2 Year Old, Old Enough to Decide What to Wear???

I used to be like some of the moms here and wanted my son to listen to me and do as I say. But then I realized that my son really does not have much control or say so in his life and to give him choices would really make all the difference in the world to him. And it did.

He used to fight me on taking baths, eating and bedtime but also on every other thing that I would want him to do. If you think about how much a child that age can actually do by themselves there really isn't much. It must be frustrating for them to be so limited and always relying on others to do things for them and then not have a voice on some of the more trivial things like clothes and shoes.

Let him choose his clothes and if the choice is not a good one for the weather (or the type of outing) then explain that to him. I think children get frustrated when we don't tell them "Why" we ask them to do what we want them to do.
Try to give him more choice (not just with clothes but with foods, books for bedtime,toys etc..) and see where you go from there.You might just find that he isn't so combative.

He probably just doesn't understand. He has been used to one pair of shoes and now he has this other pair. If the old shoes are too small I would suggest putting the other ones on so his feet are not squished. But if they still fit let him continue to wear them and keep the other ones around. Keep them in the same spot as the other ones so he gets use to seeing them. Also,explain to him that both pairs of shoes are his and he can still wear the other shoes sometimes but he needs to wear the new ones this time. They can understand more than you think if you explain it in a simple enough way. I would talk to him about at a time when you are not trying to go somewhere, especially somewhere you need to be at a certain time. I hope this will help you.

Are the new shoes just cute or a better fit or what? My daughter doesn't like a lot of shoes, but she will tolerate Robez-type slip ons. I've come to realize she has a wide, fat foot and most of the other shoes aren't comfortable. If it's just that they are new and not "his" shoes, I'd put them with the other shoes, show them to him, etc. Things to take the strangeness off.

I don't honestly think this is going to be a worthwhile fight with a two year old. I would save those types of power struggles for something like hitting your sister or destroying something. lol. He is old enough to PICK out his shoes by giving him a choice of two options (that you already approve of). Let him wear what shoes he wants to wear. If he needs to wear dressy shoes for something special, tell him he can carry his other shoes and put them on after church, dinner, etc. This is the least of your troubles. I was always told that the twos are striving for independence. Let him have his independence on issues that don't matter so that it isn't such a power struggle on issues that do matter.

Hi L.,
At 2 years old, he doesn't have a choice. As long as the shoes fit comfortably then he needs to wear them. If he throws a fit, let him know that is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Explain to him that he can wear his other shoes another time, but when Mommy says put on the new shoes, that is what he has to do.

My son did the same thing, we just kept the new shoes around and presented them and finally he wore them, now he won't not wear them. It's not a deciding what they want to wear thing as much as a novel thing. They know their shoes, now you're giving them something new and those transition can be scary at 2, though you never know what will be exciting and what will be scary. (we also bribed him to put them on one day with a starburst, I think that helped break them in) Good luck

My son went thru the same exact thing. 2 yr olds don't exactly embrace change lol. First I would check to see if they are comfortable for him as we all know that some shoes are cut smaller. If they are fine then I would explain to him that his other shoes are just to small and they will cause boo-boo's if he continues to wear them. In the case of my son his new shoes were a gift and my father couldn't remember where he got them. I didn't have the money to buy a new pair so my son was stuck. Yes he kicked and screamed all hell broke loose for about a week everytime I put them on. He got over it and then grown attachment to these "new" shoes. I learned my lesson next time and went on a search for exact or similar shoes when he out grew these. He will outgrow this phase. However children this age do like to make decisions too. Next time you go to the store pick out 2-3 pairs and let him choose which ones. He will feel special. Hope this helps

why fight it? I would take them back and let him pick out his own shoes, with guidance of course.

Dont force it. At 2 years they develop thier character, so maybe its another way of expresing his individuality.
That is why they are called the terrible 2! Once they start saying NO to many things.

Try putting them away for couple of days and than wrap them up and have them arrive as a package or a present.

I would just put them on him. You are the parent and if you don't take control of the situation it will only get worse.

It's been my experience that 2 year olds don't like change, and that includes clothing. Sometimes it takes longer for them to get used to something new. But you have to decide if it's worth the fight.

Maybe they don't feel right on his feet. Even if they fit "right" maybe there is a seam that doesn't feel right or a label on the bottom or anything really. Does he dislike other things like the tags in clothing? or the seams on his socks being a particular way or his clothing fitting just so? Please don't dismiss it as I'm the parent he is the child or its just him being 2 its belittling and there COULD be an underlying sensory issue. Even people without SPD have some sensory non negotiable issues they can be little like only natural fiber clothing, or quieter music/tv or dimmer lights or shoes that fit just so :) good luck and remember even though he is "only 2" he is also a person and just because he is smaller/younger it doesn't make him any less valid when he says he doesn't want to wear those shoes or make him 'wrong' or manipulative. Other cultures just meet the needs of the child they don't try to belittle their experience because their lack of size or age :)

my son this did this when his shoes didn't fit properly.(he only had them half way on for about 1 second) he couldn't figure out how to tell us so he threw a fit whenever we tried to put them on. When we went back to the shoe store they told us they were too snug on his feet. I would check to see if there is a fit problem.

My son (who is just over 2) was also like that when we recently bought him new shoes. We just completely got rid of the old shoes (out of site, out of mind) and after a few days he stopped complained about putting the new shoes on. One thing that helped... his sneakers are red and blue so we called them 'Spiderman' shoes and his sandals are all black so we call them "Batman" shoes which I think helped him warm up to the shoes.

The one thing to look out for is to make sure that the shoes fit properly and that he's not complaining because he is uncomfortable.

When he's old enough to pay for what he wears, then he may be old enough to help decide what he wears. This is just a power struggle, a way for your little guy to exert some control, which is totally developmentally approriate. Having said that, you are the parent, the real one in control. I wouldn't make a big deal over him not wanting to wear the shoes at this point, but I wouldn't take them back either. Also, sometimes kids this age reject anything that's new, simply because it's different from what they're used to, not because they really don't like it. Put the shoes on him when you want him to wear them and let him get over it. I'm sure his protests won't last long.

My 6 year old daughter was picky about her shoes from a very young age, I think maybe even as young as your son. When she got a bit older and was able to verbalize, she told us that she loved her shoes to be one size bigger than her feet were measuring at. She just loves the feel of loose shoes. I also have heard of children as young as six and probably as young as your son having issues with feet that are not shaped like the "normal" foot for one reason or another. I would probably return the shoes and let him choose from a couple that you offer to him. If he does not like any of the shoes you pick out, perhaps he can wait to get a new pair of shoes later and just use the ones he already has? Thanks for reading this.

Hi L.,
I'm just a little confused. You asked if he's too young to decide??? He's an individual. He has his own little personallity and mind. This really isn't a big deal. If he doesn't like them then owell. I'm sure you don't wear stuff you don't like. If its a safty issue, then of course thats different. I would let things calm down, put then away for a few days and try again. If he already has his favorite shoes, and they are ok, then why fight it? Maybe take him to the store and let him look at the shoes. Maybe he'll see others he likes. My six yr old wears the funniest things some times. I let him pick out his own clothes and sometimes they match, sometimes they don't. I gently try to show him how to match and his response is normally "things don't ALWAYS have to match mom". He's right. Its his personality and he likes what he picks all by himself. Try to relax a little. There will be way worse stuff than this!!!!!

I'd take them back. You'll just have a fight on your hands every time you try to put them on and who needs that? My son had very strong preferences really early. Shoes were the worst. He still has very strong shoe preferences so I try to get the same shoe as much as possible to avoid these meltdowns.

I would demand he put them on 2yrs old is too young to have a choice. There are certain things at this age he can have a choice. If you want him to wear a t-shirt and he has a particular one that is good and he wants to wear it. But shoes is not one of them. Give him the typical you put your shoes on or were leaving you here. But no way would i let him have a choice in the matter. If you give choices to early on they don't learn from it in a good way they learn to demand things and they will get their way and they get worse as they get older. Good luck

I would advise against taking the shoes back. If it were a matter of comfort, certainly. But I would be wary of bowing to the whims of a two year old. In my view, it is merely setting the stage for his behavior and he may become accustomed to getting his way in this manner. I hope my advice doesn't sound too extreme, but I would err on the side of caution and keep the shoes.

I would say take them back. It is very possible that although they fit him, they aren't comfortable. He's too young to articulate that, but it could be why he doesn't want to wear them.

I have a 21-month-old who does the same thing. Basically, I make her wear the shoes that I want her to wear, even when she throws a fit. She loves wearing her Crocs, but sometimes they're just not appropriate or safe. If I want to avoid a battle for the day, I will hide her favorite shoes so she doesn't think about it. I also will sometimes let her choose between two appropriate pairs (other than the crocs) so she feels like she has some power. The most important thing is to not back down if you decide you want him to do something. It's all about control!! They need to know that you are the boss. I feel better equipped to deal with these issues now after having gone through it all recently with my now 3-year-old son. Good luck!

Kids this age can start to become very particular about what they want to wear. YOur child may not be able to fully express exactly why he doesn't like the adorable shoes you bought him; throwing them is the only way he can tell you he doesn't want them, for whatever reason. Try taking your child shopping with you to buy his clothes. Pre-select a few items in advance which you think will be appropriate (quality, cost, etc) and then engage your child in the process of trying on the shoes and buying the ones he has chosen. Give lots of time for this activity and be very encouraging. In the end he will be very proud of something HE has picked out and he will most likely wear the shoes or whatever item happily. Best of luck!

I wouldn't fight it. Put them away for a week or two. He has to wear shoes but let him choose.

However, start bulding up to the fact that the old ones won't fit soon and we will be putting them away/throwing them out or whatever. Let him pick when and how. He might have a blast throwing them in to the giant trash can in the garage. Or a better option might be to give the shoes to "teddy bear" to wear because they dont' fit you any more. Make it clear that when you get rid of the old, he has to wear the new. Let him get the box, unpack the shoes, etc. Maybe let him pick stickers to "decorate" them since he is already opposed to them.

Next time, if you didn't let him pick from a couple of pairs at the store. let him carry the box home and put them in his room, etc.

This is a good lesson for you :) He is old enough to make choices. he really doesn't get very many so make the insignificant ones seem really important. I totally believe kids need to obey, buy pick your battles. Yes, he is old enough to decide within reason. He can't choose whether he wears shoes, but make him think that what he wears is his choice.

I would say take them back. There may be a reason he doesn't like them, maybe they aren't comfortable. I had this experience with my daughter. The shoes didn't fit right (even though I had her sized and tried the shoes on at the store) after one wearing she wouldn't wear them anymore (this was at 18 months old). So, I checked them out and found out they didn't fit right. I took them back, went to a different store and got a pair that did fit correctly and she loved them. I really think he is trying to tell you something.

And yes, at two you can give your child a choice of two outfits and let him/her decide.