5 Year Still Acts like a Baby!!

I have a 5 year old child with both ADHD and anxiety. Lexapro helped soooo much for the anxiety (10mg per day). She also takes Focalin too (5mg twice a day). Now she's super well adjusted and she went from being a big baby to being a big girl in like two months after starting the Lexapro.

Check out www.rosemond.com. He is a parenting expert who subscribes to "traditional" methods of parenting and they seem to really work.

Also-I would extract the sleeping with you and the lying in the lap as part of the "behavior". My 8 year olds still does these things from time to time and he has always been one of the most mature kids I have ever met. The tantrums and throwing things are the biggest problem. Unnaceptable at that age.

It's annoying, I know, but I think you should baby him more, if that's what he needs. When your kids are all much older, you realize that 5 years old is still quite young, even babylike, even though it doesn't feel that way when you've been mothering nonstop for 5 years.

If you baby him (i.e. fill his needs) now, he will be more emotionally well-adjusted later. And the more you fill his "baby" cup, the less babying he will need.

And I agree with the post below -- sleeping with you and sitting in your lap are normal and healthy. I certainly understand how you just get to a point where you physically need a break, but meet these needs where you can. And enjoy them, because one day he won't want to sit in your lap any more, and you WILL miss it and wish you had appreciated it more. Talk to me in 10 years.

What therapy is he in? Standard care will be dealing with all these issues, in play therapy and cognative behavioral therapy. Consult a speech therapist about the baby talk, some social skills training and social stories will help him to role play and learn how annoying this behavior is, and how other children will react to it. If he has not had an OT evaluation, get one. Some of the "touchy" needs may be him expressing a need to seek sensory input, and also could be his way of winding down from a day of unpleasant sensory experiences. He may need some help to understand his world. As for being alone at night, I would speak to your psychiatrist. If you are not seeking medical treatment for his ADHD from a board certified child psychiatrist, seek one out and see what the options are. This sounds like a very anxious child barganing with everything he has to not be alone, which is probably an expression of anxiety. It could be that you are his link to the world. You are his executive function, you organize him, you help him with unpleasant sensory experiences, you will not dump him when he talks like a baby, and he does not know how to funciton and sooth himself without you. It is a genuine fear, not a logical one, but logic and anxiety have zero to do with one another. Medication is an option. Very many children with ADHD need medical help with focus, attention, aggression, anxiety, and sleep! All can be addressed in part with medication that will help him get more from the therapy. He should have both if he needs them.

You are describing ADHD symptoms, so see if you can help him be a little less misserable, and more in control. He wants to please you more than anything in the world, and he has a nuerological barrier that is stopping him from doing what seems so easy to you. You don't have a neurological barrier. Get him some more treatment, and with hard work, you will be saying "good job" instead of feeling exhausted. Imagine how he feels about it all, which can't help his anxiety at all. It is a cycle, so stop the spinning and find more help.

M.

I have a 5 year old son with ADHD too. He also acts like a baby, but in a different way. He cries a lot. The other day, he spilled a drink and lost it for 30 min. So annoying!!

I worry that he'll be eaten alive in grade school if he doesn't toughen up.

Here are a few suggestions that have worked for me, although I'm still working on it.

I love Rosemond too. I'm not particularly religious, so I just skip the biblical parenting parts and focus on the fundamentals.

- Before he goes to bed, ask him what he needs -- water, stuffed animals, etc. and explain to him that he won't get anything else. When he complains, whines, etc., explain that it's time for bed and let him cry it out. I don't know how bad it gets, but you might want to try taking all toys, other fun things out of his room.

- About the baby talk. You could try telling him that you don't understand baby talk and ignore him until he talks like a big boy. ...or, when he starts talking/whining, turn your back, walk out of the room and do something else. But give him lots of positive attention when he talks like a big boy.

- Sitting on your lap. If he's constantly hanging on you, feel free to tell him that you need some time to yourself and tell him to sit somewhere else. I know the feeling. My son will hang on me constantly sometimes and I need to tell him to go away. It's MY body and I get to say how much is too much.

- Andrew has been taking Focalin to control his ADHD and it has helped a lot. Every child is different and it's and individual decision for each parent, but we've had great results.

I'm sorry you're so frustrated, and it sounds like maybe you need some "space" for you -- time or physically. Could you carve some out for you so you would have more "you" to be loving and patient with him?

My son 3 and daughter 7 both love to be held, crawl into bed sometimes at night. This is how they feel loved -- you are his safety and rock. He's only 5 and the world is large. How much undivided time do you share daily? Even 10 min would feel like hours to him and would calm you as well -- I have to remember daily as I work FT:)

For whining, leave the room or enforce his quiet moment elsewhere -- not a time-out but a calm-time. I have a very hard time with my 2 for this...

Lots of stuff online RE ADHD and lots of it free RE minor changes to behavior, schedule, diet, attitude, to help him digest stimulus more smoothly and would help you feel more "in control" as well to be doing something positive for you both.

Much love and patience to you both in huge doses:)

I let my son sit on my lap until his feet could touch the floor while he was in my lap. I also would carry him around until I couldn't carry him any longer. I thought he was going to be my first, last and only.

However the whining thing, I nipped that in the bud quick, fast and in a hurry. I simply told him I wouldn't respond to his wishes until he stopped whining. I showed him using my voice what whining was and then showed him how I expected him to speak. When he made his request without whining then I made certain I responded positively to his whine free request.

Tantrums are cries for attention. I ignore them by just walking away. Without the audience you don't get the "show". Let him sit in your lap or lay on your lap while watching TV. It won't hurt him or you. It can be just some nice quiet time. He probably just needs more contact.

This time goes by too fast. Soon he will be 15 and won't want you to touch him. This is where I am living now. :-( Too soon he will be 18 and off to college.

Our 14-year old son has Asperger's, and when he was between ages 5 and 11 he had lots of meltdowns. After learning from several professionals how to react to him, and reading a book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, I changed my approach from one of anger/disappointment, to one of understanding.

I would suggest that when your son has a tantrum/meltdown, you find out what is going on in a calm, sympathetic voice, by first acknowledging that he is upset (e.g., "you seem really upset") and then trying to find out why (e.g., "why do you you're feeling that way") If your child hears that you're really trying to understand him, then the meltdown will dissipate more quickly and probably occur less often.

One of my son's also went through the baby voice stage. Several psychologists have told me that this is totally natural. They suggest not to acknowledge it and eventually he will stop talking that way.

My youngest went through a lot of anxiety about going to bed and had 'stomach aches" from 1st to 4th grade. Again, I was told to acknowledge his feelings rather than dismiss them, for example, 'your stomach must really hurt'. This would sometimes to lead to him telling me what was bothering him (maybe a kid in school said something mean). But for a while I used to tell him something to the effect that he didn't really have a stomach ache and that if he just relaxed and went to sleep that they'd go away. A psychologist told us that he probably did have a stomach ache (that is caused by anxiety) and it's best to get to the route of the "problem" if you can. We were pretty firm about him not sleeping in our bed. If he came up to our room with a stomach ache, we'd let him lay with us for a few minutes, then one of us would walk him down to his room and stay for a minute to get him settled.

As far as the sitting in your lap, it seems that your son really wants your attention. Maybe give him some "one-on-one" time before you watch TV and then tell him that you love having him with you while you're watching TV but it would be more comfortable if he sat right next to you.

What boys without ADHD need to be well adjusted, happy and tough are lots of love, nice rough play, and firm discipline for wrong actions like all of the behaviors you list. Babying 5 yo old boys leads to baby-like 5 yo boys.The adhd seems to be a wild card because parents seem to exempt the kids from discipline -or it takes longer to click so they give up-or the therapists say dont' use it etc...because of the ADHD. However without it, NO BOYS would be acting mature, ESPECIALLY those with ADHD. So I don't know what to say other than give as much love and structure including discipline as you can, and wait it out.

Always follow up (don't replace) discipline for a wrong action (melting down because he can't cling to your lap: tantrum=discipline, warning not to talk baby talk-he does it again=discipline) with praise for a right action, coming and helping him build something constructive. Hang in there! Be sure he's getting lots of exercise and sun and healthy food in the daytime so he doesn't have so much energy for the night shenanigans.

I have seen kids with ADHD behave better for caregivers with firm structure than they do at home.
He may be playing you a bit. Be firm! Good luck!