My little boy has always done just great with the kids club at the gym. He is 16 months and I have been working out since he was around 9 months old. He never had a problem until recently. I did change gyms so I don't know if that is a factor, but now he just screams and gets terribly upset. He is also more fussy at our church daycare but tolerates it better. Is this just a normal part of toddler development that will pass, and if so how long does it last?
Very normal...seperation anxiety. It will pass the closer he gtes to 2. Maybe try waiting around the corner for a few minutes and then coming back so he knows you are still there. Also, keep your work outs shorter until he knows you will be coming back.
Allison was correct. This is a phase of separation anxiety. The older they become, the more aware of their surroundings. It depends on the child as to how long this will last. The more tired he is, the more fussy and upset he will be.
If he has a "lovey" let him take it with him to the gym and to church daycare. Just reassure him you will be back. Ask the care givers to call you if he cries for longer than 20 minutes STRAIGHT. This is long enough for you to be away and then to go and check on him again. You will be able to determine if he can handle a little longer. If it is on and off crying, this means he is starting/trying to deal with it. If not he is really probably frightened and you may need to just take him with you to church service or go home.
Redirection is the secret. The care givers really need to try to direct him to do an activity or to find a new toy to play with or sit with him in their lap and read him a book.
This is difficult to do if there are not many caregivers.
I have read what others are posting, and I would like to say this. I was told that my son was going through this. So I kept taking him to the day-care, and let him cry. Less than a year later I lost the job I was at and pulled me son out of the day-care. A few months after I pulled him out, the day-care was on the news for abusing the children. Ummmmm..... for months, my son was trying to tell me that he didn't want to be there, and I just kept on taking him there since everyone told me it was seperation fears. I would talk to other parents that take their children there and see how their children are acting. Maybe it is just the seperation, but be ever aware that when children can not put their fears in words, they cry.
Hey J.:
Unfortunately, separation anxiety is a result during the development of a child's independence and self-confidence.
This article provides good info and tips on toddler separation anxiety: http://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-separation-...
"Your toddler has learned that you are a separate entity and that you can leave him. However, he doesn't yet grasp the reliability of your coming back, which can make him very upset to see you go. This separation anxiety, which can come and go throughout the toddler years, typically peaks around 18 months and fades altogether by age 3.
In the meantime, resist the urge to sneak away when your toddler's back is turned — when you leave him at daycare, for example. It won't help him cope, and it may just make him more afraid that you aren't coming back. Hard as it can be, say goodbye and go while he's watching..."
And from http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation...:
"During this stage, you might experience different emotions. It can be gratifying to feel that your child is finally as attached to you as you are to him or her. But you're likely to feel guilty about taking time out for yourself... Keep in mind that your little one's unwillingness to leave you is a good sign that healthy attachments have developed between the two of you. Eventually, your child will be able to remember that you always return after you leave, and that will be enough comfort while you're gone. This also gives kids a chance to develop coping skills and a little independence."
Making Goodbyes Easier
These strategies can help ease kids and parents through this difficult period:
- Timing is everything. Try not to start day care or child care with an unfamiliar person when your little one is between the ages of 8 months and 1 year, when separation anxiety is first likely to appear. Also, try not to leave when your child is likely to be tired, hungry, or restless. If at all possible, schedule your departures for after naps and mealtimes.
-Practice. Practice being apart from each other, and introduce new people and places gradually. If you're planning to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, then invite that person over in advance so they can spend time together while you're in the room. If your child is starting at a new day care center or preschool, make a few visits there together before a full-time schedule begins. Practice leaving your child with a caregiver for short periods of time so that he or she can get used to being away from you.
-Be calm and consistent. Create a exit ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you'll be back — and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts kids will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can't yet understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say goodbye, and when you say you're leaving, mean it; coming back will only make things worse.
-Follow through on promises. It's important to make sure that you return when you have promised to. This is critical — this is how your child will develop the confidence that he or she can make it through the time apart.
