4 Yr Old Waking up with Nightmares/demanding to Sleep with Me

I've got a 4 year old boy, and I blamed it on the fact that he has only me (recently his visits with dad were made supervised and since then he hasn't seen him), I read on another baby web site though that a mom was doing a penny thing with her kid...I tried it and it has worked like a charm (until last night when he puked in all sleep places so ended up in bed with me). What I have done with him is talk to him about what we're going to be doing: he will start out the night with 5 pennies, every time he leaves his room, he loses a penny, in the morning, he gets to put his pennies in his piggy bank and we've talked about that he gets to save up for a toy with his "cash". For potty, he has a door that goes to the bathroom so that he doesn't lose any pennies. It has worked like magic for us! Good luck!

Hi R.,

I had a similar issue with my daughter. What we did was give her a t-shirt that belonged either to me or my husband and we would spray it with a special potion to keep her safe. (we just used a calming lavender spray) This way, she had something that was ours to cuddle with and a little magic. We also had her share her room with her new little brother and she really wanted to be the big sister and protect him and make sure he was safe...although this didn't happen until he was about 4mo...
Good luck! I know sleeping can be one of the hardest parts of being a parent! You need your rest right now too!

A. Cowles, CD(DONA)

I'm a 41 year old mother of a 3 year old. When I was about 3-4 years old I had terrible dreams, my wonderful Mom "solved" my problem and got ride of my fears by putting on the hall light. I slept with that hall light on with my door cracked until about 13 years old, but those terrible animals in my dreams were gone when the hall light was on. My daughter doesn't say she has dreams yet, but she already likes to have the hall light on...like her Mommy did!

R.,
I am a little slow at reading these questions...busy week! I don't really have an answer for you, but I DO have a comment. My son started to do the same thing at about 2 years of age, and I became totally at my wits end. I did not act adult about it after three weeks of him coming in, me taking him back to bed, over and over again. I am sorry to say, I stood outside his room and held the door shut! This is one of those things that I will be trying to forgive myself for a lifetime! As it turned out, he was given a medication for allergies that gave him hallucination(sp)!!! The doctor hadn't told me, so I didn't know. Is that a good excuse....NO.....just an uninformed tired mom, who wanted to sleep. I tell you this only to have you know this angle if she is on any new meds.My son is a grown guy, and no "big wounds" from it, unless you count the hole in my heart for doing it to him.Good luck, R., I hope you are sleeping MUCH better soon.

You've already gotten some good advice. Have you tried music or audio books? When my oldest kids wake up from nightmares, I take them to the bathroom, then put them back to bed with something playing quietly on their stereo. Is Dad there at night? For years my husband had been working nights and going to school, so once he was in bed I tried to keep things quiet and let him sleep. But when I was pregnant with my 2nd, it got to be too much for me to get up with my oldest at night. We made a deal that I got up with the baby and my husband got up with our oldest. I considered the many times I had to wake up to pee part of "getting up with the baby" so the deal began before the baby came. It helped me a lot and didn't seem to take as much from my husband as I had worried that it would.

a night light and/or a little flashlight may be helpful, but if she is scared she really does need you. They say kids who are allowed to sleep with their parents turn out better adjusted. My kids are allowed to fall asleep in my bed, then we just move them to their own when we are ready to sleep. a spot on the floor in your room is another option. feeling isolated while having to deal with fear is pretty tough on a 4 year old.

My 3 yr old goes through this almost every night at 4 am lately. sometimes I have taken her back to bed with me until she is asleep then put her in her bed. I really try not to for her though--instead I try to get her to tell me what the bad dreams are about, one of the things we found was that watching scooby doo after lunch definitely upped her scary dreams. whether she used that as her reasoning or it was really scaring her I am not sure but if she watches before lunch she is fine. later when she asks I say oh, remember the bad dreams? we can only watch that one in the morning. for us the change has been my husband coming home from Afghanistan, and now her grandma getting sick. Change is scary, I don't know that I have an answer for you. just compassion, and encouragement.
hopefully you can get her to talk to you about what is scaring her and ask her for some suggestions on how to not have bad dreams.
my daughter reminds me we have to pray for her angels every night so she isn't scared.
hugs and good luck.

Hi R.,
Your question and the responses you received helped to reassure me--my daughter turned 4 today and has been doing this fairly often, driving me nuts, quite honestly. At least this seems like it's something kids typically go through at this age. I have been dealing with this by basically giving in and sleeping in her bed if she calls me. Not sure what to do otherwise, as it is really hard to listen to crying and wailing in the middle of the night. Sorry, not really helping you here, just commiserating. Maybe talk to her pediatrician, especially with a newborn coming. Good luck--I feel your pain!