hard, now that I realize that she's okay it's much better. Also our daughter sleeps through the night. What I did (it might work for you) is when she would wake up in the middle of the night and fuss, I would let her fuss for a minute or two, sometimes she would go right back to sleep, sometimes she would actually start crying so I would pull her into bed with us to nurse her. Now she sleeps all night. Hope this helps (also at your sons age teething maybe keeping him up or he might be ready for some cereal in his diet, though I would talk to your doc about it since introducing solids too early can hurt your babies digestive system but every child is different). I hope this helps!
PS. Also having a dead set bed time is a HUGE help.

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A.G.

answers from Anchorage on

I have no idea about the no-cry sleep solution, but I know exactly what you need to do. Start feeding him some cereal. The only reason a baby wakes up(unless there is a medical problem)is because they are hungry or wet. Since he is only breast fed, start with a rice based baby cereal. Thats what my mom told me when I experienced these same problems. It worked. Annie G.

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D.D.

answers from Seattle on

He is probably getting hungry in the middle of the night. The hunger is keeping him awake. Start him on some cereals mixed with breast milk, maybe some mashed bananas. 6 months is about typical for this to happen. You can express some of your milk and mix it with the cereal.

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J.S.

answers from Seattle on

Hugs to you mama. I've been there. With my first, who is now 5, I really struggled to let him CIO. We coslept till he started wiggling and kicking around 6 months. Unfortunately his crib was in our bedroom and he wanted nothing to do with it. We finally moved things around so he has his own room and that helped. The first 3 days were the worst and then there was an adjustment time after trips. Then at 18 months he learned how to crawl out of his crib and it started all over again.

With my second, I knew I needed the rest and so I started letting her sleep on her own aroudn 4 months. She slept in our room in a bouncer, because the elevated head seemed to help her. Then around 6 months I moved her into her crib in another room. She has slept there ever since. She cries at the most 2-10 min and then she sleeps peacefully.

I think it really depends on the child and the parent. Decide what is best for you. If you need encouragement one way or the other, feel free to e-mail me. I tried both ways and did what was best for me. Try not to let others pressure you.

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M.B.

answers from Seattle on

Hello V.!! I can so symphathize with you!! I have a 2 1/2 yr old Son and a 11 month old Girl and an 8 yr old step-son. We did sleep training with both our 2 year old and our baby girl and I am happy to say both of them are great sleepers today! We were exasperated when my 2 year old was just several weeks old - I was exhausted and saw no hope in sight for sleep. We read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. He is a big supporter of sleep begetting sleep - and really emphasizes an early bedtime. We started getting our kids down early around 6-8 weeks old and were amazed at how this affected their sleep. We were so afraid that would mean earlier wake time and instead they slept longer. We kept a regular bedtime of 6:30 and found them sleeping through until 6:00-6:30 the next morning. Once in a while (especially during a growth spurt) they would awaken for a feed, but still today both kids sleep through the night. As hard as it was, we also had to allow some crying in our sleep training. It is incredibly difficult but when you are able to see the fruits on the other side of it, it helps make it a little easier. We had both kids sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. I would encourage reading the "Sleep Habits" book. It has a lot of really good practical ideas to try. I realize with working full time it will be difficult for an early bedtime - but with a 9:00 bedtime and an early wake time - your baby is tired tired tired!! What is strange - is the more tired they are it seems the less they sleep. Best wishes to you!!

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A.B.

answers from Portland on

if his crib is in your room that may be the problem. I know for my daughter she wakes up (stirs around and opens her eyes) several times during nap and nighttime. If I happen to be checking on her during one of these times and she sees me or my husband she almost always wakes up. So...my suggestion would be to move his crib to his own room or (if you feel a little anxious about that) even outside of yours into a living room or (if it's big enough) the hall. So that when he wakes up he doesn't instantly recognize "the feeder". I know when we finally made the transition with Lily it was harder on me than her. Hope this is helpful.

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B.M.

answers from Eugene on

Hi there,
I feel for you in the sleep department. If you are exclusivly breatfeeding and you have just recently started going back to work he may be wanting more time with Mommy and is trying to adjust to this new thing. Also, you might want to try to put him to bed by 7. This may not work for you to do, but for me and my kids, they always sleep better going to bed earlier. I too had a child who would never sleep and it is rough. But I do know that she needed to be to sleep by seven. I know it may be hard to find their ideal sleep window, but just keep trying and find out what works for you. Children are all different just as we are. Best of luck to you. It is so important to get the sleep we need.
B.

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H.H.

answers from Seattle on

Hi. I'm a Seattle mom and I read the No Cry book. Our 10-month old daughter began sleeping in our bed at 3 months because I was going back to work and she was waking up so frequently that I couldn't think of any other solution for getting enough sleep to function (somewhat). I haven't implemented the whole No Cry solution, but I did do the Gentle De-latch (or Pull Out) whatever it's called, and the first time I had to de-latch her 10 times before she rolled over and wqent back to sleep, but now she either delatches herself after a minute or I just have to do it once. So yes, she still wakes up, but it's only for a minute. The other thing we started doing recently is she starts the night with Dad in a spearate bed for 3-4 hours until she wakes up wanting to nurse and then he brings her to me. That way I get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep and she is learnng that she doesn't need the breast to sleep (because she does indeed wake up a bit with im but she puts herself back to sleep). We may try this for a whole night. I'm sure there will be some crying involved but she will be cuddled the whole time by Dad, so it's not like she is stuck in a crib by herself to cry it out. The reason I may push the issue is because I've heard if you don't get them back into their own space before about one, it is that much harder to do it later since they are then old enough to understand that they are being kicked out. It may happen that we get a king sized bed and we all sleep together until whenever she wants out, but we're not there yet. Hope that helps a little. I understand what you are going through. HH

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C.H.

answers from Seattle on

Hi there,

This happened when my son was about the same age and we discovered that he needed to be fed more. He was waking up because he was hungry! To start, we added rice cereal to breast milk for a few weeks, gradually increasing the amounts and kinds of cereal as he continued to grow. You will be surprised at the difference a full tummy makes, to you and to him!
C.

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A.P.

answers from Bellingham on

I too was totally against the cry it out method until I just couldn't take it anymore. It was really hard, but for my daughter it only took one night the first time to get her sleeping through the night. I really liked the book "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" it really explained how important sleep is to their development. I have heard good things about the no cry sleep solution from the people in our la leche league group, though I never tried it myself. It may be a good thing to try first. Good luck!

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L.S.

answers from Seattle on

I'm no expert, but maybe it time start with some baby food, it sound to me that your needs more food besides just your milk, or he might be teething. And maybe get a some type of music for him to listen to, to calm him down to go back to sleep, some like something that has A,B,C's for him to learn later on, something in that nature.

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M.H.

answers from Spokane on

YES!!! I had the same problem with my oldest son (who is now 4.5 and sleeping great!) and I loved the NCSS. I also nursed, and my son would start out in his own bad, and end up in ours so I could get some sleep. CIO was not really an option, bacause not only was it hard to do, but it didn't work for him! It didn't seem to matter how long we let him cry, we would NEVER fall asleep. I highly recommend the book. You will feel so much better aboout it in the end, and your son will be getting much better sleep.

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J.P.

answers from Seattle on

My brother had this exact same problem with his babe. The solution was really hard on mommy and child, but it worked awesome. She stopped breast feeding him at night. She would rock him or do whatever at first to get him to go back to sleep, but didn't feed him at all. They're stomachs can go the night without problem. Once he got used to not eating at night, and not expecting to eat at night, he actually started sleeping longer and longer. Then after about a month, he was sleeping all through the night. I don't know if this will help you, just thought I'd throw it in there. Good luck!

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T.A.

answers from Corvallis on

Hi,

It has been a long time since I personally had to deal with this situation since my baby is now a 9 year old. Also, I don't know very much about the no-cry sleep solution. The reason I am bother to respond though, it to encourage you to try the CIO method. It was VERY difficult for me as well. I actually had to go sit outside in front of the house to not hear the crying. Of course I made sure my son was safe, and I would poke my head in every 5 minutes or so. The only time I went to him was when it sounded like he was hyperventilating. Then I would put him back in a comfortable position and rub his back without talking. I can remember that it took less than a week before he was sleeping through the night.

The main reason I feel this is so important is that it is NOT cruelty and doesn't even count as tough love. Kids need to learn to cry themselves to sleep inorder to learn to comfort themselves as they get older. Mostly, you should try it for yourself. There will be so many times in the future where you have to do something to push your child -even though it hurts you (crib to bed, eating vegetables, getting rid of the pacifier, completing homework etc...) Getting through this will show you that you have the strength to do what is actually right for you child rather than what feels right at the time.

I'm not an expert in this area by any means, I just remember going through this myself like it was yesterday. One more thing that I am sure the other mothers will mention, any chance you can move the crib out of your bedroom? The longer you wait the harder it will get in my experience.

Best of luck to you,
T.

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T.S.

answers from Portland on

I don't think anyone mentioned...if you just went back to work, this may be part of it...has happened to a lot of moms I know when they go back to work (their baby regresses in sleep habits). Bottom line, in my opinion, no one idea will work for every family. Decide what feels right for you and your baby, from multiple books if need be, and stick to it. Consistancy is the most important thing. My daughter is almost five months, and I have heard from many that around the 4-5 month mark the start waking up more, and mine has (4-5 times a night---ouch!!) So I get it! But please don't go wishy washy into it, set a plan you KNOW you can stick to in the middle of the night when you are exhausted and just want to go back to sleep...and bring dad into to it too! (I use various ideas from No-Cry, Baby Whisperer, and Dr. Sears Baby Book, which is also online for free).

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S.V.

answers from Portland on

Just a thought on some of the other responses you have gotten.... don't start solid foods (rice cereal) too soon. You should be following the baby's signals (a change in normal feeding pattern or sleeping pattern - ie different than before) and check with your doc. If you start on solid's too soon, it could cause childhood diseases like juv diabetes!!

I would recommend the book "Babywise" - it is a great help and you can find it at most libraries if you don't want to buy it. I breast feed - have with all 4 of my kids... don't feed too often, get a schedule - EASy - Eat Activity Sleep.... in that order, and if he wakes up, don't nurse until at least 2-3 hours since the last feeding. If you can get consistent with that schedule, the kids do start sleeping longer. Don't let him fall asleep nursing, he may not be getting a full feeding and snacking isn't good for babies.

It will not hurt your child to cry to sleep - at this age, it won't take long, the first time maybe up to an hour (and you can go in and comfort him every 5-10 minutes, just don't pick him up), but the next time will be less and less the next after that until he just lays down. Better to have that experience now than when they are two - its a good way for them to realize they won't always get their way.

I also am realizing with my 4 mo old that I shouldn't have ever stopped swaddling any of my kids. You might have to find a bigger blanket than the small receiving blankets, but if you can get their arms tucked in by his sides and tuck the blanket around both sides nice and tight... he might struggle for a minute or two, but will quickly decide that it's cozy and easier to sleep - they feel like they are being cuddled the whole time.

Good luck - every one is happier if mom is well rested - I hope you get it soon.

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G.S.

answers from Portland on

We did it and it was so very hard BUT, it is your job as as parent to teach your child to sleep and as my pediatrician said, if you don't do it as early as possible, you will have a 4-yr. old sleeping with you and unable to soothe themselves. You have to prepare yourself and once you start, don't backslide...it is that much worse if you start then give in.

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J.A.

answers from Seattle on

I am a mom of a 3 yr old girl and 2 yr old boy. I am not familiar with the no-cry sleep solution, but we had "issues" with my daughter. We bought into a theory in regard to the importance of naps, scheduling and letting them self soothe. We finally got her on a schedule where she would nap in the morning for about an hour and a half then play, then lunch, nap at 12-3 then play, dinner @5 or so, bath @6:30, book or songs and bedtime @7:30. Honestly, it was brutal at first, because you just want to cuddle them and not have them cry, but the idea was that they learn to self soothe and go back to sleep on their own. eventually it worked. As far as the crying, we would let her cry for 5 minutes, then go in and pat her - don't pick them up or feed them, and then push it to 10 minutes, 15, etc. after about a week she was sleeping well. It worked great for us and i know with my son, he is a great sleeper, but every once in a while (usually after he has been sick) he will wake up in the middle of the night. My husband and i have to remind ourselves that he will go back to sleep - otherwise, he will get up and be ready to play at 3am! It is worth a shot - see what works for you and good luck - sleep deprivation is terrible!!

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C.D.

answers from Portland on

Have you tryed to offer a little baby cereal befor bed, that fills their bellys up, also do less naps during the day. If your baby holds his head up really well try some toys that you can put him in ( i.e. a jumper or walker) I did that with my children and after I put them to bed they slep at least 6-8 hours a night. Remember their sleep patterns change. One thing I would highly recomend, don't let him get used to sleeping with you, they won't out grow it!!!!

P.C.

answers from Portland on

My daughter, who is now 18 months old, was exclusively breastfed for about 7 months and like you, it was easier to get "some" sleep by letting her sleep in our bed. But that didn't necessarily mean I got any sleep because she would wake and kick me and squirm and all that stuff. The cry it out method worked for us. It took about 4-5 nights and she was only crying for a few minutes after we put her in her crib. Then she would pass out. After that, it was keeping her in her bed all night that was the problem. Until recently, a month or two ago, she would wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and cry until me or my husband went and picked her up and brought her to our bed for the rest of the night. I'm 6 months pregnant now and about 2 months ago, I started ignoring her cries in the middle of the night because I was just too tired to get up out of bed. She cried like crazy for a couple of nights, then just started sleeping through the night until our alarm goes off in the morning. Now when it gets to be about 8:30 or 9, she asks for her binky and we ask her if she's ready for bed and she says yes, then goes and lays down her bed and sleeps all night. I only hope this continues once her baby sister arrives in late May.

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K.S.

answers from Seattle on

I have three children - and one of them was a no-cry sleeper the other two were not. (The no-cry sleeper is my happy, mellow kid - the other two are whirlwinds!)

I used the cry it out method with my excusively breast-fed oldest at six months. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I literally sat on the edge of the bed watching the video baby monitor. He conked out after about thirty minutes of crying. (And of course, I still sat there and watched him.) He woke up about 90 minutes later and cried for a few minutes but went back to sleep fairly quickly. After that, it was smooth sailing. He slept twelve hours each night, every night. (And stopped taking naps, but I thought it was a good trade off.)

With my youngest: I put him down and then I went and took a LONG shower - so I didn't have to sit and listen to him wail. He usually cried for about five minutes every night after I put him down, but would sleep pretty well after that.

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A.T.

answers from Portland on

Hi V.,

My son who's now 2.5 years, had a heck of a time sleeping at that age. I tried the no-cry sleep solution, the ferber method and none of them worked! For my son, the more I would go to soothe him the more he would wake up. The Ferber Method he cried relentlessly for sometimes 2+ hours, he was miserable, I was a wreck. But then I finally found Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth, MD. In this book, I discovered that we had been putting our son to bed too late (even though we wasn't fussy), and then we had missed the go to sleep window. We were putting him to bed between 8-8:30, when he really needed to go to sleep at the latest of 7pm. Once, I read Weissbluth's book, and got him onto the right night schedule for him, he began sleeping longer stretches. This also helped tremendously with his nap schedule as well.
Good luck,

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S.S.

answers from Seattle on

Everyone has their own ideas and preferences about parenting that work for them, which is perfectly normal and expected. You try things out and see what works and what doesn't. We tried the no-cry sleep method, it didn't work for us. My friend uses it, it works for her, but she's a stay-at-home mom, so she doesn't have to be up at a designated hour and go to work every day (and her daughter, now two, still gets up every night.)
For us, what worked was the "babywise" book, you basically get really anal about a feeding/sleeping schedule for a while until the baby is sleeping on his/her own through the night. (and I breastfed.) My cousin has a baby the same age as mine and after six months on the no-cry method w/ little sleep, he borrowed my babywise book. His baby was sleeping through the night after a week.
Some people don't like this method, they think it's too rigid etc., but you can tweak it to work with your lifestyle. I just think the most crucial thing is a normal schedule, It works beautifully for us, and our baby sleeps 12 hrs. now (usually.)
So there's my two cents.
Also, babies are going to cry a little, but it's always harder on us than them. My baby usually cries for 2 minutes or less when we put her in her crib, and then she's asleep.

Good luck!

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B.G.

answers from Portland on

I'm not familiar with the no-cry sleep solution . . . but here is what I would do, and it might include some crying. :( I would put his crib in his room so that you aren't waking up with every little noise. It could be that with a little time he'll be able to put himself back to sleep without you taking him to bed. It will feel cruel at first, but in the long run it is best for you and him to sleep through the night, right? I would start rice cereal a little early. It could be that as you're working, even part time, that your milk supply is starting to decrease that he might not be getting as much as he needs to sleep through the night. Some parents simply add some rice cereal to bottles (which would only work while you are at work), and if you're strictly breast feeding, then just start with one feeding a day . . . in the evening might prolong his sleep at night!

If he is napping for long hours during the day, you might consider regulating his sleep habits during the day. All the kids I've known on a flexible schedule have been very happy and well adjusted kids. I have a friend whose baby is probably the exception, but she put her kid on a schedule from the beginnging (a loose schedule), and he was sleeping through the night in his crib in his own room. I'd love to hear if any of these suggestions help!

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J.F.

answers from Bellingham on

I think the best/fastest/ most painless way to sleep train is to let them cry- as hard as it is:( I have a one year old son and it took him only 2 nights of crying and he was sleeping through the night from 7 pm to about 6 or 6:30AM. My sister's adice, which I followed, was between the ours of 8 and 6 to go in briefly, lie them back down, tell them to go back to sleep- you don't need to opick them up or nurse them. My son is exclusively nursed as well. We loved the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child," as a resource. Also, Is his crib in his own room? If you're going to do the cry out method, I think being in their own room is key. Also, do you think your child might be hearing you at night ans that is why he is waking?

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J.L.

answers from Corvallis on

I would suggest talking to his dr and see if you can start giving him a little cereal before bed.
Do you have a normal routine for him before bedtime?
If he knows that he gets to sleep with you, he will wake up to get in bed with you. My suggestion on this one is put him back in his crib when he is done eating, and if you want wait till he is asleep. I also nurse and put my daughter back in her crib when she falls back asleep.
I wish I knew what to tell you about how to break the waking during the night. We have good night and nights where it feels like we are up every hour (my daughter is 9 mo.). I have been told that its anxiety (and should outgrow it), but I know my daughter doesnt self sooth well. Good luck on this and I would be curious how you handle it.
Around five months I found that I had to start taking my daughter in my room to get her to sleep at night. I leave it dark and have it quiet. Now she knows that it is time to sleep when I take her in there around 830pm. Also when she wakes at night keep it dark and quiet and he will learn to relate that to sleep.
I wish you the best of luck!!!

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M.C.

answers from Seattle on

I'm not familiar with the No-Cry sleep solution but I'm letting my baby girl cry herself to sleep and this method worked for me. I didn't start having to use this method until recently with my 9.5 month girl. Although, between 5-8 months she would wake 1-2 times in the night at least once a week so her sleeping through the night wasn't as awful as it could've been. But she started to do it more often and we thought it was due to her teething. So one night I laid her down and she started crying right away but gave her one more reassurance, hugged and kissed her, told her goodnight and to go to sleep, put her back down and left the room. She cried for 25 minutes and of course it just kills you to listen to it. Next time, she only cried for 15 minutes and the next time it was 5-10 minutes. The last few days of this with her nap and nighttime sleep, she seems to know the routine and she will either play for about 5 minutes and then she's asleep. It is one of the hardest things a parent can do but you are encouraging your child to develop and learn on their own how to sooth themselves to sleep. Later on as an adult, they will have less sleep difficulties. I don't encourage listening to your baby cry but I only like to make sure that it is just crying my baby is doing which means she's ok. Don't wait too long too start. You will see improvement and having your husband and/or family members support you with it is a great help for you mentally, as a parent. You ever need to vent about this with another parent who's gone through, feel free to contact me. Good luck and remain positive!

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C.W.

answers from Portland on

I don't have any great advice for you, but wanted to offer my support to hang in there. It gets better! The problem we found was that it gets better on your baby's schedule, not yours. My son (now 6 years) never slept more than 2 hours in a row until he turned 1 year. I breast fed him, we co-slept, it was exhausting. Periodically we would try various sleep strategies (ones that involved some crying and ones that didn't) for 2 weeks at a time--nothing worked. I finally weaned him and it got better. I think if we could have gotten him to go back to sleep without nursing (and without completely weaning him) that might have worked, too. Good luck!

BTW, at 2 and a half years he became the perfect sleeper--and has been ever since.

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C.W.

answers from Seattle on

I read the book. I thought it was helpful as far as setting up good routines and how it is important for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. That being said I didn't end up using all the principles as far as actually getting my daughter to sleep. It sounded like too much work to me!
My daughter was also exclusively breast-fed. What helped me was talking to my pediatritian. He said that there is no physical reason for them to wake up. They don't NEED to eat. It definitely sounds like in your case having you come in and nurse is becoming a comfort thing... hence the reason that it's getting worse.
I guess I'm a hard-nose but when I realized that my little one was manipulating me... that was it! I don't have too much trouble listening to her cry as long as I know that there isn't anything wrong.
You might want to try what I did. She was too stubborn to actually CIO and fall asleep at least in the beginning. I think I let her cry for an hour and then decided that she'd had enough. I think she would have cried forever! I made her wait for an hour to 45 minutes each night and by the 3rd night she went back to sleep on her own. I think when she woke up she decided that it wasn't worth all the effort to cry for an hour so she gave up!
Even now (18 months) she will go thru spells where she will wake up. We have gotten up to comfort her since it is unusual so we are more worried. Teething usually. Unfortunately, it will become a habit and we will have to let her CIO again. After that night she won't do it again for a long time.
If you don't think you can do an hour then decide for yourself how long you will wait. Then try to wait longer and longer each night. It sounds like a lot of sleepless nights but I bet it won't take much longer than 5 days before your little one is going to sleep by himself.
Good Luck!

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

I don't really have any advice for you, but to tell you that every baby is different. I have two that are OCMPLETELY opposite. Some babies learn from the cry-it-out method very well. My son is one of them. It will take him 1-2 nights and he never cries for more than 5 minutes. My daughter on the other hand would cry for hours and never fall asleep. being left like that made her scared and she felt rejected. Leaving her to cry it out made her so much more clingy and untrusting. Needless to say, I gave it up and tried other approaches. Try to pay attention to your baby's temprament and how he feels when you try different approaches. Being angry or frustrated because he doesn't get what he wants is fine, but scared or heartbroken is not.

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B.S.

answers from Honolulu on

Your situation sounds a lot like mine except my son is 4 1/2 months. I tried the cereal but it doesn't help he still awakens every 2-3 hours. I am trying the NCSS, but I'm no having much luck. Let me know if it works for you.

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K.G.

answers from Seattle on

It it really hard to let them cry it out! I know, my son who is now 15m old, was a TERRIBLE sleeper up until we made him cry it out in his crib. He was up every hour or so and we got no sleep. Finally at his 6 month check up my Dr told me to put him in his crib and let him cry. It was really tough and it took a week or two until he stopped. I would go check on him and feed him and then just put him in his crib and let him cry. But now he is the best sleeper! I am so happy and I think it is because he learned to put himself back to sleep. He sleeps from 7pm to 8am without a peep and has been since about 9 months. Good Luck!

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R.C.

answers from Seattle on

what exactly is the no-cry sleep solution, i'm curious...

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A.C.

answers from Seattle on

Hi V.,
Have to agree with the fact that putting a baby in it's own bedroom is the answer. The rice cereal is a great one too. My daughter, now 47 :o) never slept over an hour night or day. You can't even imagine tired. Because my little one was drinking more milk than a baby that old should drink, I did start her on cereal and put her in her own room, instead of ours, and the first night she went right to sleep and slept 12 hours. I would say, if I remember correctly, that she cried for just a few minutes. I must have checked her a doz. times during the night to see if she was alright. She was 5 months old. By the way, she did have a pacifier (Binky, in case no one knows what that is these days:o) Good luck.

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T.E.

answers from Seattle on

Hi
Iam a mother of three, ages 13yrs , 3yrs and 3 mos. I also breast fed all mine, still with my 3month old of course. Just from reading your letter It sounds like your son is reacting to your new work schedual . This will undoubtly get better but for now change is difficult. I haven't heard of the no cry sleep soultion. A bit of advice I will pass on to you, with issue of sleeping in babies own bed,great grandma said " no baby dies from crying, it makes their lungs stronger." ok now I thought she was crazy, no way was I going to listen to my little angel cry,he needed me, I was his only one that could console him ect..... (this is the now three year old.)At five mos. my husband said enough, he needs to sleep in his crib. We tried everything. In the end letting him cry it out was what worked. He cried for two weeks everynight, some nights about two hours, It Killed me! My husband sat beside me on the couch tried to keep me calm ect...I went in about every 20 minutes stood in the door way and told him, mommy is still here I love you please go to sleep. He was the hardest, even my three month old lays down in her crib and goes to sleep with no problems what so ever.
This is hard I know but if you have to work you have to get some sleep . I found eventually we all slept dramaticly better with him in his crib. He seemed more rested (as we did)and more secure in everything else he was to attempt. Good luck and be strong.
T.

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L.R.

answers from Seattle on

I've never tried that, but what worked for my kids is putting them to bed earlier. When kids are overtired, they tend to wake up more. Adults do that to--in fact when I'm overtired I don't sleep well at all. Try moving the bedtime up 1/2 hour. The other thing is to have a very specific bed time routine. At that age our was bath, jamies, bottle, bed. Kids thrive on routine and the more you stick with that, it will trigger that your baby should go to sleep.

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B.Z.

answers from Seattle on

Hi I am a Mom of three kids , now all grown up , It sounds like your baby is not getting enough substance from your milk , I also breast feed , and worked full time .. this is what I did .. Before I put the baby down for bed I would breast feed .. stop in the middle and feed some baby cereal.. and top the rest of his feeding off with breast milk .., in no time he was sleeping all night . Hope it helps .. It really works and the baby is happier

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T.V.

answers from Seattle on

Looks like you have gotten quite a few responses, all across the board! My daughter was a great sleeper and then my son came along and things weren't quite as easy. I think the best thing to do is talk with your pediatrician. Mine helped a great deal when I was going through this. We put our son in his crib in his own room around 3 months although he was still nursing a couple of times a night. By about 6 months I was ready to pull my hair out, but we did the cry it out method. It was VERY hard, but I'm of the belief that if you've done everything you can, they have to learn to put themselves to sleep. If he stopped crying when I picked him up, he had nursed, didn't have a fever etc etc, then I would lay him back down and say good night. One night he cried for 3 hours...it was horrible. It took a couple of weeks, then night by night got better and better. He's now 21 months old and he sleeps through the night. He also puts himself to sleep for naps and bedtime. Something else for thought...my son is a light sleeper so it was hard the first few months when he as in our room. They can sense you there and hear the little sounds we make in the middle of the night. If his crib is still in your room, maybe he needs his own quiet room. I know it helps my son to have it totally quiet. Just a thought...you know your son better than anybody! I really would talk with your Dr though (if you haven't already). I read someone suggest that their tummys can make it through the night, but if your son is on the lighter side, your Dr may want you to continue a nightly nursing. My son was a little below average on his weight so she didn't want me to stop the nightly nursing until he was a little older. I wish you the best of luck and I really feel your pain. I remember it like it was yesterday!!!

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A.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

All my friends who used the CIO method claim their children sleep through the night but really their children still wake up a ton they just ignore it. I have been there when it has happened. That means the child didn't really learn to sleep through the night...what happens when the child has a fever or something serious and they don't check? I think you should always check when a child cries. My daughter is 11 months old and she slept with me and I would just let breastfeed her whenever she woke up. Now we are training her to sleep in her own bed and night weaning her as she has become a night eater. We do her nighttime routine and then rock her until she is almost asleep. Then I lay her in her crib and pat and rub her back until she falls asleep. That way she is awake when she falls asleep so she doesn't wake up not knowing where she is. Every time she wakes up one of us goes in, rocks her if necessary, lays her back down, and pats and rubs her back until she goes back to sleep. I sing to her or hum too. She usually goes to sleep within minutes. CIO just seems so cruel to me. I would not want to be alone screaming in a room. You have to think about what you would want and do the same for your baby. I love massaging her because I know a massage before bed would be super relaxing for me.

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J.H.

answers from Seattle on

I'm in the same boat you are. My son will be 5 months in a couple days. He started out sleeping 7 hour stretches and now..he's up every 2-3 hours. I have the no cry book but haven't really followed it. I took some parts out of it but not the actual routine. Currently we are using the baby whisperer book. She has lots of info. from listening to your baby cries, putting on a schedule and it's not done by letting them cry it out.
I've been reading that more. I'm starting out with our daytime schedule as sometimes better nighttime sleep will follow if daytime is good. Good Luck!!

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A.M.

answers from Seattle on

We tried that book for a while. For us the book itself didn't "work" but we gained ideas of how to work on the problem. It's all trial and eror. You try something that seems to work with your family and your child. There is no one solution for every baby.
Just reading and trying some of the things was calming and gave me a sense of not being alone in it. I could not do CIO and you shouldn't do that before 6 months anyways (according to my child development proffessor who has 2 PHD'd in psychology and child deveolpment). It makes sense that our instincts tell us there is something very uncomfortable about doing that to our children.
Sorry this is so long! We too had our son in the crib next to our bed. We figured out that our noises were causing him to wake up. We slowly moved the crib to another room. I told myself that even if it sucked for a while I would nurse him and then always put him back in his crib. It slowly got better but he didn't sleep the whole night til he was 10 months. 2-3 times waking sounds pretty normal for a 5 month old. Good Luck!

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H.C.

answers from Seattle on

Have you tried taking him to the doctor? I know my boys didn't sleep well when they had ear infections, it hurt worse when they laid down.

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E.F.

answers from Portland on

V.,
YES; I have heard wonderful things about the No Cry sleep solution, and Jay Gordon also has a good book out (title escapes me)....my son went through the exact same thing at this age; developmentally this is the age for lots of big shifts: they are getting mobile, learning to pick stuff up, learning object permanence, etc... it is DEVELOPMENTALLY NORMAL for them to wake more, and it does not last. As for the CIO: You are absolutely right to resist it; try reading Ghosts In the Nursery for info on the impact that sort of stress has on the developing brain; scary read! Does your schedule allow you any flexibility, or any chance for a nap at some point so you can get rest? I know it is a rough period; hang in there!!!!
E.

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A.S.

answers from Portland on

CIO sucks! I like the no-cry sleep book and used some ideas from it that worked. I didn't strictly follow it though. Consider that this is an age where there is a growth phase and breastfeeding needs increase. It will pass. If the co-sleeping isn't allowing you to rest enough then I would suggest keeping him in his own bed.That probably means less sleep for you in the couple of weeks it takes to make the transition, but then hopefully more sleep later. You would be getting up for him to nurse then putting him down in his own bed. Or contorting yourself so he can nurse while he stays laying in his bed, lol! Would your son take a bottle from DH at night?
Good luck! I went through lots of night waking with my son too, but at least I only had to work part time. We ended up co-sleeping a lot at that age, but I was able to sleep while he nursed.

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K.M.

answers from Seattle on

we did it with our daughter at 8mths and i wish i had done it sooner. it took two days of ignoring her cries and she has slept through the night ever since for 10-13hrs except when sick.

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J.N.

answers from Seattle on

We did not find that the No-Cry Sleep solution worked, nor do I personally know anyone that it did work for (I do know several people who tried it). Before you try anything I would talk with your doctor. I was so tired with my daughter and had read that at 6 months, she shouldn't need to eat at night anymore. I was exclusively breatfeeding, so I was tired! However, my daughter was also very small and my doctor said, yes MOST babies don't need to be eating at night after 6 months. but that if my daughter woke up hungry that I needed to feed her, posssibly until she was a year old! I almost cried! In any case, she started sleeping through the night at around 9 months on her own. It was the same time that we moved her from a cosleeper in our room to her own crib in her own room. We found that our noise was waking her up at night! She slept much better on her own! We started her out napping in her crib and then moved to nights with no problem. I would really reccommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and would really stay away from Babywise. I know that some people like it, but my doctor said that the eating schedule is dangerous. Another great book is Baby 411. They are definately more on the Ferber side, but not at 5 months old. They also have a warning in their book about Babywise. Good luck! Living without sleep is so hard.

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D.X.

answers from Seattle on

I hate to tell you this but, stop breast feeding only. give him some diluted baby cereal before he goes to bed, and I'll bet the farm he sleeps much longer. how do I know this? been there, done that, have a closet full of t-shirts. He is going thru a huge growing spurt, and he's probably having some teething issues as well. but just try the cereal, even if it's only once. my bet is the milk is not lasting his hunger throughout the night. and put him in his own space.

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M.P.

answers from Spokane on

Hi V.,

I'm afraid I don't know much about the no-cry sleep training, but as a mom of four I can tell you that NO method will work for each child.

Keep in mind his age - 5 mos - I've noticed that around 5-8 mos it seems like babies (at least mine and a few friends I've shared with) regress a bit in thier sleep patterns. It's almost like they become more needy in the night. I often wonder if fears come into thier dreams at this point too as they are become more aware of thier surroundings, experience mama only syndrome :) and can dream about some of those worries, which may wake them up more.

We co-sleep with our 6 month old and she's been waking several times a night again, not completely awake, but crying and will drift back off when you snuggle her. She feeds once a night.

I'm sorry you're tired! It's SO hard when you're tired - I've been there, too! A huge HUG sent your way! :)

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B.L.

answers from Eugene on

I've read Pantley's book and adopted some of her techniques to my son. When he was about 8 months old, he was sleeping in his crib, but not through the night. I was nursing him as well. The CIO method was not something I wanted to try so I did all the charting suggested in Pantley's book. It was interesting to look at the patterns that developed in the sleep chart. However, I found that her methods of sitting in the room and gradually pulling myself out to be outside the door simply didn't work with my son. It just made things worse. I ended up having my husband go to him in the middle of the night, I eliminated the night time comfort feedings, and he did cry it out for a few minutes each night. This lasted a couple of weeks, but the crying became less and less. It was harder on us than him. Whatever you do, you must stick with it. My son eventually stopped waking up for comfort when he realized mama wasn't coming in to get him. He wasn't interested in waking up so daddy could come to him.....daddy doesn't have boobs! So, he eventually gave up and slept all night. Now, at 20 months, my son sleeps all night for about 12 hours. I hope it lasts because we've got another one on the way in 9 weeks! AH! Good luck to you. You can do it. Is there any way you can get him in his own room away from the ever ready milk supply? It may help. Sounds like he has easy access from where he is sleeping right now. I understand the exhaustion, I started bringing my son into bed with me, too. But, something has to change, it's just not working for any of you anymore. Ask your doctor how often he should be getting up at night to nurse at this age. That will help you make your plan for sleep training.

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C.T.

answers from Eugene on

Hi,
I am no expert but I do have a couple of kids one is almost 3 and the other is almost 2 and I have one due in April. This is so personal but I really believe that you should move the crib to the baby's own room. I'm sure it dosen't help when the baby wakes to look over and see you there especially if you are letting him cry it out. What is also in my oppinion the thing to do. Not easy in any way, & I know it is soooo hard but I promise the few nights of going through that will help you and your whole family!!!! Working full time maybe do it over the weekend, starting on a friday night. We (my husband and I) have laid in bed and listened to crying babys lots. Sometime up to 45 min. and you go throgh sooo many emotions sad, sick to your stomach, and you even get angry!! The crys will even become bloodcurdling. Just remember alot of our kids behaviors are learned behaviors. So the way you react to what he is doing he will always expect that.
Good luck and God bless you and you family. Michele

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A.B.

answers from Portland on

Hello! It is a relief to hear you don't want to let your baby CIO! I would like to direct you to a fourm that I am so thankful for. Kellymom.com. Also, what we have done is 'side-car' our crib to our bed. It's been really really great for us! You can google it or search out that phrase on kellymom and there will be sites on how to do it. IMO 'sleep training' is a touchy subject. If letting your baby cry himself to sleep goes against your insticts, then listen to your heart! There ARE ways to make it easier on both of you though!!! If you post something up on kellymom you will get valuable information, endless support ant all kinds of ideas!!!

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C.J.

answers from Seattle on

My sister is a Lactation nurse and says that most breastfed babies need to be fed during the night for the 1st year. It's normal. So maybe one of the times waking up is truly for hunger and the others for fun. Kids do change their sleep schedules for all sort of reasons (growing, sick, new learnings, new skills, etc..) Mine just slept with me so I could be rested. Now, I nursed for 2 years and wasn't ready for the bed battle until just recently (not sure if you want to go through that!). I would probably hold off on no night time feeding until he is having 3 meals a day. Then you know you are not depriving him of nutrition he needs. but eliminating the extra feedings at night should be fine. If you feed him on the first wake up and then use what ever method you choose to not feed him on the others, he'll probably get use to that. If he's not truly hungry with the 1st, my guess is that once he learns to go back to sleep on his own he won't wake you up for that 1st feeding. Best wishes.

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A.A.

answers from Portland on

A friend recommended a book entitled "Sleeping Through the Night" and it has worked wonders for us. We put our twin boys to bed at 7 pm and they wake up around 3 am to breastfeed and then return to sleep until 7 am. It takes about two weeks to really get them sleeping well and the first couple of nights are rough.

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A.H.

answers from Seattle on

This may sound a little easy, but have you tried moving the crib completely out of your room? There is no reason for the crib being in your room> I am unsure of the method you are talking about, so I cannot help you there. I exclusively breastfed all 3 of my children up to a year- by their choice and not mine. I tried the cereal route around 6-8 months but they were not that interested. Good luck.

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W.P.

answers from Seattle on

V., it is ironic that I just joined Mamasource and this is the first time I've gotten connected to the moms out there. This morning I am celebrating the first night my 9-month old daughter slept throught the entire night. She was in our bedroom until 6 days ago, went from her bassinet right by our bed (we did the bringing her into bed in the middle of the night), then she was in a crib across the room. I was getting up every 2.5 hrs with her, nursing her, rocking her back to sleep, until I just couldn't so it any more. I went back to work 4 months ago and I was hitting the wall.

We moved her into our spare bedroom and I worked with her on CIO. The first night she cried for an hour and a half. I would go in every 5 minutes at first, then 10, and give her a hug, let her lay her head on my shoulder, rub her back and tell her I love her and that it is time for sleeping. Then I would leave, not picking her up and not feeding her. Kept going in and eventually she lay herself down and fell asleep. She also uses a pacifier. The next couple of nights she fussed for about the same amount of time before going back into a deep sleep. She was getting up very early too and having a hard time going back to sleep. It's gotten better every night until last night!! I put her down at 7:30, she cried for about 7 minutes then went to sleep and she is still sleeping, at 6:23 am!

I'm with you, the lack of sleep was starting to make me really crazy and feeling pretty unhappy. CIO is hard but I approached it like training for the sleeping olympics :) It's really for everyone's health. We all need a good night's sleep, including our babies. The best of luck to you. I hope this was helpful! W.

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M.H.

answers from Seattle on

I tend to like compromise and moderation, so my approach shows a lot of that.
I have a six month old, and we're working on sleeping. She is usually pretty good, but still young enough that things are in flux.
What has worked for us:
1) She sleeps in her own bed. This keeps us from waking her up with our activity, and it also means that i don't wake up to her every noise - only the big ones. Our daughter is in her own room, but, depending on how quiet you guys are and how big your room is i think this could work with a crib in your room, too.
2) After about 4 months i stopped getting up every time she fussed. She wakes up a couple of times a night and fusses. I don't respond unless it is an 'escalating' fuss. Usually she is just making noise as she rolls over and goes back to sleep within a minute. I think this is important because when i was going in every time she was also completely waking every time. Now she has learned to settle herself. (And i don't have to get out of bed.)
3) My daughter is also exclusively breast fed. In the past few weeks i've taken note that she eats every 4-5 hours during the day. Now, at night, if its been 4-5 hours since she ate i get up and nurse her. I try to make sure that i don't rush her so she gets a full feeding. Otherwise i send my husband in to soothe her by patting her back or sometimes picking her up. I find that i can tolerate getting up once or twice to feed her when i can sleep the rest of the time.
4) I need to send my husband in, though, or it won't work. But, since we started doing things this way its only been necessary about three times. Now she wakes up twice to eat and sleeps for about 11 hours. I find that if one of us has to go in and soothe her we are best off getting her completely calm or asleep before we leave.
5) In the mornings she'll wake up happy - will wake up but not cry. If she wakes up crying i try to get her back to sleep quickly. These mornings she'll take another hour nap or so almost immediately, and then wake up happy.
6) If it is night time - normal sleeping time - i put her back in her bed and go to sleep even if she seems wide awake. (Not crying, but, definitely alert.) I've had to do this sometimes after feeding her. She falls asleep on her own now, in that situation (usually quickly). It does less to throw us off than it would for me to stay up with her until she seemed sleepy again.

Good luck!

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P.D.

answers from Portland on

my Daughter in law mayed her daughter cry herself to sleep, i didn't like it but it only took about two week and know when its time to go to bed, she just tells her it is bed time she goes lays down and off to sleep she goes

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M.W.

answers from Killeen on

Not sure about this sleep solution. But have you thought maybe he is teething?? The same thing happened to us. I have a 16 month old and he was sleeping so well till about the fourth month when he started to feel the presure. Try teething tabs or orijel. Tylenol is good to. Theymay not seem to be getting their teeth but they feel the presure, and for my son it woke him up like every two or three hours. Hope you figure it out , good luck!

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A.P.

answers from Eugene on

This sounds EXACTLY like my situation two months ago (my son in 7 months old). My partner and I were both committed to not letting him CIO and I am exclusively breastfeeding. For what it's worth we started solids when he was about 5 months old and it did absolutely nothing for his sleeping. We used the NCSS and it worked so well--within the first week he was sleeping through the night. Then he completely regressed and started waking up every 2 hours again (I think it was a growth spurt). One night he was up from 12-5am just "hanging out." My partner and I were beyong exhausted the next night. We put our son to be bed at 8, he was up at 9 and 10 and when we finally got him down at 10 he was up again 30 minutes later and we were so exhausted we fell asleep with him crying. He didn't wake up again until 7am! It was a miracle. The next night we put him to bed like we always did, only we put him in his crib sleeply, but awake. He cried for 35 minutes and slept all night. He's been sleeping through the night for over a month now. I feed him and then his papa gives him a kiss and I give him one and we put him in his crib awake! This is huge because we used to rock him to sleep and then put him in his crib like he was a bomb ready to explode we were so afraid he'd wake up and we'd have to start the whole process over again. Occassionally he'll cry in the middle of the night (I think he has bad dreams or something), so my partner rocks him and I feed him and I put him back in his crib awake and he grabs his blanket and goes right back to sleep. So, I suppose what I'm saying is that what is right for one baby and one set of parents is not right for the next. Our son responded shockingly well to CIO--even though we were (and still are) ideologically opposed to CIO. And frankly, if we both hadn't been so exhausted we never would have tried it. I still think the NCSS laid a really good foundation and perhaps that's why CIO worked for us--we had established a very good bedtime routine so getting him to bed wasn't the issue. I think he was so used to going to sleep at 8 that when I didn't nurse him until he was completely asleep he still knew it was bedtime. Anyway, good luck, I know how hard this is.

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C.H.

answers from Seattle on

It worked perfectly for our son when we implemented it at 5 months. One week and he was sleeping through the night.

we tried cry it out, but this did not work... up to 2 hours of crying.

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C.H.

answers from Portland on

Hi :) It sounds like you might be well on your way but I wanted to say that my daughter was the EXACT same way. She is now 5 months and 1 week. About a month ago she herself became a horrible sleeper! She would wake herself up 3 or 4 times between the time I laid her down and her first feeding. And then somehow be awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night. I hated the thought of having her cry it out but I did a lot of research and read a lot of books. My husband and I decided to try it. I have already had a bedtime routine in place of a bath, massage and rocking with a bottle. So, I did that and layed her in her crib. We have decided to use the Ferber Method and check and console every 10 min. She only cried for half hour and then put herself to sleep. She woke up for a feeding, I fed her and put her back in her crib and there was no crying!! I couldn't believe it worked so fast. This is the 5th night and she is a pro. I never thought it would work and I was soooo nervous! One thing that has helped even more is an early bedtime. She used to go to bed at 9:00 and now she is in bed no later than 8:00 and we prevent all fussiness in the evening.....Anyway, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone :) Good Luck. It's hard, but your baby will do it!

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