4 Year Old Daughter Jealous of My New 3 Month Old Son

It's not so much that she's jealous of her little baby brother, but trying to show you that she is feeling neglected or rejected because she is not getting the same attention she is used to getting. If you haven't already, I'd enroll her in fun activities that interest her to keep her distracted so that she can develop self-independence and talent. I have my 3 year old daughter enrolled in ballet classes and she loves it. Now she wants to add activities this summer which is soccer and swimming lesson. Then she will start preschool in the fall, 2 days a week, which she has been looking forward to, too. Maybe you daughter just needs to stay busy. If you're at home, find something fun for her to do like an art project or something. I am having another baby in a week and I haven't been feeling well and can't seem to do anything with her and I can tell that boredom drives her crazy, but when she is doing something she enjoys, she is fine. Hope this helps! :-)

Hello D.,

I completely understand what you are going through. I had a 4 yr old daughter when my second son arrived. What I did from the time I was pregnant was refer to him as "our baby". This included her. (plus we all know little girls are mommies in the making, they love to "take care" of things)
I kept it up after he was born. She loved to help 'take care' of our baby. Bringing bottles ect..
What I would do was take her out once in awhile without my son. We'd get our nails done or something, just the girls, and because she helped so much with our baby.

I hope this helps.
Good Luck,
~G.~

I am very thankful that my 5 yr old daughter isnt jealous of my 3 month old daughter.. but what i do is I will keep mentioning how shes a big sister.. and I tell her that like the other day was open house at school and I told my 5 yr old that Shailyn (3 month old) cant wait to see her classroom and everything shes done... That made her light up... Ill pretend that Shailyn is talkin to her like if she does something for the baby I will say in a different voice thank you big sister... and it just makes Kaylie ( 5 yr old) really happy that her lil sister loves her... I keep telling Kaylie that everytime Shailyn sees her Shailyns face just lights up...

Hi D.,

I have a friend whose kids are the exact age as yours. What she did was make sure mommy and daughter wore the same outfit. It made her feel special and grown up. Nothing elaborate, just jeans for mom and jeans for dgtr. a pink sweatsirt for mom and the same for daughter. It really has worked for her and I she was very clever.

Hope it helps.

V.

I went through the same thing when my son was born and on bad days still having some issues. my daughter is going to be 3 next week and my son is 4 months. my daughter who never went throught the terrible two's was horrible when we brought my son home. she acted out just to get attention. i never left her alone with him in case she tried to hurt him, she never did but she's had the worst tantrums, back talking and regression of potty training since. instead of yelling at her, which i did at first, was to include her with all aspects of taking care of him. she "helps" with diaper changes by getting the diapers and putting his pacifier back in. i explain to her everything i do for him and then tell her how i used to do it for her when she was a baby. whenever she helps out i praise her, sometimes overly. i make extra time for her such as story time before bed is just her and i and i make sure she has one on one time with her dad too. now that he is laughing and more aware of his surroundings she likes the fact that she can make him laugh and has taken a more positive interest in him. i know that for us yelling at her made her resent the baby even more and she acted out more. she still has bad days and it's so hard not to lose my temper but then i try to remember that she has hurt feelings and by acting "bad" is her way of showing us she feels hurt so i need to comfort her more and slowly we are having better and better days. i hope this helps and good luck.
T. s

Hi D.. I think Melee (hope I spelled it right) has a good idea. Let her feel more resposible for the baby. When the baby needs to be burped (for example) let her hold him and do it. That's easy for a 4 year old to learn. She may like the idea of being protective and "motherly." I think the term is like "my baby."
You need to remeber that jelousy is very common. Many of us are jelous, whether it be over looks, or money or whatever. Well, children are like that too. I have a 2 year old, and my step son (4) just came to live with us. William craves attention and he didn't like not being the baby. Jake is used to being the baby and didn't like William cuddling with me, etc. So everyone gets jelous!! Be patient with your daughter. She's young and doesn't really understand why she's not the center of attention anymore.
You should try making her more excited about the baby. I am slmost positive this is a phase and will soon go away. Good luck with this. I hope to hear good news about this soon. Best Wishes, T.

Try making a fuss over her ABOUT the baby. Tell her he is HER baby and she needs to be Mommy's big helper with the new baby. Have her get his bottle, diapers, wipes, pacifier, etc. If she feels that she is a big helper rather than feeling displaced by the baby it might make things easier for her.

You might also try getting her her own baby. You can find really cute babies and accessories pretty inexpensively. Wal-mart has a whole aisle with doll strollers, diaper bags, food, playpens, etc, all for "her baby". When you are caring for your baby (her brother) she can go and care for her baby too!

Dear D.,

I think that the problem can be solved by involving the 4 year old with the care of her brother. Give her lots of praise, especially in front of people for the help that you will teach her to do. She can be there an 'help' with the bathing, and pulling the diaper up while you work on it too.

Also, lay them both down on the bed side by side and raise his arms and legs and she does the same thing. ask her if it hurts, then do bending of the knee and eventually get to the part of the bent back leg, which she is supposed to show you, and then cannot because it hurts her to do it. She was just trying to find out if the baby were like a doll, you know what dolls go through, don't you?

I am 75 years old and I remember coming down the stairs , I guess the day after my sister was born, mother was set up in the dining room with a bed for just she and the baby. I had no idea a baby was being brought into our family. That was a long time ago, and you can realize what a shock it must have been for me to remember it for 71 years. Give her a break and some fun education. My grandson got a special baby doll with blankets and stuff so that his 4 year old could carry around her own baby doll too.

So it goes, Good Luck, C. N.