Seperation Anxiety, Not

No this isn't uncommon at his age. It is coming just wait. When he does have seperation anxiety, you will wish he doesn't because it will make you cry too. :)

My one year old is the same way. He does not have seperation anxiety when I drop him off at day care. This is the conclusion I came to: I know he loves me because when I am home he loves to play and cuddle and we have a lot of fun. I also know he is happy at day care, and I would much rather him be happy and not cry when I leave, than to have him cry everytime I drop him off and wonder what is really going on in his day care.

V.,

Eight months is a little earlier for separation anxiety. Give it a couple of months. Don't be worried. He is fine and he does love you, just too young to get it yet.

L. :)

Hi V.

My middle child went to a home daycare for the first 2 1/2 years
of his life. He also did not have separation anxiety until
he was about 1 or 1 1/2 and even then sometimes he was so
happy to go to daycare & didn't want to leave at the end of the
day. Talk about feeling bad. This all went away by the time he
was 2 or 2 1/2. It's so hard to leave a crying child & you feel
guilty about it all day so enjoy this time even though it's hard.
H. M

Hi V.! I babysit a 2 1/2 yr old boy (since he was 6 wks old), and he sounds just like your son. When his dad drops him off he wants to run off and play, and I have to tell him to "wave bye-bye to daddy". Then when mom picks him up he sometimes gives her an enthusiastic "Hi!", but that's about it. There is NO DOUBT that he loves his mommy and daddy and it's NOT that he'd rather be at my house, but he knows he's loved and safe here, he has a good time, and he knows that they will come back and get him, so there's no reason to be upset.

I've been doing daycare for almost 5 years, so I can honestly tell you DON'T WORRY! There's nothing wrong with you or your son =)

Something that can be hard for working moms is that their children get attached to the person who spends the most time with them - the daytime caregiver. Your child might go through a stage where he experiences separation anxiety when you take him home at night. It can be h*** o* kids when they are not in an ideal situation and that can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Good luck!

Don't worry it's coming :)

I think it shows that the sitter you have chosen is really good. At least he likes to go there. I had a sitter once that my mom said I hated. I was always in a playpen or high chair. I was always wet and hungry when she got me back. She didn't have a lot of choice back then.
When I did get a better babysitter, I was always happy to go there and didn't miss my mom at all. The place must have been nice because I was about two and I remember the woman and all her kids. Mom kind of felt jealous of my close relationship with the sitter.
When I was a nanny, I had complete care of both the boys. One was just one month old when I arrived and I lived there a year. The little one and I got along so well, he would come to me when he was hurt, even if his mom was in the room. She got really jealous. I felt bad but I couldn't help it.
Those feelings are natural. I've had them, too with my own boys. They both loved the daycare/preschool I sent them too.
It's kind of sad but it's also natural. Try to be glad he likes his sitter so well. Think how miserable he'd be if he hated it there. You'd find a new place right away. Good luck!!!

Every kid is different. My oldest had separation anxiety so bad I could not leave her with a sitter until she was 18 months old. My second daughter has some separation anxiety, but not nearly as much as the older daughter. My son has absolutely no separation anxiety. In fact, if he is enjoying what he is doing when I come pick him up, he may not acknowledge me for a while. If all is well between you and your child when you are together, don't worry about it at all.

I'm a first time mom as well and I actually asked my ped. about this. She said that it means your child is secure, which is a really good thing. He knows you're coming back! He'll go through the separation thing in a few months probably and you'll wish for this!

Just try to be happy that for now, at least, he is happy at daycare & feels comfortable enough there that it isn't too traumatic for him to be without you. Hopefully his attitude is an indication that it is a good daycare with caring caregivers!

V.--This sounds to me like a very good thing. Apparently your son has no fears that you will return or that you will be available when he needs you. I will also say that from my experience it's not until the child becomes a bit older that he or she will have those overblown responses to mom's absence that you seem to be alluding to--around a year or more, if my memory serves. Thank your lucky stars.--A.

As a mom of one autisc boy and one with symtoms of it, two thoughts go through my head. One, all these other mom's are right, and he is a very well adjusted little boy that is fine, and two, is there more to the story. If that is your only concern, great, you do have a very well adjusted little boy. If while he grows you notice that he doesn't babble, doesn't look at you in the eyes, doesn't cry when he gets hurt, then maybe you should ask more questions. Don't let me scare you though. I am overly worried for everyone because of my little boy. Chances are all is fine.

I can imagine your emotions expecting at least a little bit of outward sadness upon leaving, and some outward excitment when returning, but I just have to add my two cents here and say, Count your blessings!

My daughter, who will be 3 in April cried, screamed, and tantrumed (is that a word?) uncontrollably whenever I would be away for the first 18 months at least. I'm talking if I was gone 15 minutes or two hours she would be fine for 5 minutes (if the alternate caregiver was lucky) and the the entire rest of the time she was nearly inconsolable. She has finally outgrown this and does fine with Daddy or Grandma (anywhere else, forget it). So coming from the complete other end of the spectrum, if I were you, I'd be happy that you are able to be away without it seeming like the end of the world for your little guy. :)

According to child development ages and stages your son is still a little young to experience the separation anxiety. This usually occurs strongly between 10 and 12 months of age. It is important to consider your child's personality as well, if he is just a laid back kid this may always be his reaction. You may also take comfort in knowing that he is happy and well taken care of where you are leaving him.

One of my sons used to throw a fit and run/hide when I picked him up from daycare. He loved it there and wanted to stay. Good thing it was a (sort of) relative or they might think Im mean to him...lol!

8 months is a little soon for separation anxiety...usually closer to 11 months and beyond (although it CAN be sooner). My 13 month old just now started fussing when I drop him off.

Don't feel bad...someday he'll run to see you and then soon enough he will be 'too old' for mommy!

~L.

Hi,
I am mother of now a 3 yr old girl. She did not seem to get the separation issues until she was a little older. I remember thinking the same thing," boy she doesn't have the separation issues like they say......."
However it did come maybe at a year? I can't even remember........she was bad there for awhile now she seems better. But at about 2-21/2 she was not ready to go home from daycare when I picked her up. she wanted to stay. Now at 3 she wants to come home. I hope this helps.

I would be proud of having your son be okay with you leaving and not being "needy" of you. All that means is that he is confident and self assured enough in his relationship with you he feels secure that your coming back for him and he knows your always there, so he doesn't "need" you.

Kids that cry when their parents leave are in distress. They are insecure and scared. You should feel good your son is so secure!

Hi V. U,

I have two boys, 10 and 4, and have had very similar experiences with the younger, very extroverted boy - to the point where he had occasional tantrums when i arrived to pick him up at day care. what i came to understand from this is that this child (as opposed to my older, introverted boy) is self-assured enough that separation anxiety didn't exist in this situation. he simply knew i would return. but, rest assured, there is no need to wish for separation anxiety because it rears its head in situations i don't always expect it to. this fear of loss doesn't happen as often in extroverted children who love the atmosphere of day care where there are many other children. extroverted children derive their energy from the influx of people.

two reasons one good the other not could explain his behavior, one is he enjoys where he is and isn't upset about being left. The other is he does have seperation anxiety and has already detached himself from you. How did he act at the beginning? That would indicate alot. I did a research paper on the effects of daycare on children from birth to 4 and found the following piece on seperation anxiety in kids its long but is very eye opening.
"John Bolby in recent years has made a study of the attachment and separation patterns in a child’s life and these show young children are upset by even brief separations and follow a basic sequence.
When a child notices its mother’s absence, it first reacts with protest, usually in the form of crying or tantrums. If the crying fails to bring the mother back, the child then falls into despair of her return, though the protest in continued intermittently in hopes that she may still reappear. Eventually, if the mother does not come back, despair gives way to detachment, a form of emotional self-protection equivalent to an adult’s decision not to expect anything in order not to be disappointed. The final stage, detachment, is abandoned if the mother returns within a reasonable length of time and attachment to the mother is resumed. If the periods are prolonged, however, the child may adopt a permanent internal posture of detachment and forever despair of having or maintaining attachment relationships. Some children learn to fake excitement at reunion with the parent, but at a deeper level remain skeptical of the parent’s faithfulness and maintain a perpetual uneasiness about the relationship. Most children after the age of three experiences less distress when left by a parent because of increased brain size and maturity, they understand easier that the parent will be back." (Bowlby)

V.,
From my own experiences and observations I think you should be happy that he is not experiencing separation anxiety. It is a lot harder on you and your day care provider when your child is crying as you leave to go to work or pick them up. When your child cries as you leave then you start to feel guilty about working and get depressed that you can't be a stay-at-home mom. I think the more kids are socialized the happier they are and the less afraid they are to go to others (play with other kids, family members, spouse, day care provider, baby sitter). I have observed many stay-at-home parents that have not socialized their babies and the separation anxiety is sometimes so bad that the baby will not even go to its own father or grandparents. Which makes it difficult for mom to ever get a break.

Seperation anxiety peakes between 18 months and 2 years old. He just isn't old enought yet to realize what it means when you leave. My 18 month old was fine until right about the 18 month mark, and for last last few weeks he has been attached at the hip to me. I wouldn't worry, I'm sure you mean the world to your baby, too. It just doesn't show in the way you expect it to. : )

I always wanted to pinch my little ones when I dropped them off and they were too happy to see me go!!! lol All joking aside, it is way easier to leave them like that then to have a clingy one that cries and screams and clings to your leg. My first two were all to happy to see me go, I felt bad, yet I was happy they were comfortable and happy where they were. My third acts like the world will end and she will never see me again, and when I leave I feel guilty for leaving her there since she is so unhappy. (however, I onced watched her thru the window and saw how she interacted with the babysitter and realized it was just an act and she did enjoy playing with the babysitter) Its easier on you, your baby and the sitter if you child is calm when you leave. It is sad that they dont cling, but its way worse when they do. Good Luck!

I have the same thing with my daughter. She really loves her day care and isn't at all upset that I leave her in the mornings and is just okay with me being there to pick her up. I understand that it's a little difficult that it doesn't seem like they miss you but I would rather that than them screaming and crying so I would feel terrible leaving them. I would be thankful for that. My daughter is 16 months old now and I really thought that she would be more upset but nope. My niece was the same way and she seems to be a very well adjusted young girl so I'm not to worried about anything. If you ever have questions about their development dont hesitate to call your doctor. Dont worry your son loves you he just likes being where ever he is and is secure that you are not leaving him for ever.

LOL! I can't give you advice, but I can certainly relate! Both of my kids are the same way. My 2 1/2 year old has never cried once when I left, and usually doesn't notice when I come back from a date or to pick her up from nursery or something. All I think that means is that we have well-adjusted, independent children. And that's a good thing! I know, I'd like a few more sad looks as I left or a child who greeted me by running into my arms. But that's the one downside to having kids who will go forward in life with confidence and ambition! (Better that than sad, weepy, clingy, scared kids, right?)

I have three little sweeties that all mean the world to me, the oldest is eight, none of them have ever had separation anxiety. My oldest DD used to yell bye bye mommy when I would leave her with a babysitter and cry when I would come home because the fun had to end. I have always just taken it to mean tat they are secure well adjusted children who know that they are OK without me. I have always been very independent and it makes me feel good to see that in my children. I know that they will come to me if the need me.

Both of my children, 4 years and 15 mos are the same way, my 4 yr old always has been like that, with the exception of one daycare provider that we took her to for a couple of months when she was about your son's age, she cried every morning when we turned down the street to get there. There wasn't a lot of structure and I think she was just overstimulated there and didn't like it, we switched providers and she went back to her happy go lucky self and has never looked back.

I now stay at home with them and much to my surprise, my son is the same way, I thought he would be more clingy, but he's not. I think it is just a personality thing~looks like you have a little social bug on your hands!

Congratulations! He is so well content, secure, and confident that he feels no reason to fear your leaving.
But the others are right, time will come when he screams his head off.
My daughter at age 2 would cry and cry, I hated to leave, then my babysitter said when I leave to put my ear on the door. In the midst of the screaming, I left with my heart breaking, went out and shut the door, put my ear on it to listen,----Nothing---silence---. My babysitter said it's like that every morning, and with a lot of the kids, not just mine. I didn't worry about it anymore! My youngest was a different story, I could have left him with anyone anywhere and it would not have bothered him.
We were going for coffee at friends home after church one Sunday evening, husband went with her husband, she rode with me, we each took some of theirs and some of our children. We were there and relaxed and realized that neither of us had the youngest, 3, at the time. We dashed back to the church. He was watching for us at the big glass doors. He wasn't worried. No tears, alone there for 30 or 45 minutes, he knew we'd not forgotten him!

it may be nothing or it may be something. i would give it a little time. does he show other kinds of social and emotional inderstanding? does he make eye contact? does he like to be held and comforted or is he indifferent to affection and the like.like does he recognise you and smile that kind of thing i ask because my son was the same way and he was diagnose with aspergers syndrome at the age of three(a kind of autism). i don't want you to freak out but go to autism speaks.com learn the warning signs, keep and eye on your little guy and consult with his doc. if more problems arise early detection makes a huge difference. your little one may just be mellow, orhe has not gone through the attatchment phase yet, or just very happy in his child care setting.you may just have a very confident and well adjusted little baby. but having information never hurt

He's young still......give it time, believe me it will kick in!!! Your son loves you just as much as you love him! It may be that he is used to being left with his daycare provider, if you've been dropping him off most of his life. Seperation anxiety doesn't usually begin until they are a little older, when they begin to realize they are an individual, not just an extention of you. hope this helps.

Don't worry if he doesn't have serious separation anxiety. Be happy! It means your child is well adjusted and is ok to be left with someone else. Also, he's a little bit young yet to be having a lot of separation anxiety. Some babies start earlier than others, but it usually starts about 9 or 10 months, sometimes later than that. But if he doesn't cry when you leave, that's ok. And I'm sure he's happy to see you, he just isn't surprised because he knew all along that you would come back to him. So it's actually just fine if he doesn't scream when you leave! Neither of my kids had much trouble. My daughter does a little, when I first leave, but 2 minutes later she's just fine. She's 18 months and really just started doing that a few months ago. So don't worry and hug and kiss your son when you pick him up because I'm sure you miss him! :) He's just fine. :)

V. U

My first child had very big seperation issues i would drop him off at grandma's when i worked and he would scream so bad and we had to pry his little fingers off me i would about be in tears, it was awful, when he started school it was the same for weeks, than my second one wasn't so bad, now my third child usually opens the door for me and pushes me out and now my fourth is only 9 months but is very clingy and let me tell you dealing with a little of everything I'd take the getting pushed out the door the best I know how you feel that they don't miss you, but I think going by my kids the one who cried was very insecure very very shy, had a hard time with new situations and people, but the one who pushes me out the door is very confident, friendly and welcomes new situations, and is better adjusted, and I know he's happy even when I can't be with him, nothing worse than working knowing your child is sad your their, makes it very hard to go to work every day.

hope this helps

Hey V.,

I know exactly what you mean. When I would take my son to the daycare at the gym he would be so happy and cry when I picked him up b/c he didn't want to leave. Now he is 2 1/2 and throws a fit if I leave the room in our own house. I would enjoy this time he doesn't freak out b/c the seperation anxiety will come all to soon.

He sounds like a perfectly well developed 8 month old and you're doing a great job!

Oh man, I WISH I had that problem! You are SO LUCKY! My son started getting serperation anxiety at 8 months old (9 months is usually when it starts, so yours could be a little early to be experiencing it yet) and now he's 14 months old and still has it! Yes, for the last SIX MONTHS he'll cry any time I set him down or move 6 inches away from him. He won't even go to his dad unless I'm in the same room. IT'S AWFUL! I suppose I should be flattered that he loves me so much, but I can't go anywhere or do anything. So I need help on the reverse of your situation! If anyone reads this...help me too! :)

T.

:-) Sounds like he's a happy little man. Maybe he already senses your devotion to him and knows you'll be back. Also -- it's great that you have a care provider that he likes and adjusts well to! My little boy always had to be pried from my leg. We've been through a few different daycare changes and this last one finally opened a few miles from my house - no more clinging! He loves it. My little girl on the other hand has NEVER even shed a tear when I've left her. She just goes off to play and doesn't even WANT to come home half the time. She's very independent - should serve her well in the future. I don't think you have to worry at all. You must be doing such a great job that he's already happy and secure :-)

Hi V., I am mom of 16 years. When my daughter started Pre-School and then Kindergarten she would say, "Ok Mom, you can go now, I'm fine. Go home". It was heart breaking for me but great for her. I thought she would be terrified but it was the total opposite. Which was good. It is normal for him to act this way. When he kinda gives a smile when you return, it's that he's glad to see you but he's also having fun. Mine didn't want to leave when I went to pick her up. She actually cried but when I'd tell her she could go back the next day, she was fine. Hope this helps.

Don't worry about it. He must feel safe and loved with the care that you've selected for him. That's wonderful! Separation will come and you'll be thankful that you missed a couple weeks of it. :)

Always remember that ever child is different and as long as they are healthy, be happy. Too often we worry about us and not what benefit the child.

My daughter has never cared where I was even though I stay at home with her....she actually jumps out of the car on preschool mornings and the teachers have to prompt her to tell me goodbye!! Of course it sucks, but at the same time would you rather that your child cling to your leg and throw a fit everytime you left his sight? I figure (rationalize really) that this means that my child is independant and confident and that I should be happy it's not the other way around. :)

I'm glad to hear that someone else has this happening too. My daughter (19mos) runs off as soon as we get to 'school' and when I pick her up, not only does she not come running into my open arms, she sometimes runs away crying not wanting to leave. I just know that she is truly an independent little girl and she loves playing there. It hurts some days, but it's nice to know that somehow she's gotten the confidence to be there without me and have a great time.

I went throught this with my daughter. I was a single mom and would leave her with my parents when i went to work. SHe really could have cared less if it was me or my mom. Then i changed my work schedule so i worked around the time she went to bed for the night. With me staying home with her all day things really changed! Before she was so used to me leaving i think she was to little to think that there was anyother option. With in a few days after the change, she really was a mommys girl and didnt want me to leave and was so so happy when i came home! This may not be an optioin for you, but just know he is probably just well adjusted to you working and is to young to realise things could change. Hope this helps!