Hi Ladies,
I have 2 boys and am home with my kids during the day. My oldest has been rough with my toddler- ripping things out of his hands, pushing him, etc. I would love to know what you have done to help them get along better, at this young age, that has worked. Time-outs are NOT working, and neither is taking things away like TV time, etc. I'm all ears, but I do prefer non-violent approaches because I feel that spanking is being hypocritical, especially in this situation.
Thank you!
Dr. Sears has some GREAT advice, including alternatives to spanking. Hope it helps!:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
this link goes directly to actual behaviors like hitting;
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/botherso...
Time outs don't change things quickly. What they do is give everyone some room to breathe for a few minutes and calms things down. You calming down is just as important as them doing it.
Children at this age don't have the capability of being sympathetic or empathetic. You can be consistent and give quick consequences, redirect, or send them to neutral corners, but you really can't speed things up too much. It's a normal stage that you will be stuck in for a very long time.
When my kids start to hit, I realize that I'm not providing them with enough to do at the moment or we are falling into the same old routines. I believe this behavior is OFTEN a result of being under stimulated or downright bored.
I don't like to make open excuses for the mean behavior. Our only means of teaching the appropriate behavior is to keep telling them what we want, why we want it, and make it clear that in the end Mommy wins. But, Rome wasn't built in a day.
Your 4 year old is much bigger and older than your baby.
You cannot tolerate this behavior.
You can't have your own kid bullying your baby.
He's older and bigger than the baby. What you need to get through to him is thinking about how he would like it if someone older and bigger ripped things away from him, pushed him and was mean to him.
Ask him...."If someone did that to you, what would you want me to do? Would you want me to protect you and punish them? Would you think it was okay if I just let them be mean to you?"
Turn it back around on how he would feel.
He needs to think about that.
You're a LOT older and bigger than him.
Would he like it if you yanked things away from him and shoved him around?
Of course he wouldn't.
So, he needs to quit being mean.
He's a big boy and being mean to a baby isn't okay.
That would be like a 7 or 8 year old shoving him around and surely he would want you to put a stop to it.
You're putting a stop to him being mean to his little brother.
That's it.
It stops.
Don't make any threats.
Just try to help him have some empathy.
It's worth a try.
Best wishes.
Your 4 years old is still adjusting and is being overprotective over his toys. There should be some kind of rules for both of them. Its matter of months, they will play together and they will learn how to deal with each other. What a perfect age differnce. You have to do what works the best for your family, every child is different. Things will get better soon, especially when your older will start school, at this age he be getting bit bored at times.
