23 Month Old No Longer Sleeping

Updated on February 18, 2009
L.G. asks from Portland, OR
9 answers

I know this is a recurring request, but I just looked through the messages and couldn't find one similar. My daughter was sleeping 15 hours a day - 12 hours at night and a 3 hour nap - when our dog started waking her with barking in the middle of the night and at naptime. It turned into this downward spiral of no sleep. Now she is sleeping *maybe* 11 hours a day. 2 hour naps and 9 hours at night with waking between 1-3am. when she was sleeping 15 hours, she was always waking up in a good mood from bedtime and naps, easy to put down, and never woke at night. She has always been a great sleeper. Now, she always wakes up crying, and it takes us 1-2 hours at night to put her down. Basically she won't let us leave until she falls asleep and goes into histerics if we do. I can't even leave the room for a minute to use the bathroom or get a drink. We just realized she's getting all her incisors, but they've all broken through at this point. We also just completed a remodel, but that didn't seem to disrupt her sleep.

We're expecting #2 in approximately 6 weeks and I'm getting very concerned. I won't be able to crawl in bed with her in the middle of the night and/or spent 2 hours at night trying to get her to fall asleep, especially when my husband is travelling. It seems she's just sleep deprived, but I can't fix it. Also, it's just tough to be so pregnant and go without sleep.

So is it normal to just go from 15 to 11 hours daily sleep overnight? Any tips on getting her to bed without us having to go to sleep with her? We're not ready to sleep at 8pm, and it's our only alone time and she's taking it all! My husband is the one who does the nighttime routine - bath, book, bed.

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for some REALLY great advice! I also turned to a book 'baby whisperer for toddlers' for a few quick tips in the meantime. We started bedtime at 7 instead of 8, and now she's asleep by 8 instead of 10 or 11pm. I also moved her naptime to 12/12:30, so she would be tired enough by bedtime. The naps are 1-1/2 to 2 hours now, which I'll take. Also, since the weather has been great, I've been able to get her to the playground the last couple of afternoons to burn off energy. I will say it got worse before better, but last night she slept until 5:30 this morning, and went back down until 7 am. I'm going to be getting her a nightlight too, and we've been talking about how much fun the new baby will be instead of just - 'there's going to be a new baby'. Wish we could get rid of the dog, but that's just not an option, unless it's my husband's decision. It's his dog. Thanks, everyone - hope this sleep continues!

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J.L.

answers from Corvallis on

It is possible that she is feeling some stress over the new baby coming. Does she have a favorite toy/blanet that she likes? Give her this to sleep with at night,a comfort item.
Sorry I dont have any other ideas!

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D.E.

answers from Portland on

My 2 1/2 year old has only slept 11 hours since she was 18 months and a nap of 45 min to 1 1/2 hours. If your dog is waking baby up get rid of the dog. I know that sounds mean but it will only get worse with a second child and y ou need your sleep. I had the same problem with my cat who howls all night long to get in and out of the house and then gets in cat fights outside of my bedroom window. I am also just about due with my second baby. I finally had to realize that life was too short to never get any sleep due to a cat waking me and my baby up all night long so I found a really really nice family on craigslist. I checked them out and their house and their kids. I am sure he will be happy with them. My life is much better now that I can sleep (well as much as someone who is 9 months pregnant can sleep...which is not much) but at least my daughter is getting more sleep now. I also got a marpac sleep conditioner off of internet for 50$ very pricey but VERY WORTH IT. It just makes a white noise fan sound that you can have quiet or loud. I put it on when she is napping so I can be noisy.

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E.B.

answers from Yakima on

She may be dreaming now and have a hard time seperating her dreams from reality and understanding it all. You could also try switching up the night routine. Start a calm period before the bath. After dinner, I clean up, and my husband will play with our daughter (no TV)and then I do bath then read, say good night, daddy comes in and talks, she tells him about the story, they talk about what she's going to dream for the night. She doesn't have to sleep but she does have to stay on her bed and be quiet...for some reaosn telling her she doesn't have to sleep gives her a choice and she seems more satified that she's making that descision. Good luck.

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J.J.

answers from Seattle on

Wow! I have almost the exact situation as you! :) My son will be 23 months on Feb 23rd and our second baby is due March 27! Noah's (my son's) sleeping patterns are exactly the same as your daughter's: about 12 hours at night and 3 hour nap during the afternoon. He has done the same thing where his total amount of sleep has dropped from 15 to 11 or 12 hours per day. But for him it has only lasted about 3 to 4 days at a time. So now he is back to his 15. It's one thing if they just don't need as much sleep anymore and are happy, but when they are cranky because they are not getting enough sleep, that's a whole other story! So, I feel ya! Hopefully for your daughter this will be a short phase. I think that the teething is BIG! Noah has been working on his 2 year molars for the last 3 weeks...some days I can tell it's pretty painful and some days aren't so bad. If she is a lot fussier than normal I would try giving her tylenol and ibuprofen...I've heard from other moms too that this round of teething can be pretty painful. Also I've noticed with Noah that his imagination has started to kick in and there have been some nights that he seems scared to go to bed or will wake up from what seems to be a bad dream. He has about 6 stuffed animals that are pretty special to him so we have gone from sleeping with just his favorite bear to often sleeping with all of the favorite animals. He is doing much better now, but the week that he was having a particularly hard time we would start the bedtime process at about 7:15 (bedtime is at 8pm for him) and tell him each thing that we were going to do next for eg: we're going to have our bath, and then brush teeth and then read 3 books and then go to bed. Each time we moved to the next step we told him what was coming next. And then once in bed we talked about how each of his animals were going to go to sleep and soon mommy and daddy were going to go to bed too. I think that he might have started to understand that he wasn't going to miss out on anything by going to bed, because we were all going to bed. I think too that even though our kiddos are young and that don't fully comprehend what is coming, I think that they really sense a change coming with the new baby. Over the last 2 weeks or so, Noah has become more lovey/clingy and sensitive...I think he know something is coming. Even our dog follow me around more and will just stare at me at times...they both sense something. Sorry this is so long! I hope this is helpful or at least encouraging! I totally understand the feeling exhuasted and being afraid of being further sleep deprived soon! Lack of sleep is certainly my worst fear with the coming of this second baby!

I'll be praying for you!
J.

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S.S.

answers from Seattle on

My son is a terrible teether and even though his teeth had cut, it took him until they were through (the one-year-old molars) till he would sleep through the night (he was 17 months). The incisors were bad, too. And I have noticed that when he is in pain with the 2-year-old molars that are now trying to break through, he really doesn't want to be alone. I don't know if this will help, but we reached a compromise (he just turned 2) in that I would stay in his room reading with a flashlight until he fell asleep at which point I'd tiptoe out and join my husband downstairs. It worked really well and now we've been able to move on to me staying for about 5 minutes, whispering goodnight to him and then leaving, which he doesn't seem to mind at the moment (knock on wood). Are you giving her any medication for the teeth? They still tend to hurt even after they cut as they are still growing upward. Anyway, you poor thing. I understand your wanting to get her down and back into a routine before you give birth. I hope you find a solution soon!

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R.S.

answers from Seattle on

My son thrashes around to keep himself awake because he doesn't want to go to sleep yet. I tried laying with him, but found that staying for 5-10 minutes, and then giving him a kiss and leaving helps my stress. He still thrashes, but eventually falls asleep. Perhaps a night light, or leaving the door open would help.

I also started giving my kids a snack before bed during stories, usually cereal, or toast, or apple slices. My son also started using the potty before bed (the only time he uses the potty on a regular basis)

My son was 22 months old when my daughter was born, so I can remember how tiring it is. Hang in there, it does get easier. My son was pretty understanding about me having to take care of the baby (it is nice when they are infants because you can still hold the baby and talk with the older one to give them some needed attention)

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

My suggestion would be to
1) increase her exercise--a tired toddler will sleep.
Swimming lessons for toddlers are great. Mommy and me lessons are available. The weather is warming up and long walk and afternoons at the playgrounds are good.

2. Playgroups tend to make toddlers play more actively. Make some play dates.

3. eliminate the afternoon nap--I know.....I know...That really is not what you want to her because you need that nap time for your self. So try adding the exercise first, and as a last resort eliminate the nap.

Congratulations on the new baby.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Sometimes it takes a look from the outside to see what's going on - I hope this helps:
Just think that one day your hubby comes home and tells you he will add another wife to your family. He won't love you any less, but you will have to share your favorite things from now on and you will remodel the house to make room for her. He may also have to spend a little more time with her in the beginning, to help her adjust, but really he loves both of you equally!

I don't think her sleeping problems have anything to do with the dog!

She knows things are going to change, there is a sibling on the way and she is anxious and probably experiencing some nightmares connected to her anxiety as well. This is SO normal when you add another baby to the family and can happen even in older children. The only thing you can do is give her as much reassurance as you can right now - it will take time for your entire family to adjust...

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J.W.

answers from Seattle on

She's sleeping, she's just not sleeping long enough for your batteries to re-charge at a pivotal time in your life/pregnancy. She'll go thru a growth spurt and will sleep and eat more, then back to shorter hours and appetites. It's an ebb and flow cycle in our lives. Kids are not time clocks, being a parent means to be entirely flexible. There are times (before you had kids) that you got up early, stayed up late, depended on what you wanted to do, what was on your mind when you went to bed, if you were physically, mentally or emotionally exhausted. And yes, 23 mo old kids get to be all three. How much are you talking about the new baby coming? Bet there's a little bit of insecurity mixed in with the excitement even for this toddler. And instead of keeping the house quiet, let this toddler and your new baby be accustomed to the noises, otherwise you'll be pulling your hair out with every thing that goes bump in the night, with every wimper either child makes that will wake the other one up. The baby will be accustom to more noise than what you think because you've been exposing it to all sorts of sounds during your pregnancy. Babies like the familiarity of noise, like heartbeats, music, voices, etc.... they've listened to them for over 6 months in utero.

If she wants to get up early, have a pile of books for her to read quietly or provide her a doll or teddy bear to care for in the early morning, quietly so the doll or teddy bear doesn't wake the new baby.

Best of luck!

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