10 Year Old and Internet??? Help

We are somewhere in the middle. We don't approve every site in advance, but he has to be using the device in a room with other people. And no headphones on, so we can hear the sound from whatever he is looking at. So, he can't take his iPod into his room. He sits on the living room couch to play with it. And sometimes I make a point to unexpectedly sit down beside him, look over his shoulder and say "what are you looking at?" And then we talk about whatever he is watching - not in a negative way, but we do discuss things like "do you think that what this person is doing is good? I know this is funny in a video, but is it something people should do in real life?"

My perspective is that it's better to use internet content as a teaching experience. He's going to be exposed to the internet at some point. Is it not better to teach him how to interpret the content so that later when he does have free rein, he knows right from wrong online?

What about a compromise?
No password but set the parental controls to PG, etc.
It's pretty easy to do.

at 10 i think some passwords, parental controls and rules are definitely called for. it does make sense to let kids know what the family rules are and set the bar high for them as far as right and wrong. but 10 year olds aren't adults, and some boundaries aren't a bad thing.
honestly, though, i had to respond to this one because of my compulsive inner grammar cop. with respect and apologies in advance to all who find any sort of correction to be rude and overbearing, it's 'free rein', ie leaning forward and letting the horse have his head and gallop off. 'free reign' isn't grammatically incorrect and could even be viewed as a substitute metaphor, but it's not the actual commonly used one and doesn't make as much sense.
:::::::::::ducking the flying fury about to ensue::::::::::::::::
khairete
S.

You and your husband know your son best.

In our life, we did not put passwords on the computer/internet. Instead we made promises.

"If you go where you are not supposed to be on the internet, we will lock it down for a very long time or forever." If you need help searching for something, we will be happy to assist you at any time. We explained to her that the internet is like a book store, If you walk into the wrong section, you could see or read things, you were not expecting, so make sure you know where you are and what you are doing.

Our daughter knows us very well and knows we do not make threats. We make promises and we keep those promises.

FYI, Back in the dark ages.. our daughter's elementary school had a great, "Technology night" for parents. One of the examples they gave was that students were doing research at school. The controls are very strict on the district computers. One student was going to do a report on "The White House". The student and teacher discovered whitehouse.com.. is VERY different from whitehouse.gov and whitehouse.org
Heh, heh..

So he may need some assistance in the beginning, and you all will need to explain some rules. I liked to give our daughter an opportunity to prove she could do something and be responsible rather than just ban or forbid her opportunities. But she is a child that tended to make good choices.

I took an internet safety for kids class and they taught that the best internet filter is to teach your child to be his own filter. I let my kids know what is acceptable and what is not and give them free reign. If I find they are abusing this privilege then they lose internet privileges for a time.

Anything more than 2 hrs recreational screen time (tv, computer, video games, smartphone, etc) combined (that doesn't include internet computer time needed for school work) is more than they need and you've got to set limits.
When he is an adult, making his own money, living on his own, paying for his own internet connection and electronic devices - THEN he can be as addicted to it as he wants to be.
A 10 yr old does not get to call the shots over anything.
Parents need to set boundaries and controls.
He's got his whole life to sit in front of a computer for college and work ahead of him - for right now he needs to be able to run and play outside and enjoy being a kid so you limit his screen time and see that he has a variety of other activities to engage in.

I have never put passwords or filters on the internet and have never ran into trouble. My kids get this is because I trust them to make good decisions and don't want to lose that trust.

We don't know your son so we really can't answer for you.

I first got home internet service when my daughter was twelve. I didn't password it, but I made it clear that I had the right to check her browsing history and cache any time I wanted, and that if I ever found the history or cookies cleared, I would assume that she had been doing something she shouldn't have been, and her internet privileges would be revoked. I never had to follow through on that threat because she knew I meant it.

Here's a possible compromise:

Get some state-of-the-art "safe search" software, so your son can't access anything that's not kid-friendly. Make sure it's up and running and working as it should.

Then, limit the TIME he's allowed to be online. Say, for an hour in the evening -- no more -- after homework is done.

Then, review his online activity after the fact. If things look age-appropriate, what you're doing is working (but keep checking in, periodically). If he's going where he shouldn't go, then tighten the controls.

If this works, you'll be loosening the controls just slightly, so your son starts to take some responsibility for himself, but you'll still be able to monitor what's going on.

And most importantly, I don't know at all what you mean when you say he's "been known to like the dark side of things," but this could be a sign of a bigger issue and could warrant a solution (e.g., counseling) that goes beyond the question of Internet controls.

I taught parenting for years. There are 3 types of parenting:
1-doormat
2-autocratic
3-firm and loving **Patty K is right !!

If you let a child of 10 yrs of age have free reign on "adult" gadgets---then, this would be the doormat parent. If something bad takes place.
Let's say he gets into a chat room and I'll let u use your imagination to as what could happen. Also, the photos that could pop up are so disgusting and totally inapproriate !!! He could type in the word Spring (let's say) and end up with Spring Break videos----yikes !!

Kids feel INSECURE when they don't have limits and parents who parent. Good luck during the teens yrs if limits are not set !

I just got done talking w/ a parent of a 5th grader who sends out photos of herself in her bra and underwear. The parents don't check ANYTHING.
Yet, all the boys in her grade are looking at these pics. How sad for the parents--embarrassing. The parents of the boys were livid !! This is just a real example of what happens when kids have adult gadgets and doormat parents.

The autocratic parent would prob not let the child on the computer or stand over the child and micromanage.

The best parenting would be something like this: Give him ONE gadget.
Have the safety controls all set ahead of time. A one or 2 hr limit a day is mandatory .Also, let's say it's time for dinner. He refuses to come to dinner and keeps playing. I give my child a minute warning...If it is not shut off, then, it's mine for the rest of the day. Why? Dinner time is social. No gadgets are allowed at the dinner table ever. We eat at the same time every night, so, it's no surprise.

NO FREE REIGN--unacceptable !!! Don't do it ! One of you is a doormat....

Look into the dark side ---if this trait hinders your son's daily life activities in any way---Talk w/ the dr sooner rather than later.

Make sure (as a couple) you are on the same pg w/ parenting -- or seek out a parenting class.

First of all, I love your wording so we can't tell exactly which way you lean but I still have a pretty good idea. Secondly, just how many electronic devices does he have that can access the internet? My children had ONE at that age and it was the computer with the appropriate parental controls on it. Even with the restrictions, we would still monitor what they were viewing. Most the time, they were using the internet for homework and maybe a game or two so it wasn't really a problem.

If I were you, I would definitely restrict his access in some way; whether it be with passwords or parental controls. And I would definitely restrict how MANY devices he uses and how much time he spends on said devices.

Good luck!!

My kids don't have passwords other than to unlock the computers and their iPads. We don't have filters set, because they know what is right and wrong, what they are allowed to see and do and what they aren't. My kids are 7, 9, and 10. We have only had to ask them (tell them) one time to change what they were doing.

However, if your son has already proven he can't be trusted, I would put passwords on it and work on teaching him right from wrong.

It seems like you want to password protect everything and your husband wants to give him free reign. Because you're worried about him accessing 'dark' material and becoming obsessive, you could compromise by only giving him free access in a shared family space where you and/or you husband are usually in the background somewhere, and limit his time to one hour a day "screen time".

I am on the side that says that the passwords need to be in place not only for the content he is seeing but for the time amount he is allowed to see them.

Meet in the middle. Pass code the portable screens, but leave the main computer open. Just make sure that he is in a family area (kitchen, living room...) while on it. Let him have free reign, but let him know what is and is not appropriate, and that if he gets on anything inappropriate he will lose the privilege.

Lol Suz. I always thought of it as "free reign", meaning that the person is free to govern him/herself, or free from reign. You would think, having been raised with horses, I would have made that other connection. :P

Do not allow Free Reign!

My neighbors 11 year old, has been hospitalized 2 times because of the dark side and talking about suicide. And a lot of it revolves on her wanting to be on the internet and her mom saying NO..

Technologe is a doulbe edge soard. Be careful.

You know what the right answer is so I'm not sure what your asking? Of course passwords have to be in place. Two different parenting styles have to be negotiated and compromised. We can't do that for you since you already know what you need to do.

At 10, I want to see everything. Password a must. Free reign, not in this lifetime, especially after your comment about he likes the dark side of things.