107 answers

Should I Disallow My 5 Year Old Son from Sitting on My Lap or Giving Me Kisses?

Hi! I'm a divorced mom of a 5 year old, almost 6 year old boy. My son likes to give Mommy hugs and kisses every day, and if I'm sitting watching TV sometimes, about every other day, he'll ask to sit on my lap and cuddle for a couple of minutes. I didn't think this was a problem. My boyfriend decided to break the news to me that this is a problem, that it should have stopped a while ago. I asked him why, and he said he is just too old, that the cuddling and lapsitting will make him a Mama's boy, and that it is stunting his development. I don't want to damage my child. I thought that if my son comes to me to give me a kiss or to cuddle, that it was just healthy affection. My inclination is to let my son continue as he feels, and it will stop or reduce as he's ready. Now I am worried that I'm a bad mother, and that people will think I'm trying to keep my son like a baby if I allow him to sit on my lap? Is there an age when a child is too old to cuddle with Mommy?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for the advise! My son has had issues with not progressing in some aspects, like taking a super long time for potty-training for example. I was angry (when I asked him why he thought that, he said "his age" which is no reason at all, we got in quite an argument) then I was worried that maybe I really wasn't aware of how kids develop at different ages and should be doing something different. Such a boo-hoo moment. My boyfriend does have three very well adjusted kids, 12, 10, and 9, so didn't just want to ignore what he suggested without any consideration. When he saw I was upset, he did try to console me. He said that he'd just been raised differently and doesn't know what was normal for my upbringing. He was raised by a "manly man" and to him kids don't normally want to cuddle daily; just mainly when they're hurt or sad, sometimes when watching a movie or something, but if they're looking to cuddle with Mama every day he thought that was codependant. Thank you for affirming that in this respect he's totally wrong. I'll also heed the "red flags" advise.

Featured Answers

Yuck, don't listen to him. Little boys need hugs, kisses and cuddles as much as little girls do! Keep giving them to him as long as he'll let you!

17 moms found this helpful

If my husband said something like this to me, he would have my handprint upside the back of his head.

15 moms found this helpful

Nobody tells me I can't hug and kiss my children. If there was more of it, the world would be a better place :-)

14 moms found this helpful

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Your boyfriend is not even your son's father. You aren't married, so he really doesn't have any business telling you how to parent. Even if you were married, a good stepdad knows not to intrude like that. His advise is bad; confident men are raised by loving, nurturing fathers, not those who give the message their sons are "wimps" if they show emotion, etc. He sounds rather controlling. Sorry that's not good news, but I'm concerned for you and your son.

18 moms found this helpful

Yuck, don't listen to him. Little boys need hugs, kisses and cuddles as much as little girls do! Keep giving them to him as long as he'll let you!

17 moms found this helpful

oh heck no! the boyfriend has to go!!!

My boys are 9 and 11 and I still get hugs and kisses from them - we even lay on the couch together to watch a movie or next to each other doing other things...

I would drop the boyfriend...he's dead weight and not giving me warm fuzzies!

17 moms found this helpful

Please don't take this the wrong way, but what has your boyfriend got to do with it?
I have a sinus infection, I could be a little on the bluntly honest side of things and forgive me if I come across that way, but seriously.
What is your boyfriend's issue? Is he jealous?
There is nothing wrong with kids being cuddly and affectionate.
ESPECIALLY boys. We want them to grow up to be affectionate adults and husbands and fathers, don't we?
I have a son. He's always been very affectionate.
I've been a single mom his whole life and he just turned 16. He's still a cuddler. He may be a mamma's boy, but he ain't no wussy. He's 6'1", weighs 200 pounds and has completed two junior law enforcement academies including boot camp with Marine drill instructors.
He's not too big yet to want to make popcorn and get in my bed with me to watch movies.
Obviously, there will come a day when that won't happen anymore, but if you're waiting for your son to show he doesn't want to cuddle with you, you might be waiting a long time.
And your boyfriend better get over it.
I have been single for 15 years by choice. Maybe it's a different dynamic because I never exposed my kids to men. I haven't met one yet I thought was worth the trouble. Anyway, if I did have a boyfriend and he tried telling me my 6 year old was too old to sit on my lap or kiss me, boyfriend would be OUT the door so fast he wouldn't remember which door he came IN.
End of story.
My daughter is 24. She has a baby of her own now.
You blink your eyes and your kids are grown and on their own.
I have two years left with my son in high school and if he wants to cuddle, I'm not going to tell him no.
My son will be grown and gone with a family of his own before I know it. As it should be. But no man is going to take this time with my son from me.
No man is going to tell me how to raise him.
My son has been recognized at City Council meetings for his responsibility and service to the community, he's received numerous awards and I don't need some man telling me I don't know what I'm doing when it's clear I've raised a healthy and well rounded young man.
Who happens to be very loving and affectionate.

I'm sorry for rambling, but really....I wouldn't let your boyfriend make you second guess yourself. Would you really consider telling your son he's too old to kiss and cuddle because that's what your boyfriend thinks? What will you say if boyfriend doesn't work out?
Honey...if you want a man in your life, he has to understand the package he's getting. A mommy and a son. And, if your boyfriend can't show affection for your son, for whatever reason, you have the wrong boyfriend.
Kids need love and affection.

Just my opinion.

16 moms found this helpful

I hope you have a good pair of rubber boots when your boyfriend's around, the bullsh*t sounds pretty deep!

Do you want to raise a son who is warm, caring and expresses his emotions, including affection? Or a cold uncommunicative SOB? What kind of Father do you want your grandkids to have? Because you're raising your grandkids dad.

16 moms found this helpful

WOW. WOW. WOW.

NO, it is not a bad thing and just to be very honest with you, I think your boyfriend is completely wrong. What an unhealthy perspective! How long have you and your boyfriend been together? If it isn't very long, you may be on the road to dealing with lots of issues in your relationship (jealousy, controlling behavior, etc). Get out now, if that's the case.

I would see a therapist to help you "get healthy." I think it's very sad that you are questioning whether you should hug and snuggle with your child. I hope you don't choose to change your affection for him.

16 moms found this helpful

Wow, BF jealous much?!! Sounds like he is the one with mommy issues, and he is trying to drive a wedge between your son and you. Do not allow him to undermine your relationship with your son. Big red flag!!

You need to examine other things he may have said and done. I bet you will see a pattern of control and manipulation emerging, under the guise of caring about you or your son. Sounds like a good time to stand up for your child and yourself. If he can't accept your 5 year old's NATURAL and totally HEALTHY attachment to you, then BF must go.

16 moms found this helpful

Oh my goodness, really? Your son is fine. It sounds like he has a very healthy relationship with you, actually. Don't consider messing that up, because of an obviously jealous, insecure, backwards boyfriend. Your son is 6, he is not a 16 year old cuddling up in mommy's lap. He's a child. You are NOT a bad mother. Your boyfriend is a bad, misinformed boyfriend. . Keep doing what you are doing. Ignore his "advice." I'd drop him like a bad habit. He probably IS a bad habit!

I mean...you're asking if you should stop showing your child love!! How much does this man try to control you?

16 moms found this helpful

Your BF is the one with issues.

Your son should be #1. There will be a day you just wish he would cuddle up to you. Time flies... We have a 16 yr old daughter. It's tough watching her grow up and move on but if she's sick, or down, she still asks me to come be with her in her room. Nobody will ever take that away from me! It's priceless mom/daughter time.

Get rid of a bf who wants you to disconnect from your child.

16 moms found this helpful

That is the STUPIDEST thing I have ever heard...
No... Do NOT stop being affectionate with your child.

Do people still believe in the "mama's boy" BS in 2011???
Your boyfriend is an idiot if he really did say that.
A child is NEVER to old to hug his/her mom.
That is ridiculous :(

15 moms found this helpful

Exactly what the others said.
REJECTING your son when he wants to hug and cuddle would stunt his development...
Sounds like you need to toss BF back into the ocean. There are good men out there.
Always follow your gut.
GL!

15 moms found this helpful

Get rid of the boyfriend --- snuggle your son.

15 moms found this helpful

Oh Bother!! What a crock of BS.

My son is 15, we have always been affectionate with one another. He still give me hugs, kisses me (on the cheek) goodnight, and sings "I love you" across the house for no reason. We watch TV together and he will lean his head on my shoulder, or I will put an arm around him.

He is happy, and healthy, and well adjusted, and soooo not a Momma's boy. He can be snarky and rude and disrespectful with the best of them when he wants to be.

Love your son. Don't cut off your affection from him because some man says you should. In fact, my first reaction was to tell you to ditch the man - no-one should interfere with your relationship with your son.

Go give your son a hug and a kiss :)

15 moms found this helpful

If my husband said something like this to me, he would have my handprint upside the back of his head.

15 moms found this helpful

Nobody tells me I can't hug and kiss my children. If there was more of it, the world would be a better place :-)

14 moms found this helpful

Sounds like your boyfriend is the one who wants to be cuddled, hes a little old for jealous rivalry. His mom probably stopped the hugs a bit too early.

Does he even have kids?

14 moms found this helpful

goodbye boyfriend.

shame on him for spoiling such a wonderful moment between you & your son. Seriously, this is a deal breaker.

children are never too old to cuddle on Mommy....my sis & I still hug/hold onto our Mom. & My SILs all hugged/held onto/kissed on the lips with their Mom until the day she died.

14 moms found this helpful

There will be a time where your son will not want you around, where he'll want his own space, and do his own thing without mom around. So until then, you keep snuggling with your son, and kissing on him and hugging him as much as he needs and wants you to.
Your boyfriend has no business telling you how to raise your son. Each child is different, and if your son needs more affection, then you give it to him. :-) That is one of the biggest ways we can teach them to be secure. I cannot believe the amount of responses you've gotten. WOW! :-)
And I second what SingleMa said....that there is a 'red flag' from your boyfriend. I would break up with him and just consentrate on yourself and your kiddos. :-)

13 moms found this helpful

absolutely false and ridiculous. your bf sounds like a jealous spoiled child. first off he doesn't need to tell you how to parent your child, second calling him a "mama's boy" is going to do more damage to your boy, than allowing your son to cuddle with you ever could. my son is about to turn 5 and i would be PIIIII$$$$ED if someone told me that at age 6 he would have to be told to stop being loving to me. i'm mad for you. i would seriously re-evaluate this boyfriend situation. he doesn't sound like a real nice guy.

12 moms found this helpful

Pshaw.

I was in the USMC. I often went home with some VERY MANLY MEN to visit their families (on leave, for holidays, 3 day weekends, etc.).

Guess what? To a man, they all loved on their mothers. Some sat on the arm of a chair with their arm around her, others had her sit on their laps. They all hugged and kissed their moms. Their little brothers still at home (football players and farm boys and hip hop dancers and, and, and) climbed in their mom's laps, hugged and kissed on their moms, would curl up on the couch and snuggle.

What was the theme (aside from the whole 'lean green fighting machine' aspect)? These were all men that would call home and ask if they could bring a few friends home for a weekend, week, or holiday to share in their family's cooking, celebration, etc. Huge hearted, honorable, considerate men with close knit families who looked out for each other and stayed in close contact no matter the distance. Men who asked their mother's opinions, respected their fathers, were role models for their younger siblings, and were GREAT friends and comrades.

Heaven forbid you raise a child like that.

12 moms found this helpful

Um...no...your son is not too old to cuddle with you or sit on your lap or give you kisses. Soon enough he'll decide he is "too big" for all of that. ;) No need to rush him! There is a difference between healthy affection and emotional enmeshment. Perhaps he (your boyfriend) should do some research and learn the difference. I have seen some boys that have issues, but that is usually a result of an indulgent mother and an abusive father (doesn't have to be physical, can be verbal/emotional) and the mother is trying to compensate for the father's behavior. The behavior your son is displaying is in no way alarming to me.

12 moms found this helpful

I vote for get rid of the boyfriend who sounds like an insecure, "macho" guy and let your son cuddle as much as he wants.....those days are numbered anyway, savor every minute of that little boy wanting to cuddle with his Mama!

11 moms found this helpful

Your boyfriend is an idiot. You are not damaging your boy and as long as you teach him to be independent and responsible as he grows up you can ALWAYS hug and kiss him! He will naturally stop sitting in your lap when he gets a little older. He will be "too cool." My advice is enjoy the snuggle while you can get it!

11 moms found this helpful

No he isn't too old. I don't really think there is a too old. I do urge you to keep an eye on your boyfriend. He is throwing up some big red flags. Guys who are jealous of kids (stepkid type situation especially) can cause some harm when you aren't around or try to persuade you to do harm to them little by little, first baby step: telling you your making him a mama's boy by loving him. That statement would also make me wonder how he disciplines when you aren't around... just a red flag to definitely look out for or because he was raised manly man he may know no other way than to harshly punish, I'm assuming he isn't around his own 3 all the time so he hasn't had to deal with the discipline thing with them that much.

Like another mom, my first reaction is to think about ditching him. I would take that as he isn't meant for me if a guy was telling me how to treat my daughter. If it were me this is a deal breaker, red flags aren't welcome in the aspect of my child.

11 moms found this helpful

Hug,kiss and cuddle with your boy....dump the boyfriend! I am serious about that..not joking. You are M. and you don't need any man in your life that is not your child's father giving you advice like that. Nor do you want to marry a man that has the idea in his head that you are turning your son into a "mama's boy" by giving affection which provides security and safety and self esteem.

My oldest is 11 years old and is a drummer in a garage band, has fabulous grades at school,has a huge crush on a sweet girl at school, super independent and oozes with self confidence and yet still loves to cuddle with me on the couch, smooch me and have me rub his back when we chat at the end of the day. Now...he may not want his friends at Middle School to know all that but he enjoys it.

I think your boyfriend has a problem with a healthy,affectionate relationship with a mom and has jealousies. I think as long as you don't coddle your boy when real life situations arise and he knows how to handle these situations then he will be fine. I would ask your boyfriend what his definition of a mama's boy is. Is it the kissy kissy cuddling or that maybe you don't let your boy find his way through difficult situations with friends,school,in extra curricular activities etc. Cuz it is ridiculous to think a boy can't cuddle and kiss his mama.

11 moms found this helpful

No offense, but your BF is an idiot. He is wrong, period. I hope this is the only stupid thing he's said to you, and that you tell him how ridiculous he is.

Is it possible that BF is a tad jealous of your son? It almost sounds like he's trying to put some space between you & your son.

It sounds like a red flag, IMO.

11 moms found this helpful

My son is 5 1/2 years old and he will still sit in my lap and cuddle and who cares what your boyfriend thinks its your kid not his! Don't let it bother you there's nothin wrong with it.

11 moms found this helpful

No, you should disallow your boyfriend from sitting in your lap or giving you kisses!

10 moms found this helpful

You are joking! My 10 year old still plops down on my lap and gets and gives multiple kisses and hugs a day. The boyfriend needs to get over it, and you need to keep on loving on that boy! The day comes far too fast when you only get a side armed hug and kisses on the cheek!

10 moms found this helpful

boyfriend is an idiot
He loves his mama , he's 5 he's supposed to be hugging and kissing on his mama. There will come a day when he will pretend to not know you, soak it up while you can.

10 moms found this helpful

I agree with everyone who said the bf needs to go. This should be a huge red flag.

10 moms found this helpful

Break up with him. He's so, so wrong.

10 moms found this helpful

This controlling, jackass of a boyfriend would be gone in a heartbeat if it were me!! Really, he is competing with a five year old. Follow your inclination to be sweet and cuddle with him, trust your mommy instincts. You are not a bad mother for this.

I can't tell how long this gem has been your boyfriend but it will only get worse. Really, cut him loose, I'm sure there are more examples of him acting like a nut.

10 moms found this helpful

You are raising a caring young boy, not making a mama's boy out of him. Tell your boyfriend "thanks for the advise but no thanks." If he backs off and doesn't judge then go about your relationship. If he keeps on that is your big red light bulb telling you to get rid of him. I agree that it doesn't hurt to listen to advise (sometimes it is best to step back and see a different point of view), but in the end you have to be your own person, know what kind of parent you want to be, and stick with it. In this situation I think you have got some good advise from parents on this board who see nothing wrong with your child's behavior.

10 moms found this helpful

UGH....that made me sick just reading it...your boyfriend is a nut. I have twin boys who just turned six and one of them is very affectionate like you describe. I know that physical touch is definitely his "love language" if you are familiar with that term (google it to read more if you are interested). My son feels most loved when he is giving and receiving physical love in the way of cuddles, hugs and kisses not only from me but from his daddy and his older sister who is 13. I like to think that one day his future wife and his children will appreciate that he feels comfortable loving on them. On the contrary, my other son's love language is "words of affirmation". He could take or leave the cuddles as a sign of love but thrives more on being told that he is a good boy, he did a good job, he's smart, etc, etc. So, if sounds like your son feels most loved by those hugs and kisses, take that away from him and you will leave him with a love tank that is never full :-(

9 moms found this helpful

To reject him and disallow hugs and kisses would just be cruel...

9 moms found this helpful

i'd tell my boyfriend to mind his own business. how the heck is that going to stunt his development? what's going to stunt it more? knowing his mother loves him and likes to hold, hug, and kiss him. or him thinking that he can't do these things. he might stop showing his affections, etc. maybe your boyfriend has issues stemming from his childhood? my son is 5 and he always sits on my lap, and gives me kisses all day long. i don't even know how many he gives me a day. he always tells me he loves me, he winks at me from across the room, and he blows kisses at me. my daughter is 7 and she still sits on our laps, too. it's not like they are going to be 10 and sitting on your lap. and when they don't, you'll miss it.

9 moms found this helpful

Children are children only for so long. Do not deny his hugs and kisses. He feels safe in your arms and he loves his mommy. I think it's great that he still feels like he needs affection from you - he'll grow up to be a very caring man. If your boyfriend doesn't like it or understand why it's okay, then you need a new boyfriend. Your son comes first!

9 moms found this helpful

Ditch the boyfriend immediately if not sooner.
He's not good for you or your son.
Kids will pull away at their natural time - as they become teens (some sooner, some later) and there's nothing wrong with your son hugging you no matter how old he gets.
Heck - I'm 50 and I still hug my 77 yr old mother.
Your boyfriend has some insecurities and it's not something you need to be bringing into your family.

9 moms found this helpful

I would tell him what I have told my husband, who is my oldest son's step-father - "don't ever try to come between my son and me."

If he gives me advice, I listen (and this is after many, many years together and seeing them develop a very nice relationship) - but I never substitute his judgment for my own. Ever.

Your BF needs to back off. JMO.

9 moms found this helpful

Your boyfriend is wrong.

9 moms found this helpful

I think your boyfriend is jealous. I would consider this a red flag.

9 moms found this helpful

My son is a lot younger, but I have friends with older boys. The cuddling will stop on it's own as they get older. I don't know how long you've been divorced, but he may need more cuddles from you if it's recent or if his father is no longer in his life. I think it's more important that he knows he's loved than worrying about him becoming a mama's boy.

9 moms found this helpful

What the what???? Sorry but I strongly disagree with your boyfriend, and honestly, this would send up red flags for me all over the place. Stunting development??!

Your inclination, as you put it, is right on. All kids are different and there is not a thing wrong with your 6 year old wanting to still cuddle with you and hug and kiss you. He sounds like a sweet, affectionate little boy.

Do what your do, mama. you're doing a good job. But I question the boyfriend. At the very least he sounds disconnected from his feelings or doesn't know a thing about kids. Or insecure and jealous of your son...? Or a manly man who doesn't want you to tun your kid into a "wuss." None of those sound like someone I'd want around my kiddo.

good luck!

8 moms found this helpful

My 5yo grandson still likes to cuddle with his mom and dad and grandparents. Sometimes he sits on our laps for affection, or to get a better view in an audience, or to have better access to something on a counter or table. It's all good. Every week when I see him I can tell he's growing more mature, and one day, he'll either be too big or feel too 'grown up' for laps. He'll let us know when he gets there. Right now, we all just enjoy it.

Your boyfriend may have personal reasons he's uncomfortable with your son's lap-sitting. These could stem from messages he was given by his own parents as a child about acting grown-up, being a man, whatever. That's his issue, not yours or your son's.

Enjoy the snuggly moments while you still can, and while your son still wants them. Unless you are smothering him with affection, overcompensating for the fact that you and his dad are divorced, or protecting him from normal life events, you are doing fine. Kids need love and a strong bond with their parents.

8 moms found this helpful

Never too old!! I'm 31 and I still climbed onto my parent's bed with my 5 year old daughter this past vacation. We only get to see my parents every few years. I've always been close to my parents and I encouraged my daughter to wake them up after "nap time". I made sure she knocked first, made her wait if they weren't ready for her yet (undressed or just not awake enough). I was raised with a lot of physical affection, nothing inappropriate. There were boundaries, knock first, ask first. Hugs and kisses were never denied, maybe delayed but never out right refused. Imagine how you would feel if you or your boyfriend asked for a hug and was flat out told you no.

Different children need different needs, some are more huggy, some are less. If your boy asked for them and has boundaries (not just climbing on you while you're visiting with adults) then no harm.

8 moms found this helpful

I don't think the new boyfriend is the one you should be listening to right now - you should be listening to your "Mommy Gut" and letting your son be your son and show you the love he should be showing you. Sounds to me like the boyfriend is jealous or feels threatened in some way and probably has other issues that would not make him a good role model for your son. Your son will grow up soon enough and not want to cuddle with Mom any more - enjoy it while you can. Boyfriends and romantic partners will come and go - your son is your son always and forever.

8 moms found this helpful

Absolutely not! Your son is still just a little boy and should be able to have a few minutes of cuddle time from his mother when he wants it. You should cherish those times because they will come to pass too quickly.

My son is 19 and he can still give me a hug any time he wants...at this age he certainly doesn't want to cuddle but I do get a hug occasionally and a kiss once in a blue moon.

Your boyfriend may see things differently because 1. he was raised differently, 2. just because he's a man and not a mom, 3. he may be isn't affectionate or 4. (which was my first thought) he could be jealous. Some guys, especially those without children of their own, have issues sharing "their women" with other people and is jealous of that "cuddle time".

My thought on this is if he is not ok with you showing your son affection, I think he is not the man to be dating a single mom.

8 moms found this helpful

OMG REALLY???? This is healthy affection and I would think you were a bad mom if you did not want to cuddle and give kisses. I think it would damage your child if you did not allow this. Now, if he's still doing this at 21 you may have a problem. Enjoy this closeness while you can because it will end before ya know it. Tell your boyfriend to "Shut it!".

8 moms found this helpful

No, he will stop wanting to do this on his own soon enough, enjoy it until then. And just out of curiosity, what does your bf suggest, shaking hands? Waving to each other across the room?
Men.

8 moms found this helpful

Totally acceptable...enjoy it while it lasts!!! I have a nephew who did this and he is very considerate and still gives me hugs and hisses in front of all his friends and he is 16! GAMMA G~ maybe your friend's son his issues for other reasons not because his mother gave him the attention he deserved!

8 moms found this helpful

Your boyfriend is a fruitcake and jeleous. I would drop him like a hot potato, but that's just me.
I am sure I am not the only one that thinks so.
It's perfectly FINE for your kid to want to love on you, I don't know where he got the idea it isn't. You are a fine mama. That dude is a fool.
L.

8 moms found this helpful

Good GRIEF! My son is also 5 and he LOVES to snuggle with me on the couch. We exchange hugs and kisses frequently and I don't plan to stop. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right!

8 moms found this helpful

Please love your son with all of your heart no matter what any one says! There is no such thing as too much love. Bf does not sond like someone I would allow around my son. I feel sorry for his kids. They need hugs and kisses, too!

7 moms found this helpful

OK, you have a ton of responses in a short amount of time. I won't waste your time with another one, except to concur with the few responses that I read. Hug and kiss your little guy as much as he wants. In just a "minute" he won't let you anymore. Enjoy your sweet little guy while you can!

7 moms found this helpful

It is very healthy for him to do this and for you to receive it and to give it back. Especially if Touch is your son's primary love language. You could damage his emotional, physical, and mental health if you reject it. Go with your mommy instinct. Your boyfriend may just be jealous or grew up with unaffectionate parents. Please continue to love your child and let him love you too.

7 moms found this helpful

You're boyfriend is stupid. Maybe HE'S the one with mommy issues.

7 moms found this helpful

your bf is a jealous douch. Your son should always have your lap, hugs and kisses until he is ready to stop doing it. You should NEVER reject your childs need for love and affection! This is just the begining of your bf getting in between you and your son. DO NOT let some (I will use the term losely) man dictate your relationship with your child. You should never feel guilty or bad about the love your son is asking from you and you should always do it with an open heart. Dont stop what you are doing just think about you who are dating.

7 moms found this helpful

My son can cuddle for the rest of his life if he wants. One of our friends ADORES his mom. He's married, has a son and is NORMAL but he'll hug her and smooch on her cheek. They are EXACTLY what I want us to be when my son is in his 30's.

That boyfriend sounds jealous and will drive a wedge between you and YOUR son. He needs to change his attitude or he needs to be shown the door ASAP.

7 moms found this helpful

Boyfriend's wrong, you're right. It's the way your son has always known the world to be, getting affection from his mother when he needs or wants it.
I still cuddle with my 10 year old and my 7 year old boys all the time, always have. Cuddle with my 2 year old daughter too. So does my husband. This is just how we are. Hasn't made them developmentally delayed or anything else, nothing damaging going on.
Some families are better at showing affection more than others. Sounds like your boyfriend was raised in one of those families that doesn't show affection. It's just sort of understood that they care about you and that's it so to him it's "wrong" to show affection or probably even emotions, they tend to go hand in hand.
When are they too old? Never!!

6 moms found this helpful

I haven't read your other responses, but I think your boyfriend is way off base. Your child is still young and they NEED physical affection. I would let him hug you, cuddle you, sit on your lap for as long as he wants. He'll probably naturally stop wanting to sit on your lap in another couple of years, but the cuddling and hugs can go on indefinitely. My nephew is ten and will still puts his arm around his mom, or lays his head on her shoulder if he's sitting next to her on the couch. There is NOTHING wrong with it. My son is also 5, almost 6 and is still very affectionate. I will be sad when he outgrows it. We have to hold on to these times for as long as we can. They will decide they're done with it soon enough!

6 moms found this helpful

I personally feel kids are never too old for cuddling and affection. As long as he wants to, do it!! There will come a time when he won't want to anymore (sniff, sniff), so do it while you can.

6 moms found this helpful

Your boyfriend needs to BUTT OUT. It's none of his business and he is flat out wrong. I think he is jealous. Ignore him, and if he treats this little kid like he should be a grown up man, kick him to the curb.

D.

6 moms found this helpful

I say cuddle on!!! Humans need and respond to physical touch. It is just part of our genetic makeup. I am reading a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. One of the love languages is physical touch. I am guessing it may be both you and your son's primary language. I would not deny him the cuddle time. What is the worst thing that could happen? He turns out to be a kinder, gentler, compassionate man? I disagree with your boyfriend. You are right. Give that child a hug and kiss for as long as you want! That is what I am doing with my kids!
God Bless,
A.

6 moms found this helpful

We still love all over our kids and they are 23 and 18! Before the 18 (boy) went into the Army he would sit next to me on the couch and say "mommy lovies"! Our son is a very confident well adjusted young man. I think your boyfriend is a goober!

6 moms found this helpful

You are NEVER too old to cuddle with Mommy. Absolutely let him keep doing it. It shows a strong bond between you and demonstrates that your son is safe and comfortable when he's with you. I would never ever think to tell a five or six (or 10) year old that they couldn't cuddle, hug and kiss if they wanted to.

I'd make sure your boyfriend doesn't say anything to your son to make him feel bad for cuddling, hints that he is a mama's boy, etc.

Sounds to me like your son is actually developing in a very healthy way.

6 moms found this helpful

My kids are now 8yrs old & 5yrs old...and when they are 40 years old with kids of their own, I WOULD STILL expect them to give me a cuddle, hug or kiss every now and them.

5 moms found this helpful

I'd say the boyfriend is either an envious jerk, or simply knows very little about children. Or maybe a bit of both.

5 moms found this helpful

That is complete BS. He is a LITTLE BOY! Little kids need lots of love and affection, and there is nothing about that, that will stunt his developement. Before you know it, he will be a teenager, and he will be more interested in hanging out with his friends all the time. Why rush it? To say he can't cuddle is just mean.

5 moms found this helpful

Sounds to me like your boyfriend is jelous of the attention, which is both pathetic and disturbing. Keep being the good mom you are and let your little boy adore you, cuddling and kisses are developmentally appropriate at his age. When he get a little older he may decide to be less affectionate, and that is OK too. Just know that he loves you! And limit the time he spends with your boyfriend, he may be a negetive influence on your son.

5 moms found this helpful

Your kids are never too old to snuggle and cuddle "even if" they're boys. Good grief. He's too big for your lap when he's too heavy and you no longer feel it's appropriate or he's too embarrassed.

Tell your boyfriend to back off. He's not your son's parent and it's not his concern. Your mothering instincts are right on and you're NOT a bad mother.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't think this is too old, he is 5. If he's in your lap all day long, then yes it's a problem but a couple of minutes of cuddling and a daily kiss is not a problem. My son is 12 and if he still wanted to be in my lap, that would not be appropriate. It sounds like your boyfriend is JEALOUS of the affection that you are giving your son, and if this is the case, this relationship is really not in your best interest or your son's. I would ditch the boyfriend if he thinks a 5 year old should have been stopped from kissing or hugging mom (as long as it's not continual) "some time ago." Is boyfriend a parent? Does he even know anything about raising kids? Don't take advice from people who are not parents.

4 moms found this helpful

Cuddle with your son and the next time your BF wants to "cuddle" tell him it will stunt HIS development!

4 moms found this helpful

You are NOT a bad mother! I would seriously question your boyfriend's reasons for "breaking the news to you". Sounds like he is jealous of your son's affection. Your kids are NEVER too old to snuggle, regardless of how old they are. Trust me, soon your son won't want to snuggle anymore, and you'll miss it more than anything! I would tell your boyfriend to stick it and keep on cuddling as long as your son will let you!

4 moms found this helpful

My 8 1/2 year old daughter who is the baby of the family still sits on my lap and cuddles with me. She only does it at home though, not out in public. I will let her do this as long as she wants. Your boyfriend sounds jealous.

4 moms found this helpful

I haven't read the other responses but I'm wondering if your boyfriend is jealous of the attention you are giving your son? If your son can't get hugs and kisses from you who is he going to get them from? I have a very affectionate family. So this question is really sad to me. You shouldn't let anyone dictate your parenting skills. If your boyfriend has a problem with it than let him. My cousin who is 11 now sat on my lap until my daughter was born and he was 6 at the time. He's very well adjusted plays sports has what he calls a girlfried but he is a Mama's boy and whats wrong with that. There are plenty of well adjusted Mama's boys. My uncle was a mama's boy but when he finished colleged he moved to another state married and has a family of his own. I wouldn't let the boyfriend tell you how to raise your children. If you don't mind your son sitting on your lap and giving you hugs and kisses than by all means let him. Pretty soon he will be embarrassed to do it so charish these moments.

4 moms found this helpful

I'm guessing you're a young mom! The only thing stunting your son's development is your boyfriend!!! He needs to go!!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a son hugging and kissing his mommy. Anyone that thinks otherwise is the one with a problem. You are NOT a bad mother but just don't let yourself become one by listening to someone that is crazy!! Trust me, there will come a time when your son won't want to hug and kiss his mommy - that will be HIS decision; it shouldn't be yours and definitely NOT your boyfriend's!!! Your boyfriend was probably raised in a cold and unaffectionate house which is very sad!!! Keep hugging and kissing your kids!!!

4 moms found this helpful

I think your boyfriend sounds DISGUSTINGLY jealous, and that you need to ditch him fast. Your son doesn't need your boyfriend, but he needs you. EVERY five year old needs love, including "lovey-dovey" time, and it will NOT make him a "mama's boy". I know teenagers who "cuddle" with their parents on occasion and they are independent and well adjusted.

Please, for your son's sake, get rid of this boyfriend. Please. What is he going to ask of you next? Should you stop cooking for him and force him to make his own meals?

4 moms found this helpful

my son is 10, up till about age 8 he would come lay on the couch with me after dinner, every day and snuggle, and he still says I love you mom if he walks through the room where I am. Every time. and I do the same. He's perfectly well adjusted, has friends, plays way to many video games. My husband works all day, so it's just me and the kids and my son is the "man" of the house, he asks if he can help me do things and is polite and thanks me for things like cooking. He holds doors open for strangers and lets his sister do things first because she's a girl. Is this all normal, maybe not, but did I screw him up letting him snuggle with me, I certainly don't think so. It's not like he does this stuff if his buddies are around, and he certainly isn't afraid to take off on his bike and play at the park without me, but I kinda like the fact that I have managed to raise a boy who treats women well.

4 moms found this helpful

Personally, I let my son cuddle with me until he was ready to stop and yes, it does get less and less especially around age 8 for him. He is now a very healthy, very independent and loving young man of 16. He once said to me, "Mom, I always knew you loved me. I never doubted it for a second." That means so much to me. Perhaps your bf sees it as a problem because it interferes with his time? Probably he was just raised differently and this was not acceptable in his house, regardless it's not wrong and it won't make him a mama's boy. If you were spoiling him with material things every time he wants something, that will do more damage and make him dependent on you as a mama's boy.
Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

Bye-bye boyfriend. And good riddance.

4 moms found this helpful

Sorry I dont have time to read all 91 responses but why would you not allow him to cuddle? It will not create a momma's boy....that is like saying your boyfriend has no right to expect or recieve love and attention from you.

Updated

Sorry I dont have time to read all 91 responses but why would you not allow him to cuddle? It will not create a momma's boy....that is like saying your boyfriend has no right to expect or recieve love and attention from you.

4 moms found this helpful

Cuddle your son!!!!. I think your boyfriend is completely backwards on this.

3 moms found this helpful

Follow your gut. You're doing what's right. Kids need a lot of love and affection. They will learn to wean themselves back on that, though they will likely always enjoy some level of affection and snuggles. That's something I don't withhold if my kidlets need some snuggles! You're doing great;-)

3 moms found this helpful

When I was younger I never wanted to have sons because I was afraid that they would not be as affectionate as girls ( I only have a sister no brothers) and I knew that as I grew older I was still affectionate with my parents. As I got older I was able to witness my first son's father with his family ( he was in a family with 3 boys) and all 3 sons were extremely close to mom and dad and even in the teen years would still hug and kiss their parents. It was a huge relief to me. Now I have 3 children, two of which are sons...my sons are 4 and 15 and both are affectionate and love a hug or kiss from mom and I do not expect them to EVER be too old for that!

3 moms found this helpful

Your son is only 5....this is completely normal. I could be wrong, but sounds like BF maybe doesn't have kids of his own to really know what is normal at this age. I have 2 boys and a girl - the youngest is now 12 and oldest is 20. I cuddled with each one of them at this age. My oldest is now 20, in the Air Force and very independent.

You're his mom and know what your son needs, don't let your boyfriend make you second guess yourself. Don't forget that you are the parent and it isn't his job to set the boundaries and rules for your son...that is your job and you know best.

3 moms found this helpful

No disrespect, but this is seriously one of the saddest questions I have ever read on this site. Your boyfriend is so completely wrong, it's laughable. I would not give his misguided advice a second thought. Keep on hugging and loving your little boy as much as he or you want to and he'll turn out into a loving, compassionate, confident little man.

3 moms found this helpful

It is your BF who is wrong here,not you. There is never an age when a child is too old to be shown love and affection. I think your BF might be thinking in an old fashion way when we told boys they were not allowed to show emotion or affection, but that is no longer the way things are done, for we realized we were hurting our boys by trying to make them into "hard and tough men". Snuggle it up Momma! The time will come all too soon when he feels he is too old!

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with everyone else - bf is wrong - cuddle your son - but I wanted to add I'm a little worried by your "So What Happened" update. Sounds like you're connecting the fact with your son's taking a long time with potty training and other things, with the cuddles? Please, don't do that. You're second guessing yourself based on what your bf said and you really shouldn't. Also - just because your bf has three well adjusted kids, does not mean you have to heed his advice on this issue. I know he's your bf and you love him. But please, don't put too much stock in his opinions about your relationship with your son and your mothering abilities. Listen to your heart. Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful

My child is the same age and still needs M. love and security.
Your bf sounds jealous of your son and sounds like he doesn't want him around you and wants you all to himself.
There is something wrong with you Bf, but not for your son for wanting to be cuddled and loved by mommy.

3 moms found this helpful

Very glad to read that you are not taking his advise at all. We need to enjoy our children while they are still children. You will miss these moments and live to regret it if you did take his advice. So we must enjoy all the kisses, hugs and affections they want to give us!

3 moms found this helpful

what?? when he reaches a certain age he will stop. sounds like your man is jealous.

3 moms found this helpful

Your son's love language sounds like physical touch. Your boyfriend and his children's languages: something other than physical touch. If you reject your son, it may be disastrous for him later in life!

2 moms found this helpful

I think there comes a time when sitting in your lap and cuddling is too much. A child knows you love them by your actions and how you treat them. He is still a bit young and needs to snuggle.

2 moms found this helpful

I just have to say, I think that this is the first question, especially with this many responses, where everyone has pretty much said the same exact thing. Hug, kiss and cuddle that little boy every chance you get. :o)

Guess, after these responses (I did not read all 94 responses) there is absolutely no question that showing your son affection is definitely the norm. :0). Good luck and keep cherishing those kids....no matter what age they are. :o)

2 moms found this helpful

It sound like you don't really need my response, but I'll give it anyway. Your boyfriend sounds jealous, and that's not a reason to deny affection to a little boy. My family unfortunately wasn't very big on affection or loving words (it feels weird to me to tell my mom I love her!), but my husband's family had hugs and "I love you"s all the time and they are an incredibly loving family. They hug and say "I love you" when they talk to each other. I hope that our family will have similar affection and love our whole lives. Oh, and a little background on the family - the father was in the navy, they had 2 boys (no girls), and one boy grew up to become an officer in the navy, has a wife and daughter, and is a confident, satisfied, and social adult. The other boy went to grad school to become an engineer, has a wife and son and a baby on the way, and is a confident, satisfied, and fairly solitary adult. And despite their differences, the boys are still very good friends and were best men in each others' weddings. Sounds like love and affection didn't stunt their development.

2 moms found this helpful

I think that it is ok, one day he will stop and you will miss it and regret that you stopped it, your boyfreind is jealouse, watch him, near your son, he has no right to tell you how to parent your child, good luck, i have an 19 year old and i was single, i listened to alot of people and i wish i would have listened to my child. You are ok, there is nothing wrong with what you do!! you should feel very lucky, also with you having a boyfreind your son may feel that he is losing you, , keep loving your baby, and so what about what others think, you are blessed to have a boy that adores you and still looks for you,

2 moms found this helpful

They're never too old to cuddle!!!!! We live in a world where our children are forced to grow up way to fast and anything that allows them to just be kids should absolutely be allowed. I don't like the manly man attitude. Sometimes my husband tries to do that with my 6 yo, mocking him, telling him to man up. It's one thing to help them learn to contain their emotions in public, to not cry at the drop of a hat, but home is a sacred place and should be where they can feel safe and comfortable and loved.

Do what feels right to you and take all the hugs and loving he has to give. Soon he won't be able to get far enough away from you.

2 moms found this helpful

You have received the most amount of responses that I have seen on here for one question so I certainly dont think you need anymore advice. I will just quickly say that it sounds insane to me to put an end to cuddling your children. Its not like hes trying to take a bath with you or sleep cuddled up to you all night. Children need affection and they thrive off of it. If anything I would think that affection and attention like that will help him to become more independant and self assure of himself than turn him into a 'mamas boy'. Dont make him stop the cuddling, Im sure the "I hates you" are just around the corner - doesnt every kid say that at one time or another to their parents? So let him decide when he has had enough of his 'uncool' Mom sitting next to him let alone being seen in public with him. Kids grow up way to fast to try to push this type of attention away
Good Luck

2 moms found this helpful

My boy is 5 1/2 and cuddles with both my husband and I. He offers kisses at times. Physical love is very very important. My son also loves "rough play" which gives him the boy/man physical aspects. Feel blessed he still wants that.

You will know and sense if there is a problem. Mommy instincts are very reliable.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't know if this man is the one for you long term, but you have to remember that your son isn't his son. I know you want to respect him but as much as he cares about you and even your son, the same love a father would have toward his boy is not there. James Dobson, a very well respected psychiatrist, says after a re-marriage and blended family it takes up to 7 yrs or so for the same depth of family type love to exist between the blended members. My mother's best friend of some 25 yrs now was re- married when her girls were adolescents. Her husband told her he would back up any decision she made about her children and discipline as she saw fit etc but he did not try to create rules etc and they loved him dearly as their stepdad, they were married for some 35 yrs or so before he died. I know of another case where the step dad was very much in the mindset he was going to be the father figure etc and sort of forced his wife to go along and to this day the son and step dad are not close at all bc he always felt his step dad did really care for him. So, definitely don't let this man tell you how to raise your child, especially before a wedding has taken place. Good luck :D

1 mom found this helpful

your not a bad mom. i think it just weirds him out a little. my four year old daughter does this all the time. he will grow out of it as he gets older. tell your boyfriend tough luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I think its great he still does that with you. my sons 11 and we still do hugs and kisses. It has slowed down quite a bit. Don't listen to the boyfriend and cherish these moments because this may not last forever and then they'll be the day he wants you drop him off a block before the mall comes up. You are not a bad mother. I don't believe that makes your son a mamas boy.

1 mom found this helpful

I always seemed to listen to what other people 'told' me I should do & it did nothing but get me into trouble instead of going w/my gut, which, incidentally, would've been the right choice but I didn't listen to my gut, I tried to please everyone else & not myself and in knowing I was right all along. I'd dump the boyfriend before I'd tell my child, "no, you can't hug me or kiss me right now..." If he loves you, why does it matter that your little boy wants to show it? The boyfriend may have jealousy issues?? not sure b/c you didn't really state that in your question but go w/your gut...I can't really comment on how old a child would be the age where they need to no longer have a total need for cuddling or special hugs & kisses in lieu of more of a re-assurance that you love them...I wanna say over age 8 or 10 but that's just me but no, don't make your son think that hugging & kissing you 'now' is wrong. He may not understand how you mean just yet. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My son is 10y and still greets me at the door with a hug everyday. Kids need that.My 4 1/2y girl LOVES to sit on my lap and snuggle under the blanket. Your BFs issue may be just that he's a boy.

One thing that you might consider is to keep the hugs but sit on a sofa where he can lean against you instead of sitting on your lap.

1 mom found this helpful

Your boyfriend doesn't know what he's talking about. Continue to hug your son as often as he wants to. I think turning him away would cause more emotional damage. I have a rather huggy 9 year old and he is definitely no mama's boy.

I think your boyfriend has some issues.......I see nothing wrong with cuddling with your son....now if he was 13 that would be a problem!

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