Sleep Trouble, Weaning and more...oh My!

Weening is difficult on the child. All he knows is to cry when hungry or wet and give me the breast. Do it quickly but get him introduced to the bottle a.s.a.p. The longer you delay, the harder it will be on you and hubby and Charlie. Happy holidays

First of all, HUGE kudos to you for nursing so long AND for not letting your baby cry it out!!

I wonder why you think you're in a pickle? Do you hate nursing or rocking him to sleep, or is a matter of people telling you that he'll never learn to sleep on his own if you don't break these habits?
As a single mom during my first daughter's infancy, I had to do what was best for the two of us, not what society said, and guess what!? It worked out better than anything anyone was telling me to do. I loved the peaceful time winding down at the end of the day, looking at her little face and touching her fine baby hair. It was time to connect after all the hectic stress of the day- and good for both of us.

I don't know you, and I don't want this to come across as judgemental, but so often I don't reply to posts like this because I parent so differently, and so much with my gut, but I thought maybe it would be refreshing to hear that you can actually do it the way your heart is telling you and it will still be okay. There is no rule that says you can't always rock your baby to sleep if you WANT to. The key is, is it best for your family? If you are saying you honestly don't want to, that is one thing... do you get where I'm going?

I nursed my daughter #1 to sleep until she was 3.5 yrs old. Most of society thinks this is absurd, but it worked for us. She only nursed for boo-boos and comfort after about 1.5 yrs, and then only a "sip" before bed. She slept in my bed until she was 3 and then in my room in a separate bed until she was 5. She is now 8 and sleeping in her own bed in her own room quite well. We snuggle and end the night with a story or talk about our day now. It is all about routine, whether rocking, nursing, snuggling, etc. All children crave routine and love before bed.
With daughter #2 who is now 1, I am nursing and co-sleeping with her as well, and plan to let her lead the way and tell me what she needs. That doesn't mean letting your child manipulate you (which I think they learn somewhere near the end of year #2, NOT as babies!) but it DOES mean listening to your heart and your child's cues. (Both my girls woke to nurse during the night until at least 2.)

Best of luck to you and your little one, and remember they grow up SOOO fast!!

M.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I really didn't want any of this to sound judgemental and reading back over it, it does sound a bit terse. I was just trying to get out my story and reply as quickly as possible before my little one needed me. :)

I've got to agree with Amanda. What bad habit are you afraid of creating? Comfort and love before bed? I think that people make you feel bad about your parenting and call them "habits" instead of mothering. I've never ever seen or heard of a grown man needing his mother to go to sleep! Eventually Charlie won't want to cuddle with you and you'll probably wish he did! They won't need us forever and I personally feel that I want to enjoy as much cuddle time now when they are small. That all being said, I hit my limit when my daughter was about 15 or 16 months and night-weaned her then. I had just gotten pregnant with my son and was exhausted! I still comforted her when she woke but didn't nurse and she just stopped waking up for it then. My son is 10 months and he still really needs to nurse at least once in the night, sometimes twice but more often than not, only once now. Just be sure that if you wean him, you are doing it because YOU want to, not because people are pressuring you to. You could start nursing in the chair or wherever you nurse him, and then read the book, sing, etc so nursing isn't the last thing you do before bed. It's never worked for my kids but I've heard that there are babies that don't need to fall asleep with a breast in their mouths :) You just don't want to look back and wish you had nursed him a little longer, you can't go back. Oh, and I love your son's name!!!

I don't see a pickle. I see a peach. He sounds very typical.

Do you want to wean or do you feel pressured? The WHO recommends nursing until at LEAST the age of 2 and thereafter as long as mutually desired. So much benefit to mama milk for you AND for him.

Weaning does not guarantee he will sleep through the night in any way. He will do this when he's ready. My first was ready at the age of 2 1/2. We co-sleep so the wakeup was not so bad. My first nursed to sleep until she was close to 2.5. My second one doesn't seem to always need to nurse to sleep even though we parent them the same.

What I'm saying is that you are not "creating" any bad habits... this is who he is and what he needs.

If you still want to wean or even simply nightwean... La Leche has some good advice. "How Weaning Happens" is a book you could look at if you like.

Good luck mama. Trust yourself. You sound like a great mama

We co-slept with both our daughters and that helped with our nighttime arrangement but I know that is not an option for everyone. I suggest you check out the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It helped us IMMENSELY! Good luck and I think it's really great that you don't want to let your little guy cry it out. Also congratulations on nursing for 11-months! That is awesome!

I have been in the same boat that your sailing in right now. My son was the same way. Since he was my first and I didn't have a lot of friends around me that were breastfeeding I felt a lot of pressure to be like the other moms, so I tried to get my son to fit into the sleep all night mold. It never work. I became fustrated he became fustrated and I think it created a lot of trust issues that are still around today. He did end up weaning at 19 months when I was 4 months pregnant with my second child and he was able to interstand the concept that I was "empty"
With the lessons learned from me experience with my son, I was able to to learn to not worry about what others were doing and just go with the flow with my daughter. She nusred successfully for two years and then weaned on her own one night and never asked to nurse again.
I know right now your fustrated and tired and miss the days of sleeping through the night, but trust me it won't last forever. Go with the flow, and know that although it's hard your son is bennefitting from it more than a night of uninterupted sleep.

Not sure if you're going to get the answer you want from me, but I also wonder why you feel the need to wean. I have a 22 month-old who has only been done nursing for a little over 2 months. He wasn't ready until then -- and I wasn't either. I have to tell you honey, he didn't sleep all night then and he doesn't even now! He still wakes up, but now he wakes up in the night and just crawls into bed with me. Sometimes I don't even know he's there, he just gets himself there! I had every intention to quit nursing at 1 year, but he was going to have a really hard time with it, so we continued. I think I was only going to stop because I was being pressured. Then I read that they still get benefits from it until the age of 2, so I let all of my critics know that and continued on. When I did finally wean, it was because he was ready, he didn't 'need' it anymore and I quit offering it. When he did ask for it I just distracted him or got him a cup of milk or juice -- he was fine. They say you should wait for them to show you the signs that they are ready and as mothers we can easily tell. Good luck, I hope you continue to give you baby what he needs from you.

Morning Courtney ~

WOW ! I am in the same exact situation .... I am also nursing, my son Carson (11 months,) at bed time and also at naptime. He will be 1 on 12/27/08. I think he is attached to me in the way of nursing. He think he needs it and I think it relaxes him and he falls asleep since it is so comforting. I am going to watch your responses also and see what kind of advice you get. Good Luck ! & Congrats on your baby boy :)

a little about me : SAHM of 2 boys ... ages 11 months and 11 years .... married for 13 years .. just decided to stay home after the birth of my little sweetie was born 12/2007.

Hi! I went through the same thing with my daughter who is now 2. At about 11 months I was DONE in with the breastfeeding thing. I got the No Cry Sleep Solution and read the section on weaning at night. So, what I did was (and it took a month or so) as she is breastfeeding you take him off the breast at shorter and shorter times until your done. Then I let her pick a cup with a straw (since she never used a bottle and doesn't like the traditional sippy cup,and it worked!). She did fuss a little, but since it was a slow process, it wasn't too bad. The only issue we have now is she still wants to sleep with mommy! I don't mind sleeping with her, but she jams up so close to me that I can't move! We are working on that slowly too, as she has a bed in the corner of our room that we keep putting her in and she always wakes up in the middle of the night wanting us. Oh well, its better than breatfeeding all night. Good luck!

Dear Courtney,
We were in your exact same boat a month ago. Our 9 month old, also named Charlie, only fell asleep nursing. The first step we took was to change the bedtime routine where nursing wasn't the last thing. I really resisted the cry it out method despite everyone's advice for it, however after months of several awakenings a night and nursing him back to sleep, I was desparate. The book that was most helpful and practical, and I read them all, is "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber, M.D. He describes a graduated plan that teaches him how to fall asleep on his own. This worked very well for us and Charlie now goes down for naps and bedtime very easily on his own and sleeps all night! Good luck! G.

hi courtney.
at around 11 months my husband helped my son get back to sleep when he would wake up (sometimes up to 3 times) because i was still nursing and didn't want him to smell my milk. my husband would let him know he was there, pat his back, hug him if standing and humming or singing. never taking him out of the crib after the first night. gently laying him back down too. after three days he stayed asleep from 7 to 6:30. it has been i think 8 weeks now. i am a new person now that i sleep through the night. there was quite a bit of heart wrenching crying but, i never researched the "cry it out method" so i am not sure if that is what i did. i weaned my son at 12 1/2 months by gradually decreasing the amount of nursing and then giving him a bottle of milk in place of the nursing. he didn't seem to miss it. he tried to nurse once in the first week when we were taking a bath together. i told him no and he just started playing with a toy and didn't mind. i really thought he loved it and couldn't live without it!!! he is happy with his bottle. i missed it at first. if your ready your ready.

i startd a routine. eat, bath, bottle, book or play then bed time. i always say the same things too. time for nighty night. i think he actually understands now. he seems happier too!! he wakes up more happy and doesn't mind going to bed. good luck.

I read thru your responses and I see that people really want to weigh in on whether you should wean or teach your child to sleep independently. I'm not getting in the middle of that debate!! The way I read your post, you seem to think this is the right time to move away from nursing and a lot of nighttime contact. If that is correct, then I recommend buying Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weisbluth. Don't be afraid to tailor his recommendations to your situation and the amount of crying you can withstand. If nothing else, the book will teach you a lot about sleep physiology.

I also recommend breaking down the situation and picking one area to focus on at a time. Changing the bedtime routine seems a good place to start. One small change would be to interpose something between the feeding and sleeping. It shoudn't be too exciting for him. How about holding him and walking around singing softly? Just an idea.

Lots of people do this: create some separation at night. It doesn't always come w/o tears,tho. I always tell my kids, just b/c something is hard or doesn't feel good, that doesn't make it wrong. Just food for thought!

Good luck!

Hi! I nursed my twins for almost two years, but right around that age, they were getting up all night long and I was getting sleep deprived to the point that I really couldn't function anymore. Taking a suggestion from Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution", we switched up the evening routine a bit and that worked OK for us. Previously, I had nursed them both to sleep in a big comfy chair in their bedroom. What I did was nurse them while I was reading them their bedtime stories in the living room in a different comfy chair, then put them in bed. That way, my back was saved from trying to wrestle two sleeping babies into their beds and they slept a little better. I did end up night weaning them completely at 15 months and then they started sleeping through the night. To do that, I just went to them every time they got up and sat with them and read to them and sang and rocked them and reminded them that milk was for the day time. They were a little upset, but it really was nowhere near as traumatic as letting them just cry it out all alone in their beds for who knows how long.
Good luck!

if you find an answer let me know. I have never heard of anyone doing it outside of the crying it out and I think the older they are the harder it is for them to give it up. My son was over a year old by the time we let him cry it out- after 6 months of age they do not need to eat during the night they can get all their nutrition during the day. Good luck!

Hi Courtney. :) We JUST went through this same thing. :) We go to a very laid back doctor who seriously encourages and supports breast feeding. When we took our son in for his 12 month checkup and he heard that I am up usually twice a night nursing, he said that it had to stop. I agreed...I needed sleep! :) He said the best thing to do was to have my husband go in since seeing me triggered the desire to nurse. We did it cold turkey...on a Thursday night to give us the weekend for my husband to sleep in since he works. My husband would go in, leaving the baby in the crib and help him back to sleep by patting him on the back and just talked to him. If the baby was standing he would gently help him lie down and stand there for a bit singing to him. He gradually started to stop touching him and just stand there. After 2-3 nights, it worked....he is now 13 months old and has been sleeping through the night for the past 6 weeks. :) Feel free to email me if you have any other questions. Be patient...it will happen. :) Good luck, K.

Courtney,
Congrats on your 11 month old.

Yes, those are a lot of changes. I can only offer advice on the middle of the night feeding (because I did the nurse to sleep a lot of times as well!). When my son would get up in the middle of the night, I would get up to nurse him, but only let him nurse for a minute or 2 and then put him back in his bed. He eventually figured out that it wasn't worth it to get up for that little bit of nursing.

Also, I nursed until my son was 19 months and he got the best sleep once he completely weaned. It was amazing the difference. I am by no means advocating that you stop so you can get a full nights sleep, but it just sort of happened that way and I had heard from other friends that it happened that way with them as well.

Does he nurse to sleep at nap time? I think someone offered me the suggestion to nurse before bed and then wake him up before you lay him down OR only nurse until right before he falls asleep so he can get used to being put to bed awake.

Hope this helps a little.
B.

I highly recommend reducing the minutes and time you spend with your son during the night feedings. I've been doing that with my daughter, and after a few months, I'm getting some serious results and think she will soon be sleeping straight through. (She's 9 months). Yes, I did say months. It's a slow, long process. Since your son is longer, it might go much faster...

Get the No Cry Sleep Solution ...She discusses how to go from nursing to sleep, to nursing to sleepy, to nursing to wide awake in a crib. It will be a long process, but basically you just start removing him from your nipple at different stages of tiredness until he will go down awake. So, for instance, tonight, you might nurse for a minute less, then remove him. He will most likely protest, give him a second, see if he relaxes or cries, and if he cries, put him back on for another minute, repeat until he will go down smoothly.

I personally do a mixture of crying/no crying, partly because I think there is merit to both the no cry and cry solutions and partly because my husband convinced me that I needed to let her fuss cause I needed sleep. Last night, for instance, my little one really didn't want to go to bed, so she literally threw a tantrum, yelling at me all pissed off like. I went to her once, told her "it's bedtime. Give me a quick hug, now go to sleep" I then ignored her, and within 5 minutes, she was sound asleep. A few months ago, I would have said "it's sleepy time, I will give you a little more milk, but then you are going to bed."

Good luck!

Yes I have been in your position, but your son is still very young and there are so many benefits to him still breastfeeding. I breastfed my son for 3years and am glad I did. He is very healthy and well adjusted. If your son is not ready to stop you should listen to his cues as well as your own. There is a lot of guilt that comes with weening especially too early. You are on here because you want other women to give you advice but I think you should go even further and to a more natural source. Try your local La Leche League group and or Mothering magazine. Breastfeeding is a honorable and natural thing and in most societies (not the USA) woman go well beyond 11 months. Listen to your child it is too soon to stop and he doesn't have the cognitive understanding so for you to with hold something he's had since birth would be cruel to do. I felt awful when we stopped and my son was 3. So good luck and I hope that helped a little or a lot.

I know that cry it out is hard but it usually takes only a few days and you, your baby and whole family are better for it. Every child needs to learn how to get themselves to sleep and left to do it, they will manage it. I would start on the getting him to sleep through the night first and maybe a few weeks after that start on the weaning. Does he get pumped milk in a bottle, that will help.