My almost 2 year old is frustrating my husband and I. He cries to sleep and I wish that we could figure out how to provide him comfort so that he wont. As a baby he breastfed to sleep and then music worked after that but now it seems he feels he has to scream to sleep. Also he kicks me the whole time I try to change his diaper or tries to escape. I've been trying to distract him so he will calm down but yet again I need to figure this out too. Today he started hitting and he seems to want to bite. I don't know if he is frustrated with comunication since he still has a small vocabulary. I just don't understand. He is so different from my first two. I love him and he is such a cutie but the tempers have got to go. If you have any tips on all of this terrible 2s stuff please help me!!
Sign language for babies is a really big thing these days so I'm sure there are several books you can find. I'd teach the both of you (well, all of you) simple signs so that he can not feel so frustrated. If it's a communication issue maybe that will help. Good luck!
Having had an extreme terrible-twoer, I think your son sounds a little more upset than usual. I would take him for a physical, and consider an evaluation, in case there are allergies, maybe a little something on the autism spectrum, even an undiagnosed ear infection (I read about a kid who had such an infection for two years because his parents didn't want to pay for a doctor--it was a disaster). Could be perfectly normal, I'd just explore it with your doctor.
Hi M. - wow, that must be really stressful for you! It's hard as moms and dads because we want the best for our kids. Times like this are really sad and frustrating, aren't they?
It definitely sounds like your son has developed a negative association with bedtime -
Im wondering, what does he do if you go into him when he's crying? Does he reject you or want to cuddle? You might find your answer there. If he gets more angry until you leave, he's probably using the act of crying to calm down. If he cuddles or gets happier, then he was probably mad or sad at being left alone and that means the "cry it out" method doesnt work for your child, it just hurts his feelings.
Your doc might have some input on this. If he is using sensory input as a way of calming himself than a pediatric OT specialist might have some answers for you as well.
The book that saved my sanity and probably my children's lives ;) is "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk." It's useful even for very small children.
With diapering, when my boys start to kick or wiggle, I stop reacting--I stop trying to diaper, I look away, inspect my fingernails, look at my watch, rearrange my hair, whatever, just to emphasize that I am not interested in having a wrestling match and I am not going to let it escalate into a big fight. Sometimes it takes a minute, but usually they stop thrashing right away because it's so much more fun to have me talking and singing with them than to wiggle with no reaction at all.
Would your son like to have more bedtime stories? I know it sounds simple and obvious, but my breastfed toddlers needed lots more holding and cuddling while they weaned, and reading to them met that need and helped them doze off comfortably. I also get a lot of mileage out of audio books; you can usually borrow lots of them from the library. It's like getting one last story even after the lights are out, and my kids are often asleep before the story finishes.
As for the biting and hitting, that's definitely not acceptable, but I think you're wise to recognize it as an expression of frustration. Instead of time out, which may fuel his frustration even more, consider helping him find words and making his world less threatening by offering him some "time IN" with a heavy dose of positive attention and validation: "Oh, my! We only bite food; we NEVER bite people! It is not OK to bite/hit. You feel so frustrated that your sister took those blocks. Let's go over here and look at the trucks/Let's ask her if you can have some/Let's go to the kitchen and make some lunch together."
Best wishes!
M.,
At 2yrs old, even if he isn't talking a lot, he understands you and should behave better than that with the diaper changing and such. Tell him no when he starts squirming and be firm with him. He's testing boundries. If he continues to be naughty, give him a time-out (no more than 2 minutes).
As far as sleep goes, have you tried the music again? My kids still sleep with music on. We start one of their CD's and it's perfect because it turns off when it's over and they are usually asleep by then. Also, try a new routine that maybe gives him a little extra time with you. Read a book before the CD starts, talk about what a good boy he was today - how proud you were of him for...(especially if he was good during a diaper change or other challenging activity!)
When he hits - tell him NO and grab his hand. So he knows, without a doubt what you are saying no to. Our daughter tried that biting thing and the first time she did it (on my shoulder) it surprised me so much I screamed a little!! That was all it took - it scared her and she never did it again! It was completely unintentional to scare her - but it worked. LOL
Good luck!
C.
From the examples you've given,it sounds like one piece is that he's looking for power (common in a younger sibling!). For sleep... one idea is to let him fall asleep in a different, *happy* place (where he agrees to lay quietly), then move him when he's asleep. Diapers... shall we change your diaper on the couch or in brother's room? A book that would really help is "365 Wonderful Wacky Ways to get Your Kids to Do What You Want" by Crary. She has a topic (like diapers) then at least 10 suggestions to make it pleasant. Good luck!
