6 Year Old Daughter Won't Sleep in Her Own Bedroom

Updated on February 18, 2009
B.H. asks from Bonney Lake, WA
10 answers

I have a 6 year old daughter that we adopted from birth who won't stay in her bedroom at night.Every night she wakes up and ends up in bed with me.My husband and I have put her back to bed a few times but end up 90% of the time waking up with her next to us.I have stayed up watching tv a few times and she will walk out the her room and stand there staring at me.One night she work up and she asked me ( Where is the girl?) I said what girl and she said you know that girl.This really freaked me out.I started thinking that maybe she is seeing spirts in her room and that might be why she is afraid to sleep in there.We just moved into this house 2 years ago.I have been sleeping on the hide a bed at night because my husband gets up at 2:30am to go to work and I want him to get a good night sleep.I would love to be able to cuddle again in my own bed.

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So What Happened?

I have a night lamp and 2 night lights in her room.She has her favorite toy to sleep with.I leave her door open and the bathroom night light by her room is on.I have tried the stickers on a calender thing.Nothing keeps her in her room all night.I guess she could be sleep walking .Yes, she only mentioned the girl once.May be so that she was just dreaming and walking in her sleep.She seems to be in a daze when she talks to me during these times.Most of the time when I ask her questions she just shrugs her shoulders and looks at me funny.( like what are you saying or you know what I'm talking about type look.)I will have to get suggustions from her doctor on what to do.Thank you all for your comments.

More Answers

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H.O.

answers from Anchorage on

Whether she is seeing spirits or not, perhaps you should look at it that way. Ask about the "girl". What she looks like, does she do or say anything? If it is a "spirit" (and you believe in this type of thing, you can do some things to "repel" them.

This is a good thing to do with her..as she can help chase them away. The fact is they shouldn't be there if they are there, and she can be in charge of sending this one away if she wants to. She should first sweep from where she sees the girl to her door, and then sweep it all out to an outside door (this can be "air sweeping"). When she has done this, sprinkle a little salt on the door, and declare "this room is for "your granddaughters name", no other little kids sleep here without MY permission. (It will seem silly talking to walls, but you'd be amazed at what works..especially with 6yr olds :) Also declare "That spirits no longer reside here as it is not safe for them" or some such..make it clear and consise. If she asks questions about it..use the ever useful "Because I said so" that's why :) If you'd like a friendly approach, you can say something like "All spirits should ask permission of the living adults in the house before contacting your daughter. You must meet all of them..and if they start rattling things tell them to dry up and get out. :)

3 moms found this helpful
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R.S.

answers from Seattle on

try asking her about why she can't sleep, or why she woke up. My cousin was having night terrors as young as 4. If she is scared of something, try finding a safe toy or blanket of her choosing to sleep with in her bed. You could try laying with her in her room for a couple of nights and then work your way out each night until she gets used to sleeping in her bed.

I found out that my son was waking up because there was a helicopter that flew by our house at 5am...so maybe there is a strange noise keeping her up. My husband sleeps with a fan to block out noises.

My nephew was told his blanket was "magic" and would keep him safe from his room's monster. He is 12 now, and still calls his blanket "magic", I don't think he is still sleeping with it though.

At 6 she is probably able to communicate with you about it, and big enough to understand she needs to sleep in her own room.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Corvallis on

Have you tried having he sleep on the floor in your room instead of in bed with you guys? I did this with my kids, I would just set the sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed.
Though it seems you child is having other issues if she is having dreams about "the girl". Maybe you should talk to her dr and get her in with a councelor and/or a pschycologist. She may have surpressed memories that are surfacing in her sleep.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Portland on

Hi B.,

I just read a response to this on the Dr. Sears site: www.askdrsears.com. It involved a sticker chart, where the child gets a star every time she spends the whole night in her own bed. After 3 stars she gets a small prize. But, there is no pressure to stay in her own bed, she just doesn't get a star. I would also start by explaining gently why you think she should sleep in her own bed. Stay encouraging, but don't make her feel bad about coming to you.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

She will not stop sleeping in your bed until you make her stop. There needs to be a consequence for not staying in her own bed. If you think there may be a spirit, ask about it. Find out if it is a good or scary energy. If it is scaring your daughter then smudge the house with sage while asking any negitive or scary energys to leave the home. If it is a positive spirit then maybe she could stay. We had a woman spirit who looked over my oldest at night when we lived in england. I contribute the fact that he has been sleeping through the night since her was 1 week old to that kind old lady!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Spokane on

It sounds like she has only asked, "Where's the girl?" one time. She was more than likely dreaming. Lots of children sleepwalk. I was one of them. I pulled this off of Wikipedia's web page. 'According to a Finnish study published in 1997, children sleepwalk more frequently than adults. Sleepwalking was reported for 6.9% of female children and 5.7% of male children, compared to rates of 3.1% for adult women and 3.9% for adult men.[2]' It isn't rare and not usually dangerous. I would be cautious that she isn't walking out your front door at night or grabbing dangerous objects. Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.C.

answers from Anchorage on

My 5yr and I are going through something similar. She claims she is having bad dreams and hates her room. (You can't have bad dreams if you don't go to sleep first! ;D) We've asked her about her dreams, but she hasn't been very clear about the theme of the bad dream. We put a nightlight in her room and that seemed to help some. We also leave her bedroom door open and turn on the hall light until we go to bed. That has been working really well. Hope this helps some.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Spokane on

I would try to get all the info you can on the spirit. If she is being bothered then you have to help your granddaughter. Try a noise maker, favorite toy or blanket, nite light, leave the door open. Does she see this girl on a regular basis? If so, try sleeping in her room with her and see what you experience. If you experience the same thing then you know her worries are valid. There are things you can do to get rid of spirits if that is what it is.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Portland on

It sounds like she is not actually be 100% awake. When my sister was that age she did a lot of sleep walking. She was still in a dream while appearing to be fully conscious. It might be worth a call to her pediatrician to see how to handle that one.

Also, I was raised in a faith tthat believed spirits are around us all the time and that some people could see through "the veil" a little easier than others. Occasionally this gave me comfort, but more often than not, it just gave me nightmares. I'll even admit that really bad nightmares I have now always seem to involve an evil spirit--which is really hard to fight, even in the dream world. I'm not sure what your beliefs are concerning this, but I would suggest a little caution. Most faiths that believe in spirits also believe that if told to leave in the name of God that the spirits MUST leave. If this is part of your faith, make sure she knows she can tell them to leave. If it's not, I like the suggestions made by another poster that said to "sweep the room."

S.

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

My 7 year old daughter is the same way!!! She has not liked sleeping alone since birth, and was slowly weaned out of our bed from 4 months until 4 years. At first, when she was very 4, we told her that she could not come into our room unless she had already fallen asleep and woken up. She didn't know how I "knew" whether she had slept or not, but usually came in around 1 am. Around 5 years old, we told her that she could not come in unless the sun was up and her room was light. She now waited until 5 or 6ish to join us. When she was 6, and had a firm grasp of numbers, we told her that she could not come into our room unless the first number on her clock was a 7 or bigger. Now, at 7, she hardly ever comes in, unless she really needs to. When she does, I set her up with a blanket and pillow right next to my side of the bed...on the floor. She still tries to test me sometimes, but I just walk her back to bed and tuck her back in.

As for the comment about the girl, I think you are making too much out of it. My daughter does this ALL the time. I'll go in to check on her, and she'll just start talking to me about something that makes no sense. It is her dream. My daughter will even come out of her room, to find me, and say something like "I can't find it. He took it and says I can't have it back." If I ask her questions, then she starts getting confused and after a minute or two, gets embarrassed and tells me never mind. She just is taking a while to transition from dream to reality. I am sure you have done this a time or two. Anyway, the only way I have found to deal with it is to play into her dream. I'd say back to her "I'll get it for you. I know exactly where it is, and I'll tell him not to touch it again. Go back to bed and I'll bring it to you." She says okay, and is asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. I have been able to calm, a lot of nightmares this way with her and it is so easy to alter the course of her dream.

Try to be firm, but supportive. Explain to her that everyone needs good sleep, and no one gets it when the bed is too full. Let her help make her room less scary with nightlights, or stuffed animals to sleep with, or even a picture of you in a soft frame she can cuddle when she wakes up.

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