13 Month Old Is Horrible Sleeper! PLEASE HELP!

First of all, I hope that mamas who breastfeed as I did, take heart that it is not necessarily because of breastfeeding that their babies want them during the night! Some kids are just this way!

Having said that, some kids aren't ready to get themselves thru the night alone until they're older - often much older than Samantha. Crying it out is just cruel - I agree with you on that. Obviously, many will disagree.

This is why many families have their little ones in their room with them, either in their bed or nearby - so everyone can get some sleep. She will one day either sleep better or find a way to get through it without your continual involvement, but that's not now. She needs you to help her even if you may never really know why. It is what it is, and there are many families who have similar, or worse, situations, no matter what you may hear. If you comfort, feed, are present, or whatever, it's all good stuff you are investing in her. It is, of course, highly inconvenient and annoying, but parenting is not for cowards, and is a 24x7 job regardless of what some books may have you believe.

It sounds like you're doing a great job with a tough situation. hang in there, A.. You will survive. Good for you for making the hard decision to stay home. You'll never regret it. Over time, these glitches will work out. Rest a bit during the day if you can while she's in this stage, possibly a very long stage, and try to make as little of it as possible with her. Take it in stride and be rather offhand about what you need to do for her. If she sense you're upset, it will make it worse and it will last longer - believe me.

she doesnt know how to fall asleep on her own, you have taught her to go to sleep by rocking with you. you need to put her down when she is tired and leave her for a minute and go check on her in increments, leaving her longer and longer til she can do it on her own. there are many books at the library on this.

Trust me, A. - NO mother enjoys letting their child 'cry it out'. But I have to agree with Michele B. - our children learn at a very young age that we can be push overs & know every button to push. My second child did just that! She was a terrible sleeper. And when I was up for more than 4 hours through the night, and still having to work the next day, I knew something had to give! Replacing the rocking with a pat on the bum will only change the habit, not the behavior - you will still need to be in the room. You need to cut this out all together. Go for the nightly, calming routine, but lay her in her crib to fall to sleep on her own - we do not do them any favors by 'putting' them to sleep. My husband STILL does not know how to fall back to sleep! If he wakes at 3:00 a.m., he's up for the day! It's hard - it absolutely broke my heart - but it only lasted for a couple of nights - I PROMISE! (I'm talking about my daughter, btw, not my husband LOL). You will be doing your 13 month old, your 5 y/o, your husband & yourself a HUGE favor! If you need to leave the house & plug your ears for a while (I did), then do it. But after you put her down, just let her cry for 1 minute, go in, quickly calm her down & leave. She'll cry again - this time let it happen for 3 minutes. Go back in & again, calm her down & quickly leave. I never got to the 9 minute mark - she always fell asleep. And by the 4th night, there were no tears at all - and when she woke in the middle of the night, she knew how to get herself BACK to sleep - I never had to get out of bed. And trust me, I would claim that my daughter is the most stubborn, strong-willed little girl on the face of the earth! It's not nice, I won't lie to you - it killed me - but in the end, she's a much better sleeper -and the whole family is far more rested & better off!
She's sleep deprived - she needs almost 14 hours in a 24 hour period - and if she can be awake from 1 - 4, with only a 2 hour nap, and still gets up between 6:30 & 7:30, she's not getting enough sleep. This will affect her appetite, her health, her ability to learn - and so many other things. We need sleep!!
I feel your pain, A. - I've been there! I wish you every bit of luck - but give it a try - it did wonders for my daughter...and me!!

Oh honey I feel your pain. My first daughter was the same. However, I did realize she was playing me for a fool and got me to rock her every night about five times. I know you don't want to let her just cry, but honestly it is the same as letting your teenager have a verbal temper tantrum. I did finally let her cry it out, I had to go outside just to deal with it. However, I think it taught her I was not a push over and she learned to entertain herself if she woke up rather than scream for me to pick her up. Now, she may be teething and that will keep them up at night. I know you love your child and do encourage you to try and let her cry it out...as hard as it can be. You will not be considered a bad mom and she will be less dependant on you to go to sleep. Take my experience for what it's worth and I hope I didn't offend you in my theory.

Have you ever tried the Sleep technique that Supernanny teaches for strong-willed children. It is a safe, non-crying it out method, and very easy to follow but you have to be consistent.

Bath-Time, Story, cuddles, and then lay your child in the crib. You will then sit on your child's floor, with your head down. Not within child's reach though. If your child is one who likes getting outta bed, You will simply let them, then put them back in bed, saying "It's bedtime, I love you." and then resume your position on the floor. Every night you get further and further away from the crib.

That way your not abandoning your child and letting them know you love them and are there for them.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time in the sleep department! My 2nd son had difficulty sleeping until he was around 9 months old.

I agree that finding a "program" that works for you ("Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", "The No Cry Sleep Solution", etc..check them out from the library if you can!) and sticking to it will be your best solution. I think that being consistent (especially with those 2nd stubborn ones, oooh! I feel ya!) is going to be your best bet.

Every child is different, but here are a few ideas:
-rule out any medical concerns (ear infection, teething, etc)
-don't pick your baby up to get her back to sleep in the middle of the night (instead, pat her bottom, or back, and make it a quick, boring routine for her - the less stimulation for her, the better for you both)
-have your husband go in to soothe her at night, instead of you

We got air purifiers for all of our bedrooms (it works as a 2-fold for us: white noise machine to help babies sleep, and helps all of our allergies) and that helped with not waking up the rest of the family when the baby was crying.

My last piece of advice is: when doing something new with children, I have a three night rule. Three nights is (usually) all it takes to make something work. The first night is always the worst. The second night it usually half as bad, and by the third night, there is little to no fuss. This summer, we transitioned our 3 year old to a toddler bed & that change settled down in 3 nights (and seriously, after the first night, I was ready to put him back in a crib and keep him there until age 7! But remember: THREE nights!!). Last weekend, we moved our big boys in to the same room together. That too took three nights to turn into a smooth bedtime routine.

Sorry for the novel of a response.

I hope you are ALL able to get some sleep soon! :)

We did Ferbers progressive waiting technique and it took a week, DD is a wonderful sleeper now. I looked at it as assisting her in learning a new skill that I clearly was not able to do for her no matter how much nursing, carrying, cosleeping, rocking was done her sleeping only got worse. In the balance, as far as crying goes, she does far less and actually asks to go to sleep. Good luck.

I am surprised you are not okay with crying it out but you are okay with needlessly giving your daughter medication. Which do you really think is worse? I have 3 boys(6, 3, & 1). I refused to let my oldest cry it out and it was the biggest mistake. No one, including him, was happy. With the other two, we let them cry it out when they were about 6 mos. I had to leave the house the first few times because I couldn't listen. Now they know the routine. They go to sleep and sleep through the night, even my 12 month old. They are happy in the morning. They go down easily for a nap when it is time and are happy the rest of the day.
Do you really think she is hurting, or is she just upset that she hasn't gotten her way? Let her cry for 5 minutes, then check on her. Keep repeating as long as necessary. She may wake everyone up for a few nights, but isn't it worth it in the long run?