5 Year Old Appears Jealous

The other two post are good......but as far as the mouthing off, yes he is 5.....and if you don't stop the mouthing off now, it won't stop............you can not let him feel that it is ok to yell or be rude to you at all...............or anyone else for that matter.....does he have to have the last word? I had a son like that........it's very frustrating and he still does it in his 30's!!!!

You can try the don't talk to Mommy that way, it's disrespectful talk, but my guess is a time out is going to needed.......at least for a bit...........

Good Luck and try also, when he shares, is nice and doesn't talk back, praising him and maybe giving him a sticker or something off and on to show that you appreciate his change.

Take care.

Having had this situation, I can tell you that the worst thing to do is punish him or make him the bad guy. You will make it worse, or make it last longer.

Try the mirroring technique. Mirror his emotions. I learned this when my kids were in preschool from a speaker who worked with troubled teens. Any time he does something you don't want him to do, instead of telling him not to, or punish him, say, "I know your little brother and sister frustrate you." Or, "it sure isn't fun to have little brothers and sisters sometimes." Stuff like that. IF you can bring yourself to do this, you will notice an IMMEDIATE improvement, even though mirroring your kids' emotions is the LAST thing you want to do when they are annoying the hell out of you.

I've given this advice so many times, and I'm pretty sure it goes largely ignored. I wish people would try this -- it's the best communication technique for people of ALL ages. Try it on your husband the next time you're arguing, and you'll see.

Mirror his emotions, and you'll even see his mouthiness decrease.

I have read your post and skimmed the other responses, I have a 4 and 2 yr old and your 5 yr old sounds like my 4 yr old! I just read (finished yesterday) "Siblings Without Rivalry" by A. Farbar. Great, easy, quick read and may give you some insight into what to do with jealous children. I have found it helpful anyway. I am an only child myself so sibs are new to me and I am slowly figuring out what is normal/acceptable and what isn't between sibs. It sounds like you are encouraging the right things, words instead of fists, etc. I think it takes a lifetime of repetition! I would say that for me the days that go well are the ones where I can give my oldest a predictable period of uninterrupted one on one time, even for 15 min while the youngest is napping. Also, and I don't know the ages of your other children, but 2/3 yr olds still need near constant supervision when playing with other children. Your 5 may be ready to play with a peer by themselves for a while but a 2 1/2 yr old will grab, kick, pull or do whatever to get their way! I am sure that motivates a like response from big brother! I'm not assuming you do this, but I know I have left my kids in the next room where I can hear but not see them for too long (like 10 minutes:) ) and it ALWAYS spirals out of control! I think and I am operating under the theory that it isn't a phase and I am applying common sense things that the book I mentioned before talked about. Good Luck!

Have you read the "Love and Logic" books yet? I think they would help.

It is very important that you keep the "special" time with your older child. The younger one has stolen his limelight. He needs it back. Give him time when he gets to "rule" what goes on. Like, let him pick the toys to play with. I noticed that I was always giving in when the younger ones got something from my older one, because they were the "babies." Then, one day, I paid attention to the look on the older child's face. She really had hurt feelings. Their feelings are equally as important. So, now, I make sure that my oldest child gets her time, her stuff, and, gets to execute her choices just as often as the younger ones.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I have a 5 yr old that takes toys from his little brother. I take the toy back and give it back to the little one and remind him that he is a big brother, and his big brother job is to protect the little ones and help them feel happy. Then I redirect him a little. Consistency is key. Choose your battles. Dont get into a power struggle. If it heads that way, let him know (teach him) that you will always win. Most importantly, it takes time to learn good behaviour. be consistent with your expectations and he'll get it.

I notice that you said, "when I do set boundaries".... There should always be boundaries and they should always be the same. If a child in your house (not a baby, a child) takes a toy from another child they need to have the child whose toy was taken ask for it back and have the taker, give it back. It does not matter how old or young the child. If the child grabs again they need to find another safe place to play alone (a grown up can go too) because they are unable to play kindly and safely with the other members of the family. Of course this is told to the child so that he knows what will happen if he grabs again. You can check back on him in a few minutes and be sure to ask why he had to play alone and is he ready to come and play with everyone again.
As for the "mouthiness," no one likes to get in trouble and he will surely be upset. Let him know that he can be upset but his choices lead him to where he is now. Do not be mouthy back. You cannot ask of another what you will not do yourself. Stay calm and walk away if need be but do not yell back. A screaming match with a kid is never productive for anyone involved.

B. Davis

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

I would get the book, "Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child" by Robert MacKenzie. There are several similar books so make sure you check the title. Easy to read and even funny in parts. Good luck.