20 Month Old Won't Talk

My son wasn't saying anything at that point. He's 2 1/2 now and is only now saying what your boy says at 20 mos. We have him in speech therapy and it has really helped. Its helped me as much as him I think. Just watching the therapists deal with him and learning from them has been most helpful. He does the loud yelling too. I think because he understands more than he can express, its frustrating. Just imagine how frustrating it would be for no one to understand what you want, and you don't know how to tell them what you want. When my son screams, we put our hands over our ears and say, "too loud". This didn't stop him at first, but it catches his attention, and he knows we will tell him this each time. Now he doesn't scream as often. It also helps to give him a sign for mad or sad. After you put your hands over your ears and say 'too loud', you can then say "I know you're mad" and do the sign. My son always gets mad when he can't have gum or candy. He'll request it and is proud that I understand, but immediately screams when I say 'no gum' or 'no candy'. I tell him I know you're mad (and do the sign for mad), but you can't have any. You'll have to wait" (I also give him the sign for wait). We use this sign a lot as well. This way he know we understand whatever he's asking for, but we have to wait first. Even with signs its frustrating, because there will be something he wants but he doesn't know the sign, he'll try to use his hands to make any sign. We just keep pointing at things untill we get it. When we do, he's so relieved and happy. Then we repeat what he wanted. "You want yogurt", reinforcing communication by telling him with words what he wants. Actually, anytime I do a sign, or he does a sign, I also use the words.

I know this is a lot and still not much, but sign language and reinforcing with words is what they suggest. And leaving out all the little words. Say "more drink" instead of "you want some more drink". Later, you can add those back in.

Good luck, T.

I think you have gotten a great combination of advice so far. I would definately look into a possible speech issue with your doctor. One of our neighbors just went through this with her 2 year old (now three). He has made unbelievable progress. His turned out to be needing tubes in his ears. Anyway, both of my boys (now 4 and 6) went through this stage and had no speech developement issues. The screeching was a small part of it and whining was a large part of it. I treat both of them the same way. "Mommy doesn't understand you when you talk that way, when you are ready to say it in a normal voice (no screeching, no whining), I will be able to understand you better" Then I turn my attention elsewhere. I sais this every time!! Even when I totally understood what they were saying, that way they understand that the issue is with the screeching and whining. Good luck. It worked 90% of the time with my kids, and the other 10% of the time they threw a fit and I said "i need you to go to your room until you can calm yourself, when you are calm you can come out." The rule in my house is if you want to whine or cry(unwarranted) or scream, you can, but in your room, not mine (which is everywhere but their room).

You got tons of responses and I was honestly surprised at how many people suggested that something could be wrong with your son. I don't think anything is wrong with his speech development- my daughter didn't say much at that age either and she is now 2 1/2 and speaks in 4-5 word sentances. If you really think there could be a speech dely- talk to your pediatrician first before you call in all the speacialists. As far as the shrieking- I agree with some of the other mom's-it's an attention getting tactic- show him that he won't get your attention- ignore him, leave the room, guide him to another room.. what ever you choose stick with it.

Good luck! Don't worry, I'm sure your little guy will be talking up a storm before you know it and most likely argueing with you about everything like my daughter!

L., My oldest son did not talk until he was 3 and he actually had to have speach therapy and went to a PPCD program for children with speach delays. I am not saying your child needs this, but I wanted to tell you that we used sign language to help Hunter communicate and he stopped the screaming episodes because now he could communicate what he wanted. We found out that he was screaming because he was frustrated that he could not talk and tell us what he was wanting. Alot of people have mixed feelings about the sign language, but I have to say that it worked wonders for us. My son is now 9 years old and he does still have to have speach therapy, but for the most part is a very healthy normal 9 year old. I hope this helps.
Mac

I have a daughter the same age that does the same thing. Irritating isnt it!?! Some days are worse than others. You know, a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a woman at a car repair shop about my car. She actually said to me, "sounds like you have your hands full of kids!!!" Sadly, I had to tell her, no, its just the one!!!

Perhaps we should lock our two together in a room and let them both get a taste of their own medicine!!!! (hahaha)

I will hope and pray for silence in your home....I'll thank you to do the same for me!!! :)

Margaret :)
EDIT:
I feel that everybody has the right to their opinion. Now, heres mine. On the same day that L. posted something about her childs "developement in talking", another woman posted about her child not walking at 15 months. While the responses to the "non-walking" child received a general response of, "dont worry about it", "all children do things in their own time", "stop comparing them to one another", the list goes on. A child that may or may not say as many words a little later in life gets labeled. "call ECI", "call your doctor","maybe its autism", "GET TO THERAPY!!!. I, personally, am tired of it. While my daughter doesnt have the vocabulary that many of her peers do, she's been running circles around them since about the age of 9 months.
And....Dont get me started on sign language. My child is not deaf. She is just a little apprehensive about speaking. Teaching her to sign is NOT going to help the cause. Talk about delaying the process!?! There have been no long term studies done about the reprocussions of signing to a hearing child. I think it delays the process of them NEEDING to say a word. Karen N., said it perfectly when she said that children "usually" only do one or the other at any given time. I agree with her whole heartedly.
For what its worth, my husband didnt speak until he was about 2 1/2. My MIL didnt send him to specialist. She didnt call out the National Guard. She chose to let him develope on his terms. I am now married to that "slow-to-talk" kid and I love him. It also doesnt hurt to say that he is a software engineer that works for Mission Control for NASA. Hmmmm? Who knew? ......

Hi L.,
I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same boat and I sympathize totally. My 26 month old son WILL NOT speak.
He is going to be evaluated by the ECI program on Nov 3rd. to see if he is eligible to get into the program.
He doesn't speak at all, although he is capable of saying a few words. He signs for help and for more.
All the screaming makes for a really, really long day.
My son will circumvent asking me totally by just trying to do everything by himself (which is great except he is not able to most of the time which means louder screams).
All I can say is that I wanted to have my son evaluated to get some help if we need it, and if we don't, then at least I will have some peace of mind and some guidance.
Hang in there!

It is a phase and the sooner you ignore it completely the sooner it will go away. If he gets no response other than being placed in his room...he will try a new way to get you to respond. Hopefully it will be words or at least gestures! Hugs from a mama of a screechy little girl.

Hey L.! I'm a speech-language pathologist and it sounds like your little one in fine developmentally for speech and language....they should say their 1st word @ 1 year...and it sounds like his vocabulary is growing nicely. You wrote that he is able to say "mama", but isn't using it always in the appropriate way....it sounds more behavioral to me...he's learned the shrieking gets him what he wants....most likely quickly! If I were you, I would either ignore him when he does it...so he knows it's not working for him anymore...or say, I will talk to you when you stop screaming and your voice sounds like mine. He'll probably just continue to scream...expect it'll only get worse before it gets better! Good luck...I think he's fine speech wise....if you're still unsure, you can always have him evaluated.

Ask your doctor for a referral to a specialist. He needs to be checked thoroughly in every area. If all of that comes up OK and there is no reason for this behavior, (usually there is a reason) then you must begin working on extinguishing the behavior. Tell him ahead of time that if he screams he will be put in time out. Show him the time out.I would remove the child to a place where he would be contained, playpen or something and then remove myself from his presence until he could speak in a normal tone. Or address me in something besides an ear splitting shriek. He is doing it because it ultimately works. No child does a behavior unless it works for them and he has this working for him.
Do not do this until you have had him checked by someone beyond the regular doctor because you do not want to do this if there is something really wrong.
Is there other indicators of something? Does he avoid eye contact and touch? If so I would have him checked for autism.
The shrieking is one of the signs.

I second that. Make an appointment with ECI. You don't need a referral. You can "refer yourself." They are great. No charge but if your insurance will cover it, they will file with them (they need funding from somewhere). If it's not covered by your insurance, there's no charge.

HI L.,,,,,
Boy i bet your at wits end? All i can say to you is have him tested for mental reasons or phycical reason. Best of luck to you
Blessed L.

I'm no expert, just a mom, grandmother and former pre-school teacher and my thoughts are to check out www.dars.state.tx.us for information on early childhood development. Their literature and services are free and it can't hurt. Pray for peace in your home too! :-)

First, my son would only grunt and use baby signs until he was 24-25 months old, then started reciting the Gettysburg Address, so all in due time. Boys are generally slower to talk than girls anyway. The important part is that he is effectively communicating with you in one form or another.

As for the shrieking. When I worked in day care, we had a method that seemed to work really well and very quickly. When the child screamed, we would guide them to the door, put them outside whle holding their hand and us staying inside the door and tell them to scream as loud as they wanted. (they'd scream and stop). "Are you done?", "No? Okay, scream some more but make it really loud!!" "Okay, now are you done? Yes? Okay come back inside". Then tell them we can scream outside, but not inside. Inside is for inside voices. Then, just stick with it EVERY time. No matter what. Eventually, they will get tired of getting put out the door while holding your hand. Also, if they are talking very loud or screaming, WHISPER!!! They have to stop screaming to hear you. This works great for my DD, the door works great for my son.

My youngest also started talking late. We found out after doc visits, etc that basically my oldest was talking for her. My oldest would also allow the little one to communicate to her through gestures and grunts. Therefore, my little one had no need to talk!!!! With more encouragement on our behalf, she began talking more. No problems now!!!

My daughter did the same thing, she about drove me out of my mind. I finally got to the point where I told her that it made mommy's ears hurt and I wasn't going to be around her until she stopped. So I would put her in her playpen and walk outside until she stopped screaming. It took a little while but she finally quit. And when I came back in I would ask her if she was all done. If she was then fine I would come back in, if not I turned right around and went back outside. I have a window in the room where the playpen was so I could keep an eye on her. But you can go into another room too, and it will get the point across. It's hard to do at first but it's well worth it if you want you child back instead of the banchi that currently resides with you.

Can you imagine if you had the maturity of a 20 month old (which isn't much) AND couldn't communicate needs effectively? Well I'd scream too! My 3 1/2 YO has this problem and she will either cry, throw a tantrum (throw things and scream) or just shut down altogether. She's autistic, BTW.

Speak calmly to him and try to figure out what he wants and encourage him to say it. But at 20 months he's not going to be saying much anyway, even without a speech delay. For instance, if you know he wants a cookie don't try to get a full sentence out of him. Just ask him to say cookie. My 18 month old doesn't say cookie yet, so again, don't try to expect too much from him!! signs are great too- my 18 month old uses the signs for eat/food and more and I'm trying to get her to use more.

S., mom to 5!

I happen to disagree with the 3 advice letters you have received here so far.

I also have three boys (rambunctious boys is redundant!), well, actually four if you count the 50-yr-old (the one who will never grow up, but that's one of his endearing charms).

All three of my boys had speech delay development. There are some obvious things to do first. Get their hearing checked. Our clinic's audioligist (sp?) let me hold my child in my lap in the "silent" room (sound proof room). He could tell a lot simply watching which way he turned his head at different pitched sounds. The doc also had cute little bobble toys which he could also light up.

All of my boys showed no signs of a hearing problem (which I already knew, anyway!). The next thing I did is get some help from the local ECI (Early Child Intervention) office. The ladies we met were gracious and very helpful! I learned a few sign language "words"; and _that_ was _extremely_ helpful.

With my youngest, I knew he could hear me and was quite smart. I could ask him to close the bedroom door and he knew what I was talking about (without me previously showing him what the "bedroom door" was)!

Then from 20 to 28 months he would get so frustrated trying to tell me what he wanted or what he didn't want! With the signing, he could "tell" me _no_ or that he was thirsty, instead of hungry when I started to make him a sandwich.

My father joked with me that "you are spending all this time getting him to talk; just think, in a few years you won't be able to get him to stop talking!" Well, I was able to enjoy the talking until the teenage years! I think that's pretty good.

Good luck!
(My boys are 6, 9, 14, and 50!)

My son was the same way at 20 months...very tiny vocabulary and lots of screaming. Baby signs worked as he picked up on that very quickly...he usually screamed because he wasn't able to communicate verbally. Then he started creating his own signs in addition to the baby signs I taught him. Once he was two, I was worried that he still wasn't saying much, so I contacted ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) and found that he had a speech delay. They come to your home, and there's usually no charge until the child is 3 years old. So, we've been working with a speech therapist through ECI for several months. His vocabulary just started increasing a couple of months ago when he was 29 months old. He still can't say certain sounds clearly, but we're working on that. Not to say that that's what's causing your child to scream, but my son finally stopped screaming once his vocabulary increased.

It's just a stage...it will be over soon and he'll move on to something else even more irritating! :) Continue to ignore the behavior or even remove him to his room and calmly tell him when he can use his words he can come out. Tell him that Mommy doesn't understand screaming, use your words and walk away.