21 Month Old Still Waking at Least 3 Times a Night to Nurse

1- STOP BREAST FEEDING HER, SHE IS TOO OLD. You are coddling that child too much.
2- Let her cry it out. It is not inhumane, she'll never learn to go back to sleep if you go running in there everytime she cries. She's running the show and she's 2...it's ridiculous because you let it get out of hand.

Sounds to me that YOU are the problem, not the child....

Well at that age may I suggest most definitely ONE nap. Afternoon nap, and I know this is hard, but she definitely should be down to one nap. I do think a gentle night weaning would be a great idea. you both need more sleep and some set rules can help you achieve that! :)

We are very firm on the no nursing rule at night! I let my son keep a canteen/bottle with water. I know I get thirsty at night, so I figure it would be no different for a child. We also feed a evening snack as part of the bedtime routine of fruit and mini-crackers/hummus and veggies and 8 ounce of human milk. Then we rock/cuddle/nurse for 30 minutes. And then we put him in his bed. And he goes to sleep. Also check out the no-cry solution. If our son does not get his snack he will be up at 11, 2 and 5! He has a very high metabolism! You just have to be firm with them of the no nursing at night. And have Daddy help with him as much as possible! It is rough, but they do get through this stage. I am seriously wondering what is wrong with some of the parents on here! Breastfeeding has been stated to be beneficial until two years of age! And four years by the WHO! And I am curious how many kids who have cried it out have sleep issues now that they are older. Your child is only a child for so long. So give this women a break! And bless all the women who succeed in nursing their toddlers!

I am sorry that some of these women have been so nasty to you! And suggesting that you are the problem is just rude. You sound like a caring, loving and wonderful mother. I also believe that we are mothers 24/7, and ignoring your child at night is not right, so kudos to you for being so devoted to your child. I nursed my child until after 2 1/2 years old, so don't let anyone tell you that your daughter is too old to be nursing. That is your decision. YOU decide when she is too old, not some stranger on a website.

I suggest that you pump, and when she wakes at night send daddy in with a sippy of breastmilk. Slowing over the course of a week water down the breastmilk until eventually the sippy is all water. Good luck honey, and don't let these women make you feel bad. You nurse your child as long as you see fit.

Hi. I nursed 2 kids until they were 20 months and now I am nursing my 3rd and she is 20 months today. All my kids woke up several times during the night until I completely weaned them. I just look at it like they are babies only once and if I have to get up several times during the night to make them feel loved and safe then so be it. My solution is to put the crib in my room so it's not so h*** o* me to get up. You are doing fine. Don't let other's rude comments discourage you.

I nursed my daughter at this age also, and I loved it. It is not that they wake up to eat, they just need to nurse to go back to sleep. My daughter did the same thing. When she was 2 I had to go on a strong antibiotic and decided to wean her. It was a tough few nights, but she did eventually sleep through the night. I miss waking up and feeding her now. Good luck and know that she will sleep through the night soon enough.

I also have a book suggestion. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth was invaluable to us when our children were small. You learn a lot about sleep patterns and how to "catch the sleep wave". Following his suggestions really made a difference for our two boys. We thought we knew it all after #1, but found ourselves going back for a refresher 2 years later when #2 arrived. We found it jibed more with our parenting style than Ferber. Good luck!

I recently night weaned my son (who just turned 2) and for the most part it was pretty easy. I had tried earlier, and by following his cues (excessive fussiness and clingy during the day) let me know that the time wasn't right. While it helped with the length of his sleep (instead of 2-3 we usually have 5-8 at a time), he still woke up needing some form of comfort. Which is totally normal, and good for you to responding to her need! We've also just had a regression (back to only 2-3 hours at a time) but I know it's a mix of rearranging his room and his 2 year molars are starting to bother him. So those experiences being shared, I think attempting night weaning might help. We approached it by first completely disassociating nursing with bedtime. We had "boo-boo" on the couch upstairs before we went to bed, then whenever he woke up, it was snuggling, saying that boo-boo had gone night-night, and that he needed to go night-night too. We had some tears, but they didn't last long and were soothed by mom's presence. Just watch her behavior during the day. Any excessive clinginess or fussiness (although she'll probably want to nurse more to make up for what she's missing at night) might signal that she's not quite emotionally ready for the transition. I also think that considering a larger mattress where you can actually lay down and snuggle with her is a good idea. Just remember that having a child who wants (and needs) affection is not a bad thing, nor is being a sensitive parent who provides that affection, no matter the time of day. I'm sorry I can't provide any really helpful tips, but you should know that there's more of us out there than you might think, despite some of the judgemental comments made. Good luck, we need it too!

Oh, J., welcome to my world! :)

First, good for you for nursing this long and not crying it out! You are giving your daughter so much emotionally and health wise!

Have you considered night weaning? I had a very high needs toddler who sucked me dry emotionally and physically at night!

I dreaded the thought of night weaning. He had no problem with it. :) I set parameters that I was okay with, like no nursing between 11pm and 4am and kept water by the bed. He asked once, I offered water, threw him over my shoulder, went pee, and he was out. That was it...he is now 29 months and the rule is no nursing til the sun is up! :)

If you don't want to night wean, how about getting her a twin size matress on the floor? Then you can lie with her and nurse for a little rest. My son now allows daddy to soothe, but still prefers me.

I think you are doing a great job! And good for you for parenting at night as well...I never understood people who only believe in parenting during hours convenient to them.

I think either night weaning or a new bed might give you some extra needed sleep. They also sell "alarm clocks" that will light up that tell the toddler that it is "time" to get up, get out of bed, nurse, whatever you need it to be. Target carries them.

Good luck,

W.

Hi! I have no idea how you have done this for 21 months. My 2nd daughter is 8 months old and I've just stopped nursing her back to sleep because I felt like a walking zombie most days. I decided to do the "cry it out method" and she was sleeping through the night after 2 nights, but I completely respect your not wanting to go this route...it is very difficult to go through. Even if you still go to her when she wakes up I would definitely consider beginning to cut out nursing her back to sleep. If I were you I wouldn't even pick her up because that's going to make her want to nurse more (they smell the milk). My 1st daughter started waking up at night around this age and I would lay beside her crib, stick my hand through the slats, hold her hand, and sing to her. She always fell asleep pretty quickly as long as she knew I was there. Your daughter is in a habit of being nursed back to sleep so it will take awhile to break AND once you decide to stop this, you have to stick to your guns; be consistent or it will just confuse her. Hope this helps a little. Good luck.

There's no reason she should need to nurse at night at 21 months. You're going to have to night wean her.
Pick up " The No Cry Sleep Solution" by elizabeth pantley. It's by a mom of 5 and has several techniques for getting kids to sleep without resorting to letting them cry. because one thing may work for one kid but might not work for another.
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071444912.php

Ferber is basically cry it out. You put her down let her cry, go check on her get her quiet, leave , let her cry a little longer, go check on her, leave , let her cry a little longer. and it repeats letting her cry longer and longer. It's CIO without calling it CIO.
http://raising-angels.com/baby-sleep-training/

Holy Cow! I would absolutely stop breastfeeding her at night, she doesn't need it and you are teaching her to solve her problems by eating. It also sounds like you have let the two of you create a situation where she is not getting the sleep she needs. Being overtired creates the type of sleep problem you are talking about with frequent wakings and it is bad for her in the long run. You do not need to let her "cry it out" alone, but you NEED to teach her to be soothed in a way other than breastfeeding and that WILL involve a lot of crying because you let it go so long. She now has the will power to cry longer than she would have if you had done this at say 6 months, she also has the emotional capacity to be angry that she is not getting what she wants. You can hold her and rock her while she cries (although I wouldn't), but she should be creating a normal pattern of eating just during the day for any number of health reasons (her teeth, her sleep needs, her metabolism, her emotional development). Parenting doesn't mean giving in when you know better whether its during the night of during the day. Hopefully this doesn't seem harsh, but it seems like you know this needs to change for her own good.

I would wean her. I take it you're feeding her plenty of other foods during the day, so she's probably not hungry -it's just the act of consolation is what lulls her back to sleep. She REALLY needs to learn to get herself back to sleep on her own. I'm not saying you have to let her cry it out -although if you ever want either of you to sleep through the night, there may be some tears involved! Personally I never went by any particular method like Ferber, but when my kids would cry I just went and checked on them, held them for a minute and put them down. If they continued to cry I would go back, but after the 3rd time (and making sure everything was ok diaper and health-wise), they did have to cry it out. They never cried very long, and within a few days they went right to sleep. I would start by NOT offering her the option to nurse at night.

I know people who have nursed as long as you, but they got to sleep through the night. You just need to quit offering nursing as an option at night!

Nasty women?!! IMO, the poster was nasty for the 'I firmly believe in parenting at night...' comment. She could have just stopped after the 'That is not an option.' sentence.

My youngest son nursed up until he was 26 months almost. At first I thought it was because he was hungry, but that wasn't it, it was more because he could. He had been introduced to solid/table food, but he was still using me to "nurse." One day I just didn't allow him to nurse at all. I fixed him a breakfast (I tried different foods that were filling and that he seemed to favor), when lunch time came around, I fixed him a nice lunch and the same for dinner. I agree with you not allowing your child to cry it out, but you still have to take a firm hand in the situation. I won't say that it was super easy, but it was easier than I thought. It took about a week for him to realized no more nursing, but he was fine. If your baby is using a sippy cup that will make it even better for you. Also try PediSure and different breakfast foods that appeal to your baby. It's well worth the "extra" money you will spend. I hope his helps.

A. S.

You are gonna have to wean her at night. Offer a cup of water (not milk, sticks on the teeth) and then rock her back to sleep. It will be hard at first to be firm, but once she figures out that she won't be eating at "Mom's All Night DIner", she will most likely start sleeping better. I agree with you on the CIO. I didn't do it with my kids. But I did start sending in my husband. He has the ability to comfort (even though it might not be what they want) and my boys learned very quickly that mommy can't jump up every time they cry. Everyone in the house will sleep better once you establish some rules. Good luck! The first few times is the hardest, but know that you are doing something GOOD for her.

Have you tried the Ferber Method? That is different than "crying it out." Worked like a charm for us!

Whoa! Congrats for staying sane so far! I think I'd be homicidal if I had not had a full night's sleep in almost 2 years!

Sounds like your daughter has you well-trained. That's pretty good for an almost 2-year-old. While I agree that parenting is a 24/7 thing, it's time to consider who's parenting who in this case. Parenting doesn't mean letting your daughter call all the shots and have complete control over the family dynamics. That's your job...take it back.

Do whatever you have to do to take control back. CIO works for some children, not others, so it may or may not be the right choice for your child. I've seen some pretty good advice in the responses so far, so try something. Letting her disrupt your sleep may sound selfish, but keep in mind that you're also letting her disrupt her own sleep, and it sounds like she's suffering from it.

Good luck, and get some sleep...both of you.

You need to wean her. She is almost two. She is using you as a pacifer. It seems to me that she is being stiffled by all this attention at night. She should be sleeping all night by now. You shouldn't have to parent at night, you should be sleeping. But if you insist on still nursing her be perpared to get no sleep. I nursed my daughters for a year and half, but they slept all night. When I was ready to wean, I told them the milk was 'all gone'. They got it.

You have established a habit system that your daughter is going to continue until you stop nursing her. You need to night wean her. I offered "water" instead of milk, and just told her she is a big girl now, and drinks milk out of a cup.

i had that problem as well my daughter is younger than yours but i started putting ceriol and milk in a bottle for her bedtime bottle and it worked great she stayed full longer and when she wasn't fighting her sleep once i got her to sleep she stayed asleep for at least 5-6 hours