My Nephew's Bad Behavior

The 6-8 nasty phase is similar to the 2-4 nasty phase. But just because it's normal, doesn't mean it's acceptable, she needs to set very real limits and stick to them come hell or high water. Kids of all ages should be allowed to express their feelings at all times, but NEVER with rudeness or disrespect. Time to USE that video game as a REWARD for good behavior, with good behavior comes great priviledges, games OUT the door with poor behavior. Good Luck to her!

Hello, Two things are going on here. One, the games could be changing his behavior. To find out how much, she should take them away for 2-4 weeks and see if the behavior changes. Two, how much has she allowed him to be disrespectful? If she doesn't deal with the negative behavior then it will be the way he is.
K. K.

Yes! She needs to set limits with the video game time. Our son earns his through good behavior (and currently the Wii is in a box in the garage because we had to take it away). If his behavior changed once he started the games, then that's an easy connection. He shouldn't be playing for hours on end.

At the same time, I can tell you from having a seven-year-old son that they can be mouthy at this age. However, no adult should put up with it. If our son said that, the game would be turned off and he'd be in time out.

i think i wouldn't say anything. i don't how bad has he gotten, from one example you gave doesn't seem bad, at least not to me. i also think mom should say something if mom is getting bothered by his behavior, but in no way, should i say something. if the sister hasn't come to you, then no. nothing

I guess I'm a mean mommie because if he'd made that comment to me, as his mother, I would have told him to turn off the game immediately for the rudeness. And that would be my behavioral bargaining chip, so to speak, as far as punishment goes for bad behavior. I think his age group is prime for mouthiness; I know my niece went through it, too.

Not sure how close you and your sis are in regards to mentioning it to her. Maybe a meaningful look cast her way after witnessing such rudeness would open the door for conversation. Two hours of gaming a day is too much, in my opinion.

I have a 7 year old son...and we have Wii. He's a good kid, but I have noticed what I call a "byte head" attitude when he plays it a great deal. He can go months without touching it at all, but then at times, he can be obsessive about it. We limit the time and he knows that O. outburst, etc and it goes OFF -- for the week.

How is your relationship with your sister? Seems from your post like she hasn't brought up the issue with you directly at all--you're hearing this from your mom right? You've seen O. instance. Is that right? In that case, I would stay out of it. I'm sure she's seeing or has considered the connection.

Ask your sister if she wants help and advice before you give it.

And yes, I have observed with my two boys that their behavior can become a little rude and aggressive and obsessive around video games. There is definitely a certain addictive quality about the games, and boys can have addiction withdrawal behavior when disturbed or removed from the games.

Oh I think it can alter his attitude, But his mom needs to nip it in the bud. Now when he spoke to her like that.....what did she say? If she lets him talk this way then she needs to stop it no matter what. My son plays video games also but he is so limited to how much I allow him to play. He can only play when all his homework and chores are done and only for an hour 2x per week. I limit TV also. He is not allowed on the computer either.

I remember when my kids toys got annoying when they were little. It suddenly didn't work anymore......if you get my drift.

My now 12-year old son became a horror when we let him play video games all the time. We had to cut him off cold turkey and the change was amazing. He now plays but for very limited amounts of time.

Additionally, I've had students who are horrors and when they get so bad their parents finally take the video games away, they become nice, pleasant people to have in class.

So, in my experience, yes, video games can change behavior. Like with anything, moderation is the key...and some kids have different levels of moderation.

My son likes to play video games but he doesn't play every day. Sometimes he plays for a couple of hours and sometimes he won't play at all. I think it can affect some kids but not all. However, my son is 7 also and he says the same thing to us "you're making me mess up, be quiet!". I think it's part of that age. They are trying to be more independent. They pick up a lot from the kids in school. The video game may be part of it, but I think what the kids learn from other kids in school is a big part too. If he's spending hours every day, your sister should put some limits on it. If he's being disrespectful, she should say something to him. Your mother should too. My brother and I have no problem with our mother disciplining our kids.

Your sister might want to talk to the teacher to see who her son is hanging out with at school and how they act together. Then explain to her son that you always act respectful regardless of what his friends do.

Hope this helps.

My opinion is video games do nothing of value for a child except occupy him/her so that his mother can get things done. My son (7 years old) started behaving badly and having a smart attitude and I cut out TV completely on school days. He only is allowed TV on weekends after his piano, guitar and any chores are done. His attitude has completely changed. I never bought any video games for him because I could tell from how much he likes TV that he would be addicted to them to the detriment of everything else. Your nephew is way overboard on the video games. If she is going to continue to allow them she should set a timer and set a limit like 30 minutes at the most. She needs to really examine the games also. I looked at my 12 yr old nephews video games and they were like borderline pornographic. Bratty looking girls in very sexy outfits (in cartoon) on snowboards. I was appalled. That is how boys get trapped - visually early.
S.

Seems obvious whether or not the Wii is causing his bad behavior, your sister needs to limit Wii time and take it away altogether when he misbehaves. My 8 year old is very strong willed, and she also loves her Wii and DS. I don't think video games are root of evil, but we do have a 30 minute/day limit per kid, and I've been known to confiscate the Wii motes in cases of bad behavior. They can earn them back. We have rules. No Wii before school. After school, homework must be done first before any TV, video games or playing with neighbor friends. We are a little more lenient on weekends and when the weather is crummy. Even then, I do notice my 8 year old's behavior is worse if she's had too much screen time.

my kids are 6 and 5 and if they watch more than a half hour of tv even mickey mouse club house or dora I notice the difference. I do think it can make them grumpy, but she needs to deal with that sass. I'm not sure you should speak up though, at least not directly.

Depends on your relationship with your sister. If she asks you for advice, give it to her. If she doesn't, but you have the kind of relationship that would lend itself to giving advice, go ahead and tell her what you think. If you think she'll get defensive and insulted, I would not say anything.

What did your sister do when her son sassed her like that? My reaction to my kid telling me to "stop talking you're messing me up!" would have been "Excuse me, young man/lady? I will talk in my own house if I choose to and now you've just lost your game playing privileges for even thinking you can talk to me that way." Then I'd have taken away the game. Maybe the problem isn't so much that he's gotten "bad" but that your sister has gotten lax in her discipline efforts...Step one: obviously take away the video games. Step two: give him real consequences for mouthing off and pulling attitude. If he's talking to her like that at 6-7 and she doesn't stop him, he will not be a very lovely teenager to have around. And a couple hours a day of video games for a 6-7 yr old is really too much, IMO, he should be spending a bit more time practicing his reading...I hope you can figure out a way to help your sister out without insulting her. It's a fine line, so good luck!

My 7yo plays video games a couple hours on most days in Spring & Fall... BUT he's not in away-school. So that's pretty much his only sit down time. ((In the winter we're up at 4am to be on the mountain by 6am... and then we're not home until 6pm... where we then eat and sleep the sleep of the dead until 4 the next morning... so no videogames from Nov-April)). But yeah... in a 12 hour day, he's actually sitting for maybe 4 of them tops... and 1-2 hours of that is videogames in the morning. So it's not like he's been sitting in school for 7 hours, and then also sitting doing homework, and then also sitting during video games, and then also sitting for car trips, and then also sitting meals. We're an ACTIVE family, and on average about 8 hours a day is spent either outside or doing very active things inside (like gymnastics). So I have no problem with kiddo playing games (video, or board, or computer) for a couple hours a day. But, for ME, it's all about balance.

How it works with kiddo is that he wakes up, makes his own breakfast, does his chores, and then can play video games (if he wants) until 15 minutes before school starts at 10am.

Like LeeLee, if there is at ANY point attitude/ rudeness the xbox or computer not only gets shut off right then, but it stays off for at least 36 hours (aka all of the rest of that day and all of the next day). Same token, if he gets obsessed about it... it gets shut off.

The thing is though, the same rules apply with everything. He doesn't "get" to be rude about anything. If he snaps that someone is in his light when he's reading instead of asking them politely to move, the books go away. If he's mean at the park, the park "goes away" (aka we come home). If he's wrapped up in his math and won't eat, his math goes away. If he's playing outside and won't come in when it's time... I don't just let him stay there. He comes in <laughing> "because I said so" ;)

Rudeness is hitting someone without using your fists. And like real hitting, it's a useful skill to know, but it is NOT tolerated under ordinary circumstances.

CAN playing video games a couple hours a day be harmful? Absolutely. But it doesn't HAVE to be.

this kind of behavior can be the result of a lot of different things going on in his life. he is at the age where he is discovering control boundaries, etc.

however, i know for a FACT that video games influence many boys behavior.
I have seen it in my brothers, my husband (and his brother) and now in my own son (who is 8 and also plays super mario galaxy, its his favorite game)
Boys (including grown up boys) are extremely easily influenced by movies television and video games. and seeing as how in home video games have only been around for about two generations, people dont really know or think about how it affects their minds.
It seems to me that video games are worse than movies or tv in that respect because when you are playing video games today, it feels more realistic than they did fifteen years ago, you feel as though you really are the character on screen in that little fake world. For young children this can be overwhelming seeing as how even at the age of 7 they are still having trouble trying to tell the difference between reality and pretend.
My brother claimed that playing grand theft auto made him a good driver. what it actually did was made him a dangerously fast and reckless driver. my friend even confessed to me that after playing grand theft auto every day it made him want to crash his car into everything. he didnt of course, but if it were someone who wasnt as strong minded?

what i am trying to get at is this; yes it very well could be the video game, the timing is too much of coincidence for it to be anything else and it sounds like the kid needs to take a week long hiatus from the virtual world before it gets worse!

my son maybe gets to play once a week for an hour if he is lucky, and he still gets cranky while he is playing. but, if he shows any sign of frustration or anger the game goes off.

you should talk to your sister. im surprised you didnt tell your nephew yourself when you heard him talk like that. some things are just absolutely unacceptable, and disrespecting your parents is one of them (especially if you are under 18)

N.L., I do think too much video games is bad for young kids. My daughter is 4 and she has a couple of video games for the Wii, she only plays those once a month or so. When she plays it is only for an hour or less.
I agree with one of the ladies in one of your responses. Your mom should talk to your sister about her sons behavior. Since she watches him, she should be the one to bring it up. Maybe give your mom some of the suggestions you get from your responses and let her relay them to your sister. But also depends on the relationship you have with your sister, then you would be able to talk to her about her son. I am sure all your sister needs to do is limit the game playing and dicipline him when he gets disrespectful. Good luck and I hope all goes well.

Talk to your sister she may not thank you now but the boy will be abetter person if she does what is right for a normal boy A. no hills