My son is 4 and a half and he has recently started to show a lot of interest in other people's body parts - especially women. He comes to me countless times a day to say "Mommy, I could see Mrs. H's butt" or "Mommy, I can see Ms. K's boobs" or "Mommy, I can see your butt." In all these cases the people are completely clothed and I think he is trying to admit to me that he was staring and feels bad about it, but I have no idea what to say to him! I talked to the ped and she says this is perfectly normal - don't get upset, use humor, don't make a big deal out of it, don't get angry. Which would be easy enough if he was only coming to me once in a while with this type of thing, but when its 20 times a day, it just really gets to me. I want to shout "Who cares? Why are you telling me this?" I try to be calm and say "Yes, I can see she has a butt too. Everyone has a butt. It's no big deal." But I've been trying this and its not getting any better. Any advice? At the very least, I would like to know that I am not the only one who has experienced this kind of thing. Help!
My daughter's ped told us that 4 is when kids realize that boys and girls are different. He is perfectly normal.
When I had situations like this I say 'yes and I can see your elbow' or 'I can see your eye' etc. It just reminds them that these are all parts of one body and none are that 'special' to talk about.
My response is usually, "Yes? And?" it usually flusters my daughter in to realizing that this most amazing fabulous and astound thing really isn't all that fascinating. Most recently is was a rock from our neighbors yard, a landscaping river rock. I'm surprised they have any left.
My grandson slid into that phase at 4 and is still there at 6. My own "method" is to nonchalantly tell him "I'll only listen to one fart joke today, and that was it. Now, they will just be boring, not funny, so just drop it." It seems to work fine, though I will sometimes have to say the same thing about "booty" or "boob" jokes. Or once I simply asked him not to share so much information about people's private bodies. He actually got that one right away.
Humans are wired to be interested in our bodies, and there are so many images in advertising, entertainment, and clothing that add a slightly sexualized "zing." I've been watching this for years, and am convinced this sexualizes our kids, too. At the very least, it gives them mixed messages, and they don't have the life experience to make a balanced judgement about what's okay to say or do.
Adults are here to help them know what the boundaries are – and what's off limits. There are lots of ways to do that, honestly and frankly, without making bodies a shameful subject. Just a private one.
My 4 yr old girl obsessively talks about body parts and bodily functions. Butt, booty, nipples, panties, fart, burp. She thinks it's hilarious and she is so curious. She tries to sneak in when I'm changing so she can stare! It unnerves me that she is so extremely aware. She picks up everything and talks about boys and girls going on a date and kissing. She has asked me what sexy means. The whole thing drives me crazy. I posted a question last week about my angel being a little hoochie mama! lol people didn't think that was funny. But you have to make kight of situations or let them drag you down! What I'm doing is just being consistant in correcting her. SHe still does it, but she catches herself and stops before the words get all the way out.
It's a phase, like crawling, diapers, etc. If he's doing it when he's ten, that's a problem. 4--no big deal! However, best thing to do is either 'don't draw attention to the behavior by continuing the discussion. You could say nothing more than 'okay'. Give it a chance to diminish on it's own and if he's continuing the dialogue when he's older, you could say, "yes, true, but now that you are a big boy, it's important that we don't discuss other people's p****** p****'. I would say, however, that you discourage him from talking about another mom's boobs' simply by saying that it is impolite, much like chewing with our mouth's open, not saying please and thank you, etc.
Not only does my 4 year old son like to talk about boobs and butts, he likes to touch them! Who's that grabbing my butt while I do dishes? Not my husband. He also tried that "talking about everyone else's boobs and butts" thing. I had to treat it like potty talk like, "Yes, but it's not nice to talk about people's boobs and bodies like that" or "Don't talk about boobs and bottoms" etc. SO now he does it once in a while quietly to me, but at least he knows he shouldn't do it, so he doesn't do it much. It's sort of the same as not allowing the kids to talk about poop and pee and toots in our house (very often). because god knows, without a rule, they would talk about nothing else. We also have the "no touching boobs" rule, because he and my 2 1/2 year old daughter just love to touch boobs....
I think validating it and leaving it open ended or with a quesiton does not send the message that he needs to stop doing it.
I would say, "Who care?!?! Why are you telling me this?!?!"
LOL
L.
My son used to talk incessantly about random subjects. After a while, I decided to turn the tables.....& I began a new conversation about antiques every single time he started obsessing. It drove my DH nuts!
& I have to admit, we did sound insane! My son would continue talking & I'd be talking.....trying to outdo each other! But, in the end, the humor of the situation turned my son around....& that's all that mattered. He's 15 now....& occasionally I still have to knock him out! :)
I had a simular issue with one of my daycare little girls. I have noticed in school and even parents although they are fully dressed sometimes their clothes are too tight and it shows everything, and with elementry school teachers, can't even count how many have seen bend over to talk to a child and they can see right down thier shirt I a notsaying they should all wear turtle necks, but geeze if you are going to be bending over around kids me come on. I told my little daycare that people do notice bodys parts BUT i's not appropreit to talk about them, at age 4 this girl she undrstood. In the high schools and the middle schools they have dress codes so body parts are not stilling te focuss of learning. My daughters high school french tacher never wore a bra, and my daughter said it was distraction to the whole class. Do yell at him, and be as honest as you can WITHOUT provoking curriosity. J.
i would just tell him its not nice to look at people there and it might make them sad or uncomfortable then give him an example like.... remember when you lost this toy and you were sad.... also tell him its not nice to talk about other peoples bodies either..... and just remind him every time.... it is just a phase and he doesnt mean anything by it so try to not get too worked up tho i can understand that it is frustrating.... if it bothers you that much try a reward system for when he doesnt like if he goes the hole day give him a sticker wen he gets ten he gets a dollar or something... good luck and dont stress its just a phase...
kimmie
All of my son's friends started doing this around 5yo. Supposedly, its body parts, then it turns into the differences (why is he brown? why are her legs so big? etc). Thinking that this will happen in our near future, I try to always say 'bottom' for butt and maybe turn it into an opposite game (yes, that's her bottom, where's her top? or that's her elbow, where's her knee)????? No clue if it will work!
Good luck :)
