18 Month Screams More than Talks

My sister didn’t need to talk because the rest of us just knew what she wanted and did It or got it for her. As soon as everyone stopped doing and getting, she started talking.
We would tell her to use her words. We’d make her tell us what she wanted be it milk, a toy, a cookie, whatever.
It will get worse before it gets better...

Couple of thoughts, just from reading through your previous question titles.

1 - have you had his hearing tested?
One of mine had speech delays - needed tubes. Was missed by 2 speech therapists, early intervention, etc. Trip to ENT did the trick.

2 - You mentioned your son is not yet sleeping through the night and waking is it 2 times a night? Also not napping really well?
I am going to guess some of this behavioral stuff may be from being over tired, and also not being able to communicate. I think sign language is great, but an 18 month old may not who have the patience to sign when tired and frustrated ... it's asking a lot.

Just keep repeating back to him in a quiet voice for now .. and rewarding him for using a quieter voice.

Some kids are just loud. Isn't your older child talkative and loud also? Is your husband? Sometimes it is just a personality thing and it's better to embrace it. You can send them outside to be as loud as they like (or down to basement!) when they get a bit older. That's what we do here when the decibel level raises too much.

Suz has some great comments. And I agree with her that this is just driving you crazy - it would make any of us nuts!

You have to dial back the volume and the tension, and you don't have to respond every single time he screams. You're doing all the talking, which is understandable with a child who doesn't have a big vocabulary yet. But that plays into his screaming - because screaming gets him the attention from you.

You have to force yourself to talk quietly, and to tell him that you will listen to him when he stops screaming. Put him in his room if you have to, with a childproof doorknob cover and making sure there's nothing he can knock over (bolt bookshelves to the wall, for example). He can scream all he wants and come out when he can talk like a normal kid.

You were smart to have him tested, but since those problems are ruled out, this seems to be behavioral. You have to do something different from what you are doing. Sometimes it's okay for them to be frustrated and not have Mom solve every problem instantly. I have a 4 year old cousin who is a nightmare because he yells all the time and interrupts constantly. I get that 4 is older than 18 months, but still... His parents drop what they are doing every time so he gets a big payoff for yelling and hitting and interrupting. They don't use the word "no" and would rather reason with him all the time, negotiate and give him something he wants in exchange for his cooperation - so everything is a "deal" for him, to see what he can get. I know you aren't planning to do that, but I'm just saying this is what it can turn into. Sometimes you have to parent the 2nd child differently than the 1st one because the same techniques don't work.

So, change it up. Pick a strategy and use it until it works. Don't keep trying new things because that just gets kids confused. Good luck!

he's pretty young for you to be expecting him to be competently verbal. he's at the early stages of learning to communicate, and he's probably frustrated.

constant screaming is a miserable thing for a mom to endure. i sympathize with you. but i suggest you stop trying to fix it by constantly going at him to talk. he WILL talk. he doesn't know how yet, and doesn't necessarily learn in the linear fashion you expect.

having him tested was very wise. now listen to the diagnoses two presumably competent doctors have given you.

treat this phase like potty training, which is also nigh upon you. patience and calm are your greatest friends.

you don't have to jump through hoops to figure out what he wants every time he screams. yes, of course we moms don't want our kids angry and frustrated, but sometimes it's okay (after checking for all the usual suspects) to pop in your earbuds and smile gently at him from behind your book while he melts down.

wear him out as much as possible with play, particularly outside play. make sure he's getting good sleep and good nutrition.

a sane young mother is far more valuable to a pre-verbal toddler than a frantic exhausted young mother making herself crazy trying to give him everything his busy jumping bean toddler brain demands at any given second.

khairete
S.

Make sure you're not showing any signs of your frustration. If he screams, and you demonstrate by any means that you are feeling like you're going insane, you're basically feeding or rewarding the screaming.

Instead, when he screams, ignore him completely. And when you say something to him, like "let's go to the park and play", make sure you're at his eye level, and speaking very very softly and gently. Hold his little cheeks lovingly, and speak quietly.

At this age, it is very often a guessing game, just like when they were newborns and we didn't know if they needed changing, burping, feeding, or sleep, or just to be held, when they cried. Don't rush it. Don't give him all the words yet.

If you're giving him words, and constantly talking to him, and teaching him sign language, you may be overwhelming him, causing frustration. You know what toddlers need: mommy's hug, story time, some age-appropriate toys that aren't electronic (blocks, stuffed animals, dolls, etc), time to run and climb on safe equipment, and healthy food. Relax and slow down.

He's on the early side for terrible twos.
Does he stay quiet during story time?
At that age our son would do anything for story time - so we had it as much as possible - I never went anywhere without a book.
If we had to wait 10 min for anything - out the book would come.
One time I was reading to him while we waited in the doctors office and I had 3 other kids come up and sit down so they could hear the story too.
If he's listening then he's taking info in - and eventually it will help with his talking.
Balance this by having some outdoor run around time for an hour or two every afternoon.
Fresh air helps tire them out and some outdoor time when he's allowed to scream should help get some of it out of his system so he'll cut back on doing it indoors - eventually.
I use to play loud and soft games.
We'd see how loud we could be - and then see who could whisper the quietest.
Knowing the difference between the two helps when you tell him
"Now's not a good loud time - we'll be loud later outside".
For some reason they seem to be less in a screamy mood if you spend more time on the floor with them.
Until our son was four I spent more time on the floor next to the couch than on it.

My youngest had a speech delay, so he was not talking at 18 months, either. Fortunately for me, he wasn't much of a screamer.

One thing that really helped was for me to insist that he say the word. If he wanted something to drink, I would say, "Do you want a drink? If you want a drink say, 'Yes.'" I would not give him the cup, even if I knew that's what he wanted, until he said, "yes," or "drink." I didn't do this every time. If he was hungry or crabby, forget it. At those times I just did what I needed to do to get him fed!!! But if he was already in a good or at least decent mood, I would insist that he use words.

The screaming has to be really tough! You might want to start simple. You mentioned that he knows the sign for "more." Try adding another word or two at meal time. Start with meals where he's pretty happy. Maybe start with his drink. Ask him if he wants it, but encourage him to say "drink" (or milk or whatever you choose). Don't give it to him until he makes a decent attempt to say the right word. You could move on to "all done" when he is finished eating. He has to say it in order to be lifted out of his high chair.

As tough as it is (and I really do know it's tough), you have to work on ignoring the screaming. Unfortunately, he's learned that screaming makes you work harder to get him what he wants. As long as he screams, he knows that he is your #1 priority, and you are going to do whatever it takes to get him to stop screaming. He needs to learn that this is no longer going to work. That's probably going to be hard for both of you, but it really is going to work.

Your son may not have a speech delay but a language deficit. Because he doesn't know the words, he cannot possibly say them. Have early intervention evaluate him for language deficits. This is NOT done by a speech pathologist.

Baby sign language. There are DVDs that you can buy and watch with your toddler so you can both learn and help him communicate. We used "My Baby Can Talk First Signs" and loved it. My kids picked up the signs for milk, eat, drink, and dog pretty much immediately (and we don't even have a dog, they would use the sign when they saw the neighbor's dog). The trick is that once you watch the video, you need to do the sign every time you say the word too, so that it gets reinforced. Once kids realize they can communicate their needs this way, it's great. https://www.amazon.com/My-Baby-Can-Talk-First/dp/B0002KJJHI