8 1/2 Month Old Bed Time

Try the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Drs. Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears. There is no need to cry to go to sleep and studies have shown children who have "traumatic" experiences associated with sleep when they are young grow up to have bad sleeping patterns (insomnia, etc).

I had almost the same issue with my son. We did a different method of soothing when he woke up, but after several months, my son decided it was better if I stayed in the room and he wouldn't fall asleep. We ended up doing the cold turkey cry it out method. There's a book, "Healthy sleep habits, Happy Child", written by a doctor that talked about this method. I know some people think it's crule, but at your son's age, he's old enough to understand that you are not abandoning him. There are younger ages that this method is not suggested but at 8 1/2 months he's old enough to know it's not abandonment.

It took about 2 nights of the cry it out method, but he quit waking up at night. For a few months we had about 1 day a week he'd wake up, but we wouldn't respond and he'd fall back asleep in 10 or 15 minutes most of the time. We were so happy to have 4 nights of uninterruped sleep. Around 1 year he quite waking up at all and now we've had about 2 months of normal sleep.

I know it's hard to listen to your child cry, but I swear the cold turkey worked for us. It only took our son 2 days, but it might take about a week. We found if we kept checking on him every so often when he was crying, he just got angry when we left and got all wound up again. That's why we decided to cold turkey cry it out, and I am so glad we did.

He has never been given the opportunity to learn to soothe himself. You are not doing him any favors by continuing to do the soothing for him. Your presence is only stimulating him. It is hell listening to them cry, but stay strong and he will learn to fall asleep without you. I agree with Tammy's recommendation of reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. STAY STRONG and it will pay off for the whole family in the end.

If he is taking a morning and afternoon nap maybe prehaps cut out the morning nap most babies cut this out by age 1 anyways. As for a afternoon nap the standard is 1-3pm and if nap time is later than 3pm most babies won't be tired by bedtime. I don't know what time your putting the baby to bed at but you could extend it prehaps. It wasn't uncommon for my little one to go to bed at 9 or 10pm that's what worked in our house. The crying method of letting them cry in the crib is harder on you than the baby and if you keep trying that eventually it works. It is also better to get that habit going now than later, if you wait til the baby is older it will only get harder. Good luck you need your sleep too.

Good luck. We just went through the same thing with our almost-8-month old. The Kim West book, "Good Night, Sleep Tight" worked miracles. I know you've been reading up, so hopefully you came across her. I needed something between the crying it out (too harsh and didn't work for my kid) and the attachment stuff. Basically ,she advises that on days 1-3, you sit in a chair next to the crib and let the baby cry, but pat his bottom intermittently and say, "Shhhh, go to sleep." If he really gets upset you can pick him up briefly, but set him back down when calm. (By the way you should have an early bedtime, like 7 to 7:30). Then, on day 4, you move the chair halfway across the room and just talk to the baby and so on. My husband took the first day (we started on a weekend), because I got too upset and panicky (since my freedom was riding on this working). The first night was tough, but only took 45 minutes and she didn't cry hard the whole time. And dad was right there with her. ANyway, we are now on day 5 and I don't even need to be in the room after the first couple of minutes. She now talks herself to sleep. She goes to sleep early and takes two to three naps a day. She's a much happier baby. In fact, as I was typing this she just finished happily talking to herself in her crib and fell asleep for her second nap of the day. It only took her 20 minutes of babbling. It has been a miracle. It used to take hours of nursing and holding her to get her down and she wouldn't go to sleep before 11. Now, she's out by 7:30 and sleeps 11 to 12 hours. Sometimes she wakes for one feeding, and sometimes not.

I highly recommend it and you are welcome to e-mail me with questions.

We did the cry it out method with our son and are so thankful that we did. It was torture when we did it, but it taught our son some amazing coping skills. When we would put him to bed he would cry. It was hard for me to listen to it - so I would wash bottles as soon as he went down. When I was done I would listen to the monitor and if he was still crying I would go down and soothe. An important part of soothing meant not picking him up. I would rub his back or pat his tummy. One thing that worked well for my son is if I would get my face close to him and pat his tummy almost to the beat of a heartbeat. For some reason it calmed him. If however, he wasn't crying hard (more of a wimper) I would give him more time to cope on his own. There were instances that he had to be picked up - but not often.

If listening to the monitor is hard than do something that drowns out the sound of it (like washing dishes). Or turn down the volume for 10-15 minutes.

By picking him up and rocking him, that is the only way he is learning how to fall asleep. So as much fun as it is for you to rock and snuggle, there are nights that it just isn't possible, however, your son doesn't understand that it's not possible.

Good luck! This is a hard thing to do.
-J.

Read Ferber. It works. If you are going to let him cry for any period, do not pick him up after crying, but go in to reassure him that you are there, then leave. Keep going back in to reassure him after measured intervals until he falls asleep on his own. He will eventually! If you pick him up to rock him back to sleep after letting him cry, you are teaching him to cry until you pick him up. He will keep expecting to be picked up. If you leave him in the crib but only pat him, hug him and reassure him, he will learn to fall asleep on his own. It is very hard, but it is worth it. I know, I had to do it myself.
Good luck!

I agree with all the previous posts about "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Buy the book now, and follow it. It's the best, and it's what our pediatrician recommended to us. We had the same problem with our son, at 5 months. We were at our wits end until we read the book. Our son is a great sleeper now. Good luck! It's rough in the beginning, but so worth it!

How much does he eat during the day? Maybe hes just hungry? Otherwise you should try gradully changing his night time routine to include a period of time when he is in wind down mode...do bath story bed time. Put him to bed when he is tired but not sleeping. This should give him the chance to try and calm himslef down and fall asleep.If you "rush in" youre not giving him the opportunity to succeed by trial and error. Of course if hes beside himslef hes going to need your help, but I made this first mistake when my first child was born and believe me I made sure to give my other two the chance to learn this skill. Think of it like this if you never put them on thier tummy theyd never have the chance to begin to roll...and we wouldnt deprive them of a learning opportunity. Your not a bad person for leting them cry, just a teacher. If the crying becomes unreasonable then go in and calm him. I hope this helps.
B.

K., we also agreed w/ the approach discussed in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and it is a wonderful, sensitive, and sensible philosophy. The basic premise of the book is to try putting them to bed EARLIER, rather than later, and really try taking his cues and put him down as soon as you recognize he's tired, even if it's only 7:00 p.m. Works for us! Good luck!