10 Month Old Still up 3-4X/night

Are you feeding the baby at night, or just getting up to comfort her and put her back down? If you are still feeding her, you might try comforting for a few minutes without feeding and see if she will go back to sleep. After a few nights of this, try letting her cry for 5-10 minutes to see if she will fall back asleep without you. If that works, she will probably start sleeping through without crying after a few more nights. But I know that was a lot of "ifs". You ultimately have to decide what you feel best about. I don't think it's terrible to let a baby cry for a few minutes. Sometimes we actually do interrupt their sleep by being too responsive to their every little whimper.

With my daughter, every time I hear her awake, I always wait before I get up, 8 of 10 times she'll put herself back to sleep or she wasn't really awake to begin with. Since she stopping feeding at night I've never gotten out of bed for less than a SCREAM or lately the night-time potty trip(s).
I remember her waking around 10mo to 1yr and going to her, telling her it was NOT time to wake up, still night time, go back to sleep, comfort her some, then it was back to bed for me---less than a 5 minute trip from my bed.
I am greedy with my sleep, I KNOW that I'm very much worse off if I don't sleep well or enough.
Keep up the good mommin', A.!

I don't see your job as "teaching" her to be a sleeper. Your job is to be present while she's figuring this out. Yea for you for meeting her needs! Have no guilt.
Two books that can give you *gentle* ways to encourage sleep are The No Cry Sleep Solution Book by Pantley, and Good Nights by Gordon. To all-of-a-sudden switch to crying it out would be so confusing to your baby. These books have lots of ideas of creating longer sleep cycles, and they will match your current parenting style, allowing you to get more sleep in the end.

Hang in there!

Yes, it is your responsibility as a mom to help your baby be a better sleeper. But, there are so many more ways than just letting her cry it out. Look at your routine right now when she wakes -- what can you cut out of it to shorten it? do that for a few days, then cut out something else. My 15 month old was waking like clockwork at 11:45 and 5:45. When I stopped to think about it, I realized that rocking her back to sleep was contributing to the problem. It's hard because I LOVE to rock my babies, but since I started just laying her back down instead of rocking her she has started sleeping through until 5:45 (except now that she's teething, and she wakes up when the ibuprofen wears off -- but that's just more medicine and hold hand while she falls back to sleep). It gets better. Until it does, pretend that you are awake (sometimes it works) and get some exercise (that helps more than you think it would!).

Is your little one starting to teethe? Around 9 months mine started to pop two out and even though his sleeping was getting better it suddenly got much worse. Once they popped through he went into a routine and started sleeping much much better. There have been some fall backs when another one is coming through, but overall he is sleeping through the night completely!

I found with my son around seven to nine months that when I did not feed him at night when he work up after two nights he did not see a reason to get up. I had started laying my son down when he was almost a asleep so he could learn to go to sleep with out me holding him when he was younger.

And as you pat his back, then sit a little further and closer to the door so he can see you. But if you can make him think you are concentrating on something else and not make it play time; he should get the idea it is sleep time. Keep the lights low and maybe some white noise that you could turn on would help.

You do need some sleep. Sleep helps every one.

S.
Mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.info

Hi A.- just remember the saying, "this too shall pass". It will pass and you will eventually be able to get a good nights sleep. The whole first year after my 2nd arrived, I was horribly sleep deprived. It was always something - the 4yr old wet the bed or was too hot or was thirsty or the little one threw up or was teething or his toe was stuck in a little hole in his footy pajamas. You name it, if it robbed me of full night's sleep, it happened.

I would look for what is waking your daughter up at night. Is she teething? Does she have reflux pain? Are her feet cold? Is she getting too much stimulation right before bedtime? Is her bed comfortable? Sleeping on a hard crib mattress with a vinyl mattress cover is no fun for anyone.

There is a very specific time when "cry it out" works and in my opinion, it's never ever ever ever appropriate for an infant. When it works is when your 2 or 3 or 4 yr old is obviously having a stubborn tantrum. That's when you stand by and just let them cry and work it out.

With that said, I rarely took my kids out of bed when they woke at night unless they needed to nurse or were obviously in pain or made a mess of their bed. Leave the room dimly lit, dont talk alot or make a big fuss. I tended to what they needed be it a sippy cup with water, a round of teething tabs, a pillow under the crib mattress to elevate their head, checking for itchy wet diaper, cold feet, pajamas not pinching, etc. I would stroke their forehead to get them relaxed again and then say "time for night night" and leave the room. My kids would protest by crying a little and if they did, I just stroked their heads some more until they got drowsy and then left the room. I could always tell by the sound of their cry if I needed to go back - if it was that loud long sad wail, I went in. If it was that weak protest cry that settle down after 10 seconds, then I didnt.

I have 2 very strong-willed active boys and I never needed to let them cry it out as an infant to get them to sleep.

I hope that helps,

C.

If you enjoy being up four times a night, then by all means, continue :) I continued this until my kids were 8 or 10 months old, and then suddenly, I was at the end of my rope. I was exhausted and couldn't function and I knew they didn't really NEED to nurse during the night. Something had to change!!!! All it took for us was 2 or 3 nights of Daddy going into their rooms for them to start sleeping better. When they knew they weren't going to be nursed or visited with, they no longer had a reason for waking. Daddy kindly told them it was bed time, laid them back down, covered them, rubbed/patted for a minute, etc. and then left. Not very exciting! After all was said and done, my husband and I had to laugh at ourselves both times and ask, "why did it take us this long to do it?! Look at all the months we could have been sleeping better..." Oh well!

I second the No Cry Sleep Solution, it did wonders with my first who was the worst sleeper of all time, and it is helping me train my new one.

Hi A.,

This is such a tough situation. I was there with my first son some 6 years ago. I remember keeping a journal each night of how often he was up, what I did to ease him back to sleep, etc. It became a huge burden for me and left me physically and emotionally drained.

I did A LOT of reading and finally decided to let him cry it out using the Ferber method. It's been so long that I don't remember all of the details, but I believe you start off with going in every 2 minutes when they're crying for a couple of nights without picking up, etc. Then it's eevry 4 minutes and so on, until eventuially they are not waking or are soothing themselves back to sleep. It was very tough, but for me and my child, it was the best decision. It definitely helps to keep a journal of oyur progress, even though it's hard to record anythning late at night. You should see baby steps towards good sleeping within a matter of a week or two.

My son is now 7.5 years old and an excellent sleeper. I subsequently used the same methods for my 2nd and 3rd children (at younger ages), and they too are now very good sleepers.

I meant to also add that it is helpful to use a "sleeptime phrase" that you'll use consistently with your child when you go in to comfort (not picking him up). We would say, "Shh Shh, Night Night" and kind of pat his bottom (even if he was screaming to be picked up). The key is to stay calm. Say it a few times and then leave. Eventually, it WILL work.

I resisted for a long time but finally sleep trained my son in late September when he was 10 months old. Even though he was also getting up several times a night, it didn't take too much effort or time and within 2 or 3 days he started sleeping 11 hours. Even though I was happy to get up with him, it wasn't doing him much good by that age and I was a zombie. We are both much happier now! He sleeps now from 6:30 to 5:30 and so I still have some special alone time with him at 5:30 before everyone else is up. I also have some "me" time or family time after he goes down at 6:30 at night! Most of all he just seems more rested and able to function for longer periods during the day. It also triggered a nap schedule (8:30 and 12:30), which he never had before.

You're not a terrible mom. You sound like an insightful, sensitive, respectful, intuitive mom. And in my opinion (I may get blasted for this, so I am really not trying to pick a fight if anyone disagrees) the reason cry-it-out is so hard is because it goes against biology. Babies need us to care for them and crying is how they communicate distress. Mothers are biologically programmed to respond to the distress sounds of their babies. Not responding to communication efforts is unkind and breaks trust in the relationship--and makes mothers feel sick to their stomachs.
The medical definition of "sleeping through the night" is a four- to five-hour stretch. Teething, growth spurts and a dozen other variables can interrupt that and it's still in the range of normal and can shift week to week.
My husband and I let our babies sleep with us or in a co-sleeper next to our bed. I know people will say "tut, tut--bad habit" but we are ALL rested and my older two children have been happy to be tucked in to their own beds in their own rooms since they were two, in spite of sleeping with us as babies. So I don't think there's been any lasting inconvenience, and I was able to sleep. Risk factors for SIDS are primarily related to too many blankets or pillows, cracks between the mattress and headboard, and parents' drug or alcohol use or morbid obesity. We have joked at our house that it's far more dangerous for my children to be around a crabby, sleep-deprived mom than to share a bed with us.
If you're not comfortable with sharing sleep, you could make your crib into a sidecar against your bed so you're not working so hard to take care of your baby at night.
It's also OK to have an hour's nap during the day. My kids will do "quiet time" even when they won't nap, and I can rest with the baby for awhile. It's also OK to go to bed earlier if you are feeling wasted.
Teaching her to sleep is not your job. She will naturally sleep and does not have to be trained like a puppy. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley could be very useful to you, but also remember that this is a short season. I'm sorry you're tired. No mom is Mary Poppins all the time, and your three-year-old likely thinks you're plenty fun, so hang in there. Best wishes!

it is your job to help her sleep better, but you don't have complete control on this one. that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. go ahead and try letting her cry it out, but if she continues to wake throughout the night, something else is going on that crying it out won't solve. she could be a light sleeper, have digestive issues, be cold or hot or bothered by a particular noise like the air conditioner coming on. until you figure it out, take daily naps while your oldest watches an educational show or plays at a neighbor's house. it's worth it for them to have a happier mommy.

I feel for you, because up until a couple weeks ago, I was in the same boat, and my baby is 14 months old! I was so tired all the time, that I became a crabby wife and mother. I also could not let him cry it out. Not only did it not work, but it made the next few nights even worse. I love the No Cry Sleep Solution, but that didn't totally work for me, because I kept getting stuck in certain areas. The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers (and The Baby Whisperer) teaches you how to un-do bad sleeping habits without just letting them cry. The techniques are similar to the No Cry Sleep Solution, so I used both. I also wrote down my progress so that I could see the little changes. It is still not perfect, but he sleeps about 6 1/2 hours straight (which is awesome if you are used to only getting 2 or 3 hours in a row). You can do it! Good luck, and just know that you are doing the best that you can!

Just had to say- Sally W- FANTASTIC!!! Completely agree... God programmed everything that way for a reason... and now I think there is a huge trend in the United States towards doing whatever is best for the parent and rationalizing it somehow until someone can also say its good for the baby. In almost every country besides the US, infants sleep with parents. It is not natural to a baby to just be thrown somewhere by themselves, scared and not having their needs responded to just because of the time of day it is!! Fabulous Sally!! PS- This is not to blast anyone or anything like that- to each their own!! Its just nice to find someone else who shares my personal philosophy!

Do NOT make yourself out to be a bad person! I wake with my little girl who will be a year in 1 week sometimes up to 5 times at night. She is teething and is extremely fussy. She is normally a very content baby, but teething has changed her. I have found that teething tablets given to her when she awakes helps avoid a lot of night wakings, but once she is awake the only way to get her back to sleep is through nursing. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT week!

S.