21 Month Old Acting Out

D.,
I would HIGHLY recommend the book "Drawing the Line". I have a 3 and 4 year old and I was out of my mind with the shenanigans until reading and APPLYING this technique. It is the perfect balance between firmness and warmth, and the results are nothing short of miraculous.
G.

Children's cognitive development spirals upward, it does not move linearly like physical development (which is always upward--you don't see a child shrinking). ---it is normal to see periods of acting act prior to a developmental milestone or growth spurt. I call this stepping back to get a running start for the next level.

HI!
Dont worry you still have time to fix what have been done wrong. I have a 6 y/o that I spoiled to the extreme, I realized it once I had my second child. He was already 3 1/2 y/o.
I think the main problem when kids act out is that they know they are upsetting us, and usually we deal with the problem so that it ends instead of teaching child the behavior is wrong.
When she act out,FORGET ABOUT PEOPLE AROUND YOU, DONT BE ASHAMED THAT OTHER KIDS HER AGE ARE BEHAVING WELL, because this will get to you, and you;ll be upset and she will know. SO next time, a loud and serious STOP! should be given as a first second and third warning. if she doesnt stop, remove her food so she doent throw it to people..And try and ignored her, keep eating , bad behavior usually gets worse( to test u) so keep ignoring her. eventually she will get tired. when she seems to be getting tired and bad behavior is decresing, ask her. Do you want your food back? you give it back and is she starts eating good, if not take it away again. and ignored her again.
Believe me you'll have a couple of bad times, but eventually it will work. I have plenty of techniques to try( that ive tried myself) so feel free to write me ____@____.com

D.,

You need to nip this behavior in the bud. At home create a spot or a room that can be a time out area. No toys or anything to do. When she acts out, tell her she is behaving wrong and put her in the time out area til she settles down and behaves. We would tell our girls they weren't behaving like little ladies. When you are at a restruant you can take her out of the situation to the bathroom or outside and tell her the same,"she is behaving badly" when she settles down go back in. This may seem an inconvience to you or your husband, but if she wants attention you need to show her this is not the way to get it. On the other hand remember to praise her and give her attention when she behaves properly, especially out at a restruant. It will take time, but it works. Your daughter will learn her patience and behaviors from what you show and teach her. Kids are very smart, and learn from their enviornment much more than we think.

Lots of luck

K.

Hey D.,
I love writing to moms. It is great to see your not in the boat alone, you know?
Nip it in the bud! Take the child to the rest room or out to the car and firmly let them know their behavior is not going to happen, with a quick pop to their well padded huggied butt. The noise of the pop to the diapered area startles them and they just think the world has come to an end sometimes.......
The child may cry and you just hold their arm, fingering under their chin to have them look at you in the eye and let them know until they can be nice, we will not leave out of this room or car. Ask them do you not want to be in there with all the other people dinning? Be with daddy and out with the lights and food that's so yummie warm? I assure you they should respond with a yes, If not wait for them to be ready. Once they are, collect them up, hold them close, tell them thank you (in advance) for you know they are going to be good now, or else be back in the bath room/car for more talk and a pop. Love you my little angel as you head back to the table.............
Spare the rod, spoil the child???????? They will understand your means they will be quick to know who is in charge of things.

hi D.
just don't feel too bad. i have girls that just turned two and temper tantrums are a routine by now
i don't see it changing anytime soon, just gotta bite the bullet and put up with their crying. we don't either go to restaurants anymore because of their behavior.

Hi there,
Sometimes when we are not around enough for kids they will do this, yes for attention. They need uninterrupted quality time and this means, no phone calls to interrupt your time with them and such. There is a great show "Super Nanny" you should check out if it's on in your area. Lots of good information. Also, she needs to know her limits and you should try to keep a positive attitute when disciplining her letting her know she is not going to "get to you" Positive disciplining is trying to make it a win/win whenever you can but her behavior must cooperate with your requests. I used to tell my daughter, if you don't cooperate with me I won't cooperate with you. Pretty simple. You are teaching her to become a responsible, loving, attentive lady...Best of Luck,
D.
Prenatal Plus - Yoga
Miami, FL
www.prenatalplusyoga.com

Aren't the terrible twos so much fun. Have you tried time out? I would only put her in time out for about a minute and a half or two minutes but no longer. You would also have to have a safe place to put her in time out, maybe her bedroom.

As far as the restaraunt temper tantrams, I have never had that problem with my daughter...I have been very lucky...however I do know that my mom said that when I was really little I had a huge temper tantram in a restaraunt (it was their anniversary that is probably why she remembers it so well) and my dad ended up taking me out to the car while my mom ate and then my mom came out and sat with me in the car and my dad went in to eat. If you try this make sure that you do not make it seem like a reward to your daughter. You need to make sure that you let her know that she is in trouble and that this is not play time. You could actually just take her out of the restaraunt until she calms down and let her know that what she is doing is not okay. I know that she is only 21 months old but I also believe that they understand a lot if it is put the right way. I have explained things to my daughter since day one (I know that until a certain age they don't comprehend any of it it is just the way I am) and so it came naturally to talk to her about her behavior when she got to that age.

Good luck and just wait I have figured out that three is no easier.

M. N.

D.,
Welcome to the "2"s I wont call them terrible but they ARE HARD!!!!! THe best thing I can suggest is start implementing a consistant disipline system NOW!!! Time out is great a min for every year old they are I dont recomend their room I did the room and now she doesnt ever want to play in there atall so we moved it to a corner in the living room where there is no sight of the tv. I can tell you the challenges are just begining!! But the rewards are greater too!! YOu will start getting more hugs and kisses and "I love you mommy" but at this age they are learning SOOOOOOOO much and they go off of your reactions soooo much! Mine is three and a half now and we have a hole new set of challenges, the tantrums arent as bad as a matter of fact I dont even remember when they stopped but they did, just be firm consistent and stick to your guns...make sure what is not ok to do today is still not ok to do tomorrow and make sure that daddy is on the same page! and both of you should be taking turns putting her in time out that way she knows that both of you mean buissness! Good luck and it does get better!!!

D.,

I am a Kindergarten teacher so I can tell you what I know of 5 year olds...

It sounds like your little one knows she can get what she wants by means of NEGITIVE attention. Do you give in?? Try overly praising her for positive behaviors you are seeking. With some children, you can simply ignore the behaviors that are undesirable (at home would be best) however, depending on your child's temperment, this could be very difficult for you to deal with.

For what it's worth, I have a friend that has a child of the same age that was doing the same sort of thing. What she did was put her little guy in time out. They found that he just HATED being in his booster seat - - so the booster seat became time out. So when he would misbehave, she would simply tell her son WHAT he was doing that was unacceptable - - and that he needed to STOP. She also told him that if he continued to do it, he would be put in time out. Expect your little one to test you to see if you will follow through - - - if you do follow through, you will see an improvment - I am sure of it!

I hope this helps - - let me know how it goes.

D.,

My Daughter is 20 months now and recently she has been acting the same way. I understand how you are feeling she understands everything I say but when I tell her no she doesn't seem to understand, and when I stop her from doing something she has a tantrum and I usually give up and let her do what she wants which I am now trying to stop. I have been a stay at home mom since she was born and I felt she is like that because I spoiled her and never let her cry for anything and was always holding her which is a normal thing but she never got her independance but I am realizing now that it is part of also being a toddler and now that she is getting closer to 2 that it is normal behavior the funny thing is is that she only acts this way with me or her father.

If you think you have spoiled her, then most likely you have. No child is perfect and should not be expected to be, but if you are uncomfortable with her behavior and I could see why you would be, re-think your actions and reactions to her.

You must be consistent with the behavior you ask of her, so she knows her limits. If you allow her to walk around while eating at home or get up from the table when she wants, you can not expect her to know "the proper time" for this behavior. She's still young. If going out to dinner is the main problem you have with her try pretending at home that you are in a restaurant. Show her how a little princess eats, make it a game and reward her for her good behavior, nothing big- it could be extra hugs and kisses, etc. You can all get dressed up "fancy" whatever she would enjoy and get her interested in the idea. Pretend every night at dinner time and then try it out at a restaurant.

If the behavior is at all times, then you have to look at why she is acting that way. Again consistency is the key if you act like x, you are going to get y. She is not to young to understand. I have 4 children and believe me children know you better than you know yourself - all they do is check out your behaviors and reactions all day. Don't be afraid of time out, she would only get one or two minutes (its supposed to be a minute for every year old the child is), but it serves the purpose that you mean what you say.

I am not a big "believer" in terrible twos as I think it is more of an age where they are testing their world to see how things work. Its up to you if its going to be terrible or not.

Work WITH your daughter so you can both enjoy your time together. Learn her personality, know her likes and dislikes and plan for it.

May you continue to be blessed with patience and love!

A.

Hi D.,

Grandma of a 16 month old here (I'm only 42 tho). Isaac already throws tantrums, bites, throws toys, turns off teh TV, ect. The best thing to do at this point is to start an immediate disciplein program of time outs. Your daughter is old enough to know naughty and okay things she is doing, so when she acts out, put her right in a designated spot that she has already been shown and had explained to her and keep her there for 2 solid minutes WITHOUT talking to her. If she gets up, say "NO! You were naughty and have time out!" and put her back as often as you have to until she sits for those two minutes. Then, get down face-face and tell her again what was naughty and that you and daddy won't let her act that way and have her tell you she is sorry. When out in public, give one warning about the negative behavior and tell her if she does it again, you will just go home...just make sure you are prepared to follow through and pick her right up and take her home. Food can go in to-go boxes (which I think were designed by moms for this reason), so taking her right out shows her you are serious! tantrums at the store can be handled the same way...give a warning and what will happen, and if she repeats the behavior, right out to the car and home (if it's an absolute must to take home what you are shopping for, like groceries, take her out to the car and do her two minute time-out, explain what she did, and finish shopping...be prepared to make several time-out trips to the car in just one shopping trip). Once she knows you mean business, alot of those tantrums and negative behaviors will stop....just give these tips and tricks at least a month to really get your daughter use to the new discipline system. BIG THING TO REMEMBER...always make sure to praise good behaviors with lots of special times and activites and hugs, and know that there will be certain times when ignoring the little naughties in favor of praising the good moments will keep you sane!!

R.

My daughter is 21 months old too and acts the same way. I always think the same thing, why are the other kids so nicely behaved and she's not. I think it's pretty much normal behavior for that age. I just roll with it, ignore the fits and they'll go away, give in and you will see more of them.

My daughter did the same sort of thing. Shes now 27 months and getting better. The fits are few and far between, but when she has them its a real joy. (I'm kidding) I bet you have no reason to worry, they all seem to go through it at some point. Is she at home with you during the day?