54 answers

Cuddling with Kids

So yesterday my son (almost 7) wanted me to lay in bed with him and read to him. I did and then when we were done reading we were just laying there talking. My husband said that he's too old to be cuddling with him and me laying in bed with him was weird. Is it weird? When do you stop cuddling with them? He also thinks it's weird when we cuddle on the couch with a blanket. Any input would be appreciated.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks so much for all the quick responses. I feel so much better about it. Yes we are both fully clothed and we were under blankets because we were cold. I think it's because my husband was never affectionate like that with his parents so that's why he feels this way. I still hug my mom and dad when I see them and tell them both I love them when we part. I tell both my children I love them everyday and cuddle with them both (I have a 4 year old girl and 7 year old boy). I will continue to cuddle with them for as long as they let me. Thanks for making me feel better about it. I'll also talk to my husband about it. Oh and he did not say anything in front of the kids, he mentioned it after they went to bed.

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There's a theory that kids whose parents stop cuddling with them, touching or hugging them, tend to have sex earlier. The human need for touch is very strong.

I cuddle with my daughter (almost 9) as much as she wants, or will allow! My 28 year-old stepson still likes close, long hugs. He's been getting them from me since he was two years old.

2 moms found this helpful

You got great answers and support here, but wanted to add mine. It's not weird, keep cuddling! Everyonce in awhile my 12 year old still wants to hug & cuddle mom...I love it! Enjoy while you can!

2 moms found this helpful

Cuddle Cuddle Cuddle! My daughter is 4 1/2 - sometimes I'm too tired to cuddle at night, then regret it because one day she won't want to :(
I have a 16 year old nephew that I see infrequently. When I do, he will let me hug and kiss him and hold his hand :) I was there for his birth, so it's a very special bond when you can cuddle - at any age.

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I think it is sad that your husband feels this is wrong. I assume your husband is, then, not cuddling with him? That is sad. Kids need physically attention, at any age. Heck, HUMANS need that physically connection with another human. Keep cuddling him, as long as he will let you. And then, still hug him and tell him you love him. People need to be touched, at all ages. Is your husband affectionate with you? In public? It seems like he may have a problem with showing physical affection? It is his problem, not yours, not your son's. Keep it up!
S.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't think it's weird. My husband and I both cuddled our son as long as he wanted it.
I think you should find out why your husband feels this way. What about it bothers him so much?

5 moms found this helpful

your husband is out of line. i hope he's not sharing this attitude and making your baby feel bad about cuddling with mom. i lay in bed and read to my teenagers, cuddled with 'em on the couch with blankies and movies. still do when i get 'em to hold still long enough. and i'm glad my young adult sons still hug and kiss their dad.
if your husband doesn't want to cuddle, that's fine. everyone has their own comfort level with physical affection. but he should lay off you and your son and not try to make you feel badly.
khairete
S.

5 moms found this helpful

I don't think it is weird. When our kids wake up in the morning they all come get in bed with us and cuddle. It is nice family time. We just lay there and talk about our day and watch tv for a 1/2 hour so. This is also the time when we decide what we are going to eat for breakfast. This is my fav time of the day and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

5 moms found this helpful

not weird...a good way to relax and talk about what is going on in their lives. a great way to keep bonded to him and make him comfortable talking about issues coming his way soon. sometimes we forget that a 7 year old is still really young. ask you husband why he thinks is weird...maybe he had something happen when he was young.

your kid is probably craving this close attention from dad too, but he is unwilling to give it to him so he comes to you.

4 moms found this helpful

I will continue cuddling with my children until they start asking me not too. I don't care if it's 7, 17, 27 or 37. I think it's a mother's right! And knowing that my kids, at 6 and 7, will probably be hitting that period where they will not want to hang out with me as much or hug and kiss me in public, I am seizing every opportunity I have right now to get in as many hugs, kisses and cuddles as possible.

I think that if you were to ask your husband what memory he has from his own childhood regarding the whole cuddling issue (and if he is willing to be self-reflective on this point), it may be very revealing. He may have been brought up in a household that wasn't very open to allowing boys to hugged and cuddled once they hit a certain age. Or maybe he's just never been the type who is into hugging and cuddling.

I don't see anything wrong with a mom cuddling with her children. What you described sounds very sweet and loving. With your son getting older, your window of opportunity to enjoy such moments is probably going to be closing soon so enjoy it while you can.

3 moms found this helpful

Cuddling your child never has an age limit. Humans NEED touch - which is why hugs for anyone and holding infants is so important.

3 moms found this helpful

Are you married to my husband too?! :)

I was 23 and still would climb in bed with my mom!!! Seriously. It's not like you are naked with him!!

My boys are 10 and 8 and I still love on them - hold them, cuddle with them and read with them....my husband doesn't always like it but I tell him to pound sand. Just because he wasn't raised in an affectionate family - doesn't mean I won't stop showing affection for my children.

We watch movies together - there are times I will pull the hide-a-bed out and get our PJs on and snuggle under the covers while watching the movie!! Hubby just rolls his eyes and doesn't say anything anymore.

3 moms found this helpful

It is bonding time. Nothing inapporiate is going on... in fact I think it is healthy.
To me it is a good thing because you are creating this open talk time.

I may not cuddle with my dad any more but at age 28 when I need some comfort I will still sit next to him and he will put his arm around me to show his support and comfort while we talk. He and my mom are like this with all three of my brothers and myself. We do the same thing when standing and talking. Some families do not have this kind of bond so maybe that is why hubby said it was weird. To me it is very comforting to know that through thick and thin my parents will alwasy love me and be there for me to talk to. I want that for my daughter, I am sure during her teenage years (like me) might shy away from it but in college I saw it as a good thing.

2 moms found this helpful

This makes me sad :( Of course he is not to old to cuddle. My son is 8 years old and my husband and I both still cuddle him. Everynight my husband tucks him in and lays with him for 10 minutes. Then I go in and cuddle him and sing him the same song I have been singing since he was a baby.

Updated

This makes me sad :( Of course he is not to old to cuddle. My son is 8 years old and my husband and I both still cuddle him. Everynight my husband tucks him in and lays with him for 10 minutes. Then I go in and cuddle him and sing him the same song I have been singing since he was a baby.

2 moms found this helpful

You got great answers and support here, but wanted to add mine. It's not weird, keep cuddling! Everyonce in awhile my 12 year old still wants to hug & cuddle mom...I love it! Enjoy while you can!

2 moms found this helpful

Not weird at all. Cuddle him as long as he'll let you. One day he'll be too "cool" to cuddle with mom, but until that happens, cuddle away!

2 moms found this helpful

Cuddle Cuddle Cuddle! My daughter is 4 1/2 - sometimes I'm too tired to cuddle at night, then regret it because one day she won't want to :(
I have a 16 year old nephew that I see infrequently. When I do, he will let me hug and kiss him and hold his hand :) I was there for his birth, so it's a very special bond when you can cuddle - at any age.

2 moms found this helpful

There's a theory that kids whose parents stop cuddling with them, touching or hugging them, tend to have sex earlier. The human need for touch is very strong.

I cuddle with my daughter (almost 9) as much as she wants, or will allow! My 28 year-old stepson still likes close, long hugs. He's been getting them from me since he was two years old.

2 moms found this helpful

We have 4 boys and one girl. My husband used to be this way with our oldest and he's now 15. When we had our daughter, who is now 8, he has learned that it's absolutely normal. My husband had a mother who was weird. She gave them hugs, but there was no cuddling. Our daughter is very affectionate and he loves this. He now sees how boys need their mother and has said he wishes he would have had that relationship with his own mom.
Obviously, my 15 and 12 yr old don't cuddle in bed, but they still need affection! When my 15 yr old needs time with me he will come sit on the couch very close to me and sometimes put his head on my shoulder. He also will come to me and ask for a hug occasionally. Now, he's very masculine and he plays football. He's very normal as far as a teenage boy goes.
My 12 yr old isn't as affectionate,but he still comes up to me to get hugs on occasion. I actually have to remind myself to get a hug from him as he's not nearly as open with me as my 15 yr old is.

Your boys need your affection and it would really help them if your husband would give them physical contact. My husband struggles with hugs, but he knows they need it. He tries by wrestlng with them and doing "manly" things with physical contact.

Your son is just doing what is normal. Cuddling gives him security in this very insecure world!

2 moms found this helpful

Amen, Suz T. I think it's weird that your hubs thinks it's weird! He's your son, for Pete's sake! I will cuddle my son as long as he wants cuddled... and I'll probably still try to even after that! LOL

Cuddling with my son is one of the ways we bond and share our thoughts, feelings, and just spend time with each other. I don't see anything weird about that at all. He's my baby - and he's 5, btw.

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I will cuddle with my son until I die if he'll let me!

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I plan on cuddling my girls for as long as they let me!! Cuddling is a parenting perk :o) It's not like your son is 17!

2 moms found this helpful

No, it's not weird! How sad that your husband feels that way. Why should you ever stop cuddling with your child? Believe me -he'll get to a point when he probably doesn't want to cuddle with you, and it will be a sad day.

2 moms found this helpful

When my boys get tired they ask for "snuggle time" . They are 4 and 6. My husband and i love that time with them. Hubby and the boys snuggle every night before he puts them to bed. Just last night I was sitting in the rocking chair and my 6 y o wanted me to rock him after I rocked the baby:) It did not last long since he is 55 lb and is as tall as some 8 year olds, i had hard time holding him....it made me sad. I will too do it as long as they let me.

1 mom found this helpful

We call it snuggling at our house.
My husband reads every night to our 10 year old daughter and then he stays there for 15 - 20 minutes and they talk about EVERYTHING! She says she'd rather snuggle with him than me because he's a "furnace" and warm all the time.
I read to our 6 year old son and lay with him and snuggle... unfortunately for me, he's starting to want to snuggle less.
Sometimes we all watch a movie together and by the time we're halfway through the movie we'll all be piled up on the couch using each other as pillows, snuggled up under a king-sized fuzzy blanket.
Heck, that's how we watched "Avatar" - It must have been a sight when home tree went down and we were all snuggled together, bawling :)

1 mom found this helpful

Not at all wierd! My parents had to buy extra wide recliner chairs when we were younger because my brother loved to sit in their chairs with them...he did this until he was about 13!

1 mom found this helpful

You should cuddle with your kids as long as they will let you!! I dread the day my daughters no longer want to hug me or hold my hand, which will arrive all too soon im afraid.

I call my 7 year old and my 2 year old "my little cuddle bugs"

1 mom found this helpful

I must be another weirdo out there...My 7 yr old comes and snuggles with me in bed all the time...He sometimes falls asleep and my husband carries him in bed when he comes to bed....I have 5 children and run a daycare...This is the only one on one that he gets with me and we both really enjoy it....My son has learned alot of things in our time alone...He can recite all of the nursery rhymes that most kids dont' know today...He is a great reader because we take to the time to sit and read together....Keep it up before long they won't want to be around mom....Even my 11 13 and 17 yr old sit on the couch and watch TV with me under a blanket...Nothing weird about that....Just means you have a good strong bond!

1 mom found this helpful

I cuddle with my 8 year old boy so does my hubs. Sooner rather than later they'll think it's not "cool" and it'll be over. I'm gonna cuddle him till he says stop!! Sorry for your hubs that he didn't have that relationship with his folks, he should be happy that his kids feel comfort with mommy and know they are loved.

1 mom found this helpful

So not weird-cuddle as much as you can because one day he won't want you to do it, anymore.

1 mom found this helpful

Well then I'm weird as well. lol
When they are too old is when they now longer want to :)
Physical affection is SO ok and it's just getting a bad rap because of some pervs out there. Keep cuddling ")
C.

1 mom found this helpful

It's perfectly fine. My guess is that hubby didn't get much cuddling as a kiddo and isn't comfortable with it for that reason. Next time, if hubby's around, have him join the cuddles. If you need to talk with him to understand why he's uncomfortable, don't be judgmental - be understanding. It's kinda sad that guys aren't comfortable with it. Women are wired to cuddle; socially, it seems like we push it out of guys and then get upset when they don't cuddle us as adults. What a crazy catch-22 situation. Sigh. Maybe give hubby some extra cuddles :)

1 mom found this helpful

I hate when man do this, my mom told me, my father, who wasn't even a real father to us, ever...made a comment around that age and my brother stopped cuddling.
My son is 6 and we love to cuddle, my daughter is 15 and we cuddle all the time.
Even my 17 year old, hangs out with me on the sofa and blankets, watching a French movie the other day....
I cuddle with my kids as long as they want to.....hopefully it never stops....
They do grow up soooooo fast.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think that is too old at all. Enjoy the time you will miss it when he doesn't want to cuddle anymore.

1 mom found this helpful

It's great you cuddle with your son. I am not sure when he would be too old to cuddle - probably on his own he will suddenly not want to cuddle with mom anymore. So, enjoy that time while you can!

1 mom found this helpful

Cuddling actually releases oxytocin (sp?) and helps strengthen the bond between people. (Seriously, I'm not kidding).

I can sort of understand why your DH thinks/feels that way, though I think he's actually the one being weird (or "weirded out").

There is nothing wrong with cuddling, imo. However, in deference to your DH, maybe keep it to the couch, and not on the bed (maybe DH is feeling territorial, or worries about an oedipal complex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_complex)).

Maybe sit down and talk to DH about it when your son is not around, and see if you & he can find out why it bothers him so.

1 mom found this helpful

totally not wierd, and actually this can be good for you to be close to your son.

i figure as long as both parties are comfortable with it, let kids be kids!! i know MANY parents who still have their 9 year olds in bed with them sometimes (sickness, bad dreams, whatever). so talk to your husband to figure out what his concerns are really... be sensitive about what hes thinking. but assure him that its not abnormal and its really good that your son trusts and loves you guys this much that he still wants the snuggles. besides, some kids just need this longer, and theres nothing wrong with that either. :) in a couple years it will be "over" per say, and you wont regret this time. trust me, a child will let us know when they are done being snuggled. :)

1 mom found this helpful

I think your husband is wierd! My boys are 8 and 5 and I still cuddle with them all the time!! My brother, who is now 22, still came into my mom's room when he was 18 and asked her to scratch his back. That was their time to talk about the day. He is most definetly the closest to my mother.
I love when my sons come to me and ask for cuddles and I will continue to cuddle them until they push me away (and even then, I am sneaking in their room to steal a cuddle or kiss). My husband sits on the couch with the boys and watches TV with them while cuddling. Geesh, I really think your husband has a screw loose!
L.

1 mom found this helpful

Cudldle! Cuddle! Cuddle! You are very fortunate your 7-year old still wants to be close to and affectionate with his mom. Why are we so obssessed with cultivating the "macho" element in boys and then complain that male adults are insensitive and crude?

(Your husband appears to have some unconscious fears and conflicts--talk to him about the sources of those).

1 mom found this helpful

I'm not even going to read the other responses. THAT'S crazy that 1.) he THOUGHT that and 2.) he SAID that to you.

My son is younger and literally climbs on both of us for hugs. He's part boy part monkey. I get a ton of comments from other moms at school and they love to see us together because their sons are starting to get past that cuddling stage.

My little guy KNOWS he's loved but there is a line that I make sure is drawn. If he had his choice he'd crawl under my skin to get even closer.

Enjoy the time because I'm always reminded that the clock is ticking towards the time when they stop wanting "mommy cuddles." Sigh...

1 mom found this helpful

I LOVE when I come home to find my 7 year old daughter and husband cuddled on the recliner taking a nap! How lucky for them to have that! And I cuddle with all of my kids and my husband! I can't tell you how many times all 5 of us have squished into our king size bed! Cuddling is the BEST thing ever and you NEVER get too old for it, until they are married and then let them go - lol.

1 mom found this helpful

I know you have a lot of great responses and I havent read them all, but I thought your post was ironic because I had the same conversation with my husband this week. I told him that my favorite thing to do is to cuddle with my kids (5 year old and 3 year old) he thought I was babying them. I asked my coworkers over lunch and we came to the conclusion that most guys do not have the same special bond with their children as mothers do. They also encouraged me to cuddle with them until they no longer want to cuddle. Men strive off compliments and comments to boast them up, women need the affection of a hug, kiss, or to cuddle. I did encourage my husband to start cuddling with them, he has a couple times and he wont tell me but I think he likes it.

1 mom found this helpful

Your husband is probably just jealous and wants some cuddling too...cuddle on C.. I plan on cuddling mine until they push me away - I hope never!

1 mom found this helpful

no way! my son is 7 and is very cuddly. i will cuddle him as long as i can. maybe your husband shouldnt cuddle him if he has his own weirdness, but i think that you (and I) will know it when it gets weird. i dont know, maybe for some kids it is inappropriate at that age or earlier, i guess it depends on your son and his maturity. mine is a very young 7 and pretty clueless about any kind of weirdness so far. i think the kids let us know. ex.... my son always showered with his little brother and sister, then one day out of nowhere he said he doesnt want to anymore, that he wants his privacy. i said fine, and thats it. i guess it depends how your husband was raised. its funny, because my mom would lay in bed and read with my daughter but not my son, and my father in law wont lay with my son... and he yells at them and flees the scene if anyone so much as takes off a sock. and none of my kids know what the hell any of them are talking about haha..... so i realized everyone has their own hangups, not necc right or wrong. go with your gut.

Not at all. I give my kids so many kisses and hugs its not even funny!!! Reading to him and cuddling before his bedtime is just fine. I am assuming you are both are fully clothed??? LOL! He stays in bed and you go to bed in your own bed....not a problem. Healthy and normal. You and DH need to enjoy this time...because one day he will be telling you know that he is a big boy and doesn't need it.

I don't think that sounds odd at all. Cuddle with him as long as he will let you!! They grow up so fast and personally I think the more we cuddle with our children we raise them to be kind and gentle towards others. As long as it is appropriate cuddling of course! (not touching in private parts of the body or various stages of undress, etc.) This doesn't not sound alarming to me at all.
A.

Cuddle as long as you can/he wants. They are little for such a short time and then the teen years hit. You will be lucky to get even a hug out of him then. I am dreading the day my little one does not want to cuddle with me anymore.

My son is 8 - and would sleep with me every night if he could. Sometimes he will come to bed with me and sleep, until my hubbie comes to bed, then we shift him to his own bed.
We don't hug much other than that, he is a bit self concious at his age about it now, but I try and touch him , and make him hug me now and again! even though he doesn't like a lot of hugs, he does like to be with me, and do stuff with me, like read books, play games etc

I know you already posted your "what happened", but I wanted to say that it's so nice you have a son that wants to cuddle still. My little one is almost 4 and every so often at bed time he will say no kiss tonight mama. But he likes to sit on my lap or right next to me on the couch and we talk. My kids are still young (5, almost 4, and 18 months), but they always bring their blankets over and sit with both daddy and me. I remember cuddling with my dad on the couch up until I was about 10. We even have a picture of all us kids and my dad on the couch. Also, my husband used to go in and talk to his mom after dates and stuff as he got older. He didn't "cuddle" on the bed persay, but he would sit or lay next to her and talk. My husband and I went out on a date not too long ago and my mother in law watched the kids for us. I went to the bathroom and then couldn't find him. I went to his mom's room and he was sitting on the end of her bed talking to her about what we did and all that. I thought it was kinda cute even after this long and being married he still went in and talked to her about the good time we had.

Get all the cuddle time you can because most likley wshen he gets older he wont want to.I think your husband needs to share cuddle time too!!!

I grew up the same way....no affection from parents. I was daddy's little girl and even into my teenage years, when I was ill, I would climb in bed and want my dad to hold me. I don't think it is wrong to show affection/love to your son or daughter. My 15 year old nephew was really down one day and all he needed was to be held/hugged. I am learned with my son to show love and affection and I hope it never changes!

Some families are not cuddlers some are . Your hubby may have grown up in a family that didn't hold their kids past a certain age. I knew a woman years ago that could not hold her kids when she read them stories. They laid in bed and she sat in a chair to read to them. Me I still hug my kids and they range in age from 35-19 and I love to hold my grandkids. My parents were never huggers or cuddlers. I don't remember the last time either one of them spontanously just hugged me.

Sounds like your husband is jealous. Make sure he's getting some snuggles too. Or next time invite him to join in.

no i dont think so. your husband probably didnt cuddle past a certain age in his family growing up.
all of our kids cuddle and snuggle with us. my boys are almost 7 yrs and 11 yrs. and my 4 1/2 yr daughter.
my little brother snuggled with my dad until he was 14 yr. enjoy while it last.

This reminds me of the book, "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. It's about a mother who rocks her boy and sings a song to him every night, even until he's an adult. It's very touching and makes me cry every time I read it.

I think everyone else is right - humans need touch. They need to feel loved and cared for. There is absolutely nothing wrong with snuggling with your children.

When the child wants to stop cuddling.
S.

NO WAY, that is not weird. In a few short years he is not even going to want to be seen with you. Take all that cuddle time that you can!

I have to say it does get to be an topic of conversation if it's too much older. Really, cuddling is fine for some but it does just get to be weird at a certain age.

One of my friends has a son who is 10 and he wants to sit in her lap or by her and he hangs on her all the time and it's just odd, everyone notices it and makes comments about it behind her back. One other friend that doesn't know this friend and her son was with me at Walmart one time and we ran into this other friend and her son was hanging on her back and holding on to her arm.

My friend asked me later if I thought she should call it in to child welfare, she thought it was VERY sexual in content and that the child was possibly being sexually abused.

So, yes, there does come a time when it's not appropriate.

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